I did the Meyer Briggs test for Xander and Sage, and as I suspected, Sage is indeed and INFJ-T (like myself UwU) whilst Xander is an ISTP-A (yikes?)
Polar opposites (besides their introversion) as anticipated, eh?.
Others I did were Carlos (ESTP-A, the Entrepreneur, Sage's COMPLETE opposite and Xander's extroverted self), Maria (ESTJ, the executive), Carter (ESFP-A, the entertainer) and Randall (ISFJ-T, the defender). I'm honestly shocked by how accurate these are (oof I know my characters too well)
Have you done the test? What's your personality type?
* * *
Nothing hurts more than being ignored, replaced, forgotten, or lied to
* * *
"I know I ain't the best goalie out there, but I try and put the work in for my team, ya know? I think that's why I do it; when you love somethin', you'll do anything to contribute to the cause or whatever."
The girls squealed, clapping her hands in delight. "That's awesome! I love watching you play. I'm your biggest fan!" she gushed. "Can I get your autograph?"
Carter chuckled, eyes gleaming with delight as he took the girl's notebook, scribbling down something when the girl stopped him. "I want it here," she told him, pointing to her forearm as she handed him a permanent marker.
"All in the day's work, babe."
Sage nudged Randall. "Randall? A-are you listening?"
Randall snapped out of his trance, glancing next to him at the blond boy who stared at him in concern and curiosity. "Sorry, I was a little distracted," he murmured. Tearing his eyes from Carter in finality, he focused on his notebook and the equations Sage was showing to him.
"Okay, so this is the stem and tree diagram. I-it's really simple, you just follow the key here and look at--"
Loud laughter startled them both, and that's when Randall tapped the table to get the couple's attention.
"Excuse me, do you mind? This is the library and we're trying to study." he seethed, glaring between the girl and blue-eyed boy. Carter shot Randall a look before completely disregarding him, resuming the tale he was telling the girl, speaking quite animatedly.
Sage held Randall's hand on the table, squeezing reassuringly. Nodding to show that he was okay, they resumed the lesson. "Alright, so do you think you can do it?"
Randall wasn't listening anymore.
"So what made you get into football?" the girl queried, cranking her neck and crinkling her nose cutely as she anticipated Carter's response.
"Hmm," Carter began, thinking for a brief second. "Well, to tell you the truth, I was just following the crowd. One ah my friends joined -- Blaze, you know him -- so I just found myself innit too."
The girl giggled in response, shifting the chair so she would be sitting even closer to him. She adjusted the frames around her eyes as she leaned forward, listening as Carter gushed about him and Xander.
Sage's stomach churned at the sound of Xander's name. Before he had the chance to think into it, Randall hastily began packing up next to him. Catching Sage's gaze, Randall's purple eyes flickered to the door, and he nudged his head in the direction to indicate his resolution. Sage mouthed back his compliance, immediately packing to catch up with his annoyed friend.
The junior and sophomore abruptly stood at the same time, and whilst the junior stormed out, Sage took the time to return the library books to avoid trouble with the hawk-eyed librarian.
Carter beat Sage in catching up to Randall.
"Yow, Randie! Wait up!"
Surprisingly, Randall stopped. "I'm going to class." he simply said.
"Hey, chill out. It ain't even class time yet. We have thirty more minutes."
"I'll find somewhere else to study then." Randall gritted out.
Carter wasn't having it. His expression flickered as a thought popped in his head and he nodded slowly, discerning everything that was happening. "Oh, I get it. You upset 'cause I'm talkin' to a girl, ain't ya?"
"Like hell if I do!" his mouth flew open as he prepared to eject a barrage of curses, but it snapped back shut and he shook his head. "Look, I told you that you shouldn't let me stop you from having fun, and I can't stop you from talking to whoever you want. But I draw the line when you waste both of our time, focusing on where next you'll stick your dick over academics."
"It ain't--"
Randall held up a hand, silencing him. "You don't have to explain to me. We were supposed to study for one hour but the second that bitch walked by, you drop your whole world and circulate around her like a fücking dog."
