this is an AU lol
~~~
It's been a whole semester.
A whole semester!
16 weeks!
And I still haven't mustered up the courage to talk to the cute guy who sits next to me everyday. Like any other normal college, there aren't any assigned seats. Yet every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday there he is. The same seat as always. I once caught him move his stuff over from the seat next to him when he saw me approaching, apparently he'd saved it for me.
I'd also never managed to talk to him, my nerves always pulling my fantasy away. I despise that I can be shut up so easily, by something as stupid as my own consciousness sealing my lips forever. Then again, he never talked to me either. Perhaps he saved the seat for me occasionally and only sat next to me when given then chance because I was quiet or didn't smell bad. I also wasn't as annoying as the girl who sat in front of us and crunched on ice for 20 minutes.
Whatever it is, the man's always silent.
I knew more about him than I cared to admit. He was an ex soldier, a non traditional student working towards a degree in Criminal Justice. Yet, he's always drawing next to me. He draws people, our professor, dogs, someone's bedroom. But he also draws out the floor plan of the campus, an apartment, molecular structures. Some days he'll sketch out the periodic table or do pages worth of complicated mathematical problems, his handwriting being it's own work of art. One day he'll be dotting out constellations and the next he'll be jotting down plans for some complex device.
His eyes are never on the board and yet every test a perfect grade is plastered on the top of his paper.
I often spend my free time pondering how this up and coming Einstein landed a spot in my Criminal Justice class. He has to be a genius, he just has to be. There's just no logical explanation for him mastering nearly everything. It's our final class meeting of the semester and just like every other time, I took my seat in my normal spot and pulled out a book. I only get through three pages when my quiet companion joins me.
He sits down silently and doesn't glance over, like I had, and pulls out a notebook. When he opens it, the pages are covered top to bottom in complicated diagrams accompanied by complex math. It might be physics but who knows, that's not really my area of expertise.
After staring at his steady hand for far too long, I resumed reading. His hands were nice. The pale, slender figures grip the pencil carefully. No wonder his hand writing was art-museum worthy. Was it odd to be attracted to someone's hand? I don't care for much. To me, all of him was rather lovely.
He's broad shouldered and muscular, his jeans always begging to be released caused by his thighs. Even as large as the man is, he moved with the grace of a ballerina. If I could guess, he would had to have been a phenomenal athlete when he was younger.
The only defect one might find in this man would be his lower leg prosthetic. He had massive thighs but his pants never quite fit from the knee down. I don't care, I guess it's just the morbid curiosity in me. Whether it's from self-consciousness or something completely different, his legs are always cross and he favours his right side towards me, allowing me the perfect view of whatever he's working on.
I risk glancing at his hand, still scrawling down equations and formulas I wouldn't even begin to understand. Suddenly his hand pauses and he tilts his notebook toward me. I freeze, wide eyed thinking I'd been caught when his slender fingers draw a smiley face. Next to that he jots down hello. I glance up from the word, already finding his deep blue eyes looking at me. The man smiles and hands me the pencil. Out of pure embarrassment, I quickly write something down.
Sorry, I wrote. Didn't mean to be creepy.
I try to hide my mortification when the professor strolls in, quickly pretending that I was pulling a notebook from my bag. Something pokes me softly in the arm, snatching my attention from the professor reminding us when our final paper was due. He was urgently shaking his pencil in my direction. I glanced down at his paper, spying the note hastily scribbled down next to a diagram.
No, he's written. I know you weren't being creepy.
I hold the pencil cautiously above the paper, unsure how to respond. If its not to tell me I'm creepy, then what did he want? So, out of nervousness and my spacing out, he grabbed the pen to write something else.
I've been trying to find a way to speak to you all semester. And we're nearing the finish line. I would regret it if I didn't say something.
I glance up in an attempt to answer when he begins to write something else down. I've been reading the novel you seem to have in your notebook over your shoulder. I want to know what happens to the gymnast and the soldier.
Like the writing of a teacher, I read the words as they appeared, one by one, a childish grin making its way to my cheeks. I think that makes me the creep, he wrote.
I uncapped my pen and began to scribble a response. I don't see how you could follow it when you're over here memorising every subject known to man.
In seconds, he's flipped to a new page in his book. Doesn't that mean you'll tell me what happens?
I quickly smile and write, I've been trying to talk to you all semester too. I pick my notebook up and hand it to him.
He's like a kid in a candy shoppe, flipping through the pages and finding his place in my works. I attempt to pay attention to the lecture on how to tell when a suspect is lying, I really do, but I can't focus.
Not when the guy I've been pining over silently for the past sixteen weeks is devouring my book like its a New York #1 Best Seller. Class is dismissed fifty minutes later but I don't move when he doesn't, still devouring every word on the page. I don't mind since there aren't any classes in here after ours and my last class is at 2:30. It's 12:00 now.
Finally, after 20 minutes, he looks at me like a man waking up from a coma. Almost trance like. "Do they get together? Does the soldier ever get back to himself? Does the ballerina ever except the soldier's difference?"
"Well," I say, running my hand through my hair, ecstatic that we were finally talking. "I haven't finished yet."
"But you're the author," he uttered, placing the notebook back in my hands. "Shouldn't you know?"
"I do know."
He smiles, "But you won't tell me."
I shook my head and spoke, "It's not on paper yet."
He stares ahead, tapping his pencil against one of his spread thighs, seemingly lost in thought. Suddenly he jolts, glancing over at me. "I'm sorry, I'm being rude." He holds his hand out to me. "I'm Thor."
I now had a name to put to the face. "Thor," it sounds good on my tongue. "I'm Y/N."
"I know," he mentions. "Saw it on one of your papers." He shakes his head and stares at his feet. "You've done really well with the characters," Thor says. "The soldier... Do you know someone with PTSD?"
For a moment the thought that I'd offended him entered my mind until I saw the curiosity in his eyes. "No. I mean I did." I whisper, my eyes not moving away from his. "He came home and he just... wasn't the same. My best friend. Signed up right after high school."
"You got the feeling down pat," he praises. "I've been back for almost two years and... most days are exponentially hard. Before," he leans closer after letting out a sigh. "I would have been as obnoxious as the girl who chews ice but with conversation, of course."
"Instead," I tease. "You read my writing."
Thor's smile is soft as he says, "And you look at my stuff too."
"Only because you're America's next Albert Einstein."
This earned a deep chuckle from the giant. "How do you figure that, darling?"
Completely flushed and embarrassed, I stumble over my words since my brain is inherently faster than my ability to speak. "You-you know everything! One day you're doing physics and the next it's complex math. On top of that, your drawings are so life-like that it's almost like a real photographer took them. I've been wondering who the hell you were."
"But I could never write like you do."
I shook my head, a nervous smile appearing at his continued approval. "Sure you-"
"I really couldn't," he interrupts. "You have a talent."
Frowning, I raise a brow at him, "You're a criminal justice major, aren't you? Taking literature on the side."
"I am," he chuckled causing my breath to stall. I want to hear that laugh for the rest of time. "But only because I'm challenged by it. In the military, all that other shit was necessary. Now that I'm back... I want to do something different." Thor takes a deep breath, trying to stall himself from speaking. "Listen... I've wanted to ask you out for a long time now. But I-I have issues with crowds, and uh, loud noises. And I wanted to be upfront about it so-"
"Yes," I sputtered, seeming desperate for this chance. "I'll go out with you. It's not the same but I like the quiet too."
He smiles then, "Maybe I'll get to find out what happens to the gymnast and the soldier."
I roll my eyes and lean closer as he jokes, "And maybe I could get you to draw me."
A winsome smirk twists his lips and he's suddenly flipping through his notebook, past all the beautiful diagrams and ugly equations, only to stop on a portrait of me. "Done. You're too beautiful not to be someone's muse."
Flattered, I dip my head and glance at him sideways. "Charmer," I mutter softly.
"No," he says. "Just the truth." He gives a brief pause, eyes drifting over my features in the least subtle way possible. "Wanna get out of here?"
Warmth floods my insides, "Yeah, I know this café. It's small and quiet and they have these couches that make you feel like you're on clouds. There's not a lot of people and its super seclud-"
"Sounds delightful, Y/N," he interjects and I realise I've been rambling again when I hear his bright chuckle. Standing, I slip my coat on over my shoulders. "Little help? I sometimes have trouble getting up."
