About six months have gone by since Lily's untimely death in Sokovia. The Avengers held together a private funeral/memorial service (Jemma wasn't sure what to call it since her body couldn't be covered from Sokovia) for only close friends and immediate family members, which was nice of them. During the span of those first few months without Lily, Jemma puttered around the empty apartment by herself. She couldn't bear to pack up Lily's things because whenever she did, the aching in her chest would return, sending Jemma into some kind of anxiety attack.
While Jemma knew and understood that Lily was dead, she still lived in denial, still hoping that one day she would hear the familiar sound of her key opening the door, see her familiar short black hair and gorgeous blue eyes and bright smile that made Jemma's knees weak. She kept holding out for Lily's return; the day that she would come back and scoop Jemma into her arms and tell her that everything that she endured the last few months as all just a bad dream. But that day would never come.
Jemma sat on the bed, a cardboard box sat on the floor in front of her, waiting to be filled with Lily's clothes and other things that Jemma didn't want to keep that would either be donated, put in storage, or simply thrown out. Next to Jemma on the bed sat every piece of clothing that Lily owned. That morning, Jemma awoke from another sleepless night and went into the closet and pulled everything out and dumped it on the bed. She had to do this sooner or later. She kept hearing Natasha's words to her as she rifled through every article of clothing, trying to decide if she wanted to keep it or throw it in the box; "Jemma, I know it hurts now, but the longer you wait the more it'll hurt. It needs to be done; we have to move on, you have to move on." She didn't know how she could move on. It hadn't even been that long. Lily had only been dead six months. Six months wasn't enough time to get over something like that, especially not when someone lost their significant other who they loved more than life itself.
She mostly did this for Natasha's sake and not her own. Through this time, the two women became closer, and the fear that Jemma had of the redhead melted as she got to know her. She knew that while Natasha was having a tough time progressing through the grief, Jemma was worse off, and Natasha hated seeing the younger woman hurting, so she thought clearing out her stuff would help. Maybe she was right.
The TV in the bedroom played loudly, a random sitcom tasked with drowning out Jemma's thoughts. It was safe to say that it failed at its one job, since Jemma was hardly paying attention to what was happening in the show. She couldn't even remember what show she was watching without looking up from the pile of clothes beside her. Jemma though back on how the vibe in the apartment used to be a whole lot different than what it is right now and had been for months. The air used to be happy and light and filled with love, but now...now it was heavy and depressing and Jemma always felt like she was drowning, suffocating in the stillness.
And Griffon, who also felt the change in atmosphere, suddenly found himself sniffing at Lily's things and looking a tad bit sad, as if he understood that she was gone and never coming back. Instead of laying on Jemma's side of the bed like he had become accustomed to, Jemma now found him curled up on Lily's side, usually laying his head on her pillow, trying to collect her fading scent from the fabric. They had never been close, but Lily was a constant in his life for three years, and now she was suddenly gone, and because he was a cat, Griffon didn't understand where she had gone and why Jemma was always so sad.
Jemma, having moved through the pile quickly, came across one of Lily's shirts. It wasn't particularly special in its design, but as Jemma gazed at the plainness of white blouse, she couldn't help the sobs that wracked her body. She brought the shirt up to her face, inhaling the scent of Lily's perfume. Jemma gasped as she tried to steady her breathing, but as she looked at the shirt she lost all control she had over her body. In addition to the tears, the shirt brought on a slideshow of memories that Jemma wasn't ready to receive.
The white blouse was the last thing that Lily wore before she left for her mission. It was the shirt she wore on her and Jemma's unknown last date. It was the shirt she had worn when Lily asked Jemma to marry her. It was the shirt she had worn on the day that the two showed up at the courthouse and officially tied the knot. It was the same shirt she had worn that same day when she and Jemma drove to Jemma's parents' house to break the news of their engagement, wedding, and Jemma's coming out as gay.
