I KNOW I KNOW, I'M SUPER LATE.
However, as I have said, this book is going to have very slow updates, because between 3 jobs, pre-med, volunteering and teaching, I'm having a very difficult time finding time to do anything I want to do!
Thank you all so much for being patient with me, and without further ado, here's the chapter!
Leave me lots of in-line comments!
I think y'all will love this one ;)
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Rukhsaar's POV
I woke up to a strong arm wrapped around my waist. Ayaan was snoring away in my ear. Peeking at the clock, I saw that it was time for Fajr.
I smiled, feeling the bliss seep into my bones. I carefully removed his arm from me before getting up, clad in a plain white salwar kameez.
The cold morning air hit me as soon as I swung my feet off the bed. I tried to get up as swiftly as I could to avoid waking Ayaan up. He stirred, before turning on his side with a groan. I walked out, stumbling around in the dark to find the bathroom.
Making wu'du, I wrapped my dupatta around my head as I walked out, running into Aapi who had just gotten up, presumably for the same reason.
"Assalamualaykum." She greeted in a hushed voice, hugging me tightly. I greeted her back before going back to our room.
Ayaan was asleep on his stomach, his mouth open and hair rustled wildly. I stifled a laugh before going over to him and shaking his shoulder gently.
"Ayaan, Fajr ka waqt ho gaya hai. Uth jao." I shook him once before turning to leave.
A hard pull on my wrist pulled me back to him immediately. I landed on top of him, the dupatta slipping off my head. He locked his arms behind my back with a satisfied grin.
"Ayaan." I scolded, struggling to remove myself from his grip.
"Good morning, Mrs. Rukhsaar Ayaan Khan." He said in a sleepy voice, still groggy and hoarse. I wrinkled my nose at the morning breath.
Apna naam kabhi itna khubsoorat nahi laga.
I grinned, poking him on the nose. "Good morning Mr. Ayaan Khan. Jaane dein mujhe, aur aap bhi uthein. Fajr ka waqt ho gaya hai."
"Tumhein hamari shaadi ki pehli subah bohot bohot mubarak ho."
"Aapko bhi." I smiled at him, tracing my gaze over his features.
"Tumhaara shohar hone ke baad mujhe yeh aap-janaab naseeb hua hai." He laughed. I smiled, shaking my head.
"Aapko accha nahi laga?"
"Bohot formal sa lagta hai. Tum meri barabar ki ho, yeh aap-janaab zaroori nahi hai."
Warmth filled my chest. In less than 24 hours of our marriage, I'd seen everything that had been lacking in my parents' marriage. Things I wasn't privy to as a child because they didn't have them between themselves: love, respect, mutual understanding.
He snuck a glance at the clock before planting a swift kiss on my forehead and loosening his grip. I got up, re-tying the dupatta tighter on my head.
"Fajr ke baad tum seedha idhar aa rahi ho." He pointed at the bed, getting up and stretching.
"No chance, aaj meri kheer pakayi hai, maine aaj naashta banana hai." I shook my head.
"Aapi ne toh aisa kuch bhi nahi kaha." Ayaan pouted. I resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks.
"Woh kahe na kahe, yeh rasm hai aur main yeh karna chahti hoon." I smiled. Ayaan observed me for a quick moment before smiling and walking out to make wu'du.
I prayed my Fajr. Raising my hands in dua, I let out everything in front of my Lord.
Ya Allah. Tera laakh laakh shukar hai meri iss nayi family ke liye. Aapi mujhe maa aur behen se zyaada pyaar karti hai. Sabrina aur Rizwan bhi mujhse utna hi pyaar karte hai. Lagta hai Rizwan aur mera woh devar-bhabhi wala rishta hoga; hansi, mazaaq, masti wala.
Mere Rabb, tumne meri har khushi mere Ayaan ke roop mein di hai mujhe, aur uska main jitna shukriya ada karoon, utna kam hai. Maine zindagi mein itni mohabbat dekhi hi nahi hai. Hamesha hum paancho ki mohabbat aise hi barqaraar rakhna mere Rabb.
Main Ayaan ko yeh batati nahi hoon, par mere maa-baap ne chahe jo kiya mere saath, aaj unka mere saath na hone ka ehsaas mujhe chubta hai. Main jaanti hoon ke unn donon ne mujhse pyaar nahi kiya, mujhe bojh samjha, lekin phir bhi na-jaane kyun, mera mann darrta hai ke kahin unki koi bad'dua hamari khushiyon pe nazar na laga dein.
Kabhi kabhi yeh sochti hoon, ke shayad mujhe woh invitation card pohcha dena chahiye tha. Unhone jo kuch bhi kiya, par unhone meri parvarish toh ki.
I hadn't realized that tears were dripping down my face until I felt the rasp of Ayaan's fingertips against my skin. I opened my eyes to meet his worried ones.
"Kya hua?"
I took a deep breath and smiled. "Kuch nahi, bas aise hi dil bhar aaya tha."
Ayaan lowered himself down onto my lap, the white topi falling off his head. "Madam, main tumhaara shohar hoon. Jab bhi dil bhar aaye, toh mujhe bhi batana tumhaara farz banta hai."
I laughed. "Arre kuch nahi baba, bas Amma Abba ki yaad aa gayi thi."
The laugh lines and playful look instantly disappeared. I placed my fingers under his lips, curving them back up. "Iss liye nahi bata rahi thi."
"Tum waapis jaana chahti ho?" Ayaan avoided my gaze, holding his breath. It was the same question he'd asked me when he'd freed me from there. I observed him for a quick moment before tipping his chin up. Fear hid behind his expression.
"Main tumhaara haath pakad kar iss ghar mein aayi thi. Agar main kahin bhi jaana chaahoon, toh tumhaare saath jaana chahti hoon, tumse alheda nahi. Lekin yeh bhi sach hai ke main ab uss makaan mein waapis jaana nahi chahti, kyunki woh makaan sirf dukh ka muzaahira ban kar reh gaya hai meri nazron mein. Woh kabhi ghar tha hi nahi." I ran my fingers along his jaw line absently, deep in thought.
"Hum tumhaare Amma Abba se mil hi aate hai Rukhsaar." Ayaan's gaze was fixated on my cheek, where Amma had slapped me.
"Ab dard nahi hota." I reassured him. "Par tumhein toh unse milna accha nahi lagta na."
"Mere acche lagne ya na lagne se kya hota hai? Main unn mardon mein se nahi hoon jo auraton ke haq ke faisle bhi sunaayein. Main vaise shohar bhi nahi hoon. Tumhaara jo bhi faisla hoga, main tumhaare saath hoon. Aaj aur hamesha."
Something weird happened in my chest, something that made me feel like I was still dreaming.
"You're going to make me cry again." That's all I managed to choke out of my tight throat. Ayaan got off my lap and sat properly, pulling me into him. I clenched his shirt, trying to control how overwhelmed I felt.
"Shaadi ka poora ek din bhi nahi hua aur tum abhi se dus dafa ro chuki ho." I shoved at his chest as he laughed.
"Abhi kahan ro rahi hoon?" He said nothing in response to that, just pulling me tighter against him. "Main kya karoon? Khushi hi itni hai ke aansoo khud ba-khud nikal aate hai."
