Coming back home for Jemma was easier than she had expected it to be. After being dropped off at her building with Claire and Wanda, she called her parents to let them know that she was back, and within the hour they came over and dropped off Griffon. They met Wanda and immediately fell in love with her, practically making her part of the family.
Jemma's life went back to normal before running off with the Avengers for two years. Under some miracle, she kept her job at the paper, and during the day that's where she was, and when she'd get off in the evening, she'd go home, feed Griffon and herself (and occasionally Wanda and Claire) and then she would go to bed. Though, as the weeks went by, and Wanda and Claire's apartment came together, Jemma found herself in the apartment alone; missing the company of her little sister.
She tried to keep herself busy with work and her writing to keep from noticing the deafening silence, and it worked, but only most of the time. The only time she really noticed it was when she went to bed. Griffon, who grew accustomed to Wanda's presence, started sleeping in her bed, while Jemma slept in her king bed all by herself. It was at these points in time when Jemma would reflect on a time when she wasn't alone in the bed, and that the sound of Lily's snoring kept her company. It killed her that she'd never get to have another moment like that, ever.
Jemma sat up in bed and ran her fingers through her hair, letting out a frustrated scream. Tears ran down her face and she frantically looked around the darkened room. A flash of light came in through the window, catching her eyes and momentarily blinding her, and landed on something on her dresser. Jemma followed the light, turning her eyes to a picture frame laying faced down. Without even flipping it over she knew what it was.
She bit her lip, trapping the coming sob inside her, refusing to let it out. She was over this, she tried to convince herself. She had two years where she wasn't feeling like this. She was over this. Getting out of bed, she walked over to the picture frame, grasping it tightly in her hand, afraid that she'd drop it. She took a deep breath and wiped her tear stained face. If she was over this, she could look at this picture and not feel a thing, right? She inhaled sharply and flipped the picture frame over, gazing at it.
Her eyes went directly to Lily's timeless face smiling back at her as her arms held Jemma close as she laughed and ducked her head as the camera snapped the picture, leaving a memory of her flipping dark hair and the remnants of a smile. Lily's blue eyes glowed in the dark, staring right into Jemma's soul, and her heart crumbled. Her throat closed up as the sob broke free from her, leaving her gasping and collapsing to the floor. The tears came full force, blurring her already limited vision of the picture. She laid on the floor, curled up in a fetal position, clutching the picture frame to her chest as if she was willing the Lily in the picture to spring from the paper and glass and hug her back. Her throat ached as the lump formed regardless of the fact that she was already crying and pressed against the walls of her throat.
"Calm down, love. Just breath."
She breathed in deeply and furiously wiped her eyes. Her sobs had stopped, thank God, but the tears continued to fall. Upon hearing the commotion from the next room, Griffon strolled into the room, pushing Jemma's door open with his head, and walked over to her, nudging her knee with his head. Jemma sniffled and sat up, reaching for the feline, and held him close to her as she started to cry again. She thought of Lily's stupid little arguments with him, never understanding why they never got along.
"Jemma, I swear that cat is out to get me."
Griffon let out a little meow and Jemma sniffled again, burying her face into his soft fur.
"Yeah. I miss her too."
She pulled the cat and herself up off the floor and sat back on the bed, resting the picture frame that was still in her hand on her nightstand. She laid down, turning her head to face the picture and petting Griffon's body as he curled up against her, and tried to relax and go to sleep.
"Goodnight, Lily. I love you." She pressed a kiss to her fingers and brought them over to the glass of the picture frame, resting her fingers on Lily's face, transferring the kiss. She then closed her eyes and allowed sleep to come to her, though she still felt the tears fall down her cheeks and her breathing shudder.
"Rest well, Jemma Bean."
○○○
In the past few weeks, Jemma through herself into her work. By day, she worked at the paper, and by night she was working on her own multiple unfinished pieces of writing. She was determined to distract herself with work until the often overwhelming feeling of loneliness and depression subsided. Wanda and Claire didn't come over as much as they had before, and Jemma rarely heard from them. She wondered if they were as equally busy as she was or if they...had forgotten her. She instantly shook her head, dispelling that thought from her mind. They hadn't forgotten about her and they wouldn't forget about her.
Jemma walked up the steps to her apartment, passing the fifth floor, and paused. She debated stopping by for a quick hello, a slight reprieve from the loneliness, but decided against it and kept walking up to her floor. She put the key in the lock and twisted it. Walking in, she let her purse drop to the floor behind her as she leaned against the door, sighing loudly. Though the silence wasn't new to her, it certainly was exhausting. Peeling away from the door, she walked over to the island and rested her bag on the counter and took out her laptop, turning it on.
She then walked over to Griffon's food bowl and put in some fresh food and chuckled lightly when she saw him quickly waddle into the room when he heard the food. She placed his bowl back on the ground, gave him fresh water, and then walked back to sit at the island where she opened a frequently opened Word document. As she was about to start typing, something in her peripheral vision caught her attention. She turned her head to the right, and on the coffee table sat a large shiny black box.
She got up from the stool and walked over curiously. Reaching it, she sat on the love seat and turned to the window, feeling a draft. Behind the loveseat, the curtains danced as the wind blew from the open window. Odd. Inspecting the box, Jemma noticed a small not sitting on top of the box reading:
"Dear Jemma,
Sorry this is getting to you so late. I'm afraid that after Lily passed, things kind of went crazy here and this got shuffled around too much. I hope you're doing okay, Jemma, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope this eases a little bit of the pain.
