Don't forget to VOTE AND FOLLOW ME!
~~~
"So I don't understand- you came back early because of homework?" My mom asked, crossing her arms and looking at me. I could tell she was suspicious.
"Uh yeah. I forgot about a paper I had to get done. I would've skipped it and went with the bad grade but this paper makes up for my whole grade in the class." She nods.
"Christian wasn't mad?" She asks, tilting her head.
"No. He understood." I gave a nod. I had no idea if she was going to believe me or not.
"Well, you didn't come back much early. He'll be home tonight." I watch as she walks over to my full-length mirror, examining herself.
"Do you think my butts too flat?" I watched as she examined her butt from the side. I roll my eyes at her.
"Mom I seriously don't wanna be here confirming to you that your butt is fine. I have work." I motion down at the textbooks in my lap.
"Fine. I'm going to work. Study hard! Oh, and I won't be back until late. I was given a very important project at work and I'm working so hard on it! I swear you'd be proud if you saw my work. In fact, once I'm done, I'm bringing you a copy of the piece!" She winked and smiled, showing her bright white teeth that also were stained with her red lipstick.
"See you later." I murmur, looking back down at my homework.
"Bye!" With that, she shut my bedroom door and left.
I sighed, sitting back in bed and crossing my arms over my chest.
I couldn't get Christian out of my mind. He was all I thought about. He'd tried calling a number of times but I couldn't pick up the phone. I couldn't because I knew I might forgive him... I can't forgive him!
In fact, I have to forget about him, which I know is impossible but I'm pretending it isn't! I want to forget about our relationship and move on with my life. It's for the best!
Suddenly my phone was ringing again, I picked it up expecting it to be Christian again but thankfully it was just Mellisa.
"Hello?" I answer, looking back down at my homework.
I felt as if I never was going to get it done. I couldn't focus. I thought about Christian, my situation, my mother and of course Elisa...
With the realization that I had no chance of getting anything done tonight, I shut my books and pushed them aside.
"I'm bringing over repercussions! Ice cream! Your favorite movies! Takeout! Candy! I'm spending the night and we're going to forget all about him!" I couldn't help but laugh at my best friend. She was amazing.
I hadn't even told her what happened and she didn't push to figure it out either. I had just texted her that Christian and I weren't a thing anymore and that I had come home early. She hadn't even texted back and I figured she was too busy or something. But nope! Mellisa would never be too busy for me. She's honestly the best.
"Okay." I held back my tears. I felt a bit emotional. I kept overthinking, I kept imagining Christian running back to "Elisa" and getting with her again. I tried shaking my head of the thoughts but honestly the more I tried not thinking about it the more I actually did think about it.
"And are you okay? Ugh, I'm so sorry this happened! I seriously am an idiot! I should've seen the red flags for you but I didn't!" I laughed at her again.
"You seriously cannot be blaming this on yourself right now?" I question, confused.
"No... I'm just your best friend I should've done something. I don't know what! But I should've." She sighed.
"Anyways I'm almost there. Have your butler or maids let me in." With that, she hung up leaving me laughing on the phone.
~~~
Mellisa had come over and we had talked, I had managed to go the night without crying over Christian. In fact, I hadn't cried about him much, I just couldn't find myself too.
I wasn't sure if I was in denial or if I was just okay with the situation! I honestly have no idea.
Mellisa was pretty supportive. She wasn't immediately trying to figure out what had happened. She had rented a movie and we immediately just talked about casual things like school and other stuff.
I, of course, ended up exposing what had happened and why I had come back early.
"I'll kill him!" She had this look in her eye that said she wasn't completely playing. She's literally the best.
"It's alright. Christian and I weren't meant to be, honestly. It was a complicated relationship, to begin with. This is good. This happening is a good thing." I had said. She still had this look of pity on her face but she didn't question anything more.
It was around 10 when she left. I ended up just finishing my homework and cleaning up. That's when I heard him get in. I couldn't help but peek out my bedroom door, watching him as he undid his tie and walked into his bedroom. He looked a bit exhausted and I'm sure he had spent the rest of the weekend working... or being with Elisa.
I gulped down the lump in my throat, a weird itch. It was like I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I felt too broken and shocked to cry.
At the end of the day I love Christian, I want to be with him and if I could have it my way I would be. But he thought about going back to Elisa, he felt as if he still had feelings for her which is why he ended up going out with her. What would've happened if he had realized he had feelings still for her? Would he have ended it with me and went to her?
I couldn't stop thinking about that- how could he even do that to me? I would never ever do anything like that to him! I mean with Alexander it was different, I wasn't purposely trying to hurt Christian! I was trying to get over him and I had no intention of hurting him in the process and there isn't a day where I don't regret it all because I did hurt him!
But he did that to me, of course, he never planned on me knowing but he did it with the risk. He did it knowing that if he did end up having feelings for her still, he would've broken my heart. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if he did or didn't have feelings for her, the fact that he was willing to do that is enough to break my heart.
~~~
It was around 8 when my alarm went off signaling I had work. Despite hating Christian I still worked with him. I had made the commitment to work for him plus the money wasn't bad either. I wasn't going to stop just because we're done.
