Macy Ripsom sat on the floor of her bathroom, fiddling nervously with her engagement ring on her finger. She looks at the ring closely, thinking about how it had been sitting on her finger for the past four years. With no wedding band insight, just the now rusted and dingy engagement ring.
Macy wanted nothing more than to get married and have a family. To have all the questions about her life stop, and to just be happy. Yet it always seemed that every time she and her fiancé, Oliver, got close to getting married, something else got in their way.
Macy's thoughts were cut off as the timer on her phone went off. Turning off the alarm, Macy got herself off the floor quickly. A sigh left her lips as she looked down at the pink pregnancy test that had been sitting on her sink.
Picking it up, Macy was met with the one line on the test, almost as it was staring back at her. She shook her head in disappointment, with her fist clenching around the test as she threw it away. The woman's knuckles turn white as she puts her hand on the sink, gripping it hard. She felt the tears begin to fall down her face and onto the sink. Macy lifted her head up, just wanting to see herself in the mirror.
She barely recognizes the woman staring back at her. The long black hair, the dark circles, all prominent features on the woman, yet Macy couldn't recognize any of these. Wiping the tears off her face, Macy left the bathroom and walked into her home office. She felt herself collapse into the office chair, burying her face into her hands.
The negative pregnancy test has now been added to the countless others that have turned up negative within the three years of the couple trying to get pregnant. While her fiancé Olive was an understanding man, she knew this was the reason the two hadn't married yet. The more negative test she told him about, the more distant he got, so she simply stopped telling him about them. Even with this the two still hadn't slept in the same bed consistently for six months.
She knew Oliver blamed her, that all of this was her fault. That she was the one reason they hadn't had children, and for some reason, he didn't care enough or couldn't bear to tell her. Macy had felt this feeling before, the feeling of being not enough. This caused a sense of déjà vu to run through her as she thought more about it, but she just couldn't think of why.
Macy had been so deep into the thought that she didn't notice the shuffling going on throughout her house. She was unaware that Oliver had seen the negative test and realized he couldn't take it anymore, couldn't take the lying and pretending that surrounded their relationship. He slams the door to his bedroom and begins going through his clothes, getting a duffel bag ready to leave.
He walks to her office, bag in hand, and sees her face buried in her hands. Oliver quietly sets the bag down beside the door, away from her view. " Macy. " He calls out, drawing her hands away from her face. She looks up at him with her bloodshot eyes, moving the hair from out of her face.
She doesn't respond.
" We need to talk. " He continues, walking deeper into the room and sitting on the couch across from her desk. " I don't know how to say this bu- " He gets cut off before he could finish.
" You want to separate. " She finishes, knowing that it was only a matter of time before this conversation came up. She watches Oliver rub his temples while looking down at the floor. " At least I don't need a divorce lawyer. " Macy scoffs to herself. Oliver tensed up in his seat, shaking his head at her statement. " Don't be like that Macy. " Oliver sighs, not wanting her to joke about this.
She was now looking him right in the eyes. " It's because we can't get pregnant isn't it? " She questions, becoming more annoyed as the conversation continues. " That's one of the reasons. " Oliver knew this wasn't a time to lie. " I found the test in the garbage can, and it had me thinking. " He continues.
Macy lets out a light chuckle. " That's a first. " Oliver shakes his head, ignoring the jab at him from the women. " Macy cut me a break! I mean we haven't slept in the same room consistently for months! This whole pregnancy thing is just another situation and the problem of yours that you refuse to fix! " He points out, his statement-making Macy's eyes open widely.
A part of her didn't even know what to say back to him. How could this have been her fault? " We've seen multiple doctors and we get the same answers! That we're both healthy and there should be no problem getting pregnant! How the fuck is this my fault? " Macy argued, now standing up from her chair.
" Macy, I just need to do something for myself for once. I'm leaving. " Oliver admits, his tone now calmer. Macy feels a pit grow in her stomach as she tries to swallow the lump in her throat. " After all these years, just like that. " She says, snapping her fingers as the last word leaves her mouth. " I'm sorry. " He lies, trying his best to sound sad at the situation he created.
She watches him as the two words leave his mouth. No tears, no eye contact, just two simple words.
