Oliver
Present Day
I'm so confused right now. Last week Charlie and I had sex—which was fucking amazing, but now she's acting like nothing happened. I even woke up in her bed the next day and all she said to me was 'good morning' and then muttered something about having an appointment to get to. It felt a lot like a morning after brush-off. Which has never fucking happened to me before. I don't know how to feel about it.
For the rest of the week she's been weird. Not exactly distant, but not overly affectionate either. I haven't even kissed her again since I've literally been inside of her. We skipped over every step we were supposed to take and went straight for the good stuff—except it doesn't feel good. I'm sure I sound like the ultimate pussy right now, but I can't help it. I want everything we should have had all along and I'm not willing to be patient. Too much time has already been wasted because I was afraid to be real with her. That ends now.
I've decided that the best way to get some clarity on the subject is to discuss it with someone who has experienced it first-hand. In the end, Judah didn't get the girl, but he did learn a valuable lesson. One that I still have a chance to avoid.
I'm sitting inside the bar at the Lodge, watching Judah and Elliot involved in what appears to be a heated discussion out on the sidewalk. The large wall of windows not only provides a scenic view for guests, but it also makes it easy to people watch while you drink. It's an activity I usually enjoy, but Judah's attitude is notably subdued when we walks inside the bar.
He pulls his ballcap down and sits at the barstool across from me. "What'd I miss?" His tone is casual as he reaches forward and grabs the pitcher from the center of the table and fills his glass. "Did they kick off yet?"
I shake my head, watching him carefully. "No, we still have five minutes."
He nods and then takes a long drink, refilling his glass before returning the pitcher. I arch an eyebrow. Judah has been making a valiant effort to reduce his drinking since returning to campus this year. I've watched him nurse the same beer for an entire night recently and now he's tipping them back as fast as he can pour them.
I sigh. "I'm sorry. I didn't know she was going to be up here."
Judah looks over at me, his brow furrowing. "No, it's totally fine. I talk to Elliot all the time."
"Yeah, but that looked weird." I motion to that sad, dumb look that still on his face. "You still look fucking weird."
Judah shakes his head, his expression surprisingly serious. "No, it's not that." He looks away from me for a moment, his jaw working. "I don't know. Sometimes it's not easy to be friends with her." He turns back to me and shrugs one shoulder. "Sometimes it's really fucking hard."
"I get it. You're allowed to feel that way."
My words are sincere and uncharacteristically supportive. Typically, I would call him a pussy and tell him to suck it up. Then I'd suggest fucking one of her friends to make himself feel better—but I'm not like that with Judah. He may be a beast on the field, but underneath it all it all he's a sensitive little lamb. To be honest, we're more similar than I would like to admit. Hunter is one hundred percent my best friend. He's my ride or die, homie for motherfucking life—but there are some things I can't talk to him about.
Judah flashes a smile, lightening the tone. "I'm just inside my head at the moment. It doesn't really have to do with her."
My ears perk up. "A new girl?"
He laughs. "No, well—I'm not sure. It's complicated."
The way he's stumbling over his words makes me even more interested. I motion with my hand for him to continue, but he shakes his head.
"We don't have time to sort through the tragedy that is my love life." He nods to me. "I'm here for you. What's going on with Charlie?"
A heavy sigh racks through me and I tip back the rest of my beer. I meet his eyes. "We had sex."
"And?"
"And—that was it. She's still acting like we're 'just friends' and it's making me crazy. I want to tell her I want more than that, but I'm afraid it will push her away." I rub my hand over my jaw, irritated. "It feels like a loss no matter what I do."
Judah shakes his head. "No, you're missing the obvious."
I laugh like his statement is ridiculous. Nothing gets passed me.
But still, I tilt my head closer. "What's that?"
He smiles. "Tell her how you feel."
His words are simple, but at the same time, so fucking hard.
"She knows how I feel," I say instead.
Judah snorts and then takes another drink. "If she did—" his voices trails off and he motions between us. "We wouldn't be having this conversation right now."
I release a frustrated grunt. "Fuck. You're right, okay?" I lower my voice. "I just, well I don't know how to say it."
"Easy," he says with a shrug. "Just say, 'I love you'."
My teeth clench together and he grins. "It's not easy, dick. I've never said it to anyone."
"Not even Elliot?"
"That's different," I scoff. "She's my sister."
"It's not, actually. You either love someone or you don't."
His casual demeanor is pissing me off. What's more serious than love? Those are three words that are thrown around way more than they should. You're supposed to not only mean them, but uphold their meaning. I've never been in a position where I felt I was capable of doing that. Maybe I'm not all the way there yet, but today was another step in the right direction.
I made it through an entire morning plotting for the new building with my father. Despite a few choice words, I think it went well. If I'm going to get Charlie to take me seriously and show her I can take care of her then I'm going to have to start taking myself seriously as well.