Maria Hill
P.S. I'm sorry about breaking into your apartment."
Jemma put the note down and looked at the box. A small button sat in the middle, connecting the lid to the rest of the box. Jemma reached forward and pressed the button and jumped slightly when an automated voice said, "Input Voice Code".
Voice Code? She didn't have a code and before she voiced her confusion out loud, the gray silhouette of an eagle—the S.H.I.E.L.D. symbol—caught her eye and had to force back the tears. Voice Code? Lily.
"Jemma Bean?" she asked, hoping that that was the code that the box meant.
"Welcome Jemma Barnes," said the voice as the box unlocked itself. She smiled to herself when a clicking sound was heard. She reached forward and grasped the lid with both hands and lifted it.
The inside of the box was huge and had different compartments for everything. Another button sat at the very back of the box and in her curiosity, Jemma pushed it. Unlike last time, an automated voice didn't shout at her. Instead, a shaky blue light bled through a small hidden lens, waving up and down as it created the outline of a person.
A blue hologram of Lily sat before Jemma inside the box, smiling at her.
"Hey, Jemma Bean," Lily said. Jemma's hand flew up and clamped over her mouth as she started to cry again. "If you're listening to this, it means that either Tasha, Maria, or May gave you the box. And if you have the box, than...that means...I wasn't able to keep my promise to you. I've been building this box for a while now, before we even met, but I knew the second I saw you that you'd be the one to give it to. I'm really sorry that I left you, Jemma Bean. I hope you know in your heart that I didn't do it on purpose, no matter how hard that might be to believe."
Lily paused and chuckled a bit before it turned into a sniffle.
"Umm...it's funny...when I came up with the idea to do this, I thought I'd know what to say, but...I'm at a loss for words. Jemma, my love, my heart, my reason for living, we didn't get enough time, and I wish everyday that we did. I wish I met you way before I became an Avenger and maybe even a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. I wish I could defy the natural order of things and come back to you. Hell, I wish I was selfish so I could beg you to come join me. But...I can't do either of those things. I'm sorry that you're hurting, love, but don't shut it out. Feel the pain, embrace it, because that pain is good; it means that what we had was real and special. It means that I meant something to you, which is all I want. I want you to remember, Jemma Bean, that there are people who love you besides me that want to help you. You're not alone; you never were and you never will be alone. Please, after all this is over, please don't shut out those people that love you. Don't shut down, Jemma. I know it's a lot to ask of you, especially if you're...mad at me, but...continue being the light that you were in my life. Be that for someone else, and you'll feel me there."
Lily paused again and sighed, taking a minute to wipe her eyes.
"This box is filled with some stuff of mine that I found here at S.H.I.E.L.D. that I want you to have. You don't have to keep any of it, but...I don't know. I'm sorry this went much better in my head. You'll also find an envelope with a check; that's yours to do with as you wish. Don't worry about funeral costs, S.H.I.E.L.D. has that covered. This...this is just...call it an insurance policy; something to have incase you need it. God, I wish we had more time. But, Jemma, despite what we got, remember that I'll always love you. You were—are the best thing in my life, and I'm so glad to have had this time with you. I'll see you one day, love, and then we'll have all the time in the world. Goodbye, Jemma Bean."
The blue light flickered and Lily's tearful smiling face faded from view. Jemma rested her face in her hands as she cried; it had been years since she heard her voice and her laugh. She didn't realize how much she had missed it; how much she had forgotten what they sounded like. She wiped her eyes and began to root through the box.
Her shaky fingers first landed on a newer S.H.I.E.L.D. jacket with Lily's name stitched on the front left side in calligraphy. Jemma brought the article up and buried her face into it, inhaling deeply, catching Lily's scent. It still smelled like her; like she had worn it yesterday. She wanted to put it, to have Lily's scent envelope her in a comforting hug, but this was all she had left of her scent. She didn't want to lose it. Gently placing it on the coffee table beside the box, she leafed through different awards and medals that she had won as an agent and photos of her with Natasha, Maria, and another woman who she guessed was Malinda May, the Avengers (after New York) eating Shawarma, and even one with Director Fury (who she'd recognize from the eyepatch). There were also newspaper clippings of different missions she was a part of leading all the up to 2012 with Loki's attack on New York.
An article after that, though, caught her attention, looking familiar to her. It was the article that Jemma had written about Lily after that battle; the article that included the interview that started their relationship. She carefully took the thin paper out of the box and walked into the bedroom, took down a framed piece of wall art that she found at some store she had long forgotten, and switched out the art for the newspaper. Jemma hung it back up in it's place, smiling a little to herself before walking back into the living room. She gathered all the pictures and grabbed her phone, wallet, and keys, and left her apartment.
Gettinginto her car, she pulled out of her parking space and drove to a nearby copyplace. She scanned each picture, making multiple copies of the one of her andthe Avengers, then she bought a pack of envelopes before heading back to herapartment. She put each photo into an envelope with a small handwritten letter,and the next day, she mailed them. She smiled and looked up to the sky,imagining that Lily was up there, looking down on her with love. She hoped thatthe pictures made it to where they were supposed to go, figuring that theAvengers would definitely get them as they were currently back at the compoundupstate for the time being, but she wasn't sure about May and Fury, but she hadhope. Hope that they'd make it, almost like how she had hope that she and Lilywould make it once upon a time.