I pulled away from him and picked the jaa-namaz up, passing his topi to him. "Main phir bhi jaan'na chahti hoon ke tumhein kya lagta hai?"
"Mujhe iss liye accha nahi lagta ke tum unse milo, kyunki unhone jo bhi tumhaare saath kiya hai, woh qaabil-e-maafi nahi hai. Kisi ke paas itna haq nahi hai ke kisi aur ke saath iss tarah se pesh aaye, apne bacche toh bohot door ki baat hai. Unhone tumhein bohot dukh pohchaya hai Rukhsaar, main woh dard tumhaari aankhon mein dobara nahi dekhna chahta."
"Magar kuch din pehle, jab main Aapi pe ghussa kar gaya tha, usne mujhe yehi sikhaya ke hum har haal mein Nadeem Khan se oonche hai, aur jab hum hamare unke taraf faraiz poore nahi karte, toh unn mein aur hum mein koi farq nahi rehta."
Ayaan's words put me out of my crisis.
"Hum unse zaroor milenge, lekin jab unka gussa thanda padh jaaye, tab." I decided. "I just want to spend more time getting to know you all and adjusting to the family. Mujhe bohot si cheezon ki aadat daalni hai. Tabhi main unn dono ka saamna kar paaongi, nahi toh bohot kamzor padh jaaongi unke aage."
With a gentle grip on my arms, Ayaan turned me to face him. "Tum na tab kamzor thi, na ab kamzor ho. Jitna waqt chahiye, le lo." Planting a soft kiss on my forehead, he pulled back, mischief back in his eyes.
"Tumne mujhe intehai pheeki mubarakbaadi di thi subah mein." Ayaan leaned forward.
"Accha ji?" He nodded, his eyes flashing to my lips. I instantly understood what he was getting at.
"Sharam karo kuch." I laughed and turned to leave.
"Sharam kya, apni hi biwi se maang rahi hoon." He said smugly, pulling me back into him.
"Ayaan, mujhe neeche jaana hai."
"Pehle..." he trailed off, smirking down at me. I rolled my eyes.
"Accha tum aankhein band karo."
"Itni khubsoorat biwi hai meri, main kyun aankhein band karoon?" He said indignantly. I glared at him. "Okay okay, kar raha hoon."
I placed my hands over his eyes, and ghosted my lips over his, before planting a quick kiss on his cheek.
"Le di mubarakbaadi." I whispered before quickly hightailing it out of there, ignoring his hushed protests. Stopping in the bathroom, I made sure I looked okay before going down. There was a high flush on my cheeks.
"Arre Rukhsaar, itni subah subah?" Aapi was already downstairs when I stepped down. She was sitting with a notepad, furiously jotting something down.
"Haan woh aaj..." I paused. "Aaj kheer pakayi hai na."
She smiled at me. "Haan, shukar hai ke tumne yaad kiya, kyunki mujhe inn rasmon ka idea nahi hai. Shayad Khala ne bataya tha mujhe. Chalo, main tumhein sab dikha deti hoon."
Aapi pointed out where everything was in the kitchen. "Main madad karoon?"
"Nahi, aaj toh mujhe khud hi banana hai." I grinned shyly. Aapi shrugged, chuckling at my antics.
"Main baahir hi bethi hoon agar kisi cheez ki zaroorat ho."
"Aapi." I spoke quickly, stopping her from walking out. "Kya banaon?"
"Kheer pakayi mein kheer hi pakate hai na." Aapi joked. I laughed, all my nerves eased.
"Nahi, main naashta banana chahti hoon."
"Jo tumhein banana chaho, no one's picky about anything here." She smiled and left. I mulled over this for a second before taking down ingredients I need. Aapi's voice came from behind me. "Vaise...tumhaare miyan ko aloo parathe bohot acche lagte hai." There was a cheeky tone to her voice that brought a blush on my face.
"Tumhaare haath ke pasand honge aloo parathe." I laughed, twisting my hair up. Aapi giggled.
"Kisi ke haath se khila do, usse bohot pasand hai."
"Poori, kheer, halwa, aloo bhajji aur paneer bhurji theek rahenge?" I peered into the fridge.
"Yeah, that's fine, make whatever you're comfortable with. I have to finish my lesson plans up because the summer session starts next week, so I'll be in the living room. Yell if you need me." I knew that the main motivation for Aapi to take up the summer session was because they needed the money. Guilt pinched at my chest again, but there was also pride that I'd be able to monetarily contribute to the household too.
"Bas ek cheez, kitne log aa rahe hai?"
"Chacha, Khala, Khalu, Madiha, Fauzia aur hum paanch." Aapi looked slightly concerned now that she'd counted it all out. "Itne logon ke liye khaana tum akeli banaogi?"
"Haan koi baat nahi." I paused before asking her, not recognizing a name in her list. "Madiha kon hai?"
"Khala and Khalu ki beti. Abhi abhi transfer kiya hai usne, Chicago se Houston. Woh tumhaari university mein apna graduate school complete karegi."
"Kal shaadi mein nahi aayi woh?"
"Aaj subah ki flight se aayi hai waapis, toh valime mein shirkat karegi."
"Oh I see. Theek hai, main kaam par lag jaati hoon, valime ke kaam bhi padhe hai."
Aapi shook her head. "Uski fikar tum mat karo, main baaki sab ko kaam pe laga doongi."
I nodded at her and turned back to the kitchen counter, pulling out potatoes, spices, vegetables, paneer and other ingredients from the fridge. Quickly, I got to work.
Not even 30 minutes into my cooking, I felt someone wrap their arms around my waist. I rolled my eyes and set the knife I was using down. "Ayaan, hato yahaan se, mujhe mera kaam karne do. Koi aa jaayega."
"Mujhe bohot zaroori kaam se sona hai, tum bhi aa jao. Tumhaare baghair neend nahi aa rahi." His voice was muffled in my neck, sending vibrations down my spine. I pulled out of his embrane and stared at him, flabbergasted.
"Ayaan itne saalon se tum mere baghair so rahe ho." He pouted.
"Haan toh itne saalon se tum thodi thi. Ab aa hi gayi ho toh phir chalein."
"Main naashta bana rahi hoon, tum bhi uth jao, vaise aanth baj gaye hai." I stole a glance at the clock and turned towards the stove, checking on my potatoes. "Aur doosri baat yeh ke hum akele nahi hai. Yaad hai na?" I sent a meaningful look his way. He playfully scowled at me.
"Okay okay madam, biwi wale kaam shuru kar diye." I laughed at his mock-sullen face, turning back to the cutting board.
"Ayaan!" Aapi called him from the living room. I cocked an eyebrow at him and smirked. He narrowed his eyes at me and turned to leave.
I shook my head and giggled. Suddenly, Ayaan came up behind me and planted a kiss on my cheek.
"Ayaan!" I gasped, as my face turned red. He winked at me and hightailed it out of the kitchen before I could throw my wooden spatula at him.
Within the next 30 minutes, everything was served, plated and ready. Everyone except Fauzia had arrived, and the twins were awake and bustling too. Everyone had changed into nicer clothes.
I had donned a maroon salwar kameez with white pearl beads on the edges of the dupatta and full-length sleeves. The salwar had white embroidery along the edges of the pant sleeves.
I placed the last dish of pooris at the table and stepped back. Surveying my work, I silently prayed that everyone would like it.
