It was 1:35AM. Five hours after you left Tom's.
Before you couldn't sit still, rolling in bed and pulling the sheets from one side of the bed then pushing them off the next minute. Your bed started to feel like a cocoon that left you with the argument you and Tom had left on. So, you got up a few times, but it only led you to stare at your bright phone screen and your fingers hovering over to keyboard, hesitating to send a message to him.
But, you knew no message could do justice for what you said to him. He was an amazing person, maybe even a once-in-a-lifetime person, and why you would say that to him after everything he's done for you seemed completely inconsiderate and selfish.
You paced your room back and forth, panicked, wondering what you said to Tom and frustrated that you couldn't remember because it all happened so quickly. Your sweaty hands gripped around the end sleeves of your hoodie, your heart beating faster than it normally did while anxiety crawled up your spine thinking you shouldn't have said the things you did.
Your head was filled with images.
Tom's face. The scar across his cheek. The tears.
The overwhelming sounds of your voice, repetitive and almost banging at your skull from how full it was getting inside your head. Why were you acting this way when it didn't mean that much from the start?
You blink away more tears, your eyes stinging from the mascara. Your hot blood was still pumping through your veins and you thought the carpet would be pulled from underneath your feet unless you sat down. As you pulled on the end of your sleeve, you wiped it along your dry, pained eyes before taking a seat on your bed. You felt gross yet the idea of taking a shower seemed like the equivalent to walking a mile. The grease in your hair wouldn't bother you if you put your hair up. Better than taking the shower.
A deep breath filled your lungs, expanding your diaphragm as far as it could and the recycled air left through your nostrils. You took another breath just like that one before you curled your legs onto your mattress and reached over to turn off your side table lamp.
Suddenly, the comfort of your bed was better than usual. Your body sunk into the mattress deeper, the familiar smell of your sheets were stronger and the room appeared darker with the blinds closed. It's like the world around you wasn't there and anything else going on didn't matter. It's like your body was tired of the thoughts and producing the resulting tears, leaving you with a headache and your mouth dry. But water was just as far away as the shower. If you went to bed, it would go away till you woke up.
You weren't slipping into a depression or anything, it was just a phase... at least that's what you kept telling yourself throughout the early morning.
Your shoulders and chest were weak, your spine aching from how you were curled up for so long without moving and your blood shot eyes glared out the window, slowly watching the sun peak through the curtains. When you grabbed your phone from under your sheet, the time read 6:20AM and a tear escaped your eye and dripped off the tip of your nose. It felt like 2am was minutes ago, how did time move so fast, you weren't ready for it to be the morning already. After draping your sheet and cover over your head, you closed your eyes and hoped your fatigue would fight your horrible, repetitive thoughts.
The rest of Sunday was spent in your bed. The liquids from last night stayed in your bladder, the grease continued to produce throughout your hair and you kept chewing at your fingernails. You tried listening to music when you woke up at noon, but it only lasted for a few minutes before you rolled back over and cried till five. You watched the sun setting again, wondering if you closed your eyes would it already be rising again.
Throughout the week, you forced yourself to study for your finals but your mind moved slow while everything around you sped by. Each exam you would doze off, looking into your paper but almost forgetting you only had an hour or less left. Along with it being finals week, taking your time with Tom out of your schedule made you go back to how life was before him, giving you more free time than you preferred. You didn't know how you used to function being this alone throughout your days.
Friday came and all you wanted to do was lay in bed, just like you had been every other time you came back to the apartment this week. You could admit you felt a little better since your fight and you slowly started to forget some of the details, but thinking about it all over again made your face heat up, your heartbeat faster and you'd pull the covers over yourself again. It wasn't because you were stuck on Tom, but you were upset with yourself because you were thinking back to every time you'd messed up. The light at the end of the tunnel was something you thought you weren't worthy of, feeling that you'd screwed up so much with your life.
