Note: This is the first draft and final version may be very different, so if you read this at a later date and it's different, that's why.
———
Fujita Kouta opened the door with a sigh to find Momoi Naomichi, standing there with a stupid grin on his flushed face.
"You're drunk, Shouji."
He had expected it. When he got a mail from Nao to open up the door, he just knew Nao had been out drinking again. Sometimes he considered to pretend he was sleeping or simply tell Nao to go home to his mother three houses down the street, but he never did. And he was always awake around the time Nao came anyway since he had been having trouble sleeping for quite some time.
"Yes, I am!" Nao said happily.
Kouta hushed. "If dad finds you now he'll assume I have been drinking too. Do you realise how bad that'll get?"
"Man, he's such a dickhead. I'm a father too! I wouldn't give my kids alcohol. Or Hikata-chan."
Kouta sighed. "Well, thanks for that. Take off your shoes and don't you dare throw up anywhere. If dad doesn't kill me for that, he'll at the very least try to get a restraining order so you can never come here again."
"But I used to come here all the time and I lived three houses down the street. And I'm not that drunk."
Nao moved inside and with some wobbly steps, he stepped out of his shoes.
Since his speech wasn't slurred, Kouta understood he hadn't drunk so much he'd be confused about where he was when he woke up in the morning, so Kouta would be able to wake him up before his parents woke up and send him over to Nao's mother, Chitose, or home to his wife, Sawa. He had once made the mistake to let Nao stay over until his parents woke up because he seemed to be too drunk, and he had been yelled at for the entire week by his father. He wasn't going to go through that again.
"Give me your arm, Shouji. We don't want you to crash into anything and wake up Kenta."
Nao giggled. "I bet he's so cute. I haven't seen Chinatsu for months but she was adorable last time I was home. You know I was home for six weeks last time, right? Sawa sends pictures every day. The kids are adorable." Nao giggled some more. "Soon Yukiyo's old enough for school and I'll be home more often."
"That's great, Shouji. But you don't have to come here every time you've been drinking."
"But I've missed you too, Hikata-chan."
Kouta sighed. "I'm so flattered. If you could miss me in the middle of the day and not in the middle of the night, that'd be great."
Kouta was actually used to this by now. Sometimes Nao didn't even go home. He'd come by the Fujita home late at night, sleep the worst of the alcohol off and then head straight back to work after he slept a bit more at his childhood home. Chitose lamented about it every time.
Once they were in Kouta's room he seated the drunk man on his bed.
"How's your health?"
Kouta looked at Nao with a sigh. "Do we have to talk about that?"
Nao stared at him, seemingly clear in the head and serious. "Yes."
"I manage," Kouta answered as he unzipped Nao's jacket.
He wasn't doing too well, but he wasn't going to tell Nao that. He had enough worries as it was. He also knew Nao felt terrible for not being home to take care of the children and that his mother had to take care of them because Sawa herself was aware she wasn't suited for motherhood. Sawa loved Chiyo and Chika just as much as Nao did, but the two weren't suitable for parenthood. At least not when together.
"Do you keep anything you eat, Kou?" Nao asked as Kouta took off his jacket.
When Nao called him 'Kou' he was worried, or sad, or really happy. 'Kouta' usually meant he was angry. So hearing Nao say his name made him feel a bit guilty.
"I eat things I can eat," he said, trying to ease Nao's worries.
But even when he had been drinking, Nao could obviously see through Kouta.
"You need to see a doctor, Kou. As soon as possible."
"You're drunk, Shouji," Kouta said. "I'm completely fine." He put the jacket over the chair by his desk. "Why did you drink this time? Work?"
"Love is so difficult, Hikata-chan."
Kouta was glad Nao was easily distracted when he had been drinking, but this was a topic they talked about a lot and was getting old. It seemed to have been his main concern in the past couple of years and seemed to be the main reason Nao would drink at all. Most of the time he just focused on providing for his family and kept his usual positive attitude up, but every once in a while it seemed like his worried caught up with him.
He hadn't been like this before Chiyo was born and he had married Sawa.
"What is it this time? Are you regretting you married Sawa? Or do you wish you'd love her romantically?"
Nao put his head in his hands. "Both."
"Did you meet someone? You know you can divorce Sawa. You said you could see other people as long as you were open about being married and it was not sexual until you divorced."
If Kouta hadn't been aware of the situation, he'd find their arrangement weird. But Nao and Sawa only ever had a sexual relationship and a friendship. They only married for Chiyo's sake. They had planned to get divorced eventually but wanted to give Chiyo a somewhat stable home. Then they had Chika when Chiyo was three. Kouta wasn't sure why they needed to get a second child. But Nao had been overjoyed when Chika was born regardless.
Nao loved his children more than anything.
"No."
"So Sawa did. Did she forget to mention she was married?"
"She didn't. She happily texted me saying he didn't storm off when she mentioned it. Kou, what if she leaves me?"
"Isn't that the point?"
"I meant as my friend. And what if it's some asshole who doesn't care about the kids?"
Kouta felt sorry for the young man seated on his bed. He sat down on the bed and gave his friend a one-armed hug. "Nao-nii, Sawa relies on you. Without you, she'd be completely lost right now. You know she'll even bring this man to you and ask for your opinion. If he seems like a jerk, you can just tell her that. She's not stupid. And I know I'm not strong enough to support you, but I'm here if you need a second opinion."
"You're plenty strong, Hikata-chan." Nao yawned. "I'm getting tired. Do you want to sleep by the wall or at the edge?"
"You sleep at the edge. Just in case you throw up."
"I promise I won't. I'm not that drunk. I just had a drink." Nao smiled sheepishly. "Or two."
"I don't believe you. Here's the bin. Throw up in here if you need to. Sleep with your back towards the wall. I don't want to wake up with you snuggling up against me. You need to get out of that habit."
Nao looked a little offended as he laid down and Kouta went to his desk to put away his textbooks. He wasn't going to get any more studying done now and he knew that. He had dealt with his older friend enough times to have tried and failed enough times. What he couldn't understand was why a 22-year-old would come to a 16-year-old. The other way would probably make sense since Nao was like a big brother to Kouta. But Kouta was probably a little brother to Nao, so that might be why.
Or maybe he was worried he'd say something to out himself to his family. He sometimes started talking about guys he was attracted to when he had been drinking. As far as Kouta knew the only other person who knew was Sawa.
While he got changed he could hear Nao quietly snore. For someone who had felt completely down just a little while ago, Nao sure seemed peaceful now. Even without alcohol, Nao usually fell asleep almost immediately, and Kouta envied that. Kouta always was pressured by his father and it made him think of how he'd make sure his father wasn't disappointed when he tried to sleep. He'd protect Kenta from that as best as he could, but being so much older meant he couldn't really stay until Kenta was old enough. He'd be 33 a month after Kenta turn 18, after all.
He climbed into the bed from the foot of the bed and laid down with his back against Nao's. He didn't really mind Nao ending up hugging him in his sleep, but they were somewhat too old for sharing a bed and Kouta only let Nao in it because he didn't want to kick his best friend out if he could avoid it.
He stared into the wall, wondering how long Nao would stay in town this time. He eventually fell asleep, dreaming of times he had spent playing with the grandchild of the woman who took care of him when he was a child.
