Wanda buried her tear-stained face into the chest of the android. She wanted him to leave her there. She wanted to die beside the woman. She wanted to die like her brother. She wanted Vision to go back and grab her savior, but she knew he couldn't. Her heart broke at the thought of this woman's family mourning her death and hating her for not bringing back her body. What difference did it make if people hated her? She hated herself enough. Everything that had happened had been her fault; her and her brother's, but you can't blame the dead.
Wanda wasn't paying attention to where Vision was taking her. Her eyes remained closed as she tried to force herself to stop the tears that came. She never liked crying, especially in front of others, and yet here she was; crying into the chest of an android. After a few minutes, she felt his grip on her loosen. Opening her eyes and turning her face away from his chest, Wanda noticed that they were on the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier. As he set her down on the runway, Vision knelt beside her and placed and gentle and comforting hand on her leg, while looking into her eyes.
"I am incredibly sorry for your loss," his soft British accent warmed her heart but did nothing to ease the pain. "Your brother and Ms. Jennings deserved much better than the fate that they received. But, it is not your fault, Miss Maximoff. Do not blame yourself. They wouldn't want you to do that to yourself." How would you know what they would want? They're dead, who cares what they think of me? Wanda bit her tongue. She knew the android was just trying to help, but his words didn't take away the regret and guilt that she felt.
As the helicarrier rose a little higher in the air, Vision grabbed Wanda's hand and lifted her up from her spot on the runway. He turned her in the direction of the door that would lead them into the craft and draped his arm around her shoulders, holding her close to him. Her sobbing had stopped, but she was still trembling—though Vision thought it was because of the decrease in temperature and not because of the shock of the day's trauma—and tears still fell from her now red eyes and after every couple of breaths, Vision heard it waver and tremble.
"Come, we must get inside," he said guiding her along. Wanda didn't answer him. She just blindly followed him inside the helicarrier. The inside of the carrier was dark and significantly quieter than the outside where they just were. Vision guided the girl through the darker hallway, leading her into a more open room—the control room. In front of them were large windows that showed the bright open sky ahead of them. There, standing on the little platform a little way away from them, stood a tall bald man. He held a very commanding presence and a sense of authority rolled off of him. Wanda could only guess that he was the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.. Below him were a multitude of computers and people that were stationed at each one, working hard. A tall woman with brown hair pinned up in a professional manner walked through each row, making sure that people were doing their jobs. The rest of the Avengers stood around the man, having not noticed that Wanda and Vision had entered the room. They stood tired after the day's events. They were dirty and battered. Their uniforms had tears and dirt and drying blood stained in spots, and their skin matched. Some of the Avengers had larger wounds then others, but they would all survive. They were lucky.
Clint was the first one to notice their presence. He turned from his spot besides Natasha and ran over to Wanda and Vision.
"Oh, thank God you're safe," he said sighing in relief as he brought the young girl into his arms in a bear hug. The archer held onto her, squeezing her tightly as if she would disappear from him if he let her go. "I thought you were dead." Wanda felt his tears as she heard the worry and fear in his voice. Clint pulled away from her and grabbed her face in his hands. He didn't care that they were still strangers. He felt a bond with the young Maximoff twins, and it only strengthened after Pietro's death.
Wanda gave Clint a sad smile, her own tears still sliding down her cheeks, before responding to him in a quiet and sad voice.
"I'm okay." Realization hit Clint as he exchanged looks between Wanda and Vision. They were the only other ones here. Lily Jennings wasn't with them.
"Hey, where's Lily?" he asked, addressing the whole room, but keeping his eyes on Wanda. Wanda looked away from his gaze, more tears coming to her eyes as she thought of her savior. Clint turned away from her and looked towards the rest of the Avengers who just stood in silence as the realization of their missing partner crept into their minds. "Did anyone have eyes on Lily?" He asked again. The rest of the team shook their heads and mumbled variations of "no". Clint started to panic. He shouldn't have let her out of his sight. He blamed himself for her disappearance. Clint barely heard the quiet little squeak that Wanda released from behind him. Vision stepped closer to the girl, who was once again starting to sob.
"It's okay," he said quietly, enough for Wanda and Clint to hear.
"It...it's my fault," said the girl as she erupted into a sob. Vision wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into him, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. Wanda grabbed hold of Vision's cape and held onto him tightly as she tried to stop her sobbing.
"What do you mean it's your fault?" Clint asked, afraid of the answer after Wanda had calmed down a little. Tears returned to his eyes. He knew the answer, but he wanted to hear Wanda say it. The rest of the team was staring at them, their pain-filled eyes burned into Wanda, silently demanding that she answer their collective question.
"After I felt my bond with Pietro snap when he died, I felt all this pain and anger. I was angry at Ultron, so I left my post and went to find him to get revenge. I found him...and killed him, but then the city started to fall. One of the buildings that was near me started to fall. I-I-I tried to stop it. I caught it...but it was too heavy, I c-couldn't hold it," Wanda's heart was beating fast and her breathing became fast and shallow. "M-my magic was slipping. I saw her running, but I couldn't make her stop. I let go of the building. I waited for it to crush me, but...I didn't feel anything."
Steve looked away towards the big windows. Natasha brought a hand up to wipe away the small tear that leaked from her eye and looked down at her feet, covering her face with her hair. She wasn't going to cry, not here, not in front of everyone. Clint's heart broke and descended into the pit of his stomach. Thor looked down, a look of anger on his face. Wanda continued.
"I didn't ask her to do it. I didn't even know she did it. I looked and saw that I was safe, and then I saw the rubble. I ran over to her, and s-she...smiled at me. She looked so...so at...peace. When I asked her why she did what she did, she said...said it was because she was reminded of 'her'. Then she stared into my eyes and smiled before...before..." Natasha didn't wait to hear her finish. She quickly walked out of the room, brushing past Wanda, Clint and Vision. "I'm sorry." She paused for a second, acknowledging the girl's apology before leaving the room. Wanda noticed that the tall man and the woman with dark brown hair were also listening to her story. Nick Fury bowed his head and sighed, but the woman, Maria, she too had tears in her eyes. She stood frozen in her spot in the middle of the isle. Nick looked at her.
"Hill?" She ignored him.
"Hill?" he tried again, calling her name louder. Maria snapped out of it and looked at Nick Fury.
"Yes, sir?" She said trying to regain her professional composure. She wiped her tears and put on a brave and serious face.
"Go check on Agent Romanoff, and then take a break," he said directing her. Maria nodded her head and followed Natasha's trail out of the command room. Nick then turned to the rest of the Avengers and Wanda. "And that goes for everyone here. Go rest, all of you. Barton, can you lead Miss Maximoff to her quarters, please?" Clint nodded before leading the girl out of the command room, the rest of the Avengers in tow.
○○○
Clint led Wanda to a small empty room with minimal decorations. It had a bed, a nightstand, a dresser, a small closet and a small bookshelf. Besides the dresser, Wanda noticed another door, that when opened revealed a small bathroom. Wanda sat on the edge of the bed and put her head into her hands. The guilt was eating her alive and it killed her. She never felt pain like this; not when her parents died when she was young, not when the people of HYDRA tortured her, and not even when Pietro died and she lost her home. Being the direct cause of an innocent person's death hurt her more than any of that.
"It's my fault. I killed her," she said, knowing that Clint was still standing in the doorway, watching her. She heard him sigh before he walked towards her and sat on the edge of the bed next to her. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close so that her head was resting on his shoulder. He then took his free hand and wiped her tears away before moving it around the front of her body, interlocking his fingers together, keeping the girl trapped in his embrace. Wanda breathed in, inhaling the faint smell of his cologne.
"It's not your fault, kid."
"Everyone blames me."
"That's not true, no one blames you," Clint's heart broke at the thought of anyone pinning the blame on Wanda. The poor kid had been through enough; they all had.
"Yes, they do. I can hear their thoughts. They're so loud; their guilt, their pain, and their blame. I can hear it." Wanda buried her face into Clint's shoulder, shielding herself from the loud sound of the Avengers' thoughts. Clint attempted to look at her, confusion and anger in his eyes.
"Who blames you? Steve?" Clint started listing off the names of his teammates. Wanda shook her head; not Steve. "Thor?" She shook her head again. "Vision?" Wanda once again shook her head, though to be honest, she wasn't sure. She couldn't read Vision's mind like the others and she didn't know why. "Not me?" he asked. He didn't blame her, but he had to be certain. She shook her head again, and Clint breathed a slight sigh of relief. Out of the Avengers, that only left Natasha. He hesitated before saying her name, already knowing the answer. "Nat?"
