Jemma paced around the empty apartment; anxiety rolled off her in waves. She didn't want to expect the worst had happened, but Lily did say she would call when they finished, and the only call she had received was from Natasha (who was definitely hiding something). She could feel herself starting to panic as the silence in the apartment grew louder. Her heart pounded hard against her chest, and her hands started to shake. No, no, no. Not now, please not now. Okay, calm down, Jemma. Calm down. Everything's okay. It's okay. Just calm down. She'll call. She'll call. Calm down. Jemma sat on the cold hardwood floor and placed her head in her lap and closed her eyes tightly. She was used to getting panic attacks, and she was used to getting them when she was alone, so she knew what she had to do to calm herself down. Thank God.
Griffon looked over at Jemma curiously from his spot on the loveseat. He watched her as her breath trembled as Jemma tried to steady her breathing. Sensing her distress, he stood up on the couch, stretched and yawned, and jumped down. He walked over to her slumped body that sat against the kitchen island and he rubbed his orange head against her thigh. He sat down beside her, doing his best to comfort his friend. Without lifting her head, Jemma acknowledge the feline's attempts to help, and gave him a soft pat on the head.
"Good boy," she muttered. Griffon purred softly in response to her soft hands rubbing his ears and face. Jemma and Griffon sat like that for a few more minutes, and when Jemma felt calm enough to stand, she picked up the feline and carried him and herself back over to the loveseat and sat down. She held the cat in her lap and grabbed the TV remote from the coffee table and turned it on, putting on The Office. She needed a distraction. Griffon sat on her lap, content, as she pet him some more. She couldn't stop herself from glancing at her phone ever couple minutes as she waited for Natasha to call her back. Still, she was dressed and ready to go the minute she called.
As Jemma watched the episode, she couldn't help the yawn that escaped her lips. She was exhausted. Ever since Lily had left early that morning, she didn't sleep; not one wink. How could she? Her wife and love of her life was off in another country fighting a robot who was hellbent on destroying all of humanity, and she was worried. Her mind couldn't let her rest, not even for an hour. She knew that if Lily found out that she had been up all night and didn't sleep she would make her go to bed that instant and wouldn't let her leave until she made up for it. She chuckled at the thought of Lily worrying about her, as if Jemma not sleeping was anything compared to Lily fighting a war.
"We're in trouble aren't we?" she asked Griffon as if he could understand her, let alone hear what she had just been thinking, and yet, he answered her with soft "Meow", causing Jemma to laugh a little, easing her anxiety.
○○○
After a few hours of mindlessly watching reruns of The Office, Jemma's phone finally rang, scaring both her and Griffon who had jumped off of Jemma's lap and ran into her bedroom. Jemma sat up from where she was laying down on the couch and quickly checked the caller ID to make sure it was Natasha before she answered.
"Hello, Nat?"
"Hey, Jemma. I just wanted to call to let you know that we're almost at the tower. We should be there in about twenty minutes." Jemma noticed that Natasha's voice sounded different than when she called her a few hours ago, but it didn't matter to her. She immediately jumped up from the couch and ran into her bedroom looking for her shoes.
"Okay, I'll start getting ready now, and then I'll head out to meet you guys."
"Okay, see you soon."
"See you soon." Jemma ended the call and put on her shoes. Her anxiety came back as she ran around the apartment making sure that she had everything that she needed. She was still confused as to why Lily didn't call her yet. Maybe she was tired? But Lily always made and effort to call her, even when she was tired. Maybe she fell asleep? Jemma shrugged the thought away as she double checked that she had her phone, wallet and keys. She yelled a goodbye to Griffon who had gone into hiding as she left the apartment.
She practically skipped down the steps of her building in excitement. She always missed Lily when she was at work and she couldn't wait to see her and give her a big kiss. A huge smile was plastered on her face as she unlocked her car door and put the key in ignition. Putting it in drive, she pulled out of her parking space and drove in the direction of the Avengers' tower. She and Lily lived at least fifteen minutes away, so Jemma figured that she and the team would be arriving at roughly the same time.
She cursed to herself at the incompetent drivers that she was forced to share the road with. She hated driving, especially at this time of day; it was rush-hour and everyone was either trying to get into the city or leave it. She could see the tower. It stood tall and proud, like the team itself. As the sun started to go down, the tower's luminescent lights filled the sky. Seeing the tower, Jemma couldn't help but feel proud. She may worry about Lily a lot, but she was extremely and genuinely proud of what she and the rest of the Avengers did for the world. The world was a much better and safer place with them protecting it.