"Don't call her that. Mary and I are friends," Carter fired back, defensively. Randall threw up his hands in disbelief, absolute frustration.
"Goddammit, her name is Martina!"
Carter blinked in confusion.
"You know, whatever. You do what you want, but I'm going somewhere else." Randall sighed. "When you decide to take your schoolwork more seriously, you know where to find me."
Carter stepped forth. "I'm coming with you then."
"No," Randall shot him down. "It's fine. Finish up what you're doing. I'll see you some other time."
Carter stood there for a while, scratching his head. He shifted his weight between his feet before shoving his hands in his pockets. "Can we study later then?"
"I can't," Randall rejected. "I have to work, and it's a family dinner after that."
Carter's smile returned instantly. "That's alright. I'll just come with you."
"No!"
"I insist, man."
"A no means no, and that's that." Randall snapped back, amethyst eyes sparing with annoyance. "Look, I'll tell you when my schedule's free, cool?" he then glanced over at Sage, signaling to him. "Come on, Sage."
Sage stepped forth, shooting Carter and apologetic smile before standing next to Randall. The junior's face curled into a sneer as he glared daggers at Carter, who just stood there frowning deeply and crossing his arms.
"I can't wait to never see you again, Jesus Christ."
Carter shrugged and left first, heading back to the library.
Randall's previously pissed countenance melted away into one of sorrow and regret. He didn't address it though, only walked off.
"Randall?"
"Yes, Sage?"
"Um..." Sage decisively hummed. "W-what's wrong? With you and Carter, I mean. I thought you were together?"
Randall sighed heavily as he lifted a hand to his inky back hair, raking it through. "I don't know, Sage. And it doesn't matter anymore; I don't care."
"Really?" Sage asked, knowing that Randall was lying to himself. The junior's lips twisted to the side as he glanced heavenward, thinking for a few seconds.
"Really." Randall returned. Despite how poorly everything worked out over the past three years, he still stayed true to his motto, 'fake it until you make it'. Not only that, but at that point, Randall had been hurt so many times, he might as well be used to it. "It's just another few months until the lot of assholes are gone. I'll survive." he nodded, smiling despite how bittersweet the statement made them both feel.
"I still think he likes you, Randall."
"It doesn't matter, Sage. I'll just go date someone else in the meantime. You and Nyx can be my wingmen." he said, winking suggestively. Sage's eyebrows formed a crease in his forehead.
"What's that?"
"Don't worry about it," Randall told him, after which he ruffled his hand through Sage's springy blond curls. "Anyways, enough about me. How about you? How are things with you and that Xander? You don't really tell me anything anymore."
Immediately, Sage glanced away and initiated the walk, to which his friend followed suit, awaiting a response. Sage tried his best to ignore the butterflies in his stomach and his sudden breathlessness as he responded, "I-it's fine," he pouted. Randall gestured to his own ear, signaling his anticipation for a detailed response. "Um...?"
What was Sage to tell him?
Oh! W-well, it's nothing much. We did something naughty in his room and we were caught, my mom is mad. We still met and he kissed me the other day on the porch and I told him I love him! He left and is ignoring me ever since.
Exciting stuff!
Yeah, no.
Not only would Randall probably go out seeking blood, but taking into consideration everything that happened, their distinct reputations and the whole nine yards, admitting anything aloud would feel like a lie. As real as Xander's kisses and their time together was, Sage still didn't feel like he could say it without getting judged or laughed after; not that Randall would ever, but Sage's paranoia wouldn't let him believe that.
"He didn't hurt you, did he?" Randall asked, gesturing to Sage's healing black eye. On impulse, the blond reached up to touch it. It didn't hurt anymore nor was it evident, but of course Randall had to pick up on it. Sage pulled up the hood of his hoodie and ducked his head, shaking it to say no. "I don't believe that someone emerged from the great blue sky and punched you, Sage. You're lying, just like the first time."
"I-I'm not!" he desperately pleaded, clinging to the white lie he'd told everyone to escape conflict -- except the one he told Cecilia, that he fell and hit his head really hard. "Don't worry about it, Randall. I'll get more lessons from Nyx and t-that was just by chance...I'll be okay, promise."