"Aa jao sab, khaana taiyaar hai!" I called out, covering my head with my dupatta. The twins were the first to skid into the room.
"Thank God Bhabhi, badi zor ki bhook lagi thi aur badi zor ki khushboo aa rahi thi." Rizwan rubbed his hands together, taking a seat. Sabrina sent a thumbs-up. Ayaan winked at me, trying to reassure me.
"Wow Rukhsaar, this looks great!" Madiha Aapi complimented. I smiled and thanked her.
"Shukar hai main sahi time pe aa gayi." Fauzia had just arrived and she looked quite frazzled, probably having rushed over here. She gave me a hug and looked appreciatively at the table, easing my nerves a little.
"Jeeti raho, beti." Chacha placed his hand on my head. Khala and Khalu replicated his actions as they sat down.
"Don't worry, it'll be all good." Aapi whispered in my ear as she passed me.
My hands felt cold as I slipped into the seat next to Ayaan.
"Bismillah karein?" Khala said, gesturing me to serve. I stood up and picked up the container with kheer and walked around the table to start serving. The container shook slightly with my nervousness.
I served Chacha, Khala and Khalu first before serving everyone else. I held my breath as they all tasted it.
"Rukhsaar, yahaan aao." Khalu said kindly. I obliged. He pressed money in my head and read a few duas for me. "Bohot acchi bani hai, Maa Shaa Allah. Allah tum dono ki jodi hamesha yoon salamat rakhe, aur tumhaare chehre ki yeh khushi banaye rakhe."
"Ameen, Shukriya, Khalu." I smiled back at him and took a relieved breath.
"Jao, Ayaan ke paas beth jao. Naashta khatam kar ke valima ki taiyaariyan bhi karni hai." He gestured for me to sit down. I looked at my husband who was smiling encouragingly at me.
I returned his smile as I slipped back into my seat.
Everyone began passing plates around the table. A chorus of satisfied hums rose from the table.
"Everything is so good Bhabhi!" Sabrina said, reaching for another poori.
"Thank you!" I felt a million times lighter now that the food had turned out good. I looked over to Ayaan, who looked like he was enjoying the food. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze under the table.
"Sakinah, is the Valima at seven?" Madiha Aapi asked.
"Nope, seven-thirty." She answered. Madiha Aapi looked like she was calculating something. Aapi added onto her words. "I called the hall before breakfast, they're preparing for our event right now. Tables and chairs have been set up and covered. They're working on getting the stage and all set up by the afternoon. We'll take all our stuff there with us around 1. There are changing rooms for us to get ready but do whatever you can here because I'm not sure how much room they have for us. Rukhsaar and Ayaan won't enter until maybe seven-fifty?" She looked at Khala for confirmation, who nodded.
Looking over at me, Aapi continued. "When we get there, I want you and Ayaan to practice your entry. Sabrina, you'll be with them doing that because you'll need to know where to set up your cameras."
"Aur hum?" Fauzia inquired, popping a piece of fruit in her mouth.
"You, the twins and Madiha can overlook the stage decorations and music. I'll check the table arrangements and lighting. Chacha, Khala aur Khalu, you three can check the catering." She counted off on her fingers. "Did I miss anything?"
"Shehry, Hussain, Waqas and Atif had said they were going to come help out with the music." Ayaan supplied, a slight tone of reluctance in his voice. To her credit, Aapi's expression didn't change.
"Oh right, I'd forgotten. Okay, that's fine, then they can look over that." She shrugged. "Are we all clear?" Everyone replied in the affirmative. "Good, then let's get ready." In a flutter of activity, everyone picked up the dirty dishes and carried them into the kitchen.
Not a morsel of food was left.
"Kam padha kya?" I muttered to myself.
"Nahi, bilkul barabar tha. Bohot accha khaana banaya tha tumne." Aapi said kindly. We were the only ones left in the kitchen.
"Thank you Aapi." I paused before sharing a memory with her. "Tum jaanti ho, jab Abba ki badi badi parties hoti thi, tab main hi so logon ka khaana akeli banati thi. Mujhe toh aadat hai inn cheezon ki." Something familiar shifted in Aapi's expression, but she stole her gaze from me. "Ussi mein mujhe sukoon milta tha. Mujhe accha lagta hai, khaana banana aur khilana."
"Tumhein restaurant kholna chahiye tha, bohot accha khaane banati ho tum. Main toh roz aaya karoon."
"Wohi toh plan tha, iss liye yeh business degree shuru ki thi. Par pata nahi, ab sab badal gaya hai." I said absentmindedly, rinsing off plates and placing them in the dishwasher. Aapi straightened her back before facing me.
"Kuch nahi badla. Tumhein apne sapnon ke peeche daudna chahiye. Zindagi ne tumhein ab jaa kar mauqa diya hai, toh isse waste kyun karein?"
"Tum bhi bohot accha khaana bana leti ho, have you ever thought of opening a restaurant?"
Aapi chuckled. "Woh mera sapna nahi tha. Yeh toh bas, inn teenon ke liye khaana banate banate mere haathon mein bhi thodi bohot jaadu aa gayi hai. Ammi aur main saath mein cooking karte the, yehi toh meri yaadein hai unki." I smiled at her.
"Shayad main unse mil paati. Kamaal ki khaatoon lagti hai."
"Haan, woh toh hai. Main jaanti hoon ke tumhaari aur Ayaan ki jodi dekh kar woh bohot khush hoti."
"Rukhsaar." Chacha came into the kitchen, an unsettled expression on his face.
"Ji Chacha?"
"Zara tum mere saath do minute ke liye aaogi, mujhe tumse kuch zaroori baat karni hai." I looked at Aapi.
"Meri taraf kya dekh rahi ho, yeh tumhaara ghar hai Rukhsaar, tum jo karna chaho, karo." The kind expression didn't leave her face. I hugged her quickly before following Chacha out.
"Beta, Atif ke baar baar phone aa rahe hai mujh par." He dropped the bomb on me almost immediately. I froze in my spot, slowly feeling my happy vibe diminishing.
"Abba ke?" I whispered, my throat filling with fear. I looked up at Chacha in a panic.
"Maine uska phone nahi uthaya par phir bhi main tumhein itna kehne aaya tha ke agar woh mujh se tumhaare baare mein kuch bhi pooche, toh main kehne wala hoon ke maine tumhein nahi dekha. Main jaanta hoon ke tum aaj bohot khush ho, aur shayad iss mauqe pe mujhe yeh sab kehna nahi chahiye tha, par mujhe laga ke tumhein at least warn kar dena chahiye."
"Nahi Chacha, aapne bilkul theek kiya, iss se at least humein pata hai ke woh mujhe ek hafte baad sahi, dhoondh toh rahe hai."
"Agar tum usse mil gayi, toh main darrta hoon ke tumhaara kya hoga." Chacha voiced his fear. I grabbed his arms.
"Kuch nahi hoga. Mere paas aap ho, Ayaan hai, yeh sab mere saath hai. Mujhe kuch nahi hoga." I reassured him, even though the fear had set off a stampede in my chest. "Main unhein meri khushiyon pe nazar nahi lagane doongi. Yeh jannat mujhe bohot der baad mili hai, isse itni asaani se chodne wali nahi hoon main."
