joe's pov
AGE 8
"go away, stupid!" "yeah, go away nerd!" they told me in a response to 'can i hang out with you?'. i've always tried to hang out with the cool kids. but if i can't fit in with the normal kids, how the hell am i going to fit in with the popular kids? i walked off after they rejected me. i went to my favorite place in the whole playground.
the swing set.
i went to one of the swings and took a seat on it. i wasn't in the mood to actually swing so i just sat there being sad.
i kept on kicking the dirt that is under the swing, when suddenly i heard an unknown voice from behind me. "is this swing taken?" i turned around a saw someone i haven't seen before, not at the playground, nor at school. it was a boy. he had short, blonde hair with emerald eyes. his eyes were so nice. my heart started to rush. "n-no." he smiled at me and took a seat on the second seat next to the one i was on. "i'm ben by the way." he told me his name and i told him mine. "are you okay?" he asked me. i nodded, even though i wanted to say no. "you don't seem okay." he told me with his sweet voice. i finally gave in. "they didn't let me hang out with them." i said as i pointed at the group of people that wouldn't let me play with them. "they just kept on calling me names and picking on me." i looked up to see him with a concerned look on his face. "why don't you just hang out with someone less mean? you can hang out with me and my friends." i was about to turn him down, but then i realized that i don't have any friends so i at least have a shot at making some. "okay" then he got up and and he told me to follow him to where his friends were.
"guys, this is joe." he said as i looked at his friends that were all hanging out where the slides were. his friends names were rami, gwilym, and lucy. they were all very welcoming and kind. they took me in right away. we had a good conversation. they learned things about me and i learned things about them. then, we all had to line up because recess was over. they said their goodbyes and they told me that i can hang out with them again tomorrow.
and so i did.
AGE 13
"come on joe, hurry up" ben told me while me and him were running to the park by our school. we just graduated 7th grade and we celebrated by going to the park next to the school. just me and him. me and him also shared our 5 year friendship anniversary not too long ago. these years were the best years of my life. ben is my true best friend. he was there for me when no one else was. i can always count on him. me and him went through puberty in the time between 8 and 13. he hit it before me, but it's fine. he always would talk about crushes that he would have on different girls. i didn't have any crushes yet. but i think that is okay. i will get one soon.
we ran all the way to the park and stopped once we were at the slides.instead of going down it, we just chilled at the top of them. "so, do you have a girlfriend yet?" he asked me when i was fully comfortable and at the top of the slide. "no...how about you,? do you have a girlfriend yet?" he answered me with "actually, i do". i wanted to feel happy for him, but i didn't. i felt...jealous...? and i didn't know why. "oh, um...who?" i asked and he smiled. "erica"...ERICA!?!?! out of all of the people he could've had a crush on/date? he chose erica? "really, erica?" i asked him. pretending like i'm not mad. he nodded to my question. "what? you don't like her?"......NO!... "um...yeah...i-i like her" i said in the most realistic way i could. "she is so pretty. i'm lucky i have a girlfriend like her. but don't go after her, she's mine." he told me with a smile. i (faked) smiled back. i knew i had to tell him. before i could, he interrupted. "joe! look!" he pointed to the swing set. i smiled and so did he. me and him got down from the top of the slide and ran to the swing. me and him sat on them and started swaying our legs back and forth so we could swing. i could officially tell him then. "ben" he turned his head to face me. "i don't like erica." . "you don't?" he asked me out of breath. i said 'no'. "who do you like?" he asked me...so i answered. "i don't like anyone" "oh, come on! you gotta like someone. who is one person that just...stands out to you. like that person that makes your heart go fast and your palms sweaty?" i hate to admit this, but ben makes me feel that way. but i can't have a crush on him. it's wrong. i can't like a guy. and he's my best friend. "um...-" i was cut off by the beep of ben's phone. he stopped swinging and i stopped with him to see what his phone said. he took it out of his pocket and read the notification that came up. 'wanna come 2 a party 2night at my house' -erica. "erica's having a party. do you want to come?" i thought about it for a second. this would be the first party i've ever went to. of course i would like to go. "yeah. when is it?" "i'll ask erica" then he started texting erica.
4 hours later, me and ben were at erica's party. i stepped in and from the looks of it, she invited to whole school. her and ben hugged while i closed the door after coming in. i thought this was going to be exciting for me, this was a shit show. i already wanted to leave. i took a seat on the couch and just sat there until something happened or the party ended.
"alright, who wants to play spin the bottle?" erica announced. all of the people at the party sat together in a circle in the middle of the big room. i thought 'why not' and got into a circle and sat next to gwil and lucy. erica placed a bottle in the middle of the circle and sat next to ben. why is he playing the game when he has a girlfriend? i have no clue. "who wants to spin first?" erica asked us once she sat down. "i'll go first" rami said and took a hold of the bottle. he spun it and it landed on lucy. 'oooohhhhh!' everyone said out loud. they both just shrugged and gave each other a kiss on the lips. they both wiped it off with their sleeves once they were done. "rami, you can pick who can go next." erica told him. "okay, i'll go with...joe" WHY ME!?!?! "what?" "yeah, you go" then rami passed the bottle to me. i gave him the death glare before spinning. it spun for a while until it stopped on-
...ben.
me and him looked up and made eye contact. now, everyone was silent. me and him got closer together. my heart was racing. once we were close enough together we both closed our eyes and filled the space in between our lips.
we kissed.