Pulling up to the tower, Jemma parked the car in the empty spot, put a few quarters in the meter, paying only enough for an hour (she couldn't imagine why she would be staying longer than that), and walked inside the building. Thankfully for Jemma, Tony and Natasha called to inform security that Jemma was expected, so when she walked in and gave her name, they allowed her to pass through. Now that she was finally in the building, her anxiety began to arise again, and all the bad thoughts that she had suppressed were resurfacing. Jemma breathed deeply, refusing to have another panic attack, especially in front of the Avengers. She composed herself and rode the elevator to the top floor, assuming that that was were Natasha wanted to meet her, since she didn't give a specific floor.
The elevator ride was quiet, the only sound being the hum of the machinery and Jemma's beating heart. She once again breathed deeply, trying to calm herself down. She had nothing to worry about, right?
"Calm down, Jemma. Everything's fine. Everything's fine," she said to herself calmly, still trying to quiet her beating heart.
"Is there anything I can get you, Miss?" a disembodied voice spoke out, scaring Jemma.
"Jesus Christ! What is that?" Jemma asked in a panic at the sudden voice.
"My name is F.R.I.D.A.Y.. I am an assistant for Mr. Stark. Is there anything I can get you?" F.R.I.D.A.Y. asked again in a gentle voice. Jemma was still freaked out over the disembodied voice.
"Where's your body?" she asked slightly afraid.
"I am a natural-language user interface created by Tony Stark. I was designed to work with his Iron Man suit but have also been configured to work with the Avengers' tower. I do not possess a body." F.R.I.D.A.Y. responded.
"Okay?..." Jemma said uneasily.
"I'll alert Mr. Stark of your arrival." Jemma only nodded. The elevator stopped after a few more minutes, its metal doors opened to reveal a lavish living area complete with couches, a pool table and a full bar. Jemma knew of Tony Stark's love for the extravagant but didn't think he loved it this much. Despite the extravagance, it was a beautiful set-up and Jemma felt a bit jealous about not being able to live here. As Jemma marveled at the large room, F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s voice alerted her once more.
"I have just announced your presence to Mr. Stark. Please, make yourself at home. He'll be down to greet you momentarily."
"Thank you," Jemma said to the voice of the artificial intelligence before walking to the bar. Her nerves were out of control and her heart was still beating wildly; she definitely needed and deserved a drink. After taking a minute to decide what she wanted, Jemma grabbed a top-shelf bottle of Scotch before pouring herself a glass. She sighed quickly before downing the liquid in one gulp. It burned her throat as it went down, but Jemma didn't care. She poured herself another, and again downed it. As she finished her second glass, she heard the elevator door open and the voice of no other than Tony Stark.
"I see you've made yourself at home, alright," the billionaire said as he walked from the elevator over to the bar. Jemma's eyes widened as she realized what she was doing. She put the bottle down and walked out from behind the bar.
"Mr. Stark, please I am so sorry, please forgive—"
"I was just kidding, you're fine. You're Jemma Jennings, right?" he asked as he took the bottle and poured himself a glass and refilled Jemma's.
"It's actually Barnes. When Lily and I got married, we figured since we were already breaking the rules of a 'traditional marriage' so we decided not to take each other's names," She explained to the billionaire as she drank her drink. She didn't know why she felt the need to explain the difference in their names, maybe it was because of all the times she and Lily were asked how they were married if they didn't take each other's name. Tony nodded as if he understood and refilled their glasses. They stood in silence for a couple of minutes, neither one knowing exactly what to say to the other. He downed his drink in one sip.
"It's a shame that we're just meeting. Lily never mentioned you before." Jemma wasn't surprised that Tony, and maybe even the rest of the Avengers didn't know that she existed. She knew that Lily was a very private person and cared a lot about what others thought of her. While she had accepted the fact that she was gay and was proud of that fact and of her relationship with Jemma, Lily understood that there would always be people who wouldn't accept her because of it, and it broke Jemma's heart. It broke her heart that her wife had to hide her true self from her teammates and friends for fear of them not being able to accept her.
"Lily was afraid that people wouldn't accept her for who she truly was. It wasn't always easy, but she thought it would be less painful living in a lie then telling the truth and being let down. Besides, this isn't my world. I don't fit in with all this," she said with a sad smile, gesturing around at the room they were in. Tony sighed and looked Jemma in her eyes. He had a sad look about him that Jemma couldn't place. Then, lifting his glass that he had refilled slightly he spoke again.
"Well, then. To Lily; a braver soul then the rest of us." Jemma too raised her glass and clinked it lightly against his before downing the liquid. Tony placed his empty glass on the counter and turned to look at Jemma.
"Well, I'm going to go finish packing up some stuff. I assumed you heard about our move to a new facility upstate, right? Well, you're always welcome to visit, whenever you want. Just give me a ring," Tony said handing her a business card with his name and number on it. "And seriously, Jemma Barnes, if you ever need anything, give me a call. I'll take care of you. Okay? Okay." Jemma didn't answer the billionaire before he walked off, leaving her alone in the giant room. She thought his proposal was little odd, but she shook her head and placed his card in her pocket.