I reach for his hand and tug him up, only releasing him and turning away to pick my bag up when he's steady. However, when I turn back, he's shaking his leg for better comfort, the prosthetic pinching his skin. His attention is soon fixed on me, blood red cheeks and all. "You don't care about-" he gestures to his leg.
Shock mars my features for a split second before changing, "Of course not!"
He smiles and loops his arm around my shoulders and leads me towards the door. "Good. Now show me this introvert's dream coffee shop."
2 Years Later
Everything was going good for the first two and a half years. Thor and I spent almost every waking moment together like any normal couple. His friends knew me as the girl who made him happier and enthusiastic and my friends knew him as the boy who challenged my brain, made me happy, then broke me beyond repair.
Our school's frat house threw a party where anyone was invited. Frat house parties are most definitely not chill. But that's expected. It's college and what better way than to forget about stress, exams, essays, and other work than a party?
One drink went by. Thor was good.
Four drinks later, he was still decent.
Seven drinks and I couldn't find him. As a loyal girlfriend, I tried not to let the bad thoughts carve my mind. But as a criminal justice major, I had to forget all that and investigate. Poor, poor choice.
I found him in an upstairs bedroom with a girl. Not just any girl but my best friend. Cursing the door for squeaking, my brain stutters and my eyes take in the scene before me. My mouth was frozen open for a second or so then it turned into a wickedly emotionless smile. I scoffed and turned away, slamming the door, ignoring Thor's angsty calls of my name.
He said he loved me but it was all a lie, wasn't it? The last look I saw on his features was a look of someone about to vomit. A look of someone who was so sick of what they'd done.
I ran out of the house, pushing people out of my way without a second care. My car was the first one parked in front, giving me easy access when I sped off. My phone kept vibrating in my pocket, most likely Thor or my other friends. A single tear slide down my cheek, soon followed by another and then another until there was a steady stream down my face. Yet no sound was made.
Senior Year, 1 Year Later
Life without Thor in it was admittedly harder than I wanted it to be. Of course, I was still friends with his friends. Thor and my friends? Not so much. Not after I skipped a week of classes due to crying over him.
"Y/N, you... gotta talk to him. He's a little unbearable." Thor's friend Noah said as he approached on my way out of Psychology.
"Like I told Ethan last week... If Thor wants to talk to me, his cheating ass can do it himself." I snapped, trying to push past him. Instead, Noah grabbed my shoulders and stopped me from going anywhere. Little did we know, a certain someone was watching this interaction go on.
"Y/N, when I say unbearable... I mean, it's hard to even be around him. All he talks about is you. The boys and I are, quite frankly, a little tired of him." The desperation was evident in his eyes.
"This is my last year, Noah. I'm stressed. I got the police academy riding my ass, same with police departments. The last thing that can be on my conscience is someone who broke me until even our friends couldn't put me back together. Just tell him I miss him, yeah?" The last part was more of a whisper than an actual statement. The truth though. I did miss him, more than anything.
"Thank you, doll." Noah leans down to kiss my cheek, leaving a small pool of saliva.
Graduation Day
Today is the day my life begins. Today is the day I become accountable someone other than myself and my parents. It's graduation and I, for one, can't wait for the possibilities awaiting me.
At my college, it's mass chaos. Everyone is scrambling to find their places, seniors are scrambling to thank their younger friends and teachers. As for me? I just want to survive.
Having already been sat down, the families of kids were talking as was the band. They were supposed to play before everyone went on stage or started the ceremony.
When they started playing, it reminded me of the four years I played during my high school's graduation. It reminded me of all the tears I shed as I watched my closest friends/mentors walk up on stage. But now it was my turn.
They started the ceremony as one does, addressing the crowd and the calling the summa cum laude's up. Me included. "Lastly, Y/N Y/L/N."
