The comedy special had long ended and Claire grabbed the black TV remote from her bedside table and scrolled through the abundance of movies and TV shows before landing on a random romantic comedy. Claire mindlessly watched it while Wanda stared at her hand, thinking over the electrical surge that flowed between her and Claire. Her mind was racing and her head pounded as she thought of possible reasons for the phenomenon.
Maybe it is just static and I'm overthinking it. Maybe there's nothing going on. Did she even feel it? Was it all in my head? God, this is ridiculous. What if it wasn't static? I don't know what it could be, but just...what if it's not static? Mama used to say that when you find the right person, you feel sparks when they touch you. Is that what this is? No, stupid girl! You don't have a crush on Claire! You barely know her! You're just overthinking it. It was just static from the friction of her and the blanket. Nothing else. Claire is nothing more than a friend. But it wasn't just the shock, was it? The way she looks at me...the way she protects and defends me...that's not normal friend behavior, is it?
Claire glanced over at Wanda, watching her stare at her hand, her other hand playing with her rings. She did that a lot, Claire noticed, and always wondered why, though it wasn't hard to guess why. She opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it, and turned her head back to the TV.
Do I like Claire? I mean, she's a great friend and has always been there for me, but does that mean that she likes me? Do I even...like girls? Does Claire? Why is this so confusing? God! Why can't it be simple? How do you even know when you like someone...in that way? I guess, you'd want to kiss them, right? Do I want to kiss Claire?
Wanda huffed as her thoughts didn't pave the way to answers. Nothing was getting clearer, just more confusing and jumbled. Claire hummed a slight laugh as she watched the movie and Wanda lifted her head to look at Claire's profile. Her eyes drifted down to her lips that were turned upwards in a small smile and she was once again sucked back into her head.
I wonder what they feel like. They look really soft. No! Snap out of it! You do not want to kiss Claire! Why? It wouldn't be right; girls can't be with other girls, right? Well, what about Jemma and—Stop! Don't say her name! Besides, it's different. Do I want to kiss Claire? Maybe? I've never kissed anyone before. God, why are things so weird now? When did things become so weird and complicated?
"You okay?" Claire asked, dragging Wanda out of her thoughts. She blushed when she realized that she was still staring at Claire's lips; and she caught her. Wanda smiled, but her eyes still held the conflict that went on inside her head.
"Yeah. Fine." Claire raised her right eyebrow as Wanda's face turned red. Wanda shifted her eyes to look anywhere else than her lips, but landed on her long scar, running through her left eyebrow and through her eye down to her cheek. Claire shifted uncomfortably and turned her head slightly, removing the scar—the bane of her existence—away from Wanda's gaze.
"You don't look fine," she said, bringing them both back to the current subject.
"I'm fine. You hear me?" Claire turned back around and looked at Wanda, pointing her bright purple eyes into Wanda's breathtaking green ones. Her heart beat faster as she got lost in the soft green pools. The golden sun filtered into the run, casting its light into her eyes, mixing into the green to paint the forest outside of their safehouse. Claire smiled slightly and raised her hand to caress Wanda's warm and blushing cheek. Her blush spread to her nose and neck as Claire ran her thumb across the soft surface.
Wanda shifted in her seat, moving closer to Claire and rested her hand on her knee. She inhaled a shaky breath as the both of them started to lean in, slow at first, until their noses were almost touching and they stopped, hesitating. Wanda gulped as her hands started to sweat and her heart beat erratically. She closed her eyes as her and Claire closed the distance between them, pressing their lips against each other's. They pulled away just as fast, looking into each other's eyes, before Claire leaned in quickly, pressing her lips against Wanda's again, reigniting the kiss. She moved other hand up and grabbed Wanda's other cheek, cradling her face as she deepened the kiss. She moaned into the kiss as she felt Wanda's arms snake around her, pulling her closer.
Suddenly, Wanda's eyes snapped open and she recoiled away, breaking the kiss. Her face was now a bright crimson and she was breathing hard, as was Claire. She touched her lips with her fingertips and let out a shuddering exhale. Her eyes were wide as she scurried off the bed and started pacing the floor in front of Claire.