He held out his pinky, waving it around as an indication for Randall to take it. After a moment's hesitation, the junior smiled stiffly and lifted his hand too, wrapping his pinky around Sage's much smaller one.
"I still think you're lying."
"I-I'm not, Randall. I promise." Sage said, still not looking up. He felt so guilty for lying, but how could he ensure the well-being of himself and his friends if he randomly ran around, snitching on Carlos and Maria? Maybe then it would turn into something bigger, and Sage didn't want that.
He didn't want that at all.
He shivered at the mere thought of Cecilia finding out and getting involved. Not only would the police be drawn into it, maybe she would also file for a transfer, worsened by the fact that she knew Xander too attended Oak Ridge High. Sage didn't want to start a new life, make new friends nor have to find another job. He was fine just the way he is, and as long as he could escape Carlos and disregard the homophobic slangs tossed his way now and then, he knew he would be fine.
"You'll be at Taste Buds today, right? I think my dads and Maddy will be coming too. You'll get to meet them." he smiled fondly at the mention of his family. "I told pops all about you and they both want to talk to you."
Sage couldn't help getting excited by the thought of meeting Randall's family. Sure, it came as a big shock for him when he learned that Randall was adopted and raised by gay men, but that didn't deter him. His only worry was that Cecilia and Felt would possibly show up and find out.
Being very vocal about her beliefs, Sage knew Cecilia wouldn't have a qualm outing them and possibly forcing Sage to quit his job.
"O-of course! I can't wait!"
"Great," Randall responded, almost as equally excited as Sage. He gestured to the bathroom just up ahead, releasing Sage's hand so he could go whilst Sage headed to his locker to gather his books for the next period.
As Sage entered his combination and opened it, he caught wind of a group of girls next to him. Their actions were exaggerated and girly as they stared down at their phones.
"He changed his status from 'single' to 'in a relationship'!" Ava shrieked at the top of her lungs as she shoved her iPhone on the faces of all the girls around her. Whilst some of those girls screamed excitedly, others groaned and voiced their disapproval quite vocally.
"Girl, you're so late. I saw him with her this morning. She's really pretty."
Sage almost choked at the sound of how familiar that sentiment hit. He glanced down either side of the corridors to ensure that he was in the clear before he returned to his locker. There, he acted as invisibly as possible, not wanting Ava and Brennan to look over and see him.
That would be awkward.
"It's about time! They're so cute together." another girl exclaimed. "Imagine what their kids would look like!"
"Aw! But I wanted a chance with him." one of the girls huffed, stomping her feet like a little child. The girls erupted in laughter around her, some playfully shoving her.
"Imagine walking next to someone like that with a face like yours," a sarcastic laugh sounded from Brennan. "Girl, stay in line."
"Better luck next time!"
"As if! Guys like that don't go after average looking girls."
Sage, as shamefully as it was to admit, stood there for a few seconds longer listening to them, and yet he was still unable to figure out who they were talking to and what the excitement was about.
He shrugged it off, concluding that it most likely wasn't important. It was either one of two things: the CXC fan club had grown drastically into a cult, or they'd found other cute boys in school to drone on and on about.
Sage wasn't interested in either. He only had eyes for one boy, and that made him giddy for a moment until he recalled how he went ahead and messed up everything just the other day.
For the whole weekend, he'd been so hard on himself for confessing to Xander, but Sage concluded that he would clear up everything by telling him that he loved Xander as a friend, nothing else.
I-I just hope I have enough confidence to do it ;-;
W-what if Xander never wants to talk to me again?
Sage took a deep breath, trying his hardest to prevent the seal of raging nerves to bust right open. Taking a few more purposeful ones, Sage closed his locker and ducked his head to avoid being spotted as he turned back in the direction of the bathroom to fetch Randall.
"Oh! There they come!"
Sage let his hoodie fall over his forehead and walked a little faster, thinking that they were referring to him for some reason.
"Oof--" he yelped as he slammed right into someone. Regaining his senses, he quickly jumped back to fervently apologize. "Oh! I'm so sor..."
His mouth hung open.
