They both agreed to share a flan and ordered decaf coffees. When the bill arrived, Theo insisted on paying. Nora excused herself to the ladies' room, where she stared into the dimly lit mirror and gave herself a pep talk.
He liked her. But he was withholding. Plus, how would he react when he discovered she had very little experience when it came to sex? He probably had more than his fair share. Just look at him—charming, handsome, excellent physical shape, well-off family, educated. Quite the specimen. Quite the catch. She reminded herself to set aside any expectations she might entertain, to live in the moment and just let whatever was going to happen, happen. Or not.
They walked out into the night. After a short way, she put her hands in her coat pockets, but he reached out and withdrew one, holding it firmly, stopping her in her tracks. He turned her to him and his mouth found hers, at first just a sweet, soft pressure. He pulled away a bit, his gaze searching hers, yet unfocused and full. She tilted her lips up to his again, and this time, they pressed together, their mouths opening, eyes closing. Tasting, gripping each other tightly.
"Get a room!" someone in a passing car shouted and wolf howled before zooming off down the street. They stopped kissing and laughed, foreheads pressed together. He kissed the top of her head, the tip of her nose, her lips. The noise, the people, the world—all of it disappeared. All that existed was their bodies melding together. Nora closed her eyes, breathing him in.
"Garlicky, right?" he murmured against the soft, vulnerable skin of her throat. She shivered.
"I think we taste the same."
He growled just a little before catching her mouth with his once again.
"Seriously, there's a hotel just down the block. Charges by the hour!"
Must be someone looking for parking. They ignored the heckler, continuing with their make-out session.
A moment later, Theo pulled away, breathless. "I wish I didn't have to fly out tonight."
"Me too."
A look of uncertainty settled on his face.
"What is it?" Nora whispered.
His voice was quiet, and she had to strain to hear him. "Maybe it's the right thing."
Her breath caught. She'd been thinking the same thing. Guard your heart. Theo pulled away. He stepped back, breathing hard. Nora had trouble catching her breath, too.
"Let's walk for a bit," he said.
"Okay."
The kissing had her in its thrall. Holding hands, they stumbled off in the direction of home. The air between them ballooned with a strange combination of crackling emotions—anticipation, lust, desire, confusion, fear, thoughtfulness, restraint. Rainey's words broke to the surface: Just ask him.
"I don't mean to pry," she said. "But I've been thinking about what you told me, about having a rough time at home when you were a teenager. And you tried to see Uncle Cole?"
Theo nodded. "Yeah. That was...that was a turning point in my life. You might not like me much after I tell you. I certainly wouldn't blame you because I don't like myself all that much for it."
"What is it?"
He took a moment to gather his thoughts. "When I was almost sixteen, I was in a car accident. It was my fault. Some people died. Kids."
"Oh my god."
He unspooled the tale. It was a Saturday night. He'd been driving too fast—illegally, underage, alone—and at the intersection of two Napa Valley back roads, he hit a minivan carrying a family of five and their son's friend. They'd been on their way home from the movies. The friend, a boy of eleven, died, and so did the oldest child, a fourteen-year-old girl.
"It's how I got this scar." Theo stopped walking. He guided Nora's finger along the thin, faded line that crossed his chin. She could feel it through his soft yet prickly stubble. Without thinking, Nora gently pulled her hand out of his. She stepped back, putting some distance between them. His eyes questioned hers, and she could see the hurt that settled in them as he understood. He had killed, even if it was an accident. Children had died.
Was it really his fault, though? She could see the anguish in his face, the sorrow and regret that plagued him.
"I'm sorry," she blurted.
"It's okay."
"It's not. I didn't mean..." She wasn't sure what she was going to say. But she didn't reach for his hand again.
"Forget it."
"Why didn't you say anything before?"
"It's not exactly something I like to bring up as soon as I meet a person," he said wryly. "Especially someone I like. 'Hi! My name is Theo and I committed manslaughter.'"
They stood awkwardly on the corner. Around them, the Mission bubbled with activity. Couples and groups of friends strutted down the street, off to bars and nightclubs and poetry readings. They laughed and joked and smoked, carefree and cool.
"Of course. That was thoughtless of me." Nora shook her head. A particularly noisy crowd passed them to cross the street. When they were gone she said, "Tell me more about it. Please."
He looked at her with an intensity that almost scared her. There was a struggle within him of feelings and decisions of what to say, how much to reveal. His mouth opened, but before a word came out he seemed to change his mind.
"My dad has connections. He called in a favor to a friend who knew the prosecutor that handles juvenