Hello everyone,
Here is your awaiting chapter. I hope that you like it. And i am sorry if i am late for uploading. I was busy with my personal work and was unable to upload it on time.
This chapter is not edited, so there will be grammatical mistakes. Kindly ignore it and enjoy the chapter.
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Athira Patel
I was sitting silently in my bedroom while thinking about all the events that had happened today. It was like there was a slow motion button in my mind which is playing all the events slowly in my mind and making me even more frustrated, angry and sad at the same time.
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When Omisha left after hugging me, I didn't know what to do or what to say. I stood there like a statue remembering each and every word she said. And that every word was making me feel even more guilty thinking that how much i have hurted my Abhi even without knowing.
Am i really that selfish? Was i really that dense that i have not observed the hurt and feelings of the person who was standing beside me all the time like a protector? How can I be so oblivious to everything that was happening before me and feel like i was the only one suffering all this time? How can I show my face to the one who only thought about my happiness and feelings before him? How can I talk with him after knowing how much I have hurt him because of my foolishness? How can i?
I was lost in my own thoughts all this time that i forgot to glance at the person who is standing there looking like a nervous wreck. I wanted to apologise and hug him tightly but that won't be enough.
By seeing him, I can say that he has a lot to say but was waiting for my reaction when i was unable to utter even a single word out of my mouth. There is a thick tension in the air between the both of us and both of them were waiting for the other to break the silence because mostly we don't know what to say and how to start.
We have many words, many questions and many answers in my mind which are dying to come out of our mouths but still we were unable to utter even a single word the whole time. All the words were trapped inside our mouths and were not getting out in fear of another person's reaction. I can feel his discomfort and I can clearly see his anxiety and nervousness but still i am unable to face this man at this moment.
It was like my total world has been changed within this half nour and i don't even know half of it about what was happening around me. I was truly oblivious to everything around me and it has proved once again today.
So I just uttered the one thing that came out of my mouth at that moment and went towards the direction of the car without waiting for his reply in fear of crying then and there itself. I can't face him after everything i got to know and how much i have hurted him all these years by pushing him away from me.
The ride to my apartment it dead silent in the car with us being silent in our own thoughts. I saw his clenched fists around the steering wheel when I glanced at him and I know that he is controlling his feelings and emotions from letting it out. I can't blame him because I was the reason for all this mess and I am to blame it for everything.
He wanted to talk with me but was not able to meet my eyes or even was able to say anything.
God Abhi, don't look at me that way. Hell, even my position is similar to you. I have a lot to say but unable to say even a word. My emotions were all over the place but the guilt was eating me alive at this moment.
For the first time, I wanted to run away from him because of guilt and not because of my scared feelings. Funny right? But it's true.
I want to be with him and hug him tightly to make all his insecurities go away but at the same time i want to run away and hide from him and never show my face again for hurting him that much. And my weak heart won in making me feel even more guilty that i got down immediately after reaching my apartment.
I halted in my steps when I listened to his voice calling my name but didn't turn back to look at his face. Mostly because I was ashamed to show my face to a kind hearted person like him. I felt that I don't deserve him and his love after all what i did to him. So i just waited there not looking at him by controlling my emotions which were ready to break at any moment given.
But again he didn't say a word and i know that he wanted to say a lot but don't know what to say.
Please don't say anything Abhi. I am scared that I will break any moment if I listen to a word you say now. Not able to hold myself any longer I ran away immediately from there without glancing back for even a second.
When I reached my apartment and rang the bell, Dev opened the door with a wide smile on his face and came forward hugging me tightly.
"I am so happy for you Choti. I hope you enjoyed a lot" he said with sincerity in his voice that my heart tugged for him again.
I breathed deeply and closed my eyes to control myself from crying in front of him.
"Leave her Dev. Can't you see that she is hurting but trying miserably to cover it." Said Riya with worry and concern in her voice making Dev release me immediately from his embrace and look into my face for the truth.
Only then I opened my eyes to see that Riya was standing behind Dev looking at me intently to find the reason behind my tears. Immediately Rishi came from the kitchen listening to her words and i can find all my friends eyes looking at me with concern and worry in their eyes which made me burst out into tears immediately by slumping myself to the floor.
Riya came forward instantly by bending down and holding me in her arms while I was sobbing and crying uncontrollably. All the emotions I was building inside my heart from the moment I learned the truth came flowing back like a tornado making me mess in front of my friends. But I was not the least bit worried about them seeing me like this because they are my friends who saw me in the worst of cases and always stood by my side helping me in everything.
