LOGAN
He wasn't supposed to be awake and watch the sunrise but he couldn't hold back. To him it was beautiful the way everyone spoke in his place. Logan felt like he wasn't taking himself seriously, he felt as if he was a clown. Joking to himself and making a fool out of himself. He didn't mean to be distant towards her. Logan didn't want to be cold, but all of this was so new for him.
Feeling love run trough is body wasn't a feeling he was used to. In fact he didn't knew what love was until today. If you ask Logan what he understands under the word Love, he would probably call her name. Logan would tell you a story about the girl with wild curls and big dreams. He would tell you about the girl that made his heart skip a beat. He would tell you about everything but also nothing at the same time. Denya always made time pass by so easily, she always spoke with kindness in her eyes.
It was crazy to him how hard everything was. Since when became loving someone so hard. He wanted to tell her, he really wanted to but the words got stuck in his mouth. Every time he wanted to speak out the three words, his vocal cords started shaking. Every time he wanted to tell her, his started overthinking.
It had already be a few weeks, so maybe today would be a good day to let her know. There is still a chance that she isn't completely over Ezra. Maybe it was better for him to wait a little longer, or maybe he just needed to spill it out. Crazy how he wasn't getting much sleep but spending time overthinking instead. He even thought about writhing her love letters. The kind you hid inside of someone locker, or the other kind you slip it into someone's bag without them knowing. He was considered writhing her a song in stead, Logan wasn't sure if a letter would be enough. Maybe he should write a whole book dedicated to her. To Denya with the pretty eyes and the pretty smile.
How could someone be so un-perfectly perfect, how could she leave him so blinded. Denya wasn't perfect but in his eyes that was what made her perfect. That made him fall in love, to realise that the beauty queen with nightmares was jus as scared of daydreams. It made him believe that she wanted a knight in shining amor to save her, but it had always crossed his mind. What if the beauty queen didn't want to be saved. Yet he was whiling to sacrifice himself. Logan wasn't scared of dying, he never was.
As he was getting ready for school he could feel the boys watching him. Jay and Dean stayed over and at least they slept the whole night. He didn't want to tell them what was bothering him, but he was sure they already knew. Jay looked at his watch and glanced back at him.
"Why are you rushing?"
Logan sighed and checked his watch twice. "I thought it was-" Logan stopped talking and dropped his bag on the floor. "Never mind." He sat down and checked his phone for any messages but didn't find the ones he actually wanted to see.
"Just tell her." Dean spoke up and tried to help Logan out, but it only brought more chaos into his head.
"I mean it can't be that hard to just tell her how you feel." Dean tried to convince his friend, but Logan had his thoughts somewhere els.
"She is happier know that she find her brother right?" Logan's question floated in the air just to leave them confused.
"Yeah she is happy about-" Logan cut Jay off. "Well it should stay like that."
Dean and Jay glanced at each other and looked back at Logan. Red eyes because of the sleepless nights. His usual brown messy hair was even more messy. Face stone cold like he used to be before she stepped inside of his life.
"Logan she is not going to hate you just because you have feelings for her." Logan rolled his eyes at Dean's words.
"You don't know that." Logan said with fear on the tip of his tongue.
"Logan why-" Jay didn't have the opportunity to finish his sentence.
"I just don't want to lose her. Telling her would maybe mess up what we already have. Is putting our friendship on the line really worth it? Just because I have feelings for her?" He finally let it out and fear wasn't leaving him any time soon. He brought his hand trough his hair and tried to calm himself down.
"You can put 'what if' in every sentence. There is a 50% chance you mess up and there is also a 50% chance where you don't. You would never know until you try." After hearing those words he realised that perhaps Jay was right. He wouldn't know if he never tried.
"I know life has been a bitch, I mean when is it not." Dean chuckled. "I know you are unhappy almost all the time. Maybe if you try you would find happiness. The one that last and doesn't go away after an hour." Dean put his arm around his friend. "You know me and Jay will be here if shit go wrong."
"Yeah Dean is right. We are your homies we won't be going anywhere." Jay smiled and Logan thought about all of this.
He have been thinking about this for the last weeks. He have been thinking a lot, too much. Maybe he is panicking for no reason, maybe everything would turn out like he wanted too. Logan wanted to be positive but that was the issue, luck never was on his side. Not when he wanted it to be, so he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if he should listen to his heart or his mind.
They left for school and he made sure to not think about it. Pushed all his thoughts in the back of his mind. When they arrived at school most people where already inside. He parked his car and they made there way inside the school. The bell rang and they all made there way to their first class.
Time passed by so easily and Logan sat down on the bleacher waiting for Jay and Dean to finish practice. He could feel the stares and all the questions that wanted to leave people's lips but never did. Some minutes passed by and he could hear someone making there way towards them. He already wanted to curse out but when his eyes met hers he was left speechless. It was as if every time he saw her she became more beautiful. Klarisa and June where here too, watching the guys on the field running around.
"He Lo." Denya sat down besides him and he greeted her back.
"Why did you stop playing football again?" June asked him with raised eyebrows.
He was already quiet but the question made him want to just run away. Football still had a special place in his heart. "I didn't want to be what people wanted me to be." He told June and watched the boys running laps.
June turned around to have a better look at the boy. "You look awful." She told him and he smiled.
"I already know June."
June wanted to smile but her expression changed. "You okay?" She asked him with raised eyebrows.
"Yes,why?" His grey eyes looked up to her.
"Your comebacks are wack, that's very unlike you."
"I'm fine, no worries." He told her and glanced besides him to look at Denya. Her eyes were already on him, and they made eye contact. She opened her mouth to say something but someone beated her to it.
"Guys we are done let's go." Jay shouted towards there friends.
They all walked towards the parking lot and instead of going back home, they ended up talking to each other for a while. June and Dean were having a discussion about why peanut butter doesn't go well on everything. Witch Klarisa completely disagreed on. Logan was somewhere standing besides his car smoking while the rest of the group where standing besides June's car.
Suddenly everyone grew quiet and looked at Denya. "Euh What's wrong?" She asked the group of teenagers.
"Is it okay if Logan drops you off home?" June asked her with a big smile.
"I don't mind but I'm not sure if Logan would want to drop me off." Denya said uncertain.
"Of course he would, why wouldn't he." Dean sais while grinning from ear to ear.
"Well okay but-"
"Just go Denya." Klarisa was smiling like all the rest was.
She turned around and walked up to Logan. Just before she could reach him the rest of the group drive away. Denya wondered why they insisted for her to go with Logan. Most of the time the boys go home together and the girls go home together unless they planned on going somewhere together.
Logan heard everything and wasn't surprised at his friends moves. They wanted them to have a moment alone, but he wasn't sure if he would be able to do it.
"I'm not sure why they are acting so weird but-"
"It's fine." Logan dropped his sigaret on the ground and stepped on it. "Let's get the beauty queen home." He smiled as he gestured Denya to get inside of the car.
The car ride was silent, not an awkward silence. It was as if everything was already said. Denya looked outside the window and Logan had his eyes on the road. He liked the way no one said anything. Logan had always liked silence more than noises. It made him calm down and made his worries fade away.
We all knew that problems never fade away. Sometimes it seems like it and you can feel you worries fly away. Yet it doesn't completely disappear, sometimes it's here to stay until you fix the issues. Just like in this moment, he did want to open his mouth but didn't how to. He wanted to tell her what he was feeling but didn't know how to. Instead of talking to her, he kept on glancing at her here and than.
He parked his car not so far form her house but Denya was stepping out. Logan glanced at her and she smiled at him. "You want to come to my favourite spot?" She asked him soft lips and kind eyes.
It had always been hard for him to refuse when she looked at him like that. The puppy eyes always got to him. "Sure." Is all what he replied with.
They walked to her favourite spot and sat down on the park bench. Silence was still lingering around them but they both didn't know how to break it. They both watched the bright stars above them. Logan felt it eat him inside, he could feel how it become so much harder to stay quiet. He looked up to her and she stared back at him.