Once 9PM hit, you brain wanted you to stay up even though you were mentally and physically exhausted. You'd barely had full meals, trying to avoid drinking a lot of liquids so you didn't have to get out of bed, the smell of your dry shampoo started to make your stomach turn from how strong it was with every coat but you still rather be in the state you were than becoming clean and better, that meant getting out of bed. It all lead to one thought, "What's the point?"
Your dry eyes stared up at the ceiling, studying the texture of it while your hands gripped around the top of your sheets. You'd been trying to count from a hundred, hoping you'd fall asleep but you'd gotten into the negatives, knowing you could probably get to a negative thousand by the morning. As you got to -128, your phone buzzed by your left leg and your heart skipped a beat, as if you were snapped back into reality.
You hesitated to answer, but it could have been your parents freaking out that you'd hadn't called this week. So you bring your phone screen up to your face, seeing it was Bradley. You squinted your eyes more, the screen becoming clear and you read, "Picking you up at 8 tomorrow."
Your eyebrows furrowed a bit, rubbing your eyes to make sure you read it right. You protested through text to him throughout the week that you didn't want to go to a party. You wanted to be left alone, but Bradley wasn't the type of person to accept "no" as an answer in the least respectable way. He wasn't going to stop, so you just told him "okay" for the sake of him not literally pulling you out of bed.
You had to act normal now. As if your conscious was the puppeteer, tugging at your strings to lift your heavy body out of bed and walk you to the bathroom. Once you got in there, you looked into the mirror and didn't even know the person you were staring at. She looked exhausted, her hair was a mess and the mascara she put on today was smeared around her eyes.
You didn't know this person, not one bit, but it didn't matter.
So you went back in bed, dreading tomorrow and turning over, hoping you could just sleep through it. But, it came the next time you opened your eyes. The afternoon sun in your eyes, the sunlight brightening your room and revealing the disaster around you. Clothes thrown on the floor, plastic snack bags littered around and a handful of glasses on your bedside table. Drawers were left open, your makeup scattered all over your small vanity and shoes kicked off, nowhere hear their matching pair.
"Y/N?" Haley's voice came from nowhere.
You didn't respond, but instead rolled over to not face the door.
She came in anyways, but you didn't care. Haley looked at the mess, but you ignored it and closed the door behind her. She cautiously walked over, standing by the end of your bed and placed her right hand on the bed frame.
"I just wanted to check on you.." She said, sounding muffled from under the covers.
You still didn't say anything.
"I know that.. You want to be left alone, but.. I just want you to know that I'm here for you."
You didn't want to believe it.
"I'm sorry about.. Well you know. But, it'll be okay." Haley genuinely meant, slowly reaching out and you felt her gentle touch against your shoulder through the sheet.
You teared up a little, pressing your lips together to conceal that you were crying. She didn't take your silence as an offense, letting you mellow out and knew you'd come back out soon.
"I made some lunch if you're feeling it." She said before you felt her weight on the bed leave, evening out the mattress a bit and you heard the door open and close again.
A few minutes passed and you threw the covers off your body, the cool air hitting your skin immediately and you supported yourself on your elbows. You took a few deep breaths before you pulled your legs over your bed again, staring at the carpet for a few seconds then rising on your feet. You grabbed a hoodie from the floor, pulling it over your body and leaving the hood at the top of your head.
As much as sitting down and having a meal was somewhat nice, you didn't feel like yourself still. You tried to take a step to get out of this feeling, but your mind and body couldn't shake it. Maybe the party would.
Maybe.
Probably not.
No, no it wouldn't.
Yet, you were suddenly in the passenger seat of Bradley's truck. Only a few words left your mouth, or at least you thought they did from the amount of talking he was doing. You stared out the window, the low volume of the rap music bothering you, but you dealt with it so you wouldn't have to talk to him.
When you pulled up to the frat house, Bradley got out and greeted his friends while you steadily got out of the passenger side. You took a deep breath as you closed the door and couldn't wait for that first cup of whatever alcohol.
"Hey Y/N, can you help unload the back?" Bradley asked as he opened the tailgate.