Jemma was always afraid to tell her parents, especially her mother because she was super religious, and Jemma was afraid that they wouldn't approve of their only daughter and child being gay, but they both had surprised the newly married couple by being over the moon, only being upset that they didn't have a big wedding ceremony, and proceeded to cook them a feast to make up for it.
Griffon moved from his spot on Lily's pillow and walked over to Jemma. He nudged her arm with his head and crawled onto her lap. Jemma took the shirt and carefully put it on, letting the soft fabric comfort her like a hug. She closed her eyes as she imagined Lily's tall frame enveloping her in a hug. She felt the warmth of her arms as they circled her, but when she opened her eyes to look at Lily, she frowned when there was no one there. Jemma blinked the tears away and grabbed a tissue from the box next to her and wiped her face. She breathed in deeply, trying to compose herself before she took off the shirt and placed it in a separate pile on the bed; the pile of clothes she was keeping.
After spending half the morning going through Lily's clothes, Jemma took the three full boxes marked with a "D" to the front door to be taken down to her car so she could drop them off at a shelter to be donated. There was only one box that was full of clothes that Jemma wanted to throw away; it consisted of stuff that was either stained or damaged and couldn't be given to others. Jemma hated the idea of throwing Lily's stuff out, because they were hers and to do with what she wanted and they meant something to her, but Lily wasn't around to make that decision.
Huffing, Jemma made the three trips to her car to place the boxes in the backseat, and then getting in the driver's seat and going to donate the clothes. She figured she might as well do it now if she wanted it to get done. The task had only taken maybe a half hour. She was lucky when she saw a church collection on her drive. She dropped the clothes off, and the nuns that were there hugged her and thanked her for her donation, told her that they would pray for her and that God was watching out for her. She had smiled at them and thanked them for their kind words, but as she got back in her car and drove back to her quiet apartment, she couldn't help but scoff at them. God's not looking out for me. He's laughing at me, and your prayers will amount to nothing.
Turning the key in the lock, Jemma opened the door and was met with the familiar face of Griffon who meowed happily upon seeing her.
"Hey, Griff," she said as she walked in, petting the cat as she walked past. She walked into the kitchen and looked at the clock on the stove; 12:30pm. Walking over to the fridge and opened it sighing. She was hungry but knew that she didn't have a lot of food. She had meant to go food shopping, but it was hard to get out of bed let alone out of the apartment. Not finding anything that piqued her fancy, she closed the fridge and opened a cupboard above the stove and took out a pack of chicken flavored Ramen. Placing the pack of noodles on the island, Jemma opened another cupboard and took out the bowl. Following the instructions, she made herself lunch and then ate in silence; the only sound coming from the TV.
Instead of the usual sitcoms that Jemma watched, she settled for the news. Over the past few months, Jemma had become detached from the rest of the world, and now she felt the need to pay attention to current events, no matter how depressing. A knock at the door took Jemma's attention from her food and the current news story. She got off the loveseat and walked over to the front door, opening it without looking to see who it was. Her father always told her to look through the peephole first, but Jemma always brushed off his paranoia. She wasn't surprised to see Natasha Romanoff standing at her door. Ever since the memorial service six months ago, Natasha made it her mission to not shut Jemma out.
"Hey, Nat," she said with a smile on her face. She was always happy to see the beautiful redhead. She brought her into her arms in a friendly hug.
"Hey, Jemma," the redhead greeted, giving her a small smile and pulling away. She wished Lily was here to see them becoming friends; it would've made her so happy. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, of course." Jemma opened the door wider and stepped out of Natasha's way as she walked into the apartment. "Make yourself at home. Do you want something to eat? Something to drink?"
"No, I'm fine," she said, taking a seat at one of the stools by the island. "How are you doing, Jemma?" Jemma sighed, not knowing how to answer her. She wasn't fine, but she was obviously better than she was a few months ago. She would never be fine; she would always hurt and she would always cry, but she didn't want to say that.
