By the time I saw Blake again, it was after school and he was beaming.
"Have a good talk with Alana?" I asked, trying to ignore my own irritation. If Blake wanted to talk to his ex, fine.
If Blake's ex gave him more comfort than I did, fine.
Luckily, I must have hidden it well. "Yeah!" he chirped. He was buried inside of my giant sweatshirt with the track team's logo on it. He honestly looked adorable. "She's not mad."
Blake reached out and took my hand, and I kind of wanted to ignore it to be petty. But I wasn't petty, I was a nice person, so I took it.
"Why would she be mad?" I wondered.
"Because I lied to her," Blake sounded stressed. "And I broke up with her recently because of you. But I told her that and she wasn't even upset, she told me that she wanted me to find love!"
Sounded like Alana wasn't into him in the first place. What a bitch.
"She sounds nice," I gritted out. "I'm glad today went well."
Something broke Blake out of his happy-go-lucky disposition and he sent me a look. "Dude, are you okay? You sound grumpy."
"I'm always grumpy."
"I know, but more than usual." He chewed on his pinky nail a little and then blurted out, "Hey I don't wanna be, like, weird, but are you mad at me?"
"Nope."
"Jake!" He pulled away and glared. I was glad that we were a ways from school so nobody could see the scene he was causing. "Do you mind actually talking to me?"
Great. We weren't even dating yet and he was mad at me.
"I'm fine," I muttered, because I honestly wasn't sure why I was grumpy. "I'm actually happy for you."
That was true.
"Then what the hell?"
"I don't know!" I admitted. "I just...I don't know. I don't know. I'm as confused as you are."
He leveled me with a curious stare and then hummed. He took my hand and we kept walking. "Okay. When did these negative emotions begin?"
"...Are you playing therapist right now?"
"Shh, Jake. Tell me."
It didn't take me too long to remember when they started. "When you were worried about stupid Alana."
"At lunch?"
"Yes," I muttered. "And you scampered off to go talk to stupid Alana."
He was grinning now, not that I had any idea why. "Oh? What else?"
"And now you're all happy, because stupid Alana gave you her stupid approval." I scoffed. "I just don't get why you're so hung up on her."
He elbowed me teasingly and poked my cheek. "It's okay if you're jealous, dude. But I don't have feelings for Alana anymore. I told you, I broke up with her because I like you."
That gave me way too much reassurance.
"I'm not jealous," I scoffed. "That's ridiculous. We aren't even together." Actually, that reminded me that Blake had answered yes when we were asked that question at lunch. "...Are we together?"
Blake shrugged and put his annoying cool kid sunglasses on. "I dunno, dude. I thought so. I mean I know you don't want to be my boyfriend or anything, but I thought we were exclusive."
"Exclusive? What are we, eighty-five years old?" I deadpanned.
"Dude! That's a thing. Remember when we agreed not to kiss anyone else? Or, you know, do other things?" Blake asked, blush creeping onto his cheeks. "That's exclusive. We're together."
I really liked that idea. Now that I realized Blake wasn't a homophobe, it was clear to me that he had been right. He was my type. Physically, for sure. But also mentally. He was a nice person. He was dorky and cute and a little awkward, but also honest and caring.
Way too caring, where stupid Alana was concerned.
"I like you, I think," I admitted. "Which is weird, but okay. You're a good kisser. We went on a fun date."
Blake looked at me, eyes shining with happiness. "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"
"No, that wasn't what I was saying at all."
His shoulders slumped and he kicked at a rock. "Oh."
"How will we know if we're compatible unless we go through adversity together?" I thought, making Blake roll his eyes and wrinkle his nose. "Being my boyfriend implies forever. That's a lot of pressure considering we were at each other's throats five seconds ago."
Blake crossed his arms. "Dude, we're in high school. It doesn't have to be all forever like. It can just be casual."
I wasn't okay with casual. Being a boyfriend meant being emotionally vulnerable. Any person who got to see me emotionally vulnerable was going to die by my side.
Ahem. In a married, in-love-forever, kind of way.
And then I had a horrific vision of dying at the age of 80, and Blake at my funeral saying, "Dudes, he was like kinda grumpy."
I cleared my throat. "Maybe we shouldn't be boyfriends."
Blake groaned. "Jake! I like you. You like me. What more do we need?"
A good eulogy.
"Um, I think we need to see how compatible we are first," I blurted out, trying to shake the weird existential vision of my own funeral out of my head. "Maybe an escape room?"
He made a face. "What?"
"We should do an escape room together. Tonight. That way we can see how well we work together under pressure. You know, compatibility," I explained. "If we're going to be boyfriends, we need to be good together."
He hummed. "Alana never thought this much into things."
I was beginning to get a headache. "Oh look, it's our houses thank God. Now I don't have to listen to you saying stupid Alana's name anymore."
Blake snorted and elbowed me again. "You're so cute when you're jealous."
I groaned and ignored how my face started to feel awfully warm. "Escape room or not?"
"Fine, I'm in. I just have to eat dinner first," he said. "Then we'll go."
I extended my hand to shake on it, which made Blake roll his eyes. "Dude, I'm not going to seal the deal with a handshake. Kiss me."
Against my permission or wishes, my heart thudded a little faster. Blake Beckson looked alluring, with determination in his eyes and his lips pressed together in a slight pout.
I ran my fingers through his soft, wavy hair, and I leaned in.
This kiss was a thousand times better than the first, without the presence of a hot dog guy or my own nerves. I kissed him like I wanted him to remember it for years. And he was just as passionate, getting up on his tippy toes to be as close as possible.
When he pulled away, he smirked. "We'll be compatible."
And for the first time in the history of walking home from school with Blake Beckson, he went inside his house and I wanted him to stay with me longer.