"Kouta, you need to get up and get to school."
Kouta opened his eyes, confused, then felt all warmth drain from his body. He looked around.
"Did you have a nightmare or something, Kouta?" his mother asked.
"Yes. I must have had a nightmare."
Nao must have left before anyone had woken up. And without waking up Kouta, which made him somewhat irritated. Why did he come there just to crash and then leave without even saying bye? What was the point of that?
He got up and prepared to go to school. After his classes, he was going to see a girl from a co-ed school close by, who he currently dated. Going to a boys' school had its disadvantages.
He sat down by the table as his mother placed his food on the table. She then went to get Kenta so Kouta could leave his baby brother at Chitose's before going to school. He looked at the food. Rice, miso soup, fish and some vegetables. He wasn't too fond of when there was a lot of food and his mother gave him more than he'd like to eat. But his father was by the table as well and he could only obediently start eating when his mother returned with his little brother.
He felt nauseous as he put his coat and shoes on to go with Kenta to Chitose a few houses down and then to school. He might throw up. Again.
It seemed he vomited more often than before. Maybe Nao was right. He needed to see a doctor. But he didn't feel like his mother or father would believe it was anything. They didn't even seem to notice he couldn't keep food down. His father was really busy with work and only cared if his grades were good and he got into a good university, while his mother was probably too busy caring for Kenta when she was at home to notice anything.
His mother put Kenta in his arms. It was always comforting to hold him. Like Nao had guessed, Kenta was adorable. Chika too. And Chiyo, even if she was almost old enough to go to elementary school. He had been eleven when Nao's oldest had been born, and he sometimes wished he has been either older or younger. He could have been old enough to be more like Nao, or young enough to play with Chiyo. But he ended up being both too young or too old.
At least he was old enough to take care of Kenta.
"Excuse me," he said as he opened the door to the Momoi house.
"Kou-chan! Long time, no see!" he heard from a room further in.
"Good morning, Fujinosuke."
Fujinosuke had insisted on Kouta calling him by name when he was a child and it had stuck. But the man was young enough to be Kouta's father and had in part taken care of Kouta when he was a child and sometimes he wondered if he should really call the man 'dad' instead. Or at least 'uncle'.
"Here to drop off your brother?" the man asked as he came out of the living room. "Kouta, you're completely pale! Are you unwell?"
"No, I'm fine. But I might need to use the bathroom." He forced a smile.
Fujinosuke took Kenta in his arms and Kouta took off his shoes. He walked into the house without putting on slippers, with a quick pace. He knew he couldn't hold it down much longer. He took a few running steps past Chitose into the bathroom and let everything he had eaten that morning out.
"Kou-chan, you don't seem very well. Maybe you should go home," Chitose said in a worried tone.
"No, this happens all the time," Kouta mumbled. "I'll go to school now since I feel better. It's not anything contagious."
The couple could only watch as he went into their kitchen, drank some water, and then put on his shoes.
"Please don't let Nao-nii know about that," Kouta asked of them. "He has enough worries. Sorry for the intrusion."
Kouta left as the two told him to stay safe. He felt a stab of guilt when he saw how worried the two of them were.
He wished he could have done that either at home or at school. The Momoi house seemed like the worst possible place. But he was at least fine while he went through his classes. Well, almost. He was pretty tired. He just had to push through his classes. Luckily he didn't have any club activities. Though there was the date.
When he stepped out of the school gate the first person he saw was Nao. He was talking to a girl, and Kouta sighed. "Shou," he said when he got close to them. "Hitting on my girlfriend, are you? That's creepy."
"Of course not. I just asked why she was standing here outside a boys' school. She said she was waiting for her boyfriend so I thought I'd stay with her for a while. Didn't think we were waiting for the same person."
"Sorry, Yagi-chan. This old man must have made you uncomfortable. Can you wait a bit while I talk to my brother?"
"Ouch, that hurts," Nao laughed as Kouta pushed him further away.
"What is it? You're not coming here to kidnap me or something?"
"I'll be quick." Nao turned serious. "I really just wanted to let you know in person that I'll be home for a few months because Sawa's pregnant."
"Wait, what? Pregnant? Again?"
"Expected mid-April. Why can't she let me know these things right away?"
"And you said she met someone, right?"
"I'm wondering what kinda bloody creep goes after a pregnant married woman. Now I'm so fucking worried. If someone is going to hurt Sawa..." Nao looked angry. Then his facial expression changed. "But I'll make sure to take you to a doctor while I'm around. Mum said you threw up at their house this morning. My parents are worried sick now. Until the new kid is born and old enough for mum to take them, and I know you're fine, I'll stay home."
"I keep telling you I'm fine."
"You're not, Kouta." The tone was firm. Not firm like the almost angry strictness that his father used, but a gentler and worried tone. "Go have fun on your date. I'll mail you later with a time and date."
Nao turned around and went to his car without another word. Kouta turned to spend time with the girl. He didn't feel like it anymore though.
***
Kouta was uncomfortable where he was seated next to his mother. In front of him was a serious-looking elderly doctor.
Nao had taken him to see a doctor and only told him his mother would be there when they were there. He had become more like that after becoming a father. It wasn't a bad thing, and Kouta knew that. But it felt pretty shitty to be treated similarly to Nao's four-year-old daughter.
Nao had brought him to a hospital and guided him to seats after they had talked with a receptionist. Kouta had stubbornly looked away and refused to talk to Nao, but it hadn't seemed to bother the young man. Instead, Nao had been writing an email on his phone. He soon had seemed to get a response, and he had quickly been typing again. And repeat.
"Who are you messaging with?"
"Keiko. I'm letting her know we're here now."
"Why are you bringing mum into this?"
"Because she's your mother, Kou. You're not well and at least she needed to know. It might be difficult to understand for you, but I would hate if Yukiyo, Chinatsu or Kyouki" — Nao and Sawa had already named the unborn baby Tomoki (or Kyouki, for Nao) for some unexplainable reason — "were ill and didn't tell me. And," he had given his phone to Kouta, "she won't tell Umio."
[Subject: Re: Re: Re: Kouta]
[From: Fujita Keiko (yamada_keiko_0312@horizonmail.co.jp)]
[December 5, 2099, 13:56]
[To: momoi.naomichi@momoiagency.co.jp]
It was D General Hospital, right? I'll be there soon. I've told your mother she might need to keep Kenta longer, but could you pick him up so I don't bother your mother too much?
I agree with you. I think it's better my husband doesn't know right now. Kouta's health comes first. He can do better if he's feeling better, and I want him to be healthy.
Kouta had looked up from the phone in surprise.
"You know, your mother was sick when you were an infant. That's why my mother took care of you."
"I know that, but she couldn't do anything at the time. I can go to school."
"But one day you might not because you're not taking care of yourself. Do you think Keiko would like that?"
Kouta had hesitated to answer. Of course, he hadn't thought his mother would like it if Kouta was sick. Not his father either, regardless of how he was. That was why he had tried to keep it a secret from them. Partly. Another part of him hadn't thought his parents would think anything of it or think it was just stress. Before he could say anything, his mother had arrived.