"What if I told you I loved you?" He asked her with raised eyebrows, and Denya laughed in response.
"I already know you do Logan." She told him and watched the stars in front of her.
"What if I told you I loved you more than friends? That I wanted to be more than just friends?" Logan asked her and held on to his heart. He was already used to disappointment so he tried to not get his hopes up high. He tried.
"I would tell you to stop joking, and laugh it off." She told the guy with breathtaking eyes and messy brown hair.
"What if I'm not joking?" He finally asked her. She turned her head his way and made eyecontact. Most of the time he wouldn't care about what people thought.
Logan wasn't the type to care too much. He was careless at times and other times he may have been reckless, but he was scared of the way she would answer.
He always thought that a guy like him didn't deserve a girl like her. She was so nice and wonderful. She could be talking about complete nonsense, but since it was Denya he would still believe her. She was beauty and grace. A diamond that no one could ever afford. The girl that made his heart skip a beat. The girl that made life worth it. If it was for her, he wouldn't mind trying harder. If it was for her, he wouldn't mind staying here on earth longer.
Her eyes looked back at the stars. "Can I tell you something Logan?" She asked him and brought her knees closer to her face. "I'm not sure if you're serious or joking around, but I have had an taste of what heartbreak feels like." Denya looked him in the eyes this time. "I really don't want to feel that way ever again." She told him and tried to wipe her sweaty hands on her black jeans.
"I know, I was there." Logan brought his hand trough his hair. Looked around to put his feelings into words. He didn't know if he would be able to. He wasn't sure if he could make her understand what he was feeling for her was not a joke.
"To me you're not a joke." He tried to relief her. "I don't want to hurt you Denya, I'm trying to love you more than I already do." Logan took her hands in his. "Would you let me?" He asked her and brought her hand closer to his lips and kissed it.
It was quiet at the park witch was normal. Not a lot of people spend there time outside watching the stars while it's freezing. Despise it already being pretty quiet there wasn't much sounds to be heard anymore. Denya didn't look at him and didn't even react in anyway, he was scared that she would never even say anything back. Deep down he was okay with that. Logan was okay with the thought of her not loving him back. As long as she was happy.
She looked up at him and back at her shoes. "Remember when I spend the night at your house before Christmas?" She asked him to afraid to look at him in the eyes. Logan nodded his head and gestured her to go on.
"I'm not sure what came over me. I just realised that you had always been right besides me when I needed you. Than I started to see you differently. Seeing you more than a friend but I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I really want to let you in." She whispered softly.
They both stood up and looked at each other unsure of what to do next. Logan was happy to hear her say what he wanted to hear, but he wasn't sure of how to react. Looking at Denya was something he enjoyed doing, but this time he looked at her lips and thought about how many times he wanted to kiss her. "Can I?" He asked her hoping she would say yes. Denya smiled and nodded her head.
He pulled Denya closer to him and placed one hand on her hips and the other under her chin. Her face was extremely close to his face. They were both inches away from each other. Logan had dreamed about this day. He finally kissed her but he could feel himself smiling.
This was seriously all he wanted. For her to be with him. He hasn't been happy for as long as he can remember, but today he smiled and his eyes smiled with him. He had fallen for her awhile ago, he wasn't sure if it was even possible to fall deeper in the hole. Yet here he was madly in love with the girl with wild curly hair and brown skin. The girl of his dreams.
There lips moved slowly against each other, like they have had done this countless of times. Like this was meant to be. Denya wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her tippy toes. They pulled back and started at each other with wide smiles on their face.
"I don't know what to say." She told him and was unsure of where to look.
He pulled her chin up so that she was forced to look at him. "No words needed." He told her smiling and kissed her again.
A/N
Crazy how it took me a whole month to write chapter 26 but just a few hours to write this chapter.
Anyway I hope you enjoy it and also I apologize for not keeping myself to my words. Just know writers block can be a bitch sometimes.
Have a good day everyone
Yours truly
Malwee