She turned back to the bar and filled her glass with water. She was still thirsty, and she knew she couldn't keep drinking Scotch. As she took a sip of her water, Tony's head popped back in startling Jemma. "Oh yeah, I remember what I was supposed to tell you. Natasha'll be down in a few, she's just helping with something on the jet, or something. I don't know. She'll be down soon."
"Okay," Jemma said with a little laugh at Tony's awkwardness. Iron Man, ladies and gentlemen. Soon, he was gone again, and Jemma was alone once more. Every few minutes an Avenger would come out of the elevator, give Jemma a funny look, introduce themselves, and then leave, presumably to go pack their belongings to take to the new facility. Finally, Natasha appeared out of the elevator, and upon seeing Jemma, walked towards the bar and embraced the young woman. They were pretty much acquaintances, having only met a small number of times, but Jemma was more familiar with her than with the rest of the inhabitants.
"Hey Jemma, sorry for taking so long," the redhead said as she pulled out of the embrace. Her voice was quiet and sounded like it was strained. She gave Jemma a fake smile and prayed that Jemma couldn't tell.
"Hey Nat. It's fine, I was just talking with Tony."
"Oh boy," Natasha gave a little laugh, trying to lighten the mood before they got to the reason behind Jemma's visit. "Please tell me he didn't hit on you. You know he has a habit of doing that to attractive women." Jemma laughed and smiled brightly at the compliment and thought back to her and Tony's interaction.
"Actually, no. He was very sweet and shared a couple drinks with me. I think the only reason he didn't hit on me was because he knew I was married to Lily." Jemma took another sip of her water. Natasha winced at the mention of Lily's name. Her mind replayed the last few words that Jemma spoke; "...I was married to Lily." "...Was married to Lily." Was. Natasha fought very hard to keep herself from breaking down in front of Jemma. Jemma noticed her tense up and laid a small hand on her arm, causing Natasha to look up at her. "Hey, are you okay?"
It was such a simple question with such a heartbreaking answer. Natasha just wanted to grab Jemma by her shoulders tightly and say, "No, Jemma I am not okay. I'm not okay because my best friend and sister and your wife is dead. She's dead. Lily is dead and she's not coming back. She died over in Sokovia, she died saving the life of a girl who practically cause this mess. She's dead and I'm not okay." But she couldn't. She couldn't break the news to her like that.
"Let's go outside, huh?" Natasha asked, ignoring Jemma's question. She had stalled enough, and now it was time that she told Jemma what happened. Natasha led the young woman out onto the balcony. The view of the city from the tower was beautiful; the sun had gone down completely, and the lights of the buildings, cars, and streetlights shone brightly in the night, and Natasha was sorry that such a beautiful sight would be tainted by the words she was about to say. "Jemma?" she asked causing the younger woman to remove her focus from the lights to the woman next to her. Natasha led her over to one of the few chairs that were set out and forced her down. Jemma looked at her, confused by her sudden change in emotion.
"Nat, what's wrong?" Natasha inhaled and exhaled deeply. She needed to get this out now.
"Jemma, I need to tell you something. Something serious, okay?" Jemma nodded her head. "Something happened during the mission today. Something with Lily. T-there's been an accident." Jemma sat up straighter at the mention of Lily being in an accident. Worry began to course through her as she tried not to think of her wife hurt.
"What kind of accident?" Jemma asked, scared of the answer she would receive.
"We were in Sokovia, and Ultron rigged the city to fly out of the ground and become a meteor. That's how he was going to destroy humanity. There was this girl, she's enhanced with some kind of magic, and she...killed him. But while she killed him, one of his robot minions deactivated the mechanism that caused the city to rise higher in the air, and by turning it off, caused the city to start to fall." Natasha paused to make sure Jemma understood what she had said and was processing the information. After a minute she continued. "Because the city was falling at such a fast speed, a lot of the buildings became unstable. And the one near the girl collapsed. She tried to stop it with her powers, but it was too heavy. The building collapsed, but Lily pushed the girl out of the way. She saved her life, but unfortunately, she..." Natasha couldn't finish her sentence. Tears welled in her eyes again as she looked into Jemma's brown eyes.
Jemma sat in her chair, shocked at the news she just heard. Her heart felt like it stopped and she felt numb. She let out a little gasp as the news truly hit her. Her eyes welled up with tears and her shaking hand flew up to cover her mouth as she choked out a sob. Jemma's body trembled as her heart shattered after learning of her wife's death. Natasha reached forward and brought her into her arms, rocking her gently as she too cried. Jemma's loud sobs shook the Avengers tower.
Behind them, the rest of the team gathered, holding hands and sharing their own set of tears for their fallen teammate. Steve watched through the large windows as Jemma tried to push herself from Natasha and stand on her own, only to fall to her knees. Like most of the Avengers, Steve blamed himself, not that there was anything he could've done differently, but Lily was his friend.