it felt like the world had stopped. everything else surrounding us went black as we shared a sweet kiss. it felt...good. it felt like something i could instantly get used to. it felt like something that made me feel like i'm floating. it was only a few seconds but to me it felt like an eternity. we both pulled away and made weird eye contact. we didn't say anything and went back to our original spots. "well that's gay" rami said out. everyone laughed while me and ben just made weird eye contact. i got up and ran to the door. i couldn't take much more of this.
i ran all the way to the park me and ben were at earlier. i started crying. i ran until i saw the swings, then i walked the rest of the way to them. i took a seat on one of the swings and kicked my legs back and forth. i just sat there, crying, kicking the dirt underneath the swings. then i heard "joe". i knew that voice, it was the person i kissed beforehand; ben. i turned around and gave him my attention. "hey joe" "hey" i replied silently. "y'know i'm not mad at you." i turned my head back at him. "you're not?" i asked him. he shook his head. "do you want me to walk you home?" i shook my head to that question. "can you swing with me instead?" he smiled to that. "of course". he then to a seat on one of the swings. we kept on swinging until we had to go because it was our curfew. he hugged and said our goodbyes and went back to our houses.
AGE 17
"i'm gay" i say to rami, gwil and lucy. they all smiled. lucy got up and hugged me. "I LOVE YOU!!!" she yelled as she hugged me. she was happy, but i was still horrified. i cried into her shoulder. "joe, why are you crying?" gwil asked me. i just cried because of all the relief that was off my shoulders. "i'm happy." i said sobbing. lucy pulled away from the hug to look at me. "is there a lucky guy?" rami asked me once i was done crying. "yes, but i'm not going to tell you." "please tell us. we won't tell anyone else if you're worried." lucy told me. "are you serious?" i asked her and she nodded. i took a breath before admitting it. "ben". i looked up to see their reactions. gwil and rami had wide eyes and a dropped jaw while lucy had a smile that was huge. "are you serious?" she asked me. i nodded. she hugged me once again. "you should tell ben. he feels the same way" gwil told me. "no he doesn't" i replied to him, shaking my head. "yeah he does, he told me" he told him?!?!?!?!? "he did". he nodded. "okay...i'll tell him. but if you're lying, i'm gonna beat the shit out of you." i then left.
i texted ben to see where he was. he told me that he's at the park me and him go to. that park is the closest park near where me and ben live. it the same park that we went to when we were 13. it's the park that is by our old middle school. we call it 'our' park. i have memories of the times me and him would go in the swings there. after that time when we kissed, i found out who i truly was. that kiss made me feel amazing. it gave me severe butterflies and a short breath. it made me feel like only me and ben were there in that moment as we shared a sweet kiss. after we kissed i thought about it and how it made me feel. it helped me come to terms with my sexuality. i'm thankful for that kiss. now all that's left is to tell him.
i got to the park and saw ben on one of the swings. he was swinging about like the happiest person on earth. i went up to and said something to him to get his attention. he stopped swinging and turned his head to me. "hey joe" he said to me happily. "hey ben" i replied to him. "would you like to swing with me?" i smiled after he asked that. "of course" i then took a seat on the seat next to him.
we kept on swinging until ben decided to stop, so i stopped too. "i'm gonna go, i'll see you later joe." before he could leave, i knew if i didn't tell him sooner that i'll never have another chance to tell him. i needed to tell him then and there. "wait, ben" he turned around and i took a deep breath. here goes nothing. "i'm in love with you" i looked up to see his face. he look...confused. "i'm sorry...i'm gonna go" i turned around and before i could take a step, a tug on my shoulder made me spin around again. ben then put a hand on my shoulder and
he kissed me.
it was a feeling that i had been longing for 4 years. it was an amazing feeling. the world stopped spinning, the sun went out, the surrounding areas were no more. me and ben just stood there, on the swing set, sharing a meaningful and warm kiss. ben then pulled away. the world started spinning again, the sun lit up, and the surrounding areas were no longer nothing. he smiled as his gorgeous emerald eyes looked everywhere on my face. "i love you, joe". "i smiled at him. "i love you, too" we brought our lips back together into one again.
AGE 23
"alright, i'm coming!" i say to ben as i put my shoes on. me and ben had been dating for 6 years now, exactly. today was our 6 year anniversary and ben decided to take me somewhere. i don't know where and he told me that i'll (hopefully) love it. we got into the car and before ben started it, he told me "before i started driving, you have to where this." then he pulled out a blindfold. i glared at him and put it on anyways. then he started the car.
we drove for 30 minutes and i had no idea where we were going. he then stopped and i asked him if i could take off the blindfold, but he said no. i got out of the car with some struggle. ben led me to where the place was. once we were there, he told to take the blindfold off. i did as said and saw something that made me so happy. "do you like it?" he asked me while i stared at the swing set. not just any swing set, it was the exact swing set that we played on when we were kids. "shall we swing?" he asked me. i nodded happily. we got on the swings and talked like there was no tomorrow.
we decided that we should leave after a while of swinging. before we could go back to the car, he told me this. "wait, stay there and close your eyes." i did as said and closed my eyes. he told me open and i did. he was on one knee with a box in his hand. in the box was a ring. my eyes started to tear up. "joe mazzello, will you marry me?" i nodded. "yes, of course i will marry you." he smiled and got up. he put the ring on my finger and went in to kiss me. the kiss was like any other kiss we share. it was like the first time we had kissed. the world stopped spinning, the sun went out, and the surrounding areas went black to leave us in a great kiss.
it was just me...ben...and the swing set.
well this chapter sucks but i'm keeping it anyways. thank you for reading!