A tousle-headed Xander stared down at him with his pretty blue eyes narrowed into thin slits upon deciphering exactly who knocked into him.
At first, Sage felt shocked, then nervous as to what he should say. He and Xander had never bumped nor walked the halls at the same time before, and considering what happened between them the last time. So, caught off-guard, Sage didn't know whether he should have said 'hi' or get out of the way.
Luckily, he didn't have to decide.
Xander's cold sets of pale eyes seared right through Sage, and one word was spoken thereafter.
"Move."
Move.
Move.
The single word echoed endlessly in Sage's head as it bounced around in his mind, not absorbed completely.
Maybe Xander was acting like that because they were in school? Lots of students paused what they had been doing to watch the drama unfolding right before their eyes.
Instead of following the instruction to move, Sage stood there like a dumbass, staring back at the now pissed looking Xander. Anger and annoyance very visibly thundered through Xander's features as Sage outright still stood there, looking so stupid. Xander's lips curled into a snarl, a muscle in his locked jaw twitching.
Suddenly, a brown-haired girl stepped out from behind Xander. "What's the holdup?" Maria asked before taking the time to look away from her phone and in front of them. Her eyes fell on the dumbfounded Sage. "Oh." she nonchalantly said before tucking away her expensive phone. She dropped her hand and slipped it into Xander's, lacing their fingers.
Sage followed the gesture.
He expected Xander to pull away, but he did the exact opposite;
he tightened his grip on Maria's hand.
She blushed.
At once, everything Brennan and her cult spoke of fell right back before Sage, piecing themselves together perfectly.
Suddenly, it was Sage's turn to say oh.
Oh.
When his brain finally registered the demand for him to step out of the way, Xander had already obviously had enough. He hissed and barrelled past Sage, almost bulldozing the blond as he shoved past his shoulder in his heated pursuit. Maria trailed after him, and within seconds, they disappeared.
All the attention thereafter fell on Sage, who for a second was still too stunned to move.
"Hey, isn't he that gay kid?"
"Yeah, that's him alright. Looks like he still has a thing for Blaze."
"I honestly thought he'd left the school by now, to be honest."
Laughter.
"Too bad!"
"He's still standing in the way like an idiot. What's wrong with these people? Sheesh."
"I'm surprised that Blaze didn't punch him in the face."
Words, sound, and voices that Sage would have normally been ignorant to before slammed into him like a car right then and there, and all of a sudden he felt sick. Surrounded by people staring at him and judging in, he crumbled under their gaze, taking shallow breaths to calm himself. He tried walking, but people cluttered the walkway, before him, in front of him.
He didn't know where to go, how to move without someone getting upset or laughing.
He felt like all eyes were on him, and before he knew it, his own thoughts were whirling around him too, demolishing his self-esteem, pumping anxiety and tears into him.
Finally snapping back to his senses, he dropped his flaming face so that his hair would canopy him from prying eyes. He tuned out the gossips and insults as best as he could by clutching his books and swiftly moving forth.
In a state of perpetual shock, he made it out without shedding a single tear.
* * *
A pink card fell from the side of Sage's locker once he opened it.
A note.
Assuming that it was just another note with a derogatory term, Sage took a few moments to gather himself before weakly lowering himself, picking up the card. With shaky hands, he elevated it to his face and his eyes skimmed over the terse words.
Come by the bleachers @ 2:40
-X
That's all it said.
I-is that Xander?
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Sage's eyes flit over the words a million times. Whilst battling the myriad of confusing feelings that attacked him all at once, he shoved the card into his pocket and retrieved his books before closing his locker door.
H-he wants to see me again.
Needless to say, it had been a hard day for Sage at school that day. Between predatory eyes, flinching when he made eye contact with a random person and feeling insecure every time he heard anything akin to laughter, he spent most of his day with Randall, in the library, studying for the upcoming end of term exams.
Randall seemed oblivious to the whole situation with Xander, for which Sage was glad. Not only would he lecture Sage about how he warned him, most likely, he'd also confront Xander, regardless of where or when.