The emotions i have locked inside my heart from the start came out rushing like a volcano making me shake while crying out loud. My heart was paining for him knowing that I have hurt the one who became very special to me. My heart was not crying for myself but for that person whom i have made miserable all these years because of my selfishness. This pain, hurt, and agony was for that person who thought that I was his everything even after hurting him many times. It's crying for the person who stood by my side and still standing even today without a care about his own feelings and hurt.
"I hurt him Riya. I hurt.. him. I am sel..fish" I said hiccuping.
"Shh... Everything will be alright" she said hugging me back and let her do it while crying and repeating the same words continuously.
How can a person love another one this deeply that he is ready to get hurt again and again just to see his love happy? Can anyone be this selfless? I was in my own self pity all these days thinking that i got hurt by love but seeing him like this made myself look so small in my own eyes. If his was true love then mine was nothing compared to him. If his was the pain then mine was just a small stab compare to him.
How can you love me this much after getting hurt this many times Abhi?
"I am sorry Abhi... I am so sorry" I said in between my cries.
I was sobbing continuously in my best friend's arms and she was stroking my back with affection without uttering a word and letting me cry my heart out. I can see that even Dev and Rishi came and sat beside me by stroking my head affectionately. I feel lucky to have them as my friends.
After what felt like an hour, i somewhat controlled my sobs and was sniffing and hicupping when Dev went and came back with a glass of water in his hands and helped me in drinking it.
After drinking, Rishi picked me up in his arms and made his way towards the bedroom by placing me on the bed. Both Dev and Riya followed us behind Rishi and sat on the bed looking at me with concern.
All this while no one uttered a word but I know that they have many questions in their mind. I even know that they are giving me my space to recover from this heartbreak before asking me about what happened.
"Go to sleep Choti. Will talk tomorrow" Rishi said stroking my head like a big brother and placed a kiss on my forehead. He nodded his head at Riya and left the room quietly.
"Take care Choti" Dev said hugging me tightly and saying indirectly that everything will be alright. I am grateful for his company. He too kissed my forehead and went out following the path of Rishi.
Now this leaves Riya and me in the room and I know that she is not going anywhere but will be sleeping beside me. She was looking at me while I just kept my eyes down not meeting her eyes. I know that she got the point that i want to be left alone and went towards my cupboard and brought me my nightwear to change into it.
I sighed and grabbed it by going inside the washroom for changing. All the while my mind was on only one person and was thinking about how he is at present. I hope that he is fine and not thinking and hurting himself. It's already making me feel guilty that I have hurt him enough and knowing that he is getting hurt again will devastate me.
Fresh tears were pooling around the corner of my eyes thinking about his hurtful expression and again i started sobbing by clutch the edge of the wash basin.
I have hurt him alot and there is no forgiving me for that. I am a selfish bitch who only looks after her feelings by neglecting everyone around her.
I hated myself alot at his moment and if I can, then I want to turn back to the time when he was in my college just to meet him at that time to correct everything.
Riya came rushing inside and saw me sobbing again my clutching my stomach which is paining due to the gut wrenching sob that is coming from the pit of my stomach. My heart is paining a lot that i want to rip it away from inside my chest.
She hugged me and was saying soothing words to make me calm and to some extent it worked because I stopped sobbing but still was crying by holding her tightly.
"Shhh Athira. Control yourself. Everything will be alright" she said my rubbing my back. After sometime I stopped crying and she made me face the wash basin and washed my face with the water to get rid of the remaining tears on my face.
After drying my face with the towel, she slowly dragged me outside the bathroom and made me sleep on the bed by occupying the other side of it and hugged me by stroking my hair lovingly.
I closed my eyes and relished in her arms for sometime still hiccuping. When i totally cooled down from my crying, she gave a small smile and kissed my cheek and closed my eyes with her left hand.
"Sleep dear. Will talk tomorrow. Don't think about anything" she said hugging me back and rubbing my back. I listened to her words and closed my eyes tiredly because it was burning from my crying.
I felt exhausted and sleep was taking over me slowly when those chocolate brown eyes appeared in front of me by making tears pool at the corner of my eyes. I felt guilty for hurting him and was sorry. I was saying sorry repeatedly looking at those brown eyes and drifted off to sleep while crying. Last thing I felt was Riya wiping the tears that fell from eyes again.
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Hai lovelies,
How was the chapter? I hope that you like it. Any opinions and thoughts about this chapter? And what do you think will happen next? Please let me know your thoughts and opinions on that.
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Will try to update the next chapter within one or two days. Till then... See you....
And Advance Happy Dussera to all the Indian readers...
Love.....
Sprinkle....