And now they sat in front of the doctor. For the second time. Kouta had explained to the doctor that he couldn't keep food down sometimes and that he got nauseous and had stomach aches. After some discussion, it had been decided Kouta would get some tests and exams done, which they now had results on.
"Fujita-san," the doctor said, turned to Kouta's mother. "I don't really know how to tell you this..."
"What is it? Does he have a tumour? Something else?"
"No. There doesn't seem to be anything physically wrong with Kouta-kun from what I can see."
Kouta looked up from the floor he had been staring into. Had he gone through this just to be told throwing up was normal? Or...?
"Kouta-kun, you are making yourself vomit, are you not?"
Kouta quickly shook his head. "No, I'm not."
The doctor was still turned to his mother. What Kouta said didn't seem to matter.
"I believe your son needs to see someone who deals with mental illnesses. I can refer you to a good psychiatrist. I believe his self-image is poor, but I think it would be better to see a specialist who can say for sure."
Kouta stood up, feeling angry and ashamed. "I know my weight is low! I don't have an eating disorder! I just want to be able to eat like any normal person!"
"Kouta, go outside, so I can talk to the doctor."
His mother's tone was firm and her determination unmovable, and Kouta felt his heart sink. He knew his mother wouldn't care enough to listen right now. She thought they had the answer.
He took his coat and scarf and walked out of the office and down the hall to leave the hospital.
"Kou, what's wrong?"
Nao had been waiting for him by the exit. He hadn't been in the room, but he had come with them for Kouta's sake.
"My head, apparently," Kouta said, trying to hold back his hurt feelings.
"What? Do you get migraines or something?" Nao asked, but Kouta didn't answer. He felt his friend put his hand on Kouta's shoulder. "We can go out if you don't want to talk about it here."
"I don't want to talk about it all. I shouldn't have listened to you."
Nao squeezed his shoulders. "Sorry, Kou. This bloody sucks."
Kouta looked up. Nao was so tall that it always felt like Kouta was younger than he was because he never caught up to his height. And would never. But somehow it was a bit comforting too because it made it feel more like Nao was a big brother.
They walked out to the freezing weather. Nao found them a bench to sit on. Kouta got a hand warmer from Nao and he shoved it into his pocket.
The silence between them felt inviting. "Mum is talking to the doctor. They'll probably take me to a psychiatrist next," he said.
"The only thing a psychiatrist can help you with is to stop trying to prove your worth to Umio. But I don't think that has anything to do with your food issue. I guess letting Keiko know was a bad idea after all."
"I'm not trying to prove anything to my dad," he muttered.
Nao peered down at him with a sigh. "It seems like it to me. You try to prove you're good enough and worthy of his approval. Not someone who doesn't follow his rules and lets him down. Isn't that why you've hidden your issue?"
Kouta looked down at the ground. It had been freezing for the past couple of weeks, but no snow, and it was getting warmer again. He watched the gravel move as he kicked into it. First once. Then twice. Then a final time.
Nao was right. He was always trying to please his father and get his approval. He didn't do anything that his father didn't want him to do. But for what? He couldn't remember ever getting praised. Which was why he preferred the Momoi house. There he could just be and it was fine. He didn't have to do anything to be accepted. And he didn't try either.
"You're right, I want dad's approval. I don't even know why," Kouta mumbled.
"Don't ask me. I do the opposite of what my grandfather wishes all the time."
Kouta couldn't help but laugh. "You're right. You're a rebel."
Nao shrugged. "So what are you gonna do, Hikata?"
"I guess I'll start throwing up so my parents can see, and see it's not self-inflicted. But I still wonder why I can't eat."
"Maybe you're stressed." Kouta glared at Nao. "Some people feel sick when they are anxious, and you're always thinking about what Umio would like. Not what Hikata would like."
"I'd like to be able to eat."
Nao leaned against Kouta and hugged his shoulders with one arm. "And I'd like you to be well. I'm honestly afraid that you'd die or something."
Kouta sighed. "Shouji, I'm not going to die."
"But you look so fragile."
Kouta put his arm around Nao's back and hugged him back. "It'll be fine, Shouji. I promise."
"Shouldn't I be the one who says that?"
"Yes, you should."
Nao chuckled. "Sorry about that. I feel better now."
"That's great. But I still will have to see a psychiatrist."
"Just go there. Prove to them you need a different kind of help. And like you said, don't hide it."
"That's easier said than done. It's not like I can throw up whenever I want."
Nao let go of Kouta and looked thoughtfully at the clear afternoon sky. Kouta put his hand back into the pocket with the hand warmer.
"Is there anything you want?" he eventually asked. "To do if Umio wasn't managing your life?"
"I don't know..." Kouta said and looked up at the sky as well while leaning against the back of the bench. He could hear leafless branches move in the breeze. Some birds were making noise further away. People talking and going in and out of the hospital. Cars parking and leaving.
It seemed so calming to just listen to the sounds, even if he knew he was by a hospital. No one was crying or screaming, he couldn't hear the sound of sirens. He felt like right now he could just be Kouta, even if it was just for a short while more.
"A safe space."
"What?" Nao asked. He was clearly very confused.
"I want to create a safe space. Where no one feels pressured. Where everyone is accepted without judgements and are free to like who they want and what they want. And where I am free." He didn't expect himself to say the last thing. Was he really feeling that confined by his father's ideals and the expectations of others? "Or something like that."
"That's incredibly vague."
Kouta laughed. "I know, right?"
***
Nao pushed Kouta's back into the clinic. "Hey Satomi-chan," he called out.
"Shou-chan? Didn't you have your check... up?" A man about Nao's age peeked past the wall and saw Kouta. "That sure ain't your kid."
"I didn't have a kid when I was six years old."
"So this is Kouta-kun? The kid you were worried about?"
"Why are you talking about me with some stranger, Shouji?" Kouta asked, annoyed at how Nao would apparently talk about him without him knowing about it.
"Sorry, Kou. But I only said I was worried because you seem ill, you know. Satomi-chan studies medicine." Nao pushed him further so they got to the reception desk.
"I'm not going to talk with some student," Kou said and was prepared to turn around.
"You're not," the man behind it said. "I'm not allowed to practice yet anyway so there wouldn't be any point. Wouldn't even try to make a guess for a diagnosis because it could hurt a patient if I throw wild guesses left and right. You're going to see my mother who runs this place. Right?" the man said and Nao confirmed. "Go sit down and I'll let her know."
The man walked out from behind the disk and the receptionist behind it looked annoyed.
"Sorry about that," Nao told her.
"No, it's not a problem. He's always like that. When he's not napping that is. You can go sit down over there. Satomi-sensei might take a while, so let me know if you need anything."
Kouta sat with his phone and stared at photos of pastries and desserts. He flicked through them, one by one. The therapist said it was because he wanted to punish himself, but Kouta really just wondered if there were ways for him to eat them. As expected, therapy hadn't helped with his vomiting. In fact, it had gotten worse. He had been admitted to the hospital right before his high school graduation. His father thought he had been on a graduation trip, that old fool. If anything, Kouta's mother was a master at hiding Kouta's ailment – whatever it was. He was glad Kenta was still too young to remember this later. He didn't want to seem like a weak big brother. He wanted to be strong and manage just fine like Nao did. But he had stopped dating because he no longer could eat out. It had already been four or five years. Had it been two or three years since it had started when he saw the doctor? He didn't remember. He was getting used to this, but it still sucked. He relied on supplements to get the nutrients he needed and he kept trying to eat things. But he'd still throw up food, seemingly without cause.