You walked over to the group of boys, each of them grabbing a box of beer and headed toward the door. After it came down to the last few boxes, Bradley left with his friends into the house and you climbed into the bed. You kneeled down, pushing two boxes away but something gleamed from the corner of your eye.
When you turned your head back, your eyes saw a set of keys in the back corner. You eyebrows pushed together as you reached for them, feeling the cool metal in your hand before you wiped off the dust from the small picture chain and your breath almost hitched when you saw it was a photo of Hazel. Your thumb kept swiping over it, realizing what Tom told you was true and you didn't want to believe him.
"Y/N! Get in here!"
Your head shot up, looking over at Bradley standing in the doorway. You quickly glanced down, pushing the keys down your back pocket before you slid off the tailgate and grabbed a case of beer. When you walked toward him, you tried to avoid his emerald eyes but he stopped you by blocking your way. You halted, your head still down but his fingers lifted your chin.
"You okay?"
"Yeah.. I'm fine." You lied, but suddenly your stomach twisted because you were looking into the eyes of a monster.
After you nudged past him, you dropped the case by the cooler then quickly paced toward the counter with the countless bottles of vodka and mixers. Bradley's friends gawked from across the room, smirking and taunting as they watched you pour half a cup of vodka and mixing a single shot of orange juice. You quickly brought the plastic rim to your lips, feeling the two big gulps burn your throat. The aftertaste was strong and bitter while the vodka trailed a heated sensation toward the center of your chest.
An hour went by and people began to fill the house in every hall and any room. The bigger the crowd got, the louder the music blasted—or at least that's what it felt like but you were on your fourth cup of vodka mixed with whatever you found. You thought getting drunk would make you forget, but it was disappointing to see the bottom of the cup and only feel more worried than when you were sober.
Your mascara was already a little smeared under your tired eyes and you tied your flannel around your waist from how packed it was getting. You tossed your plastic cup on the ground, walking past a group of people that made your face contort from how badly they reeked of sweat. It's only because everyone was like sardines in here and nudging past everyone was beginning to feel overwhelming.
"Hey." Bradley snuck up from behind, tapping your shoulder.
You faced him, avoiding eye contact again and glancing down at your feet.
"Here, I got you something to drink." He chuckled, handing you a plastic cup.
You didn't hesitate, quickling taking it without thanking him. You sipped it, tasting a bit of kiwi mixed with something else but you couldn't put your finger on it. You took another long sip and it was sweeter this time... or was it. Bradley smirked as he watched you continue to drink it till you tipped the cup back, finishing it and you gave him back the cup.
"That was okay.." You trailed, wiping the corners of your mouth with the back of your hand.
"Yeah, well.. It'll loosen you up."
You nodded, but you could only look up at him for a little before you turned away and went to find somewhere to sit. Once again, you pushed through the crowd and wandered into the living room, plopping onto the gross couch in between two people who were having a conversation with someone on their opposite sides. As you laid back into the soft cushion, you watched the strobe lights twirl and move along the walls, your eyes trying to follow the patterns across the room.
After a few minutes, your head felt heavy and it was hard to move it without triggering, what felt like, vertigo. Your eyes fluttered as the room felt like it was spinning while your hands gripped the bottom of the cushion to pull yourself up. You struggled, but finally straighten your back and placed your hands against the dirty coffee table in front of you. You put your weight into your arms, lifting yourself up but it only made things worse.
As you started to walk toward the bathroom, your hands reached for anything to balance against whether it be an object or a person. When you got up the steps, your fingers gripped someone's shirt from behind so you didn't fall in front of everyone. The further you traveled, the more the music faded in and out of your ears and you stumbled into the wall of the hallway that led to the bathroom. While you stood there for a few seconds, feeling your cheek rub against the cold paint of the wall, Tom glared at your backside after you used him as a support.
