"Mmm, this is delicious Tammy... thank you." Maddox mumbled through a mouthful of food. I smiled grimly, and carried on pushing the pasta around my plate.
Nothing really seemed appetising anymore.
"Tamara... Are you okay?" I looked up, staring into his blue eyes, which were wavering in worry.
"Yeah... Just not hungry." I muttered, dropping my fork in disgust, watching it splatter against the plate.
"Tamara..." His voice quivered in concern. He'd seen me like this before - but a lot, lot worse. "You are... you are eating aren't you?" He whispered. He had got up from his seat, coming to kneel in front of me, as he tilted my face so I had to look him straight in the eye.
"Yeah... I'm eating." I sighed, but looked seriously into his eyes. "Honest." I said, then tore my face from his hand, frowning.
Maddox was the only person who knew that I used to have a food-related-problem - I mean, he was the one there for me everyday begging me to eat. He was there through the tears, the tantrums...
The fainting. . .
It had gotten so bad, that I nearly had to go to hospital... But Maddox nursed me back to health gradually. He got me to eat regularly, and he got me to be comfortable with food. Well... comfortable-ish
But what he never knew was... the reason why I actually ended up wanting to be totally skinny... was him.
Maddox was basically my thinspiration.
I wanted him to love me like I loved him - totally heartbreakingly, head-over-heels in love.
And the girls he went for were the thin, skinny, pretty girls... I'm not really that pretty, in my opinion, but if I got skinnier... maybe he would notice me?
But he found out that I wasn't eating... and he made me stop "physically hurting myself". Pahh, I naturally thought it was doing me good... And, I think it kind of was? I needed that control in my life - something to focus on, to strive for...
But, he never knew why I was starving myself though...
And I would prefer it that way... I could never, ever, tell him.
I stood up, scraping my chair against the wooden floor. I scraped the leftover food away, and plonked the plates and cutlery into the dishwasher.
"I'm going to go now... I've got coursework I have to do." I muttered, keeping my face turned away from him, so he couldn't see the strange tears in my eyes.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He whispered, grabbing my hand with his. "You know, you're skinny enough already... you're wasting away in front of my eyes. And you are definitely pretty enough. You just don't see how amazing you are..." He said, spinning me to face him.
I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.
"I...I'm going... to... go now. B-b-bye." I choked out through the now flowing tears. I tore my hand from his, and tried to walk out the door calmly.
It was so confusing... First Alex - beautiful, lovely Alex - and that kiss... Why did he pull away like that? It was an accidental kiss, so we could have just laughed about it. It could've been a bit awkward - but all would be fine...
But no. He'd carried on the kiss, changing it... adding meaning. And then pulled away suddenly.
The feeling of rejection washed over me again...
Why did he do something like that? Did he suddenly realize I was so... disgusting... that he pulled away so vigorously.
Or did he think I was someone else - that could be why he kissed me more? - and then remembered who I actually was.
What ever it was... It still hurt.
And then Maddox... What the hell did he mean by that last bit? He's messing with my mind; surely?
He has to be... He's just saying it because he's scared I'm not eating...
It's sweet of him to care... but he didn't have to lie?
He could've just said the stuff like last time... he could've shown the pictures of all the girls who'd gone too far...
But no. He decided to lie to me?
Skinny?... Pretty? What one earth is he on?
... Liar.
---------
I glanced at my phone, my finger hovering over the 'call' button.
I've been sitting like this for hours... Agitated, glaring at my phone, finger poised to press down the button.
I wanted to apologise to Alex so much... but I still couldn't do it. I kept getting flashes of his cold stare as he walked away into the rain... But then - I also needed to reassure Maddie that I was fine. But I couldn't decide who I wanted, or needed, to ring first.
The phone suddenly vibrated in my hand, the familiar ring-tone blasting out, scaring me.
Unknown number.
I picked up anyway - I was itching for it to be a prank call, just so I could have an excuse to shout at someone.
"Hello?" A melodically cocky voice sang into my ear.
"Erm... hello?" I muttered back, confused at who the hell could be on the phone.
"It's me..." A pause continued... "Myles?" He said, laughing. "You haven't forgotten me already?" I could hear the wink in his voice, as he chuckled.