" Here. " She adds, taking the engagement ring off her ring finger and placing it on top of the scar on her hand. Her jaw clenches as she extends her hand out. She watches him grab the ring from her palm, his fingertips grazing over the twenty-seven-year-old scar.
Once again Macy felt like she had been through this before. Only she remembers it hurting so much more the first time compared to right now. She swallows the lump in her throat as he turns away from her, walking out the room and grabbing his bag. She stands completely still, only slightly flinching when she hears the front door slam shut.
Macy Ripsom found herself alone again.
Guilt was the only thing she felt, knowing that this was another thing in her life that went wrong because of her. Macy realized quickly that she's not crying anymore. The man she was supposed to love had just left her for good and she felt nothing but guilt. Not sadness, not anger, only guilt.
Yet the sudden sound of her ringtone went off throughout the room, causing her head to shoot up. She grabs her phone from the desk, looking down at the unknown number. Macy contemplates answering it, knowing she would just be more annoyed if it was a spam call.
Yet against her better judgment, Macy realizes she had nothing left to lose and presses the green button, accepting the call.
" Hello? " She answers, clearing her throat after noticing how broken and raspy her voice had sounded. " Macy? Macy Ripsom?" The voice on the other end calls out. The woman grows confused, not knowing how the person would've known her name. She rarely ever got calls after the school year ended. Yet this unsaved number somehow knew her full name.
" Yes, can I ask who's calling? " She questions, beginning to regret answering the call. " Macy, it's Mike. Mike Hanlon from Derry. " Mike reveals, his hands growing clammy as he holds the phone to his ears. Now desperately waiting for a response from the girl he once loved and never forgot.
Macy's face went pale as the phone dropped from her hand and right onto the wood floor. The phone hits the floor, with the screen cracking on impact. Her chest began rising and falling faster than before as Mike called out her name from the phone below her. But her eyes were glued to the wall as memories she had somehow forgotten began running through her head.
" Macy? You there? " Mike calls out again from over the phone, this time she heard. Breaking from her thoughts, she reaches down for the phone and places it against her ear again.
" Jesus fucking christ. Uh Mike, wow it's uh it's been so long. " Macy replies nervously, her hands shaking uncontrollably. " Macy, you need to come back to Derry. ITs come back Mace. " Her eyes closed tightly as the words left his mouth. The blurry memories from the summer of nineteen eighty-nine begin flooding back. Yet the nickname used made her calm down a bit. She began remembering all the moments she and Mike had shared all those years ago, including how it ended.
" When do I need to be there? " She questions her voice sounding audibly scared and timid. " Tomorrow. I'll text you everything you need to know. See you soon Mace. " Mike finishes, hanging up the phone before Macy could give him a reply.
She stood there stunned, finally removing her phone from her face as it vibrated against her cheek. With shaking hands, she looks at the text Mike had sent.
' DERRY INFO ' The text read, linking different plane tickets and the number to call for the Derry In. She sits on the couch, clicking, typing, and calling around for what feels like forever. Once the last call was made, she finally sat back onto the couch, looking at the phone in her hands.
That's when it finally hit her. The flight information stares back at her, and her head begins to shake. " No, no, no, no." She calls out, grabbing a pillow from beside her and letting out the loudest scream she could into the soft grey pillow.
The memories of Betty began flooding back faster than ever. She begins to remember things in flashes, from the last day of school, to finding her shoe in the barrens with boys she can't fully remember.
Macy hadn't thought about Betty in years. Ever since her parents moved out of Derry in the nineties, Betty became a forgotten part of the Ripsoms. Now with only her father alive, the topic of Betty never came up upon their visits.
She stays with the pillow to her face for a few moments, trying her hardest to repress the memories again. Macy is now just hoping that this is all some horrible dream. " Ouch! What the fuck? " She calls out lifting her head from the pillow as a sharp pain runs through her hand. She holds her wrist in her hand, looking down at her palm.
Looking down at the scar.
Macy had noticed the scar more that day alone than she had in years. She noticed how much darker and visible it had gotten, especially after Mike had called her. She had never had any pain because of it, not like this at least. Maybe it hurt when she got it, but she didn't remember how she got it. The pain eases as she began running her fingers through it.
With her hands still shaking Macy gets up from the couch and makes her way to her bedroom. Grabbing all the clothes she needed, before walking out of the front doors of her now-vacant house. As she begins traveling back to a place she forgot existed.