Chewing on his lip, Sage dialed back on his worries and all the mind feelings evoked due to Xander's crude actions earlier that day. Regarding the note, it once flashed by in Sage's head that Maria could be the one behind it, but he shook the thought away. Strangely enough, he knew Xander's penmanship, and if anything, the bleachers were an open space; besides underneath it.
Sage took a deep breath to calm his racing heart and the stinging of tears. Though everything hurt so badly, he told himself that Xander must have a valid reason for what he did, and most likely, that was what he wanted to tell him later.
Maybe Maria said something to him?
Sage wasn't high on that idea. Remembering the cold look Xander fired his way, he shivered just a little.
Was Xander doing all that on his own accord, just because Sage confessed his feelings?
After a whole weekend beating himself up for it, Sage still stumbled upon the same crushing feelings and scarily accurate conclusion;
He was an utter idiot.
...
When 2:35 rolled around, Sage slipped out of the library, grabbing his bag and heading down the empty hallway. School ended at 2:50, so it was no shock when an upperclassman barred his escape to which he feebly flashed out his hall pass, to which he was permitted forth. He stuck the card to his sweater as he quickly moved forth, walking briskly until he was outside.
Glancing to his left and right, Sage didn't remember where the bleachers were for a second, so he decided to instead go to the parking lot, hoping to find who he searched for.
And for once, he was correct.
Standing by the black Impala, phone in hand was a very messy-headed Xander Love. Donned in a black leather jacket to match the T-shirt underneath, black baggy jeans and chain combat boots, it was no secret that he looked good, but it confused Sage to no end.
Xander was a simple person; he seldom put any effort into his looks or attire, which mostly consisted of hoodies, tracksuits, and sweatpants. What was the abrupt change about? Because he was now close to Maria?
Sage took a deep breath and hesitantly started towards the taller boy, whose eyes flit in the direction of the slightest sound. There, he found Sage in counting steps towards him. The sun hit him from the right angle, making all his strands seem like the individual embodiment of liquid gold. The sophomore bristled at the feel of eyes on him, to which he glanced up and caught Xander's blank stare. Shivering just a little, he took another step to further close the distance, but the senior didn't wait; he pushed himself off his car and cocked his head in the other direction before walking off.
Sage let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding in.
Using whatever last sense of logical thinking he possesses, he brushed back his hair and followed after Xander, ensuring that an ample gap existed between the two.
It wasn't that Sage wanted to stay away from Xander - in fact, it was the exact opposite, for Sage wanted to do nothing more than fall in his embrace, under the endless bound of his eyes, hugs, and kisses - but there was just something about Xander's demeanor that screamed 'fück off', almost similar to the one he flaunted when he punched Sage that day in the hallway; the old Xander Love.
Sage at least knew the senior wouldn't hit him again, but with Xander's hidden gentleness and caring aside, Xander himself was still a terrifying person. Sage wanted to do nothing more than hug him, but he was smart enough to keep his distance.
It terrified Sage.
The senior sat on the closest bleacher bench, where he casually lit up a cigarette.
He took one drag after the next, closing his eyes every time the euphoric sensation hit him, spurring him with confidence and resolution.
Sage watched him.
Xander's gaze flickered to meet greenish-gray ones, where they stayed, as though he was daring Sage to do or say anything. At first, Sage didn't, only feeling knots in his stomach clenching tighter and tighter with each toxic fumes Xander ingested so nonchalantly.
Neither of them said anything for the longest time.
"U-um..." Sage started, voice trembling under the haunting pressure of Xander's piercing stare. "A-are you ... are you smoking?"
He said he would stop.
Xander didn't respond. He averted his eyes though, hence allowing Sage to breathe freely.
With every drag, Sage's heart hurt more and more, to the point he couldn't bear it. He was about to turn and leave, but Xander cleared his throat and yanked the cigarette from between his lips. Not caring for littering, he tossed it aside into the grass.
"I'm with Maria now."
The words hit Sage like a bucket of ice-water, but he didn't react immediately.
A nervous smile pulled upon his face and he glanced around, just waiting for someone to jump out with a camera to say that it was just a prank. When none came, Sage looked back to his senior, who was intently staring at him, waiting for him to grasp the concept of the words spoken.