"I'm...I'm doing better," she settled. Natasha nodded her head in understanding. "I decided to take your advice and start clearing her stuff out." She sat on the stool to Natasha's left and stared at the fridge.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I started with her clothes. Thought maybe that you were right...that it was time to start moving on—"
"I didn't mean it like that, Jemma," the redhead cut her off. She felt guilty; she didn't mean to rush Jemma through her grief. "I only meant that you shouldn't be locking yourself up here all day, staying in bed and not taking care of yourself. I didn't mean that you should rush through your grief."
"I did better than I thought I would, though." There was pride in Jemma's voice as she looked at Natasha. "I only cried once, and it was when I found the shirt that she had worn the night that she left. That day was our last date night."
Natasha frowned at Jemma's sad words. Ever since that day, Natasha always felt a little guilty for bringing Lily into the fight. If I hadn't called her in, then she would still be here, laughing and lying with Jemma on the couch. Jemma looked at her and saw the sadness in her eyes. She knew that Nat blamed her herself.
"It's not your fault, you know. She chose to agree to go. None of us could've changed her mind, you know that."
"Yeah I know."
"So, what brings you here? I doubt it's because you wanted to check up on me, not that I'm not happy you stopped by..." Jemma asked effectively changing the subject. She had gotten up from her stool and walked over to the fridge and got herself a water bottle.
"I need your help." This caused Jemma to stop and turn to the ex-assassin.
"Help with what?"
"It's Wanda. Ever since...everything happened, she's locked herself in her room. At first, I thought it was fine, but it's been six months...and well, Jemma, I'm worried about her." Jemma remembered the girl and felt bad for her; she heard that she had lost her brother in Sokovia. "We barely see her around the compound, and when we do, it's only for a brief moment before she disappears into her room. She barely eats; she doesn't come sit with us at meals, and when we bring food to her room, it's left mostly untouched. She doesn't talk to anyone, not even to Vision. I try to get her to talk but she just ignores me."
"Maybe she just needs some time..."
"I hear her screaming at night, Jemma. I know she gets nightmares, and I can't help her because she keeps the fucking door locked." Natasha slammed her fist against the granite counter, feeling the tears come to her eyes at the thought of the girl in pain.
"What do you want me to do?" Jemma wasn't much better; there were times when she didn't leave her room and would shut out all responsibilities, would barely eat for days at a time, and would get horrific nightmares that often left her screaming and staying awake for the remainder of the night. Natasha looked at her with hope and sadness in her eyes.
"I don't know, talk to her, maybe? Maybe you could help her get through this."
"What makes me different from you and anyone else who tried to talk to her?"
"Maybe since you two have the same experience, she'll let you in? I don't know, Jemma, but please, can you try? I'm really worried about her. I don't know what she's doing in her room and I don't want her to get hurt." Natasha's eyes held a look that Jemma never saw before; fear. She saw fear as the woman before her pleaded for help. Jemma melted under her gaze, knowing that she could never allow that girl to continue to hurt like this.
"Okay, just give me a few minutes to get changed, and I'll go talk to her now." Natasha smiled at her, relieved.
"Thank you, Jemma."
"It's no problem."
○○○
Jemma had returned a few minutes later looking slightly more presentable than she had been, and before the two women left the apartment, Jemma bent down to Griffon's food bowl and placed a little bit of food in it, just in case she was out late. Making sure that she had her phone, wallet and keys, both women stepped out of the apartment and made their way to the compound.
The drive to the compound took a little over an hour since traffic wasn't so bad, surprisingly. Jemma forgot that the Avengers moved to a new facility upstate and weren't in the tower anymore. She missed seeing it light up the sky at night.
"So, what's gonna happen to the tower back in the city?" Jemma asked as she looked at Natasha who was driving. She shrugged her shoulders before giving her a little laugh.
"I'm not sure, I think Tony might've sold it, but I wouldn't be surprised if he kept it all for himself." Jemma laughed too at Tony's childish nature. Over the past few months, Jemma had gotten to know the Avengers better and started forming bonds with them, even though they didn't hang out much, they still talked and every once in a while one of them would check up on Jemma, either with a comforting phone call or would come in person and spend the day with her.