I walk up on stage, wide eyed and nervous, smiling enthusiastically. When presented with the microphone, my eyes lock with the one person I wished they didn't. His eyes were on me as well. "Good afternoon. Honoured guests, friends, family, Board of Trustees, the band, and everyone else. It is my pleasure to stand before you all today and commemorate the memories and accomplishments made by the great Class of 2020." I pause for a few moments, clearing my throat, never looking away from Thor. Even though he wrecked me, I never walked away from my path. A path that would lead me to where I'm standing right now, a path that, if I strayed from it, would lead me to finding something that didn't ignite a fire in me. That didn't challenge my morals.
"Today is a turning point in each our lives. We have spent years wandering the halls of this great school and we are ready to go on. To explore the possibilities and responsibilities our future holds for us. We have learned, laughed, loved, gotten in trouble but most of all, matured together. Today doesn't just concern reminiscing about the past; it's also about looking forward into our future. Hereafter, our lives will hold many surprises for us but I am sure we will approach challenges with the same boldness and equanimity with which we tackle problems currently."
"The unknown of our future may seem, I don't know, a little terrifying right now, looming over us like a dark thundercloud. We might find out that it is just a light, spring rain bringing us a rainbow. As I look over the many faces I behold today, perceptions of individuals are washed away. I no longer see people as they were but as who they will be. The classmate that may be failing all of his classes, I see the next Einstein, making revolutionary discoveries. This great amphitheatre holds the next engineers, doctors, nurses, cops, entrepreneurs, and so many other people that will contribute to the fabric of the future in some way."
"So, when looking at the bright horizon that is my future, I am happy. Although my life will contain sadness and heartbreak, it will also present me with joy, love, and success. And I know my classmates will too. So don't look back and regret, my friends, look forward, and smile." I hand the microphone back to the presenter, waiting for the clapping and cheers to stop.
There was a few minutes between calling kids up where our Dean spoke. Next it was time to call us up. This is it. I am going to be free in just moments.
We sat patiently through the names called, carelessly clapping for everyone. They soon cleared my row, somehow I ended up behind Thor. "Thor Odinson." He took a few steps, reaching for the stairs and looked back at me.
"I hope you know I never stopped loving you." He muttered under his breath so only I could hear. In response, I gave him a sheepish smile, my cheeks suddenly kissed pink like a spring rose. That's when Thor really knew I'd never stop loving him either.
He shook the Dean's hand, happily accepting his diploma, walking off stage. "Y/N Y/L/N." As I walked up on stage and grabbed my diploma, Thor hadn't even sat down yet. He was off to the side, watching me with such admiration. Literal definition of heart eyes.
Several boring minutes later, we were all released to go get pictures taken with friends. Everyone cleared out, Thor and I were the only ones left. "Y/N, I really need to talk to you."
"Okay, what about?"
"I... never stopped loving you. Yes, you caught me in a bad time. But the reason it happened was that woman wouldn't leave me alone. She even threatened to hurt you. I did it to... protect you because I'm madly in love with you. Okay?" By the slightest curve at my mouth's corner and a youthful confidence worn in a light raise of the eyebrow above a quizzical, joyful eye, a deep, personal satisfaction was expressed.
"Thor, I know it looked like I didn't want anything to do with you anytime you saw me," I said, touching his chest for a second. Having him this close felt like a fever dream, like it'd go away any second now. "But in all honesty, I think I've been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again." His mouth twitched and I could have sworn he was fighting a smile.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked softly, grabbing my waist to pull me closer. Even though Thor knew my answer, the gentleman in him wanted to know if it was still okay.
"You can do anything you want, baby." He kissed me and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below my ear, his thumb caressing my cheek as our breaths mingled. I ran my fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between us and I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest.
When we broke away after what felt like eons, his cheeks suddenly look like a bad sunburn. "Say, want to go to the introverts dream café?"
"What about an introverts dream steakhouse? Found new places while we were..." I drifted off so I didn't hurt his feelings, letting him figure out the rest.
"Would love to." It was a couple minutes before we actually left for the steakhouse. We just had to get some pictures with each other and our friends, hell, even the band. They deserved after making football games worthwhile.
Thor's calloused hands from hours spent in the gym, nimble and big enough to wrap around my... whatever, enveloped my hands, small and frail, but also worn from gym use. "Good. Now let's head out to the best steak of your life."