i stared off at the ceiling of the practice room. those who just walk in like that wouldn't understand what i'm doing and think i'm slacking off.
but no.
i was listening to brett's playing next door and the thumping of my accelerating heartbeat.
i recall years back, my ex-boyfriend's playing of the song i composed for him. he really really liked it, played it all the time, set it as his ringtone. i thought we were a match made in heaven.
but it seems heaven has other plans.
the last time we quarrelled, he tore the music score right in front of my eyes. right there, right then. i was devastated. the action broke my heart. i apologised profusely for something that wasn't even my fault, but his. we had never gone back together ever since that day.
i told myself to never write another piece for someone ever again. if i had known better that they would just think it's a worthless piece of paper and never see the hard work and effort i take into creating this masterpiece, i'd save my music for someone more deserving.
but why am i forming a melody in my head?
why am i doing this to myself?
do i deserve him? does he deserve me? do we deserve to exist in each other's universe? no way. i don't.
there's no way he'll like someone like me isn't it?
he's just someone i can admire from far away. nothing more, nothing less. i bet he never notices that i constantly look for him around the corridors and the field, wishing he'd appear at that same spot he played me Clair de Lune so i can tell him how much that meant to me that time. how much his music saved me.
how much his presence saved me.
his music finally stopped. I took a breath, calming my nerves down.
a duet plays in my mind. I waited till I heard brett's footsteps exit the room before picking up my violin to play a transposed version of that song he was playing.
the tapping of the footsteps outside halted.