Chacha's phone rang again, displaying Abba's name. I made a split-second decision.
"Utha lein. Main sun'na chahti hoon ke woh kya kehna chah rahe hai."
Chacha looked reluctant but he picked up the phone. I pressed the record button.
"Rukhsaar kahan hai, Waqar?" Abba's voice boomed over the speaker phone. I felt chills go down my spine and instantly felt disgusted that his abuse still affected me, despite being so far away.
"Tumhaari beti hai, tumhaare paas hogi."
"Bakwaas na karo Waqar, woh kahin bhaag gayi hai, kisi ladke ke saath. Aur main jaanta hoon ke woh dono tere paas hi aaye honge, uske favourite Chacha jo thehre. Woh aur kahaan jaayegi?"
"Atif, maine Rukhsaar ko nahi dekha, lekin bajaaye iske ke main tum par tumhaari laaparwaahi ke wajah se tumse behes karoon, mujhe Rukhsaar ki fikr ho rahi hai. Na jaane kis haal mein hogi woh."
"Woh jaise bhi haal mein ho, jis din mil gayi, main uska gala ghont doonga. Kisi do gaz zameen mein zinda dafan kar doonga usse, jahaan koi uski laash tak nahi dhoondh paayega." I covered my mouth with my dupatta to prevent any sound from slipping out. Tears instantly filled my eyes. Chacha looked at me worriedly, disgust clear on his face.
"Laanat bhejta hoon main tum par, Atif. Tumhaari baatein sun kar mujhe aisa lagta hai ke Rukhsaar ne theek kiya bhaag ke. Koi baap apni beti ke liye aisa kehta hai?"
"Woh beti kis kaam ki jo apne baap ke kaam naa aaye?" Abba cut the call immediately.
"Mujhe samajh mein nahi aa raha ke main kya kahoon tumse, beta." Chacha looked ashamed. I was still frozen in place, still hearing Abba's hateful words echo in my ears.
I shook myself of it, reminding myself of today's valima. Today was not a day to worry about this.
"Chacha, yeh aapki ghalti thodi hai. Maine yeh conversation record ki hai. Shayad zaroorat padhe iss recording ki. Filhaal, aaj ki function pe tawajjo dete hai, aur dua karte hai ke Abba mujhe wahaan na dhoondh lein."
"Inn Shaa Allah." Chacha prayed under his breath. "Accha beta, main chalta hoon, mujhe kuch kaam hai. Main do baje hall pohanch jaonga, aur agar kisi cheez ki zaroorat ho, toh mujhe bata dena."
"Ji Chacha." I hugged him tightly.
"Aur Atif ki baat ko dil pe mat lena. Tumhaari nayi zindagi ki shuruat hai yeh. Itna naik shohar, itna khush-haal khaandaan mein tumhaara nikaah hua hai. Yahaan mujhe yaqeen hai ke tumhein kisi cheez ki fikar karne ki zaroorat nahi hai."
"Jaanti hoon, par Abba ke lafz bohot chubte hai." I admitted. He stroked my hair, regret filling his eyes.
"Mere paas koi mashwara nahi hai tumhaare liye, lekin yeh zaroor keh sakta hoon ke main hamesha tumhaare saath hoon." He seemingly thought of something else. "Aaj main kisi wakeel ke paas se ho aata hoon. We might be able to get a restraining order or something to keep you safe."
"Hum valime ke baad yeh sab kar sakte hai? Mujhe aapke saath jaana hai, aur main nahi chahti ke aaj hum dukhi ho." I glanced at the clock. "Dekhein na Chacha, thoda hi waqt reh gaya hai aaj ke function mein, hum Monday saath mein jaayein?"
"Okay." He relented. "Main chalta hoon abhi, Allah Hafiz."
"Allah Hafiz." I gave him a weak smile before turning around and walking back inside.
The second I walked into our room, Ayaan figured out something was wrong. He put his phone aside and stood up immediately, coming towards me.
"Kya baat hai, Rukhsaar? Itni pareshaan kyun lag rahi ho?" I looked up at his handsome face, worried eyes that searched my face for any clues. I wondered what he saw.
Did he see the girl he fell in love with or did he see a woman scared to within an inch of her life?
For a long moment, I considered hiding it from him. I didn't want him to start to worry, especially on our big day.
I couldn't bring myself to do it. This was something I absolutely had to keep Ayaan in the loop for, and even if I didn't, lying to him on day one would define how we dealt with problems later on in our marriage.
"Abba ka phone tha." Ayaan gripped my hand a little tighter. He led me over to the bed, sitting me down on the edge.
"Kab?"
"Chacha pe baar baar Abba ke phone aa rahe the. Ayaan, Abba kehte hai ke jis din main mil gayi, woh mujhe zinda garh denge." My hands were still trembling and no matter how tight I closed my fists, they wouldn't stop. The blood drained out of Ayaan's face. His back went rigid as he clutched me tighter to him.
I felt defeated already. "Jab bhi aisa lagne lagta hai ke zindagi ab sambhal jaayegi, kuch na kuch aisa zaroor hota hai ke main khud hi haar maan leti hoon. Khud hi ghutne taik deti hoon."
"Aisa nahi kehte Rukhsaar. Aaj ka function ho jaane do aaram se, phir hum dekhte hai ke kya kar sakte hai. Main jaanta hoon ke tum kitni excited thi aaj ke liye, aur main nahi chahta ke aaj ke din tumhein koi dukh pohanchein." I closed my eyes and pushed all thoughts of Abba out of my mind, before taking a deep breath.
"Okay."
"He didn't call you though?" Ayaan thought out loud as I stood up. I shook my head at him.
"Meri fikr hoti, toh mujhe phone karte. Yeh toh..." I paused, not knowing what else to say. "Yeh business deal unke haath se nikal gayi, issi gham mein dhoond rahe hai mujhe. Unhein pata hai ke Waqar Chacha mujhe kitne aziz hai."
Ayaan remained silent at that, creases forming on his forehead. I nudged his knee and stepped between his legs, placing my hands on his shoulders, twirling my fingers around the hair at the base of his neck. The height of the bed made it possible for me to be slightly taller than him.
He placed his hands on my waist and looked up at me, something dark lurking in his gaze.
"Pata hai, ek pal ke liye mujhe aisa laga ke main tumse jhoot boloon, ya phir tumse yeh baat thodi der ke liye chupaon." I said. "Phir maine socha, ke agar aaj main tumse jhoot bolti, ya kuch chupaati, toh kya hum poori zindagi aise guzarte? Kya hamari shaadi-shuda zindagi aisi hi guzarti, ek doosre se baatein chupa ke?" I rubbed my thumbs in circles on his shoulder. "I didn't want to set the tone with a lie."
Smiling softly, I lifted a finger to smoothen those creases on his forehead. "Na batane ki wajah sirf itni thi ke tum pareshaan na ho. Ek poora din bhi nahi hua Ayaan, aur aisa lagta hai ke hum sadiyon se waqif hai ek doosre se. Issi liye main tumse yeh baat chupaana nahi chahti thi."
"Aaj ke din, tum bhi yeh saari baatein bhool jao, aur mujhe bhi bhoolne do." I pleaded softly. Ayaan rested his forehead on my shoulder, pulling me a fraction closer. A warm feeling unfolded in my chest.