Sage vigorously shook his head as panic set in. Before he could recompose himself, words were already flying out of his mouth in a flurry. "I-is this because of what happened? I-in that case, wanted to apologize f-for it. I didn't think about it clearly before I s-said it, and I know that I-it's a sensitive topic for you! U-um, I meant to say t-that I love you as-"
Xander cut him off.
"Did you hear what I just said?" Xander asked, scowling slightly. "I said I'm with Maria now, yeah? You thought I gave a fück about you or how you feel?" he laughed, finding the joke of the century in his own crude words. "Look, you love me, you hate me, I don't give a fück. That's not my problem."
Again, Sage shook his head, causing his hair to fall over his tearing eyes. "I-I don't ... I don't understand."
Xander scoffed. "You don't? A'right, let me break it down for you then."
A long pause.
Another cigarette was lit, lifted to lips that once promised.
Then spoke,
"I'm saying you don't mean shit to me. Never did, never will. I mean, the fück did you expect?" Xander snickered again, shaking his head as he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I've hooked up with a lot of girls. They didn't mean anything to me, and life went on. What made you think you were different?
"I don't like dudes."
And the final blow,
"So just get over it, a'right?"
Sage stumbled back as one word hit him after the next. Eyes enormous and unblinking, he shook his head again. It wasn't true. That wasn't the Xander Sage knew at all.
That wasn't the Xander that held him as a thunderstorm raged outside. That wasn't the Xander that tended to him so carefully when he was burnt or whenever he cut injured himself due to his clumsiness.
Sage's Xander was the 'meanie' who teased him endlessly, whose kisses felt like life and had hugs to die for.
The Xander Sage could spend an entire day talking to without getting drained or weary.
Eyes blurring with tears, Sage bit his lip as he forced them back.
That wasn't Xander.
Xander scowled as Sage took a step forward. His eyes blazed, daring Sage to take another step.
"X-Xan? W-wh--"
A low growl cut him off.
"It's fücking Blaze, you get it?"
Sage flinched, but he didn't back away.
He stared at Xander for the longest time, trying to read him and uncover that he was indeed lying, or waiting for an apology at least. The Xander Sage knew hated when he cried, and Xander absolutely hated snapping at him, for which he would apologize.
This Xander did neither.
An annoyed sigh sounded from him.
He closed his eyes for a brief moment, then he opened them.
And stared back, at Sage.
That Xander continued stared right back, and empty, challenging stare, in a way that made chills crawl up Sage's spine. There was no warmth, no human, just an endless spiraling pit of pitch-black hatred and deceit, an intimidating, challenging and horribly dark state, one that succeeded in making the blond cower back from the intangible force of being shoved back.
"Y-you said ... I-I was ... um..."
Xander cocked his head to the side.
I...
It feels like we're...
It felt as though they were strangers.
strangers.
But were they truly anything but that?
The chilling realization snatched all the breath from Sage's body, leaving him breathless and cold.
"Whatever. Now get the fück outta here before someone sees me over here talking to you, a'right?"
As much as Sage wanted to run away, his limbs had completely solidified, hindering him from any completing any movement. He flinched at Xander's sharp tone, and when he finally got the full memo that Xander wasn't playing around, he made to leave, but Xander was already ahead of him. He'd rolled his pretty, cold blue eyes and stood, knocking Sage's shoulder aside as he stormed off.
Sage didn't know how long he stood there, emptily staring at the space Xander once occupied.
Seconds later, he fell to his knees.
The shocking this was that, despite how crushed he felt at that moment, no tears came forth to fall.
Not one.
* * *
One problem after the next, huh? I told you this wouldn't be a cute love story for the most part. It's angsty and dark, covering topics like suicide, substance abuse, sexual assault, homophobia and more.
I had a hard time writing this chapter, and I know the next few will be so much harder.
PS. If you're interested in reading about their personality types in a relationship with each other, here's an informative article: https://beaconstreetusa.com/wp/is-romance-in-the-air-infj-meets-istp.
Stay tuned, and remember to vote!