Steve was usually the one to come in person, often bringing homemade meals to make sure she was eating right. Tony would always call, but he would also send her flowers, a personalized card, and a bottle of Scotch, which she was always thankful for. Thor came in person too, whenever he was on earth, mostly because he didn't understand how to work a phone. Clint and Natasha were over the most since she was more familiar with them. She was glad to have finally met Clint and found it funny when he asked if the story of her and Lily's first date was true and how he laughed when she confirmed it.
She was glad that she would be seeing all of them again. She was a little sad when she heard that Thor had gone back to Asgard; she was hoping that she could see him again and maybe share a drink with him. She had heard about Sam from Steve, but had yet to meet him, so she was excited, and if she was honest, she wanted to meet Vision. She knew about him and what he was, but a part of her had always been too scared to meet the android, but now she was ready.
"It kinda sucks that Clint retired. It feels kinda lonely without him, but don't tell him I said that," Natasha said causing Jemma to laugh harder.
"I won't, I promise." They soon pulled up to the compound. It was much bigger than the tower and provided the heroes with more space to train and whatnot. Natasha led Jemma through the different floors until they got to the living quarters. As they got off the elevator, Jemma was met with a large seating area and bar/kitchen area that reminded Jemma of the one room she was in at the tower.
Most of the team was gathered in the room, sitting and laughing with each other. Two men sat on one of the couches staring intently at the TV in front of them, action music and explosions rang loudly through the speakers as the two played the game. Steve stood by the bar and shook his head at the two, while smiling. Steve's smile grew larger when he saw Natasha and Jemma enter the room. He walked towards them and opened his arms to Jemma, asking for a hug. She smiled at seeing his goofy one and accepted his hug, giving him one in return. He chuckled lightly as he had to bend down a little to wrap his arms around her because she was so short. Jemma laughed also and patted his back. It was good to see him. She never told anyone in fear of hurting feelings, but Steve was always her favorite.
"It's good to see you, Jemma." He said releasing her and sending her a sincere smile. Even though he visited her often, he missed her.
"It's good to see you, too, Steve." Steve brought her into the room more, clearing his throat in the process.
"Hey guys, pause the game. We have a visitor." The two men who were sitting on the couch stopped their game, turned the TV off and made their way over to Steve and Jemma. "Jemma, this is Colonel James Rhodes of the United States air force." Steve gestured to the man on the left. Jemma had recognized the man, mostly from the news.
"But, you can call me Rhodey." He held out his hand to shake and Jemma gladly took it, smiling warmly at him. Then Steve gestured to the younger man that stood next to Rhodey and in front of Steve.
"And this is Sam Wilson." Sam smiled smugly at Steve before holding out his hand to Jemma also.
"I'm also his best friend, but there's no way that he'll ever admit that. It's nice to finally meet you. Steve told me a lot about you."
"He told me a lot about you, too. And it's nice to meet you too, both of you."
"Not that it isn't nice to see you," Steve started. "What brings you here today? Did you miss us?" Jemma laughed a little at his joke while Sam and Rhodey just shook their heads at his lame joke.
"Actually, I'm here to see Wanda. Nat told she hasn't been doing too well." The atmosphere in the room shifted and became heavy at the mention of Wanda. Jemma could tell that the Avengers were worried about the poor girl, Steve especially.
"She's been locked up in her room, won't come out for anyone," Sam said, his smug face turned serious.
"She's not eating as much as she should," Rhodey said looking at a wall, not wanting to look at anyone. He wasn't incredibly close with the girl, but he felt sorry for her.
"She...she won't talk to me," Steve said in a sad voice. He blamed himself for her pain, and he was upset that he couldn't help her. He looked down at his shoes and sighed. Sam placed a hand on his shoulder, comforting his friend. "I know she's hurting, more than all of us, but I wish she felt like she could open up to us."
Jemma nodded in understanding. If it weren't for the fact that the Avengers were always trying to reach out to Jemma, she probably would've shut everyone out too. She sighed, readying herself to talk to the girl.
"Can you show me to her room?"