"Mujhe darr lagta hai ke koi tumhein mujhse cheen na le. Phir se." The second part of his sentence came as a whisper.
"Bhala main bhi kabhi tumse alag ho paayi hoon?" I stroked the hair at the back of his head, feeling it weave between my fingers. "Jo log ek doosre se mohabbat karte hai, woh jahaan kahin bhi ho, kabhi juda nahi hote."
"Tumhein yeh darr nahi lagta?" Ayaan looked back up at me, searching my face. It was strange; ten minutes ago, it was me that was scared out of my wits, but not for the reason Ayaan was.
"Maine sirf tumhein nahi paaya. Tumhaare saath tamam rishte bhi mile hai jisse main zindagi bhar dhoondhti rahi hoon. Agar Allah ne aaj humein milwa diya hai, toh Uss zaat ki koi razamandi hogi. Mujhe yaqeen hai ke mere Rabb mujhe waapis uss daldal mein nahi daalenge. Aur aaj jo darr mujhe Abba se laga hai, usse bhi main apne Rabb ke hawale karti hoon, kyun ki main jaanti hoon, Allah humein iss mushkil waqt mein se zaroor nikaalega."
The minute I said that, peace settled over my heart. The thought of the phone call and Abba's harsh words still hurt, but I wasn't worried about what would happen next.
I trailed my fingers over his face, not believing he was really in front of me. "Kabhi kabhi lagta hai ke yeh khwab hai. Mujhe yaqeen nahi aata ke tum mere ho."
"Jab se maine tumhein dekha hai, tab se tumhaara ho gaya hoon." Ayaan's voice was low, but it vibrated in my chest. I knew he meant every word.
"Chalo, let's get to work." I kissed his forehead softly before moving away from him. "Main neeche intezaar kar rahi hoon tumhaara."
I looked back at him and found him with a small smile on his face. Shaking my head to myself, I walked outside, running into Rizwan in the hallway.
"Oh, sorry Bhabhi!" He said cheekily.
"Koi nahi, kis ke khayalaat mein bhaage jaa rahe the?" I teased.
Rizwan gestured for me to come closer, whispering in my ear. "Mahreen aaj apne waalidein ke saath aa rahi hai shaam ko."
"Haan, toh?"
"Main accha impression banana chahta hoon, taake woh Mahreen ke haath kisi aur ke haath mein na de bethein." Rizwan kept his words light, but I knew he was tense about it.
I waved my hand carelessly. "Aisa nahi hoga, aur hoga bhi toh hum mana lenge unko. Here's a tip though, just be yourself. Don't turn into someone you're not because they'll smell that a mile away."
"Jo hukum aapka, aur kuch?" He bowed mockingly. I tapped a finger against my chin.
"Aur...mehendi pe jo cologne pehna tha, Mahreen ko bohot pasand tha, wohi pehn'na raat ko." I remember her talking about it while I was getting my mehendi put on.
Giving me a side hug, Rizwan ran back into his room. "You're the best, Bhabhi!" He tossed back over his shoulder as he began to sort through the cologne bottles on his dresser.
I smiled to myself before continuing downstairs.
Aapi and Sabrina were putting together boxes full of mini decorations and other things for the valima. "All good?" She asked, concern present in her tone. I smiled reassuringly at her. I told her the gist of the talk I had with Chacha but didn't tell her the nitty gritty details.
"Are you okay?" That was the first question Aapi thought to ask me.
"Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm not going to let him ruin today. Never will he have that power over me again."
"That's the spirit." Aapi nodded with pride. I grinned, taking the list she was holding out.
"Get your stuff ready. You two and Ayaan can go ahead to see what's happening and start preparing for your entry. Hussain just texted me to tell me that they are already at the hall setting up their music equipment. You guys can discuss your entry song as well, and maybe decide if you want to do a 'first dance' sequence." Sabrina bounced in her spot at that.
"You have to Bhabhi, you have to!" She looked so excited, it made me immediately want to listen to her. I laughed at her before shrugging.
"Tumhaare bhai se poocho, main toh taiyaar hoon."
"Kya poochna hai?" I jumped clear into the air when I heard Ayaan's voice behind me. Spinning around, I placed a hand to my heart, scowling at him.
"Astaghfirullah Ayaan, you scared me!" I scolded, ignoring Aapi and Sabrina's laughter behind me. Ayaan held his ears in mock apology, smirking the whole time.
"Kya poochna tha?" He repeated the question, looking between the three of us.
"Tujhe Bhabhi ke saath dance karna hai." Sabrina stated nonchalantly. Ayaan looked at me, mischief present in his eyes as he winked at me.
"No problem, kab?" His answer was just as nonchalant.
"Aaj shaam ko." Aapi answered. "If you and Rukhsaar want, you can do a first dance sequence."
"Let's do it!" Ayaan looked at me, probably a little too eagerly because Sabrina immediately started teasing him. "Remember how well Rukhsaar danced during the mehendi?"
I laughed. "Your face was worth watching, you didn't even see it coming. I hope one of the photographers got a picture of it." Sabrina raised her hand, sticking her tongue out at Ayaan.
"I did, it was hilarious." Sabrina's shoulders were shaking with laughter. "Where did you learn such good dance?"
"I took it for 6 years. I learned Indian classical, but my favourite has always been just plain old Bollywood." Aapi and Ayaan's eyebrows shot up while Sabrina took hold of my hands, jumping up and down.
"Teach me na Bhabhi, please please please." She looked like she would burst out of her skin. I chuckled, nodding at her.
"I will, one day Inn Shaa Allah. But it's been a long time since I've danced, I don't know what I'll be able to teach." I warned her. Her excitement took on a childish glee and right then, I knew I'd never be able to refuse anything to her.
"Why not do that tonight?" Aapi suggested. My eyes widened as I frantically shook my head 'no.'
"Nahi Aapi, it's been nearly two and a half years since I stopped dancing, I won't be able to do it." My fear wasn't the stage, as much as I tried to make it about that. I felt Aapi's eyes search my face.
Ayaan had told me about the woman who had insulted them at Shehry's house. I had felt the same rush of anger and sadness when Ayaan had told me how things had gone down, how Shehry had immediately come over the next day to make sure Sakinah Aapi knew he wasn't going anywhere. And in light of that, it was that situation that proved to be the catalyst that tore them apart.
As much Aapi pretends the only reason the two broke up was because of Aapi's responsibility towards her siblings, I knew that a bigger part of the reason was Aapi's adamance that Shehry's family not be insulted because of her.
I didn't want to give anyone another reason to insult them, especially with how unconventional this marriage was to begin with.
I think we'd broken enough norms for one function.
"Okay." Aapi said finally. "But you two should do the first dance together, so think about it."
"We're doing it." Ayaan decided. I shrugged and agreed with him. "See, she loves me."
I rolled my eyes and turned back to Sabrina. "Let's take some of this stuff with us, so that the rest don't have to take all of it. Where did Khala and Khalu go?"
"They left a while ago, they had a few things to take care off before tonight's function." Aapi picked up a box and thrust it into Ayaan's hands. "Go grab everything that you need for tonight, and let's get moving, there's a lot to do for tonight."
By the time we packed the car and reached the hall, Waqas and Shehry were busy arguing over something. Hussain had kicked his legs up on another chair and Atif was pretty much the only one who was working.
