it's the day before orchestra night.
as musicians of all kinds rushed in and out of the auditorium for rehearsals with hands lugging their instruments, brett, ray and i practised non-stop for countless hours for weeks and weeks. it was tiring, as sometimes it goes late into the night, but it wasn't all bad as we would accompany each other to each other's houses and say goodbye at their doorstep.
today we had to wear our concert attire in as well.
i struggled to adjust the sleeves of the ebony swallow-tailed coat that was held back by the ivory white-laced shirt that hid beneath. after a long time, i could finally tuck the white sleeves in so the black ones do not get caught up by them. i turned to glance at my reflection of the dressing room mirror. through the glass, i could see myself, but also someone else.
my father gave me a serene smile, the one that's most recognizable to me. i smiled back at him and extended a hand to touch his face on the mirror. beside him, on his grip, was his beloved violin, one he held as a treasure to for years and helped him accomplish outstanding things in his lifetime. i picked up my violin from the dressing table and looked up at him again. he beamed and lifted his violin, whilst i did the same.
a vision appears in my mind as the dulcet, mellow tones of the violin echoes through my mind. it takes me back to a house, a bedroom, a figure and a storybook.
"dad, i can't sleep. read me another story please. just one more for tonight, then i'll be out like a light in seconds!"
"alright, eddy," a warm hand ruffles my hair, innocent laughter of a child spreading throughout the room. "but just one more, i want to share with you something that holds dear to me."
"what is it, dad?"
"you'll hear it later."
even after the story, i was wide awake, excited to see what my dad had in store for me. after he finished, he placed the storybook down on his lap and pulled out a wooden object. it looked like a nut with a stick that comes out from the top. he took it and placed it in front of me, beaming. i was puzzled.
"what is this thingamajig dad?"
"this 'thingamajig' is a violin. it is an instrument - that means it can make music once you play it in the right way. watch, eddy."
he pulled out another stick, brandished it around like a sword and landed it on the strings that were tied from one end of the 'violin' to the other end, below a wooden thing that wedged itself in between. he pulled the stick downwards on the string and out of nowhere a beautiful sound came out of it. i was mesmerized and awed and clapped for him to continue. he proceeded to play every note on the violin, the smile not leaving his face. when he ended it, i begged for more.
"alright, i'll present you this song that was played to me almost every night in my childhood by my grandmother. this was what i wanted you to listen to. hear it carefully. let the melody sink into your memory and replay it there every so often, so that it reminds you of me whenever i go to work and you feel lonely by yourself. play it so that i live within you as if i'm by your side. play it so that music connects the two of us, no matter how far apart we are."
i was young that time and didn't understand his words until the next day, so i just nodded obediently. his tone came off as a little serious yet sad to me, but i didn't bother to ask him why.
"promise me you'll engrave it into your heart, eddy. never forget it."
whilst hearing the ballad that went on and on non-stop into the darkness of the night, i hear a distant shout and murmurs of a crowd. at that moment, i wondered to myself why i had never asked him when i had the chance to.
the dressing room was overflowing with memories of me and my father, my playing growing more expressive and sorrowful. but before i could play it as a different tone on its own, the name of the song always brought me back to reality, to keep the song slow and reminiscent, and so i did. from the reflection of the mirror i see my father playing the music with me, my heart complacent with love.
i was maybe a bit too focused, that i didn't realise the door opened. brett came inside to find me playing in front of a wall that hung an unrepaired mirror with so much emotion and feeling. as he didn't wish to bother me, he quietly got a chair and sat down to listen attentively and patiently to the melody. a silent onlooker for me. my audience.
after the last note, i exhaled, relieved that the tune was still fresh in my memory. that was when i realised i wasn't alone. i looked over my shoulder to meet brett's longing gaze. it was soft and deeply touched by the music i was playing. when he realised i caught him staring, he immediately apologised for not notifying me and just entering the room like that. he was blushing, it was really cute, with his hands waving around in front of him and his ears gradually turning the same colour on his rosy cheeks.
"i didn't mean to overhear! wait, that's not it, i mean well i am already here listening to you what am i talking about haha... i mean i didn't mean to come inside the room umm and interrupt you or anything. i didn't want to stop you from playing because you were so focused so i just grabbed a chair and sat down quietly. should've just walked out honestly..."
i stifled a giggle, his reaction wasn't what i expected from him.
"hey, it's okay, dude. take it easy. i don't mind someone coming in to listen to my playing as i'm going to play in front of many more tomorrow. besides, i'm kinda glad you came in, i was starting to think i'm hallucinating a little too much."
"hallucinating?"
i placed my violin down and leaned on the wall next to his chair.
"that melody just now was a memory my father gave me the day before he left me forever." i gave a long sigh and stared up at the ceiling. "sometimes when i look in the mirror i see my father's figure that stands parallel with mine. i wonder... in his eyes, do i live up to his expectations yet? am i a qualified violinist for him? will he be proud of all the things i've done, no matter if it's loving the same gender or gaining friends like you guys? tell me brett," i stopped for a brief moment to catch his eye, my mind rushing to say the feelings deep below. "do you think i'm being a good son? do you think i am a good violinist? do you think i am a good friend? do you think i deserve all the things around me? do i deserve you by my side all this while?"
i took a breath, the atmosphere was tense.
" do i... deserve you?"
brett remained silent.
i sense him standing up from his chair and move closer to where i was standing. i held my breath as i feel his presence in front of me.
my overflowing emotions were cut short from a warm hold that gently cupped the left side of my cheek, a thumb softly stroking my left ear. my face was gradually lifted up and for a split second, my gaze met his for one more time before there was no sound of breath between us. the dressing room was silent for that unexpected kiss and at that moment,
the two of us felt complete with each other.
our lips disconnected.
my hand immediately flew to my mouth to cover the furiously blushing cheeks. i stared wide-eyed with shock at brett, who had lowered his head and was staring at the ground out of embarrassment. then, softly, he spoke.
"eddy, in my eyes, you are perfect no matter what you say about yourself."
"in my eyes, you live up to every inch of your expectations and fulfilled every wish your father told you of. in my eyes, you are more than just a qualified violinist, in fact, you are an outstanding star in music. in my eyes, your father will be so proud of you, that he won't even be worried about you for a single bit. in my eyes, i bet your father is very proud to have a son like you. in my eyes and ray's eyes, you are a lifelong friend that everyone would want to have if they knew more about you. in my eyes, you don't just deserve everything you have, you deserved everything in this world. in my eyes, i am thankful to have you by my side. in my eyes, i deserve you even more than you do. in my eyes, you're mine and nothing can change my view on that."
it was silence. tears were welling up around the corner of my eyes. he inhaled and said one last line before he dashed out the door in shame, leaving me alone with my tangled feelings and emotional tears.
"i love you and i wished you do too."
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a.n: OMG I AM ALMOST TEARING UP WRITING THIS CHAPTER DJIWOQFOWO
did you guys enjoy that?? i bet you guys weren't expecting that kiss ;)
next chapter, the story will switch from the first perspective to third perspective (narration), that means it's going to be in normal story format. don't worry i will still be revealing the thoughts of both eddy and brett (it'll be more eddy on this one though since brett revealed his feelings...)
anyways sry for the long chapter, and hope you enjoyed that!
let me know in the comments what i can improve on and also your thoughts and feelings on the story so far!! i've planned out the rest of the story beforehand anyways, but it'll be nice if you leave a comment here and there, means a lot to me :) once again thank you and see you next chapter! - unworld
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