"Oh... hey... erm, Myles, nice to hear from you... But why are you calling me?" I asked - sounding confused, but I couldn't help but laugh back at him.
"Because you, missus, have somehow managed to send all three of my brothers into depression." He sighed, but keeping the smile in his voice.
"Erm... brothers?" I asked... I didn't know his brothers...
"By brothers, I mean the band, silly, it's what we basically are; brothers." He chuckled, and I giggled back.
"But... erm how? And why Theo...?" I asked, crinkling my forehead in confusion. I guess Maddox could be upset that I just left him, crying and with anorexia-scares... and Alex could be angry about the kiss? But Theo...?
"Well... Maddox's lyrics have gone totally depressant, I mean really depressant... about this girl wasting away in front of his eyes - 'like grains of sand in the wind, she fades away.'" He sang slightly; he had a strangely pretty voice, for the way he seemed. I cringed at the meaning behind the lyrics. A if sensing my discomfort, Myles carried on with; "Yeah, I know right - depressive! And then Theo still keeps saying about your bad vibes (jeez, I don't know what that kid is on half the time...I think it's just 'cause he wants you)
"And then there's Alex... Well, he's talking less than he used to. And he keeps doing this weird little thing, when he picks up his phone, scrolls through something or other, touches his lips... and then throws the phone away in disgust."
"Oh..." I muttered, not really sure what to say.
"So, anyway... carrying on... I want you to come along, with us, for a drink tonight."
"I err... But..." I stuttered.
"Don't you wanna see me?" Even though the phone, I could hear him pouting.
"I... Yeah... But you guys are famous. Like, you get mobbed everywhere you go!" I protested, fighting for excuses.
I'd always hated how paparazzi and girls flocked around Maddie; when all we wanted to do was sit in the park...
"Trust me this'll be a quiet drink between friends. Those guys need cheering up, okay? And you should be able to do it... Even though you may not cheer up Theo - but oh well."
"Okay... if you promise it won't be too bad."
"Of course not... Just a quiet drink."
------------
"A quiet drink?!" I shouted into Myles ear, as he whipped me past the crowds of people in a jam-packed night club. "This is not a quiet drink!" I exclaimed, tugging at his arm. He glanced back at me, eyes twinkling, and dragged me away from the dance floor, towards the tables at the back of the club.
A big crowd of people were surrounding a table near the back. Scantily clad girls, with dyed and hair-sprayed locks and tons of eyeliner, giggled and gossiped. They weren't paying much attention to the scattering of guys that were joining them in the crowd - no matter how gorgeous they looked, or how scarily tight their skinnies were...
All of them were surging forwards, trying to get towards whatever was in front. To be honest, I was curious, as to who was drawing all this attention, but I didn't want to go near all those people.
They were all thin... pretty... and totally dressed up nice. I - trusting in Myles' words - didn't really dress up anything special.
I wore skinnies, heels, and a dressy top... but it didn't really match up to the atmosphere in this place. I tugged on Myles' arm - point over to a blank table, hoping we would go there. He laughed at me, winked, and pulled me towards the crowd.
"Oh my GOD! It's Myles!" This one girl screamed, as she spotted him. Half the people turned, and ran towards us.
"Erm...erm... Myles?" I whimpered, as people began reaching for him.
"Hold on, Tamara." He chuckled, and grinned as people surrounded around us. I squealed as people pressed against me.
Don't get me wrong - in the right situation I LOVE crowds; like in concerts and etc. But... when you aren't a part of the crowd, but rather it is coming to you... Well that's a different story.
"Myles! Can you sign this for me?"
"Myles, Myles, Myles! Do you have a girlfriend?!"
"Myles, I love you!"
"I've been to all your concerts!"
"Oh my god, I want to be like you!"
"I want your hair, man, how is it that good?!"
So many voices were shouting, so many hands were reaching forwards. Suddenly, a rough hand was shoved into my hair, yanking my head back - dragging me off of Myles' arm.
I screamed, loud and piercing, and looked up at the girl, her hand twisted around my auburn hair.