"Well this looks productive," I muttered under my breath, arms carrying the tray with my dress laid out in it.
The hall was absolutely gorgeous. The dark hardwood floor looked amazing with the turquoise and purple theme. It created a great contrast that I knew would make for some amazing pictures.
The lighting was a pure white right now, but I mused on using an off-white color to make sure that pictures would turn out well, but the floor wouldn't be glaringly bright. Yellow light would make it warmer, but it wouldn't go well with the theme.
Shimmery turquoise and purple drapes hung on the walls, but the stage's backdrop was decorated with simple silver backdrop. That was probably so my dress wouldn't blend into the background.
The tables were decorated with unlit LED candles and tall vases. A long table in the front had a "reserved for wedding party" sign on it.
Again, a pang struck my chest. That was where my parents were supposed to sit, where they were supposed to be emotional at seeing me sitting with my husband.
Ayaan caught me looking at the reserved table and nudged my elbow. I snapped out of my thoughts, suddenly hyperaware of the sadness that had taken over my expression for a second.
He must've inferred what I was thinking about because his mouth set in a grim line. I shoved the thoughts to the back of mind and grinned reassuringly at him.
"It looks amazing." I looked admiringly around the hall again.
"What we were planning was for Rukhsaar and Ayaan to enter together after most of the guests are here, maybe around 8:00." Waqas explained, gesturing to the center stage. "There are going to be flower petals laid out on the floor but other than the two of you and the photographers, there won't be anyone else in the center stage."
"Did you decide your dance song?" Ayaan and I exchanged a look.
"I was thinking, maybe Shehry could sing it instead?" Ayaan suggested. I immediately recognized the look in his eye.
Determination.
Shehry furrowed his eyebrows but shrugged. "Ajeeb request but okay. What song?"
"Dil Mein Ho Tum."
"Okay, that works." Shehry hadn't put Ayaan's plan together in his mind but I was sure that as soon as he started singing, it would come over him. "What time are you going to go get ready?" He turned his attention to me.
"Maybe around 6? If I need to be ready by 7:30, I'll need ample enough time to pin the dress, do my hair and makeup, and mentally prepare myself." Ayaan's expression morphed into one of amusement at the latter part of my sentence.
Sabrina was setting up her camera equipment nearby. "Bhabhi, who's doing your makeup?"
"I was going to do it myself honestly." I shrugged, setting the dress tray on the table closest to me.
"Can I help?" She asked, pretty much bouncing off the walls. I laughed at her enthusiasm and nodded.
I stared at the dress, the shimmery white and blue gradient fabric shifting gracefully as I peeled the plastic covering away.
It was the most beautiful dress I'd ever seen in my life, and I couldn't wait to wear it to the most important event of my life.
Sakinah's POV
With everyone split up and working amicably together, we managed to put everything together way before 7, giving us more than enough time to get ready.
Fauzia and Mahreen had taken Rukhsaar around 6:00 to get her ready for the evening. Rizwan had taken Ayaan. On Sabrina's insistence, Ayaan was told to put on light makeup so his face wouldn't wash out in the photos.
I thought it was revenge for making us work around the clock.
The functions had been very draining, despite so many of us holding up the fort. I could feel the fatigue seeping through my bones, exhausting my energy, but I was content. Ayaan's happiness made it completely worth it and seeing Rukhsaar fit in almost immediately within our home was a hefty bonus.
Alhamdulillah
The guests had begun filing in at around 7:30, far earlier than I'd expected. Khala, Khalu and I stood at the door, greeting them all. Hadiya and her parents had come, with Asad right in tow. We had met up a few times after she'd been discharged from the hospital and she'd come to be a great friend in the last few months.
Shehry and Hussain's parents came in with Maha almost right after that, seeing which I smiled widely and went to greet them.
"Tumhein Ayaan ka nikaah bohot Mubarak ho beta." Shaista Aunty affectionately placed her hand on my head, blessing me and Ayaan's marriage.
"Shukriya Aunty ke aap sab aaye. Aap bohot khubsoorat lag rahi hai." She looked very elegant, and Maha looked very pretty in her dress as well. I told her as much and she bounced in her place, asking if she'd be part of my class during the upcoming school year. I laughed and told her I wouldn't be teaching fifth grade, much to her dismay, but that I'd check in on her as many times as she wanted me to.
Asif Uncle's eyes crinkled softly around the corners as he smiled warmly at me. A wave of regret hit me for a second before I shook it off. Just as Aunty had, he also blessed us with many prayers.
I knew the words were from the heart, but somewhere in me, I couldn't stop wondering if they hated me for breaking their son's heart.
As if hearing the inner turmoil, Asif Uncle pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear. "Jab bhi tum taiyaar ho, hum tumhaara intezaar kar rahe hai. Jaldi waapis aa jao beta."
I nearly fell against him, my knees nearly giving out. They were still willing to accept me. "I'm sorry." I whispered against his shoulder, not sure if my words reached him or not. He stroked my back soothingly, much like I'd imagined my own father doing multiple times. A knot stuck itself in my throat, but I was unwilling to let it out.
After greeting other guests that'd come in, I stepped back, looking around where all the guests were mingling and taking appetizers. Waiters fluttered around topping off water glasses and serving other drinks around.
"Aapi!" Rizwan found me over by the table. "Ayaan bhai bula raha hai tumhein."
I followed him to the dressing room where Ayaan was buttoning his shirt. The faint noises of Sabrina and Fauzia's chattering came from a closed door off to the side. "Kya hua?"
"Aapi, hamari ek request hai." He asked, a tinge of a plead in his voice. I frowned, not getting why he was so hesitant.
"Kya?"
"Will you sing for our first dance?"
"Haan of course, what song?"
"Dil Mein Ho Tum." I nodded at him.
"I want a picture of you when you see Rukhsaar first. I forgot to mention it to Sabrina."
"Don't worry about it Aapi, I got it." He waved his phone. "My twin may be the photographer but this still captures amazing pictures, if you know how to use it." Rizwan winked at Ayaan. I shook my head at them and left the room in favour of checking on the guests and curtain decorations.
After solving an appetizer issue and calming down a hysterical aunty who claimed she should've been invited to the Nikaah, I breathed a sigh of relief as I made sure the stage was set properly.
Why does everyone feel entitled to celebrate our happy occasions, but never support us when we need it most?
A faint touch on my elbow jerked me out of my thoughts, from where I was standing looking at the décor. I turned to find Shehry standing there, looking at a point away from my face.
I jolted, almost flinching at the sight of him standing so close to me for the first time in 6 months.
"Fauzia bula rahi hai sab ko, entrance ke liye taiyaar hona hai." His tone was monotonous, but the way his eyes searched my face told a completely different story.
Not trusting myself around him, I peeled my eyes off him and nodded. He walked away, an air of reluctance in his stance and melancholy wafting from him.
I sighed, steeling myself just as I had the past months and walked to where Fauzia was waiting. Mahreen, Fauzia and I were to walk up in a line in front of Rukhsaar and Ayaan. Shehry, Hussain, Atif and Rizwan were to walk in a parallel line next to us, but not touching.
Fauzia pushed me to be first and in the next line, Rizwan was leading; Sabrina was at the camera, and was going to join us for the larger pictures. Waqas was to be the MC and was going to call all of us out.