Just like anyone else after finals week, he wanted to get all the stress out of his system by drinking it away. Of course, he'd been thinking about you but he forced denial down his throat more than he had in a long time. He could admit it was already weird being out at a party without you by his side and he knew the night wouldn't end well from just that thought.
When he watched you walk toward the bathroom, you were like a pinball machine and bouncing off either wall with your hands to not fall over. Tom put his drink aside, pushing through everyone to get to you, but once you reached the bathroom, you slammed the door behind you.
You pressed your back against the door, your back sliding against it while the bottom of your shoes lost the grip of the tiled floor. You thought you were melting, your hands searching to touch anything to just feel something. Your lip quivered as tears rolled down your cheeks, staring up at the ceiling at the dull light. Why was your mind fuzzy? Why was it hard to get on your feet? It's as if you weren't in control of your own body while the air felt like it was been sucked out by a vacuum, only giving you little oxygen flowing through your lungs.
"Y/N?" Tom shouted, knocking but it sounded like it was miles away.
"Tom?" You turned, pushing yourself off the door and one of your hands grabbing to counter to lift yourself on your feet.
Tom slowly cracked the door, seeing you fall back on the floor and you laid on your back. Tom looked blurry, your vision going in and out as he got closer to your face. You heard his slow words but his lips moved fast, making you reach out to touch his face. A light groan left your dry lips, trying to say something but you couldn't make up your mind with how much was going on.
"Hey, hey.." Tom softly spoke and he placed his hand on your cheek so he could keep your head still.
You rolled over on your left side, trying to get more comfortable even if it was the bathroom floor. You couldn't move and you felt like you were barely breathing. Your eyes fluttered, worrying Tom that you might have hit your head and he nodded, suddenly feeling both of his hands on each side of your face. Why was he helping you?
"I got you." He cleared his throat, taking one of your hands to help you up.
You stumbled, mostly leaning on him as your support and he put his strong arm around your torso, feeling his fingers lightly press into your skin. As much as the room was spinning, you were able to concentrate on the smell of his cologne, giving you some kind of security. It was really him. But, why?
The two of your trailed through the party, Tom trying not to lose his grip on you while pushing past people who were barricading the entrance toward the door.
"Hey! You found her." Bradley stopped the two of you, you barely functioning while your knees were giving out.
"We're leaving." Tom said, his brown eyes darkening and looking right into Bradley's eyes.
Bradley smirked, seeing Tom's scar was still noticeable on his left cheek.
"She doesn't want you, dude. So, let her go." He grabbed Tom's hand to loosen his grip but Tom took a step back.
"We're fucking leaving." Tom growled, hearing your moan against his ear and feeling the tears that were already on your cheeks press against his.
"Tommy, I wanna go.." You sobbed, sniffling against his shoulder.
Bradley couldn't hear you but he grabbed your wrist, almost tripping over your feet but Tom stepped forward, catching you before you hit the ground. Bradley clenched his jaw as Tom pulled you back on your feet, trying to hold you up again and make sure your neck was supported.
Without another word, Tom turned you around and he opened the door, feeling his hand on the small of your back to help you walk before he shut the door behind him. Tom caught his own breath, a dry cough leaving his lungs while you lowered to the ground.
"Hey, hey, let's go over here." He suggested, pointing toward the stairs and you nodded, not really knowing if that's what he said.
You stumbled as he guided you, making sure your bottom lined up with the seat before he sat next to you. You felt frozen, staring up at the ceiling with your hands under your chin. Tom watched your lips part, but your eyes fluttered again before you started to slowly fall on him but he helped you sit up straight.
"Y/N, can you hear me?" He asked, looking into your eyes but his face was hazy.
"Y-Yeah."
"Okay, well I'm gonna take you home." He said slowly so you understood and heard clearly.
"Okay.." You hummed.
Tom nodded, taking your hand and you both walked to his car. You closed your eyes, but when you opened them back up you were suddenly in the passenger seat of Tom's car and your head against the window. You blinked a few times, hearing his music play and it made you lazily grin. Sweet Caroline.