I had arrived at work a bit late due to very inconvenient traffic! Christian had luckily left before me so I was able to leave without seeing him, though I figured that'd change as soon as I got to work. I mean I am his assistant, literally, everything I do is for him when it comes to working!
I walked into the building, going to my desk and sitting my stuff down.
"You're late." I look up as Veronica approached my desk. Her hair was curled at her shoulders, she wore a dark purple pencil skirt and a silk button-up blacktop. She placed a few papers on my desk and sighed.
"Sorry traffic was bad." I murmur.
"Of course it was." She shakes her head muttering something under her breath. I couldn't understand what she was murmuring to herself but I had a feeling it was something mean towards me.
I ignored it, taking a seat at my desk and going on my computer to look at the schedule for today.
"You went away with Christian this week right?" She questioned.
I look at her, taken back. For some reason, I couldn't remember that we had told everyone we were going away for business purposes only!
"W-What? I mean yeah we-" I was stumbling over my words and my cheeks felt heated.
"Yeah I know, business stuff. Anyways did something happen? He's in a horrible mood today! I mean horrible! He's yelling at everyone in sight! Literally." She runs her hand through her curled hair in frustration.
"Of course he's had his off days or whatever but this just feels different." She says.
I nod slowly, glancing over at Christian's office door.
"Umm yeah no... nothing happened. Just meeting and charity events, nothing out of the usual." I tried sounding as cool as possible but honestly, I wasn't sure if my nervous voice and red face were giving me away.
"Well good luck dealing with him. Luckily I'm out of here in an hour." With that she walked off, leaving me at my desk a little stunned.
It was without a doubt he was in a bad mood because of me, right? I had found out about everything and ended this whole relationship with him.
I print out Christian's schedule for today, containing which calls he had to make, what meetings he had to attend and so forth.
I walked to his office, knocking on the door. I felt myself suddenly get anxious. If he was really in a bad mood and treating everyone like shit, he'd probably act the same way with me, right?
After a moment of him not answering I knocked again, a bit louder.
"Stop knocking and just come the fuck in!" I can hear him yell on the other side. I gulp down the lump in my throat, reaching for the door handle with my suddenly sweaty palms.
He most definitely did not sound happy. I'd never heard him sound so... well, displeased!
I walked in, shutting the door behind me. He sat at his desk, looking down at some paperwork looking as if he was filling something out.
"Sorry to bother you- I just have your schedule for today," I say while trying my hardest to sound bold but it came out very less than so!
He looked up, his eyes narrowed.
I found it hard standing before him when my heart still felt so broken. It was hard for me to figure out why I had ended everything with us, staring at him made me kind of forget.
I feel so in love with him that it's hard to put everything into perspective. Why did this happen? Why did it have to happen?
"Zaina- I didn't know you were coming in today." He looked confusingly at me.
I nod, looking down at the paper in my hands.
"I was scheduled." I point out.
I kept trying to tell myself to keep it on a professional level.
"Here." I walk to his desk, reaching forward trying to hand him his schedule. He looks at it and then back up at me before finally grabbing it and staring at it.
"Thank you." I could tell in his voice that he had so much more to say, but he held back.
"I'll be at my desk. Did you need me to sit in on your 11 o'clock meeting?" I ask, awkwardly fiddling with my hands.
"It should be a short meeting, don't worry about it." I nod and with that start to walk out.
"Zaina?" I cringe but turn back towards him.
"I know we're at work and we should keep everything professional here, per usual, but I really need to talk to you." I can hear the desperation in his voice. I wanted to give in- I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to talk to him but I couldn't! This maybe was for the best. Maybe this gave me the perfect excuse to really end this and move on.
I can go to college and not worry about leaving Christian because we're over. I don't have to worry about letting my mother down or her ever finding about this ever happening! I can just forget about it all in a way, right?
"I don't think there's much to be said." I point out. I couldn't ignore the look of disappointment on his face.
He had hurt me but did I really want to hurt him back? Of course not. I couldn't be that way, not towards Christian. Because despite everything he did, there's also so much good in Christian. I've gotten the privilege to see that! And I didn't believe any of it was fake or him pretending in any way.
I love him... I'll always love him. Looking at him I feel hurt but still so much love for him.
"Please, Zaina? I have so much to explain to you." He begged and it made it even harder.
"I uh- I'm leaving a bit early today. I have a class later." I lie and with that force myself out of his office.
I ran into the women's restroom, wiping the tears that had managed to spill on my way to the restroom.
I could forgive him, I wanted to forgive him and forget but in the back of my mind, I knew this was my way out. Was it bad of me to think that way? Or logical? Because at the end of the day Christian and I are still in a relationship that'll never truly work!
And of course, I couldn't find myself to like the idea that he did consider going back to Elisa! He went out with her to figure out his true feelings for her. I will forever wonder what he would have done if he had felt so strongly for her, I'd probably end up in the same position I am in now, hurt.
I wiped my tears away, looking in the mirror to try and figure out a way to disguise the fact that I'd been crying.
What I confusingly, terribly painful relationship.
I could hate Christian now, I could pretend that he'd hurt me enough that I didn't feel anymore love for him but that'd all be a lie. At the end of the day, I love him so much. I always will!