"Fauzia, ek kaam kar. Sabrina ko bula lo, usse kaho ke koi aur photo le lega, uska hona zaroori hai. Hum teenon saath mein aayenge andar." Something didn't sit right with me having Sabrina out of the fray. Fauzia complied and had Sabrina and I link arms with Rizwan right in the middle. Her co-photographer was waiting in the front for the entry.
On cue, Waqas started the music and we began walking in.
One by one, he introduced the wedding party, and had us take a bunch of photos together before we stood near the stage to wait for Rukhsaar and Ayaan.
The door opened on them, and amidst wild cheering and howling from Ayaan and Rukhsaar's college friends, the two appeared at the door.
My breath caught at how perfect Ayaan and Rukhsaar looked together, and a lump formed in my throat. Deep down though, in a part of me I wasn't proud of at all, I knew I was also mourning the loss of what could've been.
Ayaan had offered his arm to Rukhsaar, and the two walked carefully in. Rukhsaar looked amazing in her valima dress, Sabrina's magic having turned her into an ethereal creature. Ayaan filled out his suit well and looked very handsome.
What got me tied up in knots was the eternal bliss and peace on both their faces. After seeing Ayaan carry around a broken heart for so long, it was refreshing to see my brother actually happy.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to do things a little different today!" Waqas' voice boomed over the speakers. "If the wedding party could please take their seats, that would be great. We're going to do the first dance right now, but instead of a soundtrack, Shehryaar and Sakinah are going to be singing for the couple on their request."
My head snapped up immediately, eyes meeting Shehry's equally shocked ones. It seemed like my brother had plotted this behind our backs, and by the slightly guilty look he was sending me, I had figured the mystery out. He'd asked us both separately so we wouldn't find out, and we couldn't deny it either.
It felt like something was squeezing my heart. My hands balled up in an attempt to keep my cool as I got up and walked over. My heart would not stop pounding against my sternum and I could feel jitters running all along my spine as I took the microphone Waqas offered.
I looked up at Shehry, who was looking back at me with the same trepidation that I felt. I tore my gaze from him, and focused on the couple, forcing a smile for all the people that were watching. Out of all the guests, I could count how many knew our history on one hand, but that didn't make me any less nervous about it.
I knew that the second we opened our mouths to sing this song, everyone in the hall would know that the two of us had a history.
(A/N: The parts only Sakinah sings are center aligned, and the parts Shehry sings are left-aligned. The parts they both sing are also left-aligned. Hope you don't get confused! Also, I've written a duet rendition of the song, but this video is the original)
Rukhsaar and Ayaan were waiting on the center of the makeshift dance floor. As the background score started, I heard Shehry clear his throat behind me before starting the song off slow with the chorus.
Dil mein ho tum...
Aankhon mein tum...
Pehli nazar se hi yaara...
I immediately understood what he was doing and fell into step with him, snapping my fingers to the slow rhythm as I sang it after him. Ayaan spun Rukhsaar around the dance floor in an expert move that had me narrowing my eyes at him teasingly.
Dil mein ho tum...
Aankhon mein tum...
Pehli nazar se hi yaara...
The music picked up, and as I sang, I let go of all my inhibitions. This was my passion, and I'd be damned before I let anything ruin it for me.
Chal diya
Dil tere peeche peeche
Dekhta, main reh gaya
Kuch toh hai, tere mere darmiyan
Jo ankaha, sa reh gaya
Main jo kabhi keh na saka
Aaj kehta hoon pehli dafa
I could feel his gaze burning into me, as if he was singing for me and just me. The lyrics were hitting a little too close to home, but I knew Ayaan hadn't chosen the song for just us; the song suited him and Rukhsaar just as well.
We sang the next chorus together, both of us moving slightly to the beat. The music flowed easier, and I began to feel lighter as I sang. Even after six months of zero contact, I was still just in tune with Shehry as I had been before. As I sang, I reminisced in the first time we met in the store, and then at the wedding.
Dil mein ho tum
Aankhon mein tum
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
Dil mein ho tum
Aankhon mein tum
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
I took over from there to sing the next lines, hand gripping the microphone tightly.
Yeh ishq ki hai saazishein
Lo aa mile hum dobara
The two of us really had come to meet again, and suddenly, as we locked eyes, the last six months fell away, and we were standing back in that clearing, sharing smiles and memories over dinner.
Dil mein ho tum
Aankhon mein tum
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
Shehry turned more towards me, loosening his tense muscles. This time, he wasn't hiding who he was singing the words for. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that I should be paying more attention to the crowd we had, and the fact that we weren't in private.
Sarphira sa main musafir
Paaon kahin thehre na mere
Phir meri awaargi ko
Aane lage khaab tere
Sarphira sa main musafir
Paaon kahin thehre na mere
Phir meri awaargi ko
Aane lage khaab tere
Yeh pyaar bhi kya qaid hai
Koi hona na chaahe riha
Tears pooled in my eyes as I ran the past six months through my mind. It took everything in me to stabilize my voice to keep it from shaking. Despite the Herculean effort I was putting into it, my voice cracked on the last line. Ayaan and Rukhsaar faltered in their dancing to glance at me worriedly. Even through the slight blur, I could see the uncertainty on his face. The pain of this song combined with the whole situation cut deep.
Dil mein ho tum
Aankhon mein tum
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
Shehry stepped slightly in front of me and inched infinitesimally closer to me as he took over the next line, brushing the back of his hand over mine. I drew comfort from the ghostly touch and shot the couple a reassuring smile, winking playfully at them despite myself.
Oh... yeh ishq ki hai saazishein
Lo aa mile hum dobara
Dil mein ho tum
Aankhon mein tum
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
Tere bin yeh saare mausam
Berang the bemaza the
Shaamil nahi thi tu jinme
Wo saare pal bewajah the
We locked eyes on the final three stanzas and sang them in sync. I was surprised to see a thin film of tears in Shehry's eyes as well, but it was those tears that gave me hope that we had a chance.
Woh zindagi hai hi nahi
Jo main tere bina jee liya
Both of us took a pause that was far longer than necessary, letting the words reverberate in the silent hall. Those two lines told us everything we needed to know.
Dil mein ho tum
Aankhon mein tum
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
Oh...yeh ishq ki hai saazishein
Lo aa mile hum dobara
Dil mein ho tum
Aankhon mein tum
We slowed down here, still looking at each other. Shehry's eyes were free of accusation, but there was now a plea there. This time, I was determined to give him an answer to his plea and earn my place back in his life.
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
Pehli nazar se hi yaara
Pehli nazar se hi yaara...
As the music faded, we sang the last line together.
Pehli nazar se hi yaara...
On the final note, the entire hall exploded into cheers and applause.
"What an amazing performance! And may I just include that this was not rehearsed at all, seeing that it was decided..." Waqas comically checked his watch. "Fifteen minutes ago." That earned a titter from the guests. I smiled and walked back to my seat, feeling Shehry's gaze on me all the way.
Fauzia squealed and pulled me into a hug just as I sat down. "That was amazing Sakinah, you two set the stage on fire! Woh jo aankhon mein aankhein daal kar jo tum dono baat kar rahe the na, that was super amazing. Even though it felt like a private moment we were all intruding on."