"Are you frustrated, Hikata?" Nao asked.
Kouta looked at the 25-year-old man beside him. "A little. But this is just a discussion, right? You said you know this doctor."
"Yeah. She's owed me a favour and when I mentioned briefly about your issues she said she'd talk to you. That's why Satomi-chan knows I'm worried about you."
"Is he your boyfriend?"
Nao looked a little bothered and laughed awkwardly. "No."
"Hmmmm..." Kouta kept flicking through the desserts. The strawberry and raspberry ones always seemed like they'd taste great. Coffee always looked nice too. He had laid off with the coffee before he even got into university. It just was triggering his problems too much. At least he thought it did.
After a while, he was called and both of them stood up and were taken to the doctor's office.
"It's been a while, Momoi-san," the doctor said.
"It has. I hear you and your husband are doing great."
"Thanks to you." She smiled to Nao before she turned to Kouta. "Nice to meet you. I'm Satomi Kotori, and I'm in charge here at the Satomi Family Clinic."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Fujita Kouta."
"Please sit down." Doctor Satomi smiled. "I'll just talk to you about your problems today. You can see it as some medical advice if you don't want to see me after this. Anything you say to me will stay with me. I'm not going to write it down or anything either."
"That works out well for me. I'm here because Shouji wanted me to see you, and not because I want any help."
"That's how it is," Nao said and the female doctor just shrugged.
"It's up to you, Fujita-kun." The doctor turned serious. "I'll be honest. I heard a little from Momoi-kun and I'm worried for you, which is why I agreed to at least take you in for a talk. We'll only talk about how you're feeling and you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. So you can just leave if you want, too."
"I'm already here despite not wanting to come, so let's just get it over with," Kouta said.
The doctor gave him a gentle smile. "So what is bothering you, Fujita-kun?"
"Well... Apparently I have untreatable mental conditions," he said, quite annoyed. He felt Nao's elbow in his arm. He got the message. "I'm sorry. I'm just used to not being taken seriously."
"That's alright," doctor Satomi replied.
Kouta took a deep breath. "I have a tendency to vomit after eating. Not every time and not every day, but it happens a little too often for comfort. I've been told it's self-inflicted and anxiety, but no treatment has worked in the past two years. I'd say if anything, it's worse and I chose to no longer see a therapist because I felt it was just a waste of time."
The doctor nodded. "I see. Have you noticed any patterns? Certain foods or drinks, perhaps? Or how long after eating it happens?"
"Well, coffee triggers it almost immediately, I think. Or did. I don't drink it anymore. Otherwise, I don't know. It's usually half an hour to an hour later though. Sometimes a few, but that doesn't happen as often." Kouta replied honestly. There wasn't much point in trying to hide it anyway.
"Any other symptoms?"
"Nausea and stomach aches, mostly."
Kouta continued to explain his problems as the doctor asked. There was a lot to mention. He felt cold, he was underweight, he was tired and he could have trouble focusing at times.
After a lengthy interview – Kouta couldn't call it anything else – the doctor looked into Kouta's eyes for some time, as if trying to find an answer in his face.
"You're right. It seems to be something physiological to me. I would like to help you and figure out what's wrong if you want me to. I would need to do some testing and I could at the very least prescribe you some medication in the hope it'll lessen the vomiting."
Kouta sat quietly. This doctor actually seemed to want to help him and had listened to him. He looked at Nao who put his hand on Kouta's head like he was still a child. Kouta gave him an annoyed glare before he looked back at the doctor.
"It's your decision, Fujita-kun."
"I suppose it's worth a try. I don't think I'll live very long if this continues."
"Don't say that. I don't want my baby brother to die!"
Nao put his arms around Kouta and squeezed.
"Quit it, Shouji! Think about where we are! Cling to the chair you're sitting on. I'm not going anywhere! Sensei, is there something that cures idiocy?"
The doctor smiled. "Patience, perhaps."
***
"Kou-nii, what are you doing?"
Chiyo crawled into his lap from the side and sat down to see the notebook he had.
"I'm filling in a food diary."
He patted her head. She was so big compared to Tomoki. Not so much Kenta and Chika anymore. But she had been when Tomoki was born. It had only been close to three years since Tomoki was born, but to the kids, it must have seemed like forever.
"What is that?" the soon eight-year-old asked as she looked up at him.
"It's a book where I write down everything I eat. And then I write how I feel after eating it. It's a bit like writing if I like some food or not."
"Why do you need to write down that? Don't you know what foods you like?"
Kouta laughed. "I guess I don't. So I need to write them all down so I can eat all the yummy foods."
"Grandma says you have to eat the not-yummy food too."
"The food Hikata doesn't like gives him a tummy ache, so he doesn't need to eat it," he heard Nao say quietly and he looked up to see him with a sleeping Tomoki in his arms. The child looked so peaceful but Nao grimaced at Kouta, and it was clear he was heavy.
"So if I get a tummy ache, I don't have to eat them?"
"If you lie about it, a really evil spirit will come and give you a tummy ache all the time. If you're honest, a nice spirit will make sure you don't tummy aches very often," Nao responded, purposely sounding scary – to any seven-year-old at least.
Chiyo shrank in Kouta's lap. "I won't lie about it. But I don't believe you."
"You're such a good girl," Kouta said with a chuckle.
Nao carefully sat down by the table, gently putting the two-year-old in his lap. "How's it going?"
"Alright, I guess. Satomi-sensei is a little confused about it."
"But it's been getting better?"
"A little, maybe. There are some things I just can't eat, so mum doesn't use those anymore. Dad is a little weird about it, but mum says she's just hasn't been feeling well lately. I guess he believes her since she had a lot of trouble for years after I was born."
"Umio does care a lot about Keiko." Nao sighed. "Sorry I haven't had time to talk, Hikata." Nao carefully shuffled closer and leaned his head over Kouta's. He would probably have put an arm around him if he hadn't supported his youngest sleeping in his lap. "There's been a lot going on."
"I bet. How did it go with Sawa?"
"She called it off. It took a while, but that fucking creep won't be near my children, at least."
"They can't have met very often if he could stand her for three years."
Nao held back a laugh. "How has your first year as a university student been?"
"Still haven't found a girl to knock up," Kouta teased Nao who just shrugged with a snicker. "But no children aside, it's been a bit stressful."
"Make sure to take care of yourself. You're taking business, right? Are you going into your father's company?"
Kouta shook his head. "I mostly took it because my father is an asshole."
"Is there anything you'd like to do then?"
Kouta stared into his notebook. Chiyo was trying to make sense out of the writing but she couldn't read the characters. Which was as well. It described his symptoms as well and they were keeping it a secret from the kids for now. If it came to it, they'd tell them, but if they didn't need to know it was better.
"I don't know. What do you want to do, Shouji?"
"I guess it would be nice to own a business. Be my own employer." He was silent for a while. "I mean, I already choose what jobs to take on, but something more stable would be nice. Something where I don't need to travel around so much. It was really nice when I just started out, but I guess the freedom is starting to feel crushing. Or perhaps it's a prison."