Judah's staring at me, waiting for a response I don't have. I blow out a forceful breath. This is why he's here, I should make the most of it.
"Okay, what do I do?"
He smiles again. "Just tell her, dude. Walk up to her, look her dead in the eye and say those three little words."
"I can't." My words come out strangled and I clear my throat, sitting up straighter on my stool. "I mean, I don't think I can."
"Sure you can," he says encouragingly. He pats his chest. "Practice on me."
I sputter a laugh. "What? You're fucking high."
"Come on, Ollie." He tilts his head toward me. "Don't you love me?"
My fist clenches on the table. "You're not funny. I'm being serious."
"So am I. Just say it." My eyes narrow, but he laughs at me. "Once you get it over with the next time will be easy."
The bar isn't completely packed at the moment, but there's enough people here that no one would actually hear me. Not that I'm uncomfortable with expressing male bro love, but it's not my style. I was taught to keep that shit on the inside where it belongs.
Judah's still grinning at me when I down the rest of my beer. I lock my eyes on him after setting my glass on the table, my jaw tense.
"You're an asshole."
"Just say it, pussy."
An incredulous laugh bursts out of me and I arch an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I'm a pussy." I square my shoulders and look him dead in the eye. "Judah, I love you."
He stays quiet for a moment and then pulls his hand into his chest. "Aw, Ollie. I love you too, man."
With a growl, I reach for the pitcher and fill my glass to the brim. "You're a dick."
Judah laughs as I take several large gulps. "You feel better though, don't you?" I look up at him and he shrugs. "Now you can tell Charlie."
My mouth still goes dry even with all the liquids I've been consuming. Can I tell her? Can I really stand in front of the girl that I've loved for so long and actually tell her? Maybe I am a pussy.
I don't say that though. Instead, I chose to remain humble.
"All jokes aside, I appreciate you taking the time to talk about this with me. I know you're busy this year."
Judah waves me off. "Nah, it's no problem, dude. I still consider you a brother no matter what."
This makes me genuinely smile. It's true that I have love for that stupid motherfucker. He's been around for a long time, and in a lot of ways, I feel like I had a hand in raising him too. The advice I had wasn't always the best, but we have a bond that can't be broken just because things didn't work out with my sister. Judah is family to me and having his support means a lot.
I raise my glass to him. "Well, I hope that this new girl is what you're looking for. You deserve to be happy, too."
He bumps his glass with mine, but his smile isn't as wide as it usually is. All relationships are hard and I have a feeling his new one is no different.
***
Later that night, I'm still lacking some much needed confidence. After grabbing a fairly expensive bottle of whiskey I pour myself a drink. I go over a dozen different ways to approach her in my head before I even realize I'm three drinks in. I'm starting to understand why Judah drank so much when he was trying to win Elliot back. Love fucks with you in ways you never thought possible. I've never been more twisted up inside. Since Charlie got back it's all I can think about. Nothing makes it better and every time I see her the feeling only gets worse.
The more I drink, the more rationale Judah's actions seemed. I even find myself wondering what he would do right now. Grand gestures work all the time in movies, right? Maybe he was onto something.
When I'm positive I can't wait one more second to see her I make my way outside. The walk down my driveway seems to take forever as I let the words play over in my head. Mapping out my game plan is becoming increasingly difficult as the alcohol flows more and more through my veins.
By the time I cross the street my whole plan is basically out the window as I stare up at hers. The light is off and I glance at my phone quickly to check the time. It's already after ten. I must have spent more time plotting my epic declaration than I realized.
I bend down and pick up a small rock and throw it at her window. It bounces off, barely making a sound. I reach for a bigger one. It makes a louder ping, but the light still doesn't flick on. Frustrated, I grab an even bigger one. In hindsight, I should have known this was taking it a step too far. This rock doesn't make a sound; it shatters right through the window.
The light finally comes on and I stagger backwards. I may be drunk.
Charlie has a look of alarm on her face when she pokes her head out of the now broken window.
The alarm shifts to anger when she takes in my stance. "Oliver!" she hisses through her teeth. "Are you out of your fucking mind?"
I manage a shrug. "I wanted to talk to you."
She rolls her eyes. "You're ridiculous. You know that?"
"Maybe, but I have something to say." I take a breath. "I love you."
A/N: Hey Everyone! I posted a message about removing this story Oct 15th. Don't worry..I'll finish it before I take it down. I wouldn't do that to you. But I'm still looking for your feedback. Once it's complete it will go for edits and then I'll be making changes.
The preorder is already live and I have a sexy new cover. I'll post it below and you tell me what you think.
And if you're interested in owning a copy (fresh and typo-free) here is the link.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07YLLW45T
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