"Let go of me." I gasped, as she yanked again, "What do you want?!"
"Don't. You. Ever. Touch. Myles. Ever." She growled, yanking me out of the crowd, and pushing me to the floor. "He's mine." She accentuated every word with a tug of my hair.
She was scarily beautiful, with angered eyes, and a hard smile.
"But..." I breathed heavily, trying to get her away.
"But nothing!" She growled, yanking my head up, then violently untangling her hand, forcing my head to drop against the floor.
I groaned as my head hit the ground; I could feel a bruise coming already.
"Just stay away, okay!" She spat. I began to sit up, when her foot slammed into my stomach, her high heel slightly piercing the skin.
I screamed, as the pain shot through me...
Black flickered in front of my eyes - circling them, narrowing my vision. I'd never been good with pain...
I could feel my mind floating away...
"Tamara? ... Tamara!" A faint voice called, and a flicker of blonde was the last thing I saw.
--------------
"Erm... wake up, please?"
"Tamara... Baby... sweetheart?"
"Oh god, this is all my fault! I should've held on to her tighter"
"Guys... She's waking up..."
Voices were all around me, muttering and bubbling like a waterfall.
"Oi, step back, okay?!" A male voice reverberated around my thumping head.
"Ergh... what's going on?" I muttered, trying to lift a very heavy head up.
"Hey, hey, hey, lie back down missus." Someone said, concerned but humoured, and gently pressed my head back against something soft, but slightly muscle-y. My eyes slowly flickered open, trying to focus on a light blur above me. Blinking a lot, I finally managed to make out Maddox's worried, but slightly relieved face.
From the angle I was looking up at him, I concluded what I was leaning on must've been his crossed legs.
I slowly started to sit up, ignoring the way my head span with dizziness. The legs at my back quickly uncrossed, and slid either side of me. Two strong arms crossed around my stomach, bracing to pull me backwards.
As the muscle tensed to draw me to Maddox's chest, it touched a nerve and I gasped at the pain.
"What is it?!" Four voices asked at once, and Myles, Alex and even Theo rushed to my side.
"My... Stomach..." I gasped, and Maddox slowly lifted up the bottom of my t-shirt to look at what caused me pain.
A deep purpling bruise was forming on the left side of my stomach.
"A muscle bruise, I would say." Alex muttered, his cool hands touching the bruise slightly, testing the skin. "I was studying to be a doctor, before the band got big." He muttered for my benefit. "The damage is minimal, all you can do is rest, and take painkillers."
Alex quickly tore his hands away from my stomach, and pulled my t-shirt down, as if he was suddenly embarrassed, or disgusted to be touching me.
I blushed, suddenly realizing I was still in the club - although in a private back room somewhere, I guessed - with these four guys, only one of which I know well, and I'm just lying down like some kind of weirdo.
"I, uh, wanna go home now?" It came out like a question, as I lifted my self up, to see where I actually was.
I was lying on a pretty large sofa, with Maddox still at the end. Theo was sitting down on the floor, head resting against the sofa, as Alex was pacing slightly in front of him.
But Myles...
Myles was in the corner of the room - as far away from me as possible - glaring at the door, whilst frequently punching the wall.
"I'm... I'm going to go now..." I whispered, scrambled up, and teetered over towards the doorway.
My image blurred, my feet no longer wanting to support my weight.
"Hey there... Watch it!" Alex's soft voice laughed gently in my ear as he steadied me. I glanced backwards slightly, to say thank you, but ended up just noticing the deep furrowed lines, creasing Maddie's brow, as he frowned.
I shot a questioning look at him, before turning back to Alex - as I realized he was talking to me.
"... Can't walk home like this. Let me give you a lift." He smiled, then burst into a giant grin, "And I'm not taking no for an answer!" He laughed.
"Okay then," I couldn't help laughing back, even though my brain was still swimming with dizziness, and I was confused over Maddox.
Alex escorted me out of the door, after haphazard goodbyes, and awkward glances...
"Alex...?" I asked, as he opened the passenger door for me to hop into.
"Yeah, hon..."
"Erm... what is going on here? Like, tonight and... erm... yeah."
"Well... it's a long story..."
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