Nao looked at his daughter in Kouta's lap and then his son and Kouta didn't have to ask what he meant.
"I guess being one's own boss would be nice." Kouta patted Chiyo's head. "It would be nice to create a space for everyone to come home to."
"Are you going to marry into a family with a ryokan now?" Nao said with a smirk.
"That seems a bit too ambitious," Kouta chuckled. "Maybe something smaller. But," he said thoughtfully and looked Nao in the eyes, "it would be a place without judgements."
Nao got a complicated look on his face. "You're still saying that? It sounded nice when you were in high school, but society isn't that kind."
"Then I'll change it. One safe space at the time."
***
"I apologise about Satomi-sensei not being here today. She had to work at the hospital today," the young man said. It was Satomi-sensei's son, Satomi Mikoto – the man Nao called Satomi-chan. "I'm a licensed doctor now so I hope you're okay with me for now."
"It's fine, Satomi-sensei, just like I said when you called," Kouta forced a smiled at the memory of when Nao had brought him to the Satomi Family Clinic for the first time. "Here's my diary. I don't think you'll find anything."
"Mikoto is fine, Fujita-san. It's confusing enough with two doctors named Satomi at one clinic as it is, but your regular doctor is Satomi-sensei."
"I'd feel bad if you call me by family name."
Mikoto thought for a moment. "Kou-san, then. Or that's possibly a little too familiar?"
"No, that's perfectly fine."
The young doctor smiled at him as he crossed his legs and opened Kouta's diary. He was looking through what Kouta had eaten and drunk, and how his symptoms had been in the past couple of months and compared them with past symptoms.
"You don't write out how bad the pain is or how it feels," Mikoto pointed out.
"Satomi-sensei just told me to write out when I had stomach aches."
"I would have told you to describe it. Pain can be different depending on the cause. It could be stabbing, sharp, dull, intense or gnawing, for instance. Sometimes it feels like hunger when it's in the stomach. And knowing if it's a mild, moderate or severe pain would help. When you get a stomach ache, can you do things normally?"
"I go to my classes and help out at home as normal. It can be difficult to concentrate on what I'm doing at times though."
"So probably moderate," Mikoto said and jotted something down on a notepad. "Severe is when you can barely do anything if at all. But you can use a scale from 0 to 10 where 10 is the worst pain you have felt or can imagine and 0 is no pain at all." Mikoto turned around. "I'll check some things real quick, Kou-san."
Kouta watched as Mikoto turned to the computer.
"You haven't done any recent testing. I think it would be better to do some tests and examinations. It looks from your diary it's getting worse again."
"I've felt like it was getting worse too. I'm not sure why."
"Maybe it's stress? But normally I'd think you'd feel better when getting into university..." Mikoto held his chin in thought.
He was right though. Kouta's classmates seemed to have the time of their life, drinking together and dating. The stress and pressure for them were gone. Kouta, on the other hand, avoided any parties. He had a lot of pressure to make sure he did well. And he didn't feel like going, even if there was no alcohol involved. He honestly didn't feel like dating anymore either.
"There are some tests and examinations I feel could shed some light on what causes problems that haven't been made yet."
"I see."
Mikoto studied the food and symptoms diary for a while browsing back and forth, seemingly deep in thought.
"Kou-san, what do these mean? They started appearing about three months ago."
He handed Kouta the notebook and pointed at a small drawn picture.
"Oh! Chiyo – Momoi Shouji's oldest daughter – said I should make a mark when I 'liked the food a lot'. I described it to her as a diary where I wrote down food to see if I liked them or not when she was younger." Kouta laughed in embarrassment. "So I decided to simply record my mood throughout the day. That one means it's not great. The one further down means I'm tired."
Mikoto looked flipped through the pages. "I feel like I need a key to understand these. They aren't very obvious."
"Since I sometimes fill it in with children around me, I'm trying to keep anything negative away."
"That's understandable. But there are a lot of 'tired' and 'not great'." Mikoto looked troubled. "You had been in therapy, hadn't you?"
Kouta understood the implication and smiled. "I'm not sure I would say I'm depressed, sensei. Just a bit tired."
"I see." Mikoto tapped the notebook in thought. "What are your plans for the future?"
Kouta wasn't sure what to say. He didn't exactly have any plans. He had a concept, maybe.
"I don't know."
"No ideas at all?"
"I have an idea."
Mikoto watched Kouta with expectation. Kouta hadn't felt stupid when he told Nao, but telling someone else he thought he must be out of his mind. But his conviction was there.
"I want to create a space for people to be themselves without judgement or pressure, I suppose."
"Really? That sounds like a great place. Have you thought about how to create it?"
Kouta hadn't expected that reaction. "I don't know. I'm getting a degree in business, but I'm not sure how helpful that would be."
"You will probably have some use of it. If you run an organisation, you still need to understand how a business works. Perhaps you should think about what you enjoy and what you want to do with that."
The young doctor handed Kouta his notebook.
"Excuse me for asking, but how old are you?" Kouta asked. He sounded more mature than Nao, so it felt like Mikoto might be older than he looked.
"25?" the doctor answered with a confused look.
"Really? I thought you might be older."
"Do I look old?" Mikoto said with an amused chuckle and Kouta said he didn't. "I guess you're thinking of Shou-chan. He's just childish sometimes. Send him my regards and remind him I still haven't met his kids."
"I will."
"Very good. As I said, describe the pain in the future. We might see patterns in those. Keep up the mood log and write out a key so Satomi-sensei can understand it. And I'd like to run some tests and examinations done." Mikoto then explained what and why and Kouta felt just a little overwhelmed by how throughout this young doctor was compared to his more experienced mother.
***
"Ah, sorry," Kouta apologised as he bumped into someone. He looked down to see a familiar face. "The gay kid," he said without thinking.
There had been one openly gay student at Kouta's middle and high school. He had seen him, but not actually interacted with him.
"O High School alumnus?" the boy asked. "Otherwise I don't think you'd call me gay." The voice was hostile, and it was clear he was willing to protect himself if necessary. He reminded Kouta of a stray cat.
"Sorry if you aren't." Kouta saw fluttering and his eyes were drawn downward. He saw this person was wearing a skirt. "Oh, and sorry if I've been mistaking your gender," he quickly added.
He got a surprised look. "That's a first. I'm usually called a tranny."
"Those people are assholes," Kouta said, feeling annoyed. "People like what the like and are what they are."
A smile spread across the person's face. "You're cute. What's your name?"
"Fujita Kouta. But, eh... I'm not interested." No matter how he looked at it, it sounded like this person was coming onto him.
"Me neither, I'm Fujiki Arata. Male," Fujiki laughed. "I guess we both are Fujis, Fuji-chan."
Kouta was confused. Fujiki was male but dressed in a skirt? Though he had heard of crossdressers, he hadn't met one. And was he actually gay or not?
Fujiki grinned when he saw Kouta's confusion. "Gotta go now, Fuji-chan. I have a lecture soon. I'll see you around."
"Uh... right..."
Fujiki waved and hurried away. Kouta went to his lecture with brows knitted in confusion and curiosity. At the same time, he wished he'd never see Fujiki Arata again.
But when he went to the circle he was in the first person he saw was him.