Of course, it was Natasha. She had a deeper connection to Lily than anyone else on the team had (other than Maria Hill). Lily had practically grown up with Natasha, having been together since Lily was fifteen when she joined S.H.I.E.L.D.. She trained under Natasha and Nat unofficially adopted her as her younger sister since Lily had always looked up to the ex-assassin. While Nat didn't say this about everyone, she loved Lily. Lily was one of the few constants in her life, and she could always count on the younger woman to be there for her, whenever she needed her. And now, she was gone, so of course, Nat blamed Wanda. Clint's thoughts were proved correct when Wanda shook her head "yes". She had always felt that the woman didn't like her ever since Wanda showed Nat her worst fear, but now, there was a worse and more personal reason for the ex-assassin to hate her; she took away one of the few people that she loved.
Clint sighed. He didn't know what to say. It wasn't like he could deny it by saying "No that's not true. Natasha doesn't blame you." No, he couldn't say that, because Wanda could hear Natasha blaming her. So, Clint was for once, at a loss for words. He just sat on the edge of Wanda's bed, holding her and letting her cry on his shoulder.
After about a half hour of crying, Wanda's breathing became heavy. Clint looked over at the girl and saw that she had fallen asleep. Clint was thankful that she had found some kind of peace after the day she had and had removed his arms from around her small frame, and gently leaned her down onto her pillows. Then, bending down, he lifted her legs onto the bed and stretched her out so that she was comfortable. He removed her high boots from her feet and placed them by on the floor by the bed, and took the blanket that was sitting at the foot of the bed and draped it over Wanda, tucking her in. Brushing the hair out of her face, Clint turned to leave. Taking one more look at the sleeping girl, he shut off the light and left, closing the door behind him.
Clint paused a minute outside of her bedroom door. A lot had happened today, and it was a lot to take in. While he didn't know Lily as much as Nat or Maria, he knew her better than the rest of the team, and this was thanks to the couple of hours they shared on the Quinjet early that morning. God, it felt like a lifetime ago. It was hard to believe that she was dead. Only a couple of hours ago, the two were laughing and joking like old friends; spending the flight time telling each other stories of their families. He thought of Jemma, who would be destroyed at hearing this unfortunate news. Clint never met her, but through the stories that Lily told, he felt that he knew her, and he was sad that the first time they would meet would be because of Lily's death.
Clint shook his head, ridding himself of those thoughts and walked down the hall, looking for Natasha. He hated that she was blaming Wanda for what happened with Lily. Everyone else could see that it wasn't Wanda's fault that Lily died. Why couldn't Nat understand that?
Finding Natasha's room, Clint knocked on her door. It wasn't a gentle knock, and part of Clint felt bad. He didn't mean to sound so harsh, but he couldn't help the anger that started to bubble up inside him. Natasha opened the door, her eyes red and glazed; she had clearly been crying. Clint had seen her crying before, but it still shocked him; it wasn't a frequent sight.
"Can I come in?" Clint asked after a minute of standing in her doorway. Natasha moved out of the way and opened the door wider. Clint didn't say a word as he walked in and made himself comfy on her bed while Natasha closed the door. She turned and stood in front of Clint, her arms folded across her chest, not speaking. She stared at the archer, trying to look intimidating, but coming off annoyed. Her defense mechanism.
"What do you want, Clint?" she asked. Her voice sounded raw, a side effect from the crying. Clint softened his gaze; he knew she was hurting.
"I didn't want you to be alone," he said, which was true, but not the only reason why he was there in her room sitting on her bed. Natasha looked at him and raised an eyebrow, not believing him. She shifted her stance, leaning a bit to the right as she put all her weight on that foot.
"What's the real reason you're here?" she asked him. She wasn't in the mood for games. She just wanted him to say what he needed to say and then get the hell out so she could go back to crying. Clint sighed and stood from the bed, walking over to Natasha.
"Why are you blaming Wanda for what happened?" Natasha stared into his blue eyes. She was shocked by his words but was careful not to let it show. She wondered how he knew she blamed the witch for her friend and sister's death and having not been familiar with the full extent of Wanda's powers, she naturally didn't expect her to tell him.
"Who said I was blaming Wanda?"
"You are though, aren't you?"
"...Lily died saving her. If Wanda didn't go after Ultron...," Natasha stopped herself. She felt her voice grow louder as she thought back on Wanda's story of Lily's demise. "If she had just stayed at her post, Lily would still be here." Clint placed his hands on his friend's shoulders, wishing that he could help her through her grief.
"Wanda did what she thought was right. Give her a break, she's just a kid."
"A kid who brought about all this trouble to begin with! She helped start all this by siding with Ultron in the first place, and we're just going to gloss over that fact?" Natasha shook Clint's hands off of her and walked over to her dresser. She was angry and needed someone to blame, and unfortunately that fell to Wanda.