"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that," she said looking at the floor. Claire frowned and looked at her lap, pulling her legs out from under her and pressing her bent knees to her chest.
"It's...okay," her quiet voice said. She swallowed the small lump forming in her throat. She didn't want to sound hurt or disappointed or...anything that would let Wanda know that she liked the kiss; that she liked the feeling of her soft warm lips against her own. Wanda stopped pacing and looked up from the floor but didn't look at Claire.
"I have to go." She walked to Claire's bedroom door and opened it, walking quickly down the hall to her room before Claire could react or say anything. Claire heard the slam of her door and she got up and closed her own.
She caught her reflection in the mirror and stared, watching her eyes flare various shades of purple. She breathed hard, thinking about how utterly stupid she was! What the fuck was I thinking?! She growled in self-loathing and brought her clenched fist up and smashed it hard against her mirror. The shattering sound of the glass somewhat calmed her down, snapping her out of her anger and left her with an overwhelming sadness. Claire got back on her bed and threw her head down against the pillows and released the sob that she had no idea she was holding back.
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Wanda slammed her door shut and fell to the floor, leaning her back against the wood door. She laid her head against her knees as she tried to steady her rapid breathing and heart rate. She felt her body shake and her throat tightened as she gasped and choked out sobs. She slammed the palms of her hands against her forehead, her crying getting louder.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid—"
"Wanda?" a voice said knocking on her door, startling her. Wanda stopped crying and wiped her face as best she could and stood up from the floor, opening the door just a little bit. Jemma stood on the other side, her eyes soft and small frown on her face. She held a mug of hot tea in her hands and was dressed in grey sweatpants and a white tank top.
"Is everything okay, sweetie?" Wanda shook her head, new tears spilling from her reddening green eyes. Jemma pushed open the door further and walked in and placed the mug down on her dresser and sat on her bed. Wanda paced in front of her, still crying and shaking. She grabbed her right hand with her left and laid her index and middle finger along her wrist, above her veins, and felt the speeding rate of her pulse; like...Lily did back in Sokovia. Her frown grew larger; it was too fast. She needed to calm down, but she didn't know how.
"Wanda, honey, why don't you come sit down?" Jemma asked realizing her distress, placing her hands on Wanda's shoulders and leading her over to the bed. She draped her arm around Wanda's shoulders, pulling her close. She whispered soothing things into Wanda's ear and played with the ends of her brown hair. "Take deep breaths, Wanda."
Wanda tried as best as she could to steady her heart rate, but nothing worked. Jemma got off the bed and kneeled on the floor in front of Wanda. She grasped the brunette's hands and held them tightly as she moved her brown eyes to Wanda's.
"Look at me, Wanda. Focus on me. Everything is gonna be okay. Just breathe, okay? Breathe." Wanda followed the directions Jemma taught her, breathing in through her nose for ten seconds, holding it for four seconds, and exhaling through her mouth for ten seconds, until she felt her heart rate slow down a bit. "Good, that's good. Now I want you to close your eyes." Wanda closed her eyes, still taking deep breaths and focused on the soothing things that Jemma said to her. After a couple of minutes, she stopped shaking and the tightness in her throat went away, though she was still crying and her heart was still beating fast.
Jemma sat back on the bed when she saw that Wanda had calmed down a little. Again she pulled the brunette closer to her, wrapping her arms around her waist. Wanda laid her head on Jemma's shoulder and Jemma rested her chin on top of Wanda's head.
"You okay?" Wanda gave a little nod but didn't speak. "Why don't you tell me what happened, huh? I saw you run out of Claire's room and heard you slam the door. Did something happen between you two?"
"Something like that," Wanda said, her voice dry and hoarse. Jemma let go and pulled away, getting off the bed and walking to the dresser to grab the mug, handing it to Wanda. She mumbled a thank you and took a sip as Jemma sat back down and looked over at her with patient eyes.
"Did you two have a fight?" Jemma said, gently pressing for more information. Wanda sat up straight, taking her head off Jemma and sighed, slouching.