"Hey, Fuji-chan! Are you in this circle? I'm considering joining. Now I definitely want to!"
"That's great."
"Fujita, do you know this tranny?" one of his senpai asked.
"Don't call someone a 'tranny'," he told the student off. "If I compare it, I suppose it's like someone saying you're an ass, senpai." Although, it was probably true to call him an ass. "And no, I have no clue who this is."
"You're so cold, Fuji-chan! What year are you in? I'm a first-year in accounting."
"No, seriously, I don't know you. But I'm in my third year studying business."
"Fujita, did you call me an ass?" his senpai asked, sounding a bit offended. He had needed to think to pick that up.
"No. But I guess you are one if you call people a 'tranny'." Kouta was not going to back down on this. Had he been in a club, he might not have said anything, but this circle wasn't so strict with senpai-kouhai relationships.
"I don't get you," the older student said. "You're always like this. I didn't mean anything bad with it."
"And I didn't mean anything bad when I said you're an ass."
"Fine, I get it. Stop with this already. You and your weird opinions are so annoying sometimes."
"I don't think human rights are weird, but each to their own I guess." Kouta was really annoyed.
Why were others always like this?
"Anyway, you're looking into circles? Any clubs you're interested in?"
Perhaps he could get this confusing being away from him, at least.
"I'm in the kyudo club, but I want to be in a fun circle too. I was in the kyudo club in middle and high school so I thought I'd keep that up, but only practising is boring."
Kouta was surprised. He didn't expect that. "I see. But I'm sure there are more fun circles than this one. This is a pretty boring one, to be honest."
"Hey!" the older student said. "Why are you talking down on the circle you're in, Fujita? Sell it and make the... person join! We need more members!"
The pause made Kouta more annoyed at his senpai. "You pitch for the circle then. But I'm not sure a person should join a circle where someone uses slurs to refer to them."
"It's fine," Fujiki said, but Kouta understood it clearly wasn't fine. "I am a man in a skirt after all."
Kouta sighed. He couldn't do anything about this right now. And he was just tired.
"Anyway, what are your interests, Fujiki-san?"
"Fuji-chan, you should call me Fuji, too! We're both Fuji!" Fujiki said in a slightly whiny tone. "Or maybe I need to call you Fuji-senpai?"
"You're worse than my brother. Fine."
"I like reading, I suppose," Fujiki added, but it sounded like he was purposely being vague.
"Then, this is the perfect circle!"
Kouta wanted to glare at his senpai.
"I guess I'll join then!"
Kouta sat down. He felt completely exhausted already. And now he would have to deal with this guy too. He got his phone out of his pocket and added a note with three pieces of cake and a balloon. Really tired and annoyed.
"What's wrong?"Fujiki asked.
"Leave him be, he's always kinda gloomy and grumpy."
"I'm right here you know. Where are the others?"
"Recruiting maybe? I don't think anyone has a class right now."
"Right." Kouta went back to looking at his phone and opened the reading app. Reading really could be done anywhere without bringing a book these days.
"Is it fine if I just stay here for a while?" Fujiki asked. "I'll head to the kyudo club later."
Kouta shrugged and the other student didn't seem to make an effort to kick him out, but instead must have given him the registration form.
After a while, Kouta noticed Fujiki sat down and take his phone and earphones out of a bag. He put the earphones in, turned his phone and open some app. Kouta glanced and saw he had opened a game. Soon he was playing a visual novel.
Well... It was somewhat a book, right?
After some time, probably around an hour, Kouta stood up. He felt he was getting hungry, which meant he'd need to get home.
"Gotta leave," he told his senpai.
"You're brother, right? Sure, go ahead. See you later, Fujita." As soon as it wasn't 'weird opinions' on how to treat people who were 'different', he seemed like he was a decent person. But it didn't change Kouta's opinion about him.
"Later, senpai."
Kouta left the room and sighed when the door was closed. He just wanted to sleep through the days right now.
"Fuji-chan!" he heard after a while.
"Are you stalking me?" Kouta grumbled when Fujiki reached him.
"Totally!" Fujiki said jokingly. "I just wanted to say thanks."
"For what?"
"For standing up for me. I'm used to things like that, and I don't really let it bother me too much, but it's nice to have someone who doesn't take it."
Kouta felt some of his annoyance and fatigue melt away. "Everyone should have the right to be themselves, right? It's not like I should have more right just because I'm straight."
"You're pretty different."
Kouta raised an eyebrow. "How?"
"You don't ask questions and you have a strong conviction that goes against what society thinks. Don't people say things about you because you say stuff like that?"
"I don't have enough people around me to hear any of those things and that's their problem, not mine."
"Do you have Horizon Social? Could we exchange information? I think we could be friends."
"I just have an email."
"That's fine as well."
Kouta gave Fujiki a half-smile as he got his phone to send his information to Fujiki's. "You pretty persistent, Fuji-chan."
"I try to think of it as being an optimist."
***
"Fujita-kun," Satomi-sensei said. "I think it's time for you to talk to someone. Your mood isn't good."
"I'm just tired, sensei. It's probably the stomach issue."
"I don't think so. Depression can take the form of feeling mentally and physically tired. I think it would be better if you talk with someone before it gets worse."
Kouta sighed. "Fine."
"Thank you," the doctor said.
"Has the testing given any new information?"
"There are some things that were a bit abnormal, but we're waiting for the result of some things you've yet to do before we'll look into it."
"I see." Kouta wondered if he should just stand up and leave now. It seemed they were done anyway. "Mikoto-sensei asked me during my last appointment what plans I had for the future and gave me advice for no reason. Why?" he asked instead.
"You'd have to ask him. He'll be going for lunch in a while, so if you stick around you can always ask him."
"I guess we're done for today then?"
"Let's see... I've got your weight, blood pressure, blood sample... and I checked your heart and lungs. Yes, we're done for today unless you have something you want to talk about or are concerned about."
"No, I'm fine."
The doctor nodded. "We'll see each other again in a few months."
Kouta left the examination room and went to the receptionist. "Excuse me. Would you mind letting Satomi Mikoto-sensei know I'd like to talk with him when he's free?"
She looked up. "Yes, that'll be fine. Fujita-san, was it?"
"Yes. Thank you."
Kouta sat down in the waiting room with his jacket on. He started his wait by sending Nao a mail letting him know what the doctor had said. Which really was absolutely nothing of worth. He then leisurely browsed the Horizon Social feed. Fujiki had somehow dragged him into creating a profile. He mainly followed accounts which posted food.
It seemed the longer he suffered from his inability to keep food down, the more interested he became in food. He was considering taking cooking classes, but he wouldn't be able to taste test or eat anything without being worried. He would like to give people things they liked though. And could eat.
"Good day, Kou-san. I don't think I've ever seen you smile before," he heard Mikoto and looked up. "What are you looking at?"
"Good day, sensei. I'm looking at food."
"That sounds like torture to me."
Kouta blinked. The words and the tone didn't match. After all, he had been told he was torturing himself by doing this before, but there was a playfulness in Mikoto's voice.
"I'm only torturing the people who make it by wanting more." He stood up. "I had a question for you."
"Should we go to my office?"
"You're going on lunch, right? It's quick so I can just follow you on the way. It's more personal anyway, I guess."