"Nat, you know that's not fair."
"She knew what she was doing, Clint."
"You, know you're not the only one hurting, okay? I knew Lily too, maybe not as long as you, but damnit Nat, I knew her too. And if she were here, she would not want us beating down on a kid!" Clint raised his voice, not really caring if he hurt her, because she needed a reality check.
"She's not here though, Clint. She's not here, and you wanna know why? Because Wanda killed her. She killed her, and now she's here playing us for fools with her sob story. Now I don't doubt that Lily sacrificed herself for Wanda, because that's totally something that she would do, but what I do doubt is that Wanda felt anything towards her at all. They didn't even know each other."
"That doesn't mean that she doesn't feel compassion. She's not a fucking monster, Nat!" Clint took a breath to steady himself. He wanted to be the rational one, and even if Natasha lost her composition, he wasn't going to lose his. "You didn't see them together. They had some sort of connection that I've never seen between two people who just met. And you weren't with Wanda twenty minutes ago. She is completely heartbroken about Lily. This isn't just a sob story or an act, this is real. What she's feeling is real. And I know you have other reasons for being mad at her, by all means be mad at her for that, but don't you dare blame her for this." Clint turned away from Natasha and headed for her door. Resting his hand on the knob, he paused a second and turn his head slightly towards Natasha one last time. "You know she lost someone today, too." Clint left Natasha only with her thoughts.
Natasha closed her eyes as she body trembled as she sobbed. She felt horrible; she forgot about her brother. She regretted the words that she said to Clint and she regretted blaming Wanda, but she still couldn't let go of the anger. Natasha walked into her conjoined bathroom and turned on the faucet. Standing in front of the mirror, she looked at her reflection. She cringed at what she saw; her green eyes were red and bloodshot and puffy, her face was also red and soaked from her tears, her red hair stuck out like a mess from the bun that she had thrown together in a rush. She looked atrocious. She laughed a humorless laugh to herself; If Lily were here she'd tease you for looking like this. But Lily's wasn't here. Natasha dipped her hands in the water, cupping them like a bowl, and brought her hands up to splash the water on her face. The cold water felt good on her hot face. She splashed the water on her face a couple more times, trying to cool herself down and to relieve the puffiness in her face and eyes.
Leaving the bathroom, Natasha walked over to where her phone was sitting on the bed. She knew what she needed to do, but she was afraid. She unlocked her phone and into her contacts. She scrolled through a list of names, searching for her name. Natasha sighed deeply when she tapped on Jemma's number. She never expected that she would have to make this call, but she promised Lily that if something happened to her, the Natasha would be the one to tell Jemma. The selfish part of her was glad that she didn't have to tell her in person, that it would be harder to tell her that her wife was dead then to be Jemma hearing it. The phone rang and Natasha held her breath. She had hit "call" before she even had taken the time to think out what she was going to say to Jemma when she picked up. She hoped that she wouldn't; that she would be sleeping and chose to ignore the call to give Natasha more time, but when she heard the quiet "Hello?" on the other end of the line, Natasha froze.
"Hello? Natasha?" Jemma's tired and anxious voice filled the silence of the room.
"Hey, Jemma." She tried to sound natural and not panicky or like she was about to break down as she talked to the wife of her dead friend.
"Natasha, what's going on? How did the mission go?" Jemma's voice held the tinniest bit of panic and Natasha felt the need to smack herself. She never called Jemma, so of course she had assumed that something bad happened. Figures this was the one time she was right. Natasha took a deep breath, preparing herself to tell Jemma what happened.
"Look, Jemma, I need you to do me a favor, okay?"
"...Okay."
"I need you to meet me at the Avengers' tower? We'll be stopping there for a short while and then we'll be moving to a new facility upstate. There's something that I have to tell you, and it can't be said over the phone." Natasha sighed, feeling like she was doing the right thing. She was going to tell Jemma in person. She knew the waiting would make Jemma anxious, and she felt horrible for putting the young woman through this only to deliver a more crushing blow in person, but she just couldn't bring herself to tell her over the phone.
Jemma was silent for a few seconds before she said, "Okay. Is everything okay?"
And there it was. Natasha closed her eyes; she wasn't making this easy. She didn't want to lie to her, but she didn't know what to say.
"I'll explain everything when I see you. We're en route now and should be there in couple of hours. I'll call you when we're close."
"Okay."
"Bye Jemma."
"Bye Nat." Natasha released a shaky breath when she heard the click on Jemma's end, knowing that she now hung up. If that was hard, how will actually telling her feel like?