She had heard about the legend of his sacrifice in 1945 and how he was found decades later, frozen in ice, and was inspired by his courage. When she met him in 2012, she was excited to meet her hero, and had expressed that she had always looked up to him and that he was her inspiration. He smiled faintly at the memory of taking the young woman under his wing, glad that he could inspire someone to do good. And through the years and the brief time that they spent together, Steve and Lily became best friends, and...now she was gone...and he didn't even get to say goodbye. His heart went out to Jemma. He never met her, only heard about her through some stories that Lily told to him and Nat when they had little solo missions, but he couldn't imagine what she was feeling.
Wanda did though. Wanda knew exactly what she was feeling, and not because she went through similar feelings earlier (and was still going through at that moment), but because she could feel Jemma's own pain. Jemma's thoughts screamed louder in Wanda's head than anyone else's in the room. She let out a little gasp as the pain hit her, causing pressure to build up in her mind and her heart. Steve looked over at her with concern. He understood her powers, to some extent, and knew that she could feel Jemma's pain. He walked over to her and gave her a little hug before walking out onto the balcony.
Originally, Steve wanted to leave Jemma alone. To give her time to process, but he couldn't escape the nagging voice in his head that instructed him to go to her and comfort her. So, he did. He walked onto the balcony and took the young grieving woman into his arms and held onto her, letting her tears soak his light grey t-shirt. Jemma grabbed fistfuls of his shirt in both her hands as she screamed in pain into his broad chest, but Steve didn't mind. The fabric muffled her screams and sobs, making them only come out as regular cries. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? What could he possibly tell this young woman, whose wife had died, to comfort her? There were no words. And that frustrated the super soldier, that of all the words in the English language, there wasn't one that he could say in this instance.
The three of them, all caught up in their own grief didn't notice when Wanda Maximoff came onto the balcony. She timidly took slow steps towards Steve and Jemma, afraid to scare either of them, or maybe she was scared that Jemma would scream at her and take her anger out on her, telling Wanda it was her fault, which it was.
As if he could hear her thoughts, Steve spoke saying, "It's not your fault."
Wanda looked up at him, not completely sure if he was talking to her. She felt the familiar lump form in her throat and tears come to her eyes. She didn't want to start crying again. Jemma's sobs had quieted down. She lifted her head off of Steve's chest and looked the hero in his eyes. His once crystal-clear blue ones were now slightly red and filled with tears. Jemma reached a hand up and gently caressed his cheek. She didn't say a word to him, yet he understood what he meant. He nodded his head and released her from his arms. The front of his shirt was damp, but he didn't care.
"I'm sorry," he choked out, his voice cracking as he stared Jemma in the eyes. "I wish I could've done more. I failed her." He hung his head in defeat as he couldn't hold the tears back anymore. Jemma returned the favor, and brought the broken soldier into her arms, rubbing his back as he sobbed. She didn't say a word, though, afraid to hear her own raw voice. She turned her gaze to the unknown woman on the balcony. Upon looking at her, Jemma knew that this was the girl from Lily's vision; the girl she had saved.
Jemma let go of Steve's composed body and walked towards Wanda. Wanda turned her face away from the broken woman, afraid to be in her presence, feeling small under her gaze. Jemma stopped when she was directly in front of the girl, maybe arm's length apart from her. She raised her right hand slowly as to not startle Wanda, and gently moved it to her face. She slowly turned Wanda's head, forcing her to look at her. When she saw Wanda's green eyes look into her brown ones, she placed her other hand on Wanda's other cheek and gave her the best smile she could before she enveloped the girl in a big hug.
Wanda stood confused at the sudden action for a moment before wrapping her arms around the woman. She felt herself start to cry again at the comforting touch as all the pain from losing her brother, her home, and Lily came back to her. Jemma shushed her, trying her best to comfort her. After a minute, Jemma pulled away slightly, and looked the girl in her eyes.
"I heard about what happened. I want you to know, t-that I don't...blame you," Jemma said through her tears. And she meant it. "Before...before she left...for the um...she had a vision. And in the vision, she saw a girl...she saw you. And s-she saw you get crushed by that building. She...was so distraught at seeing you die. S-she felt helpless...that she just stood by and watched someone so y-young and innocent die. And she feared for your future. But you know what I told her?" Wanda shook her head. Jemma forced a small laugh. "I told her that if she didn't like the future she saw, then she should change it, that it was her duty to change it. And you know what? I'm so glad she did." Jemma caressed the girl's face, wiping the tears that slipped down.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save her too," Wanda whispered. Jemma took the girl into her arms once again.
"I'm just glad that she went doing something good. She saved you for a reason. I'm sure you did enough. It's not your fault."
And for the firsttime that day, Wanda Maximoff felt peace.