"Works for me." Mikoto reached out a hand and Kouta took it, despite being perfectly able to stand up by himself. After Mikoto had gotten his jacket they left the clinic and Kouta took a deep breath.
"Why did you ask if I had future plans?"
"I wanted to work with pastries. That was my plan in life. To be a pastry chef. But here I am, a doctor. My father is a doctor, my mother is a doctor. My grandfathers were doctors. You can guess, but it runs in the family. So naturally, I need to take over the family business because I'm the oldest."
Kouta wasn't sure what Mikoto's story had to do with his question, but he listened anyway.
"I have a younger brother who actually wants to be a doctor, and he's in medical school right now. But I'm still the oldest, so I should take over. It's pretty stupid, isn't it?" Kouta could only agree. "So I had to give up what I wanted to do, and that was really depressing. I didn't want to do anything. But my father's pretty strict, so I had to push forward."
"I can relate to that. My father's the same way. We haven't even told him I'm sick because he'd just put more pressure on me. I think I only started to figure out my interest at the end of high school because I had to be a certain way And I needed to prove myself all the time."
"Exactly like that. Or well, I think my father would take sickness pretty seriously, considering he's a doctor, but he was definitely against something that could ruin people's health. But in moderation it gives happiness, right?"
"But what does this have with my question?"
"Having a goal and plan makes it easier to get through tough times. I wanted to be certain you had something to hold onto. And clearly you have something. Have you gotten any further with your idea?"
Kouta thought for a while.
Had he come any further? He didn't know what he was going to do yet. But he could think of one thing.
"It would be nice if it was related to food," he said. "I guess it's because of my condition, but I want others to enjoy what they can eat. I guess there would be allergy-friendly food."
"So a restaurant?"
"Probably not. I want it to be a place where people can come and feel at home and free. Where they can be themselves without feeling they have to be what others expect them to be. They could sit down and talk about things which trouble them or make their lives difficult, or just have relief from it by talking about other things. If they were lonely they'd know there would be someone there to listen and talk to them. Or they wouldn't have to talk at all if they preferred that."
"That sounds like a pretty big commitment."
"You need to commit if you'll change how society sees people and what will create peach and harmony around us and between us. It bothers me that just because a man dresses in women's clothing, or a person has a different gender, or their sexuality isn't what is 'normal', they have to be treated like they're worthless. Or hide behind a facade of being like everyone else. I don't want a society like that. I want to see a place where these people are considered part of the 'normal' community. Isn't it better for everyone if they can be honest and be included than people having to hide because they are different? Won't we be able to better be considerate of each other if we understand each other?" Kouta stopped himself. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that."
Mikoto looked surprised. "No, not at all. I know a lot of people who wish something could change, but you seem to have thought a lot about it."
"I've seen enough unfair treatment," Kouta said. "Some of it too close to just sit and do nothing."
"Are you talking about Shou-chan?"
Kouta didn't feel surprised. Maybe he should have been. But maybe it was something Nao had said or done or some way Mikoto and Nao had interacted, that made Kouta think Mikoto knew.
"Are you like him, Mikoto-sensei?" Kouta simply asked.
"Perhaps. What about Kou-san?"
"Not at all." He smiled politely. "I got my answer, so I'll go home now."
"I'd offer you something to eat, but..."
Kouta laughed. "That would be torture."
He bowed before he went in a different direction and thought about what he had said.
He hadn't said all that out loud before, but he had been thinking about it. And perhaps Mikoto was right. Having a goal and a plan was probably good. If nothing else it would take his mind off of his health, which occupied his mind most of the time. Either because he just felt tired, or because he felt sick. It was one or the other. Or both.
He hadn't been thinking too much about the how though. Mikoto's idea of a restaurant had been good, but it didn't seem like it would be something he could apply to his concept. He had a vague memory of Nao saying something about a ryokan. The idea wasn't horrible, but it felt too big and not quite right.
There should be something smaller, that he could oversee, but also be able to talk with those who came in. Spread awareness. Find friends. Give relief to those who needed it.
Whether it was because he felt in a good mood, or because he just didn't realise it, he walked home instead of taking the train two stations.
***
Kouta was sitting at a table with some books and notes. He heard some clattering and looked up to see Fujiki. He was dressed in a shirt and trousers, following the trends in men's fashion. He seemed to switch freely between wearing men's and women's clothing, and sometimes he wore makeup and wigs. He was short but not necessarily feminine, especially since he had muscles from his club activities, but he knew how to dress and wear makeup to look like a woman. But he had made clear that he was a man. He just liked wearing clothes he liked.
But Fujiki also shared images on Horizon where he was dressed as characters from games, comics and novels. The image Kouta had gotten of the person in a skirt practising kyudo was completely ruined. Fujiki was really just a nerd. Which Kouta didn't have a problem with at all. It made Fujiki easier to talk to.
"What are you doing?" Kouta asked.
"It's lunchtime, what do you think I'm doing?"
Kouta studied Fujiki while he sat down by the same table as he was sitting at. "Is someone bothering you, Fuji-chan?"
"I wouldn't call it bothering, but some guys have been annoying me lately. They went to the same middle and high school as we did, so after they realised I studied here too, it seems they keep searching for me and catch me while I'm alone."
"That's outright harassment. Do they do anything to you?"
"Not really. They just stop me and say things. But as long as I avoid them, it's fine."
Kouta held back the irritation he felt building up. He hated the mindset of 'as long as we avoid all unnecessary conflict, it'll be fine' and 'don't cause problems for the group'. While he knew he did the same thing at times, it made him angry when thinking about people getting hurt because of it. Society needed to change. Harmony in society needed to be obtained in a different way.
"So what are you doing, Fuji-chan?"
Kouta looked at the things on the table. "Brainstorming."
"I see it's all business-related, so you'll open your own business? When you've graduated?"
"I'm considering it. But I have a hard time putting together concept and functionality." Fujiki looked curious. "I'm not telling," he added.
He watched Fujiki look disappointed and then start eating. Lucky guy. Somehow he didn't get over the jealousy of other people eating. It was probably because he'd still be able to eat some foods and some tasted great.
But it had gotten better in general. Mikoto had taken over Kouta's treatment and changed it up. And they were hitting it off as friends too, which was not something Kouta ever expected would come from his crappy health. However, being treated by a friend was somewhat awkward, so he was considering getting a new one. Especially since Mikoto was taking care of him outside of his working hours as well.
"So you're here, Arata."
Kouta looked up to see a group of four guys almost at their table.
"Are you hanging out with your boyfriend?"
"So what if he is?" Kouta replied before Fujiki had time. "But if he is, I guess you are hanging out with yours."
The attention was immediately directed to him. "We're not talking to you."
"That was rude of me. I meant 'nice to meet you. I'm all of yours senpai. Stop harassing my kouhai. A pleasure meeting you'." Kouta smiled. "I'm working on something and he's eating, so would you mind leaving?"
The guys didn't seem to plan on doing so, but luckily Kouta noticed something.
"Shou!" he called out and Nao turned surprised. The guys looked in the direction Kouta was looking and saw the tall man come up to them.
"Hey, Hikata. What's up?"
"I'm just working on something. That's Fujiki Arata over there."
Nao looked over to the group when Kouta didn't say more. "Are they bothering you?"