You turned your head toward Tom and he heard you giggle before he turned his head.
Even though the car was going fast, it felt slow and gravity was your enemy as he ran over small bumps and your head bobbled. You smiled, struggling to open your eyes until your stomach started to turn. While your skin turned clammy, your gag reflex was weakening by the second.
"Pull- pull over."
Tom furrowed his eyebrows, "What? Are you okay?"
"Please pull over!" You begged, trying to find the handle.
Tom swerved over to the side of the road, in front of a 24/7 convenience store and you opened the door before he even stopped. Your bare feet hit the cold pavement before you leaned over, hurling half of what you had drank and tearing up from how badly it burned your throat and nose. Tom parked the car and ran over, making sure you were okay. He put his hand on your back, rubbing it as you spit out whatever was left on your tongue.
"Fuck!" You cursed loudly, almost echoing throughout the quiet neighborhood.
"Let's just sit down for a second." Tom gulped, almost scared from this side of you he was seeing, one he didn't know could exist.
You nodded, "No, I can't sit down."
You got on your feet, walking toward where you thought your apartment was and Tom panicked a bit, but he locked his car and tried to catch up to you.
"Y/N!" He shouted, but you were pacing down the sidewalk.
The lightheadedness started to hit but you wanted to keep going to just get home and forget this night even happened. Inhales sounding like whistles and your exhales were short, not giving you enough time to catch your breath, making them uneven. A few whimpers escaped in between, wiping your tears as you went along until Tom ran up to you from behind.
"Y/N, slow down. You aren't even going the right way."
"I don't care!" You said, stopping in your tracks.
"Just get back in the car and we're not even five minutes away-"
"Why are you even helping me?" You cut him off, your voice somewhat hoarse.
"Because.. were friends."
You cleared your throat, "R-Really?"
Tom shrugged, "Yeah.. I mean, it was.. One fight. I just want you to know that nothing was fake except the dating. I want you in my life as a friend or a fake girlfriend, I don't care. I just want you to be okay.."
You didn't realize how much you missed his grin till you saw it again. Even just his face. A part of you knew you weren't going to remember this tomorrow, but you wanted to savor it right now.
While you weren't looking like yourself, Tom was relieved to know that you were even alive. For a week, you'd hadn't been on social media and he didn't see you at finals because he went away for a game. It scared him, thinking Bradley could have done something to you. But, sadly, he did and Tom thought he was too late.
You fazed out a bit, falling toward him but he caught you.
"Let's get you home."
Once again, you were in the car, not even remembering how you got yourself in there but you fazed in and out of sleep. Tom had called Haley when you both got back in his car, telling her that he was going to pull up in a few minutes. It was already 2:39AM and she had stayed up since you left, making sure you got home in one piece.
When Tom pulled up to your apartment complex, he saw Haley standing outside on the front terrace. She was in a hoodie, her arms crossed and she quickly ran down the stairs when she noticed it was Tom's car. He got out, leaning over to unbuckle you before he got out and carried you, wrapping your unconscious body around him with your legs lazily tying around his hips.
You groaned against his ear a few times, every step he took and he tried being delicate while Haley walked behind, holding your limp hand that hung off Tom's shoulder.
Tom opened the door, walking around the couch and lying you carefully. Haley closed the door behind her, locking it and Tom looked down at you, watching you lift your head.
"H-How did we get here?" You asked, getting up and the two of them halted you.
"Y/N.." Haley said, kneeling in front of you.
"What? I'm-I'm fine. I'm fine." You stuttered over your words and Tom sat on the coffee table.
"You.. you were drugged. You need to rest." Haley tasted those bitter words, her stomach turning at the fact.
"What? You're crazy, I-I wasn't.. No, I-I wasn't." You denied, not to feel more embarrassed you already were.
You pushed her hand away, getting up and she clenched her jaw, biting her tongue because she knew this wasn't you. Tom only watched, not wanting to upset you more than you seemed. The two of them watched you as you struggled to find the wall till you slammed into it, a few pictures falling before you fell on the floor as well.