"Jemma, how did you know you liked Lily...in that way?" Jemma sighed.
"Well, we had been seeing each other for a little bit, and we went out one night, and I guess...I was embarrassed to be seen on a date with a woman and I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the restaurant and I ran out and left her there. I avoided her for a few weeks because I was ashamed of myself and I was still questioning my sexuality, but Lily...she gave me the space, but she never once let me believe that she had given up on me. She knew I struggled and she put up with it and during that week, she would call me every morning wishing me a good day and telling me how much I meant to her and she would call me again every night telling me that she hoped my day was good and that she loved me. At the end of that week I went to her apartment to apologize and she just hugged me and kissed me told me how much she loved me, and that no matter what, she would always stay by my side. I think that's when I fell in love with her. And since then, I stopped questioning who I was and allowed myself to be happy with her."
Jemma looked out the window and rested her hands in her lap and started to play with her wedding band that she refused to take off. Wanda didn't miss the stray tear that rolled down her cheek. Jemma wiped the tear away and turned back to Wanda with a small smile on her face.
"Not that I'm upset you asked, but what made you ask about me and Lily?" Wanda laughed a little, scoffing and taking another deep breath.
"I think...I think I might like...Claire. Like, in that way." Jemma beamed at her.
"Wanda, that's great! You two would make such a cute couple!" She noticed Wanda's face fall as she made her confession, not knowing that she's never verbally admitted her feelings or even acknowledged them. "What is it? Aren't you happy?"
"I don't know how to feel because I think I just screwed everything up." Another round of tears arose in her now red eyes.
"Oh, honey." Jemma wrapped her left arm around Wanda as she started to cry. "I'm sure you didn't screw anything up."
"No, I know I did." She was fully crying now. "I kissed her and then I ran away. I just...freaked out and left her there. What if she liked it, Jemma? What if she likes me? I've never been in a relationship before and the thought of being in one...scares me. I can't afford to lose another person I love; I don't want to ruin our friendship. What do I do, Jemma?" Wanda looked at Jemma, pleading for help; help that Jemma didn't know how to give.
Jemma's relationship with Lily was completely different from what Wanda was going through, and she wasn't sure if any advice she gave would be applicable. But one look at Wanda's devastated face—an entrance into her broken heart—told her to do her damn best.
"I think what you two need to do is talk. You're both young, you both have never been in a romantic relationship before, and from what I'm gathering, you're both confused as to what you're feeling. You need to talk out your feelings and what you want, either in general or with each other." She paused to wipe away Wanda's tears and take the now empty mug away from her, placing it on her bedside table. "It'll be awkward at first, but I can guarantee that once you talk, you'll both feel better."
Wanda nodded, taking in Jemma's words of advice and pondered them. She wanted to talk to Claire, to explain her actions, but she didn't know when the right time would be. She sighed loudly and threw her head into her hands, balling fistfuls of hair into her fists. Jemma laid her hand against her back and rubbed soothing circles.
"It'll be alright, it's not the end of the world," Jemma said giggling a little at Wanda's dramatic nature.
"Is it always this uncomfortable and awkward?" Wanda asked not picking up her head.
"Yep," Jemma said pursing her lips. "Always has been and always will be." Wanda let out a muffled groan as she removed her head from her hands and leaned back on the bed, laying down with her feet dangling off the edge. Jemma copied her and grabbed her hand, holding it tight. "Whatever happens, I want you to know that I love you and no matter what I'll always love you and that I'm so proud of the person you've become." Wanda smiled through the tears that welled up in her eyes but didn't fall. Jemma leaned over and planted a gentle loving kiss on her forehead and smiled back.
"I love you too. Thank you for always being there for me."
"Of course." Both women turned their heads and stared at the ceiling, still holding hands. Wanda's crying had stopped and she wiped the remaining tears and her face with the sleeve of her shirt. "So, you like Claire. Do I need to give her...you know...the talk?" Jemma laughed as Wanda burst into a fit of giggles.
"Jemma, please don't!"