"A bit."
Nao got an evil grin on his face. "Reminds me of my school days. Too bad I don't carry a bat while working."
The group looked a little frightened. It didn't help that Nao was a head taller and all of them. Not that Nao ever had carried a bat. He had been too busy revolting against his grandfather in middle and high school to pick a fight with anyone else. But that had gotten ugly at times. Nao had actually fought if he had needed to.
"Let's go," their leader said after Nao glared down on them.
Kouta watched them leave. Fujiki looked a bit like he wasn't sure what to do.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Momoi Naomichi." Nao sat down on a chair as he introduced himself.
"Nice to meet you too. I'm Fujiki Arata and I'm in the same circle as Fujita-senpai."
Nao was satisfied with that introduction. "Hikata, what are you doing?"
"An impossible task."
"Have you still not given up on it?"
"Nope."
"You don't have any lectures today. I thought you were going to see Satomi-chan."
"I am."
"So why are you here?"
"Because I'll see Mikoto-sensei after this. Why are you here? You'd tell me if you went into university, Shouji."
Kouta called Mikoto 'sensei' when he talked about him as his doctor. Otherwise, it was just Mikoto.
Nao shrugged. "Work. I'm here to negotiate a bit for my grandfather."
"What's the catch if you don't?"
"He'll do everything he can to force a divorce so I can have a proper wife of his choosing."
"Then you better go. Do you best, Shouji. If you don't I'll stop with my medication." Kouta grinned.
Nao gasped dramatically. "Don't die on me, Hikata!" He then laughed. "I'll do my best. It would suck if I can't see you more. Tell me when you'll stop by next time."
"Sure. If you're in town this weekend, I'll go over."
"I should still be here. I'll bring the kids."
Kouta nodded. "Leave Sawa at home."
Nao sighed. "I'm the most worried about her."
They soundlessly said their farewell and Nao left while Kouta turned back to Fujiki to see the confusion on his face.
"What is it?"
"I'm not sure what just happened. What is your relation to him and what was that about medication?"
Kouta thought. "He's my big brother, I guess. And I need medication. Nothing more to say about that."
Fujiki still looked confused and Kouta studied him.
He thought it would be good if the people who worked or volunteered for his safe space could wear whatever they wanted.
"Would you work at a place that let you crossdress?" Kouta asked.
"Depends on the job."
Kouta wrote in his notes.
"Thanks."
He would talk to Mikoto about this. For some reason, they always talked about Kouta's project. And perhaps it was because of that the therapy Satomi-sensei had recommended, had ended. He didn't need it. And he honestly had more energy now. The plan helped. Or creating the plan helped, at least.
"Could you eat up?" Kouta asked. "I need to see my doctor."
***
"Mikoto! I got it!" Kouta opened the door to Mikoto's bedroom.
"I'm still sleeping, Kou."
"I'll have a cafe! The staff can wear any uniform they like and they can sit down and talk with the customers and—"
"Kou, it's two in the morning. Go to bed! Doctor's orders."
"You're not my doctor anymore."
"I'll always be your doctor."
"No. Listen, I can have pastries and desserts and maybe some simple food for lunch and dinner, and there would be allergy-friendly options—"
"I sure hope there are things you can eat. You've been to the hospital twice this year. Do you want to keep going there?"
"Can't you be a little more enthusiastic about this? I finally figure it all out."
"I'll be enthusiastic in another four hours of sleep and two cups of coffee."
"That doesn't sound very healthy. Aren't you a doctor?"
Mikoto sat up in his bed. "I am. So let me sleep. I have appointments with patients tomorrow. If I had known you'd come running into my room in the middle of the night I would never have become your roommate."
"You were the one who practically forced me to move in with you."
"Because I'm worried about you. And it was your choice. Now go to bed, so I don't have to worry as much."
"Fine. But we'll talk about it first thing in the morning."
"Yeah, yeah. Let me sleep already."
"And no coffee in the morning!"
"For fuck's sake, Kou! I can drink as much coffee I want."
Kouta saw Mikoto lay down and pull the blanket over his head with messy hair, determined to go back to sleep. Kouta walked out of the doctor's room and closed the door. He was too excited to sleep. But Mikoto was right. He needed it.
He put away his notepad on the kitchen table and drank some water before he started getting ready to go to bed.
Surprisingly he fell asleep right away and woke up suddenly, remembering his plans. He got up and looked at the clock. 7:30.
He hurried to the kitchen and saw Mikoto calmly drinking tea while reading Kouta's notes.
Mikoto looked up. "Morning, Kou."
"Morning, Mikoto." Kouta sat down at the kitchen table and Mikoto stood up, making Kouta a cup of tea as well.
"I needed four cups of tea to wake up, you know."
"Maybe you should lay off with the caffeine?" Kouta suggested.
"You're right. I probably should. And not be disturbed at two while I'm sleeping."
Kouta laughed. "Sorry. I was excited."
"I know. It's actually not a bad idea. You've thought it out really well. But if you want it to be allergy-friendly, maybe add nuts to the list of allergens to not use? They might be hard to eliminate completely, but you can minimise it, at least."
"You're right. I should have thought of that."
"I doubt you could in the middle of the night." Mikoto placed Kouta's cup on the table. "Remember your medication. I've made breakfast already."
"Have you eaten?"
"Not yet."
Kouta groaned and Mikoto gave him a surprised look.
"I realised we sound like a couple again."
"It can't be helped. We live together, we're friends and I've been your doctor. It's good for you that you never were my type."
Kouta huffed. "If you tried coming on to me I'd hit you."
"I know," Mikoto laughed. "I really like the idea of not dividing the changing rooms based on sex, but depending on gender identity. But won't we need a third one?"
"We?"
"Oh, sorry. I guess I've talked with you so much about this that it feels like my project too."
"If you get me money, I'm up for co-ownership."
"I'll think about it. But I'm not sure I can bring any money into it."
Kouta looked at his notes. "This will take a while to do."
"It will. Maybe shoot for opening next year. You have a date in mind don't you?"
Kouta laughed. "Indeed I do. April 16."
"That's a very good date." Mikoto smiled, understanding the meaning behind it. "By the way, you will get your diploma, right?"
"Yes. Thanks to you, Mikoto. Continue to take care of me." Kouta bowed respectfully where he was seated.
"Yeah, yeah. Let's eat breakfast."
Kouta stood up and looked at what the food was.
In the past, he would have hated it. Nowadays he could eat, as long as he avoided very specific things that no one but Mikoto had thought of. He still needed regular checkups, but eventually, it looked like it'd be something he could manage at home. With Mikoto's help.
"It needs a name," Mikoto said.
He was right. He wanted something that suited the concept. Connecting to people, having friendly relations, opening up...
He put the food on the table and sat down.
"Well, if you join me... Kouta... Mikoto... Hmm... Koumi... Yoshimi, perhaps? Written in kana so the meaning is ambiguous."
Mikoto laughed. "I guess I'll be the co-owner on paper then."
"You've helped me a lot anyway. And," Kouta grinned. "If you manage to squeeze in time to work for me, you can be a pastry chef."
Mikoto laughed in a way that told Kouta Mikoto thought he was hopeless. "I'll see if I can lessen my hours, then."