"Ayaan and Rukhsaar set the stage on fire, it wasn't us. The spotlight is on them today." I laughed at the video she was now showing me of the two of us singing.
I turned my attention back to Rukhsaar and Ayaan who were slowing down from their dance as well, though the two looked just as lost in each other, even though the music wasn't even playing. Rukhsaar had linked her hands behind Ayaan's neck, the heels giving her an advantage. Ayaan had kept her close to him, swaying and spinning around like they'd had the practice of centuries.
But I supposed that's how you knew.
I looked towards where Shehry had taken his seat. His hand pushed through his hair, his nervous tell. His mouth was set in an easy smile but even across the room, I could sense the intensity blazing from his eyes as he glanced back over to me.
Everything about Shehry and I had been initiated by him, but I had been the one to leave him, and now, if I wanted to take a chance with him again, it'd have to be me making the first move.
Which I was terrified of.
I knew I had no right to feel so terrified, but the fact of the matter was, the fear of losing him was still so deeply rooted in my heart. Despite me having been the one to leave him, not the other way around.
If he wouldn't hear me out this time, that would be the end of it. This time, I will have had lost him completely, and I wasn't so sure I'd survive that.
Before I could chicken out, I found my finger hovering over a long-overdue contact. I typed out a quick text to him and sent it before I lost my nerve.
Me: Can we meet in the clearing Wednesday evening?
I avoided looking at him at all, not up to seeing the rejection planted on his face.
Meanwhile, Waqas kept the function afloat by opening dinner and having Sabrina take pictures of Ayaan and Rukhsaar. I smiled seeing them so happy and content. Occassionally, some of the guests would come up to take a photo with them.
Rizwan and Mahreen were sitting at the same table as us, but they'd left to talk to Mahreen's parents. Fauzia was waiting in the food line with Hussain and Maha, laughing at something Maha said. Khala and Khalu seemed to have gotten acquainted with Asif Uncle and Shaista Aunty near the refreshments. Atif was at the music station, and was playing a pretty awesome playlist, if the dancing children were anything to go by.
Sabrina beckoned Rizwan and I over to Ayaan and Rukhsaar, and had her friend take the camera before the five of us took a picture together.
My phone buzzed just as I was stepping off the stage.
Shehry: Meet me in the dressing room in 5 minutes.
I furrowed my brow and looked up at him, who was staring at me with a challenge. The request was very odd, especially with so many people around. Before I could text back, I got another text.
Shehry: Don't worry, aisi koi baat nahi hai. We'll talk on Wednesday too, but I can't take it anymore. Please, meet me there.
That reassured me completely. I trusted Shehry completely and knew that he wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt me or my family. I waited until he'd been gone for a few minutes before slipping through the back towards the dressing room.
Shutting the door behind me, I turned the lock and braced one hand on the door, mentally prepping myself. Turning, I found Shehry doing pretty much the same thing.
Shehry gripped the edge of the dressing table tightly as we locked eyes through the mirror. In spite of everything, I couldn't help but notice how good he looked tonight. He'd taken his jacket off and rolled up the sleeves of his white dress shirt that fit perfectly along his frame. The light purple tie was roughly loosened around his neck, as if it'd been strangling him before.
His hair laid tousled on his head, nothing like the perfectly set quiff he'd had an hour ago. Somehow, it made him look far better.
Unrestrained
"Tumhaare baal ko kya hua?" The second the words left my lips, I wanted to die. I squeezed my eyes shut to avoid looking at him and covered my face to hide the red blush.
Really Sakinah? Hazaar cheezein bol sakti thi, par nahi. Yehi nikalna tha moo se.
I was so busy cursing myself in my head that I didn't hear him come towards me until he was gently pulling my hands off my face.
Shehry was so close to me that I forgot about the embarrassment for a second, relishing in the faint smile teasing his lips.
I watched the strong muscles in his throat work as he stared at me. After months, this was the first close glimpse of him I was seeing in ages.
Ayaan was right about him, he looked rugged. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. The small smile did nothing to take away the soul-deep tiredness that I felt within my own self.
His hand came up to my cheek, a ghost of a touch, before he seemingly remembered something and retracted his hand. "Bohot kamzor ho gayi ho."
"Kamzor padh gayi hoon." I whispered. Something shifted in his expression as he looked away, letting go of my wrists.
"Shehry, main..." I stopped myself. I licked my lips and walked away from the door, towards where Shehry was now standing, body angled slightly away from me.
"Meri zindagi ki sab se badi ghalti yeh thi ke main Ayaan, Rizwan aur Sabrina ko le kar pehle nahi bhaagi."
Shehry froze, turning towards me. I held his gaze with the next line, ignoring the tears pooling in my eyes and spoke with a shuddering breath.
"Doosri ghalti yeh thi ke maine tumhein chhod diya."
Shehry's POV
Sakinah's voice had given out by the time she finished her sentence. Tears were falling down her cheeks as she silently stared at me, eyes pleading with me to understand. I stood frozen in my spot, finding myself at a loss for words.
It didn't help that she looked absolutely gorgeous in her suit. As she sang, she was glowing from inside out, despite the two of us apprehensive about singing together in front of so many people. She sounded amazing and she caught onto my rhythm immediately, even though we hadn't discussed it or anything.
"Maine tumse kaha tha ke main qurbaaniyon ki paaband hoon. Woh main aaj bhi hoon, par iss baar, main apni khushiyaan qurbaan nahi karna chahti. Meri mohabbat qurbaan nahi karna chahti."
"Sakinah..." I clenched my fists to keep from reaching out to her, but she must've read it on my face because she came towards me herself, stopping two inches away.
How did I forget that this girl knows every inch of me?
"Main kal bhi tumhaari thi, aaj bhi tumhaari hoon aur zindagi bhar tumhaari rahoongi. Chahe tum mujhe aaj apna lo ya nahi." Her eyes reflected nothing but trust.
Immediately, I pulled her into me, the vacant hole in my chest filling with so much joy, adoration and love for this girl. She let the dam break and cried hard into my chest, fisting the material of my dress shirt tightly.
The tears brimming on my waterline fell with the relief coursing through me. She was shaking like a leaf in my arms, and just the thought of having her against me again was enough to make my knees buckle.
We sank to the ground, me maneuvering her so she was in my lap, her cold nose nestled against the crook of my neck. I turned my head to press my lips to her head, tears coursing freely as I tightened my grip around her. My shirt dampened as she shook and sobbed in my arms.
"Please, please don't leave again." I whispered against her hair. "We can talk about this later, but please, don't leave me again, don't let us go. I won't survive it again, main nahi reh paaonga tumhaare baghair."
"I love you." She spoke, her lips moving, brushing against my neck.
I closed my eyes, my body relaxing into her. Pulling her close, I whispered into her hair over and over again.
"I love you, I love you, I love you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So? How was it? Worth the wait?
I absolutely loved writing this chapter, even though its length is like a small novella.
What do you think Sakinah's going to talk about?
Favorite Scene?
Don't forget to comment, vote, like, share, etc.
Again, this book has very very slow updates, so please do not say that I didn't warn you about it! I know that it is a lot of time to wait, but each of my chapters themselves are like mini-novellas. I don't want to be writing chapters that are half the size because it takes away from my writing style. I admire your patience and thank all of you that have stuck with me through this!
Anyway, see you guys later!