At first you laughed, leaning your head back against the wall while you pulled your knees to your chest. It's not like anything in the past few hours made sense, not even the fact that you were stupid enough to take that drink from a person who showed his true colors tonight. You rubbed your eyes with your palms while Tom and Haley kneeled on the ground to make sure you were okay.
Slowly, your laughs turned into cries and you held your breath again. It was all becoming too much again and you couldn't control it. You covered your face with your hands and Haley rubbed your shoulder, hers and Tom's hearts breaking as they watched you crumble.
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.." You muttered between your sobs.
"There's nothing to be sorry about." Haley said, continuing to rub your shoulder.
Tom choked on his few tears, cautiously running his hand on the top of your knee.
"Why don't you take a shower? It'll make you feel better before bed." Haley suggested and Tom nodded, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.
"Yeah, you probably will." He agreed, watching you slowly take your hands away from your face.
"C'mon, I'll help you." Haley said, taking your hand and the two of them helped you regain your balance.
While Haley helped you to the bathroom, Tom stayed in the living room area and settled into the couch. He pressed his lips together, not able to understand how someone could do something so sick to someone like you. It made him angry, full of enough rage to go back over there and do something he'd end up regretting in the morning. So all he could really do was cry for a bit, hoping his frustration and disgust for Bradley would pass, but he knew he would never forgive him for what he did.
A few minutes later, Haley came out of the bathroom with the clothes that you were wearing. She was almost white in the face, never thinking that this would happen to you. She paced to the washer, tossing the shirt in first and Tom walked up to her, seeing that she needed some kind of comfort.
"I can't fucking believe him." Haley muttered under her breath, turning to Tom.
"I know.." He agreed.
She chuckled, "To think I didn't just tell her what kind of guy he was. Just-"
Haley clenched her jaw, holding your shorts in her hands and she closed her eyes, feeling guilt creep on her the more she thought about it.
"Haley, you couldn't have prevented this.."
"Yes, I could have. He's an awful person and I would know because I dated him."
Tom's mouth gaped a bit, "You did?"
Haley nodded, "Yeah.. for, like, a semester, but it's not like I want to talk about it."
"...Why didn't you tell Y/N?" Tom asked, out of curiosity, but nothing against Haley.
She shrugged, "Because it's Y/N. She's the reasonable one most of the time and she knows what she wants. I only knew Bradley from freshmen year, but there was something in me that maybe thought he changed.. But, obviously, guys like that are never going to change. Not for me, not for her and not for any other girl they can manipulate.."
Tom could understand, only from the stories he'd heard or been told from his friends, not all of them being guys. He leaned against the kitchen counter, watching Haley start to tear up and she shook her head.
"I know it's not my fault, but I wish this didn't happen." Haley sighed, wiping her tears with your fingers before she went back to cleaning your clothes.
When she put her hand into your pocket, Haley furrowed her eyebrows when she felt something. Her hand grabbed whatever it was and seeing it was a pair of keys.
"That's weird.." She murmured, looking at it.
Tom's breath hitched, realizing that this night wasn't just about not wanting to pay attention to Bradley.
"Those are.. Mine."
Haley cocked her eyebrow, "They are?"
"Yeah.. I have a picture of my little sister on the chain." Tom pointed out as he took them from her, looking at them in his hand.
"Oh.. I'm sure she just found them here and meant to give them to you." Haley said, tossing the shorts in the wash.
"Yeah.."
Tom assumed you didn't tell Haley about the fight you two had last week, but bringing it up now didn't seem like a good idea with how hectic the night was already. Tom kept to himself, sliding his old keys into his back pocket as Haley started the washer.
"Do you mind if I spend the night.. I just wanna make sure she's okay." Tom asked, clearing his throat.
"Yeah, of course. The couch turns into a futon and I can get you some blankets."
"Thanks." Tom nodded and Haley went to her room to grab some pillows and blankets.
He walked back to the couch, figuring out how to pull it out even though his mind was going a hundred different places. Tom had to keep shaking his head to not think about getting back at Bradley, but he didn't want to stoop to his level and he wouldn't get anything out of it but his own sweet revenge.
After Haley set up his space, Tom slipped his shoes off and was ready to fall asleep even if the sun was beginning to rise. He rubbed his eyes a few times before he heard a door open, thinking it was Haley to make sure he was situated, but instead he saw you standing in a big t-shirt and sweatpants.
"Hey, are you okay?" He asked before yawning.
"Um, yeah." You nodded, running your fingers through your damp hair.
"That's good. Once you get some sleep, you'll feel a little better."
"Yeah, yeah.." You said, feeling your heart beat faster.
Tom knew you had something else you wanted to say, but he waited and didn't want to pull it out of you.
"I um- I was wondering if you.. could come sleep.. with me?" You trailed, crossing your arms and glancing up at him with tears brimmed at your waterline.
"Y-Yeah, yeah. Sure." Tom agreed with a nod, standing back up and he followed you down the hall.
When Tom entered your bedroom, he was surprised to see how cluttered it was knowing the kind of person you were. He'd never been in your room before, only seeing it on facetime but it never looked like this. He cautiously walked around the clothes while you were both in silence.
You thought that maybe if you took a shower, you'd start to feel better but the clean couldn't compare to what you felt inside. As you slowly sat on the bed, Tom did as well and the mattress caved in the middle.
You were still out of it, not so much the room spinning but your mind felt like cotton candy and moving your head too fast made you dizzy. Even settling into your bed made you feel like you were free falling until you body jolted back, like all of this was a bad dream. You sort of wished it was and when you close your eyes, you'd open them and be in Tom's bed, before all of the fighting and yelling.
After Tom turned off your lamp, he rolled over to face you with your covers pulled over your shoulder, trying to conceal your face. You were a few inches apart, both your hands underneath your pillows and listening to the chirps of the birds outside.
You thought if you grabbed out and touched his face, he would vanish. It couldn't have been this easy to have him here, actually here lying next to you. The thought of it being too good to be true made you tear up again, starting to sniffle and Tom watched a tear escape from the inner corner of your eye.
"What's wrong?" He asked, knowing it was a loaded question.
You nodded, "I'm sorry.."
It might have been a dream or some kind of hallucination, but at least you said it.
"What? No.. I know. It was just a dumb fight." He chuckled, but you nodded again.
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm sorry that I left you for him and- I'm just sorry." You began sobbing, curling your legs more.
Tom didn't want you to apologize, not like you had to. He didn't want you to think you owed him anything, especially if you weren't actually dating. Tom knew your friendship and also how you felt about Bradley. As much as he hated him in the moment, he hated how you found out about who Bradley truly was because it shouldn't have been like this or even at all.
But, the reason why Tom held back so much was because he didn't want his feelings getting in the way. Especially if there was a big chance you didn't feel the same way about him.
"You have nothing to apologize for. It's okay.." He said wholeheartedly.
"No it's not." You persisted.
"Shh.. it's okay. Just get some sleep, we can talk about it in the morning." He whispered, your tired eyes closing soon after he said it.
When you woke up, you gasped for air and your eyes widened, relieved you were in your room. You gulped, helping your dry throat and a pounding headache slowly banged between your temples. After you pinched your nose bridge, you looked over your shoulder and saw Tom, who was still asleep and his mouth was slightly gapped.
He looked so peaceful, lying on his back with his left hand on his chest while the other was between the back of his head and the pillow. You laid back down, carefully putting your head on his shoulder and wrapping your arm around his left one. Your nose rubbed against the fabric of his t-shirt, his familiar smell keeping you calm while you cuddled. You closed your eyes again, snuggling into him and wanting to be cocooned around him all day.
"I love you, Tommy.." You murmured, knowing he was still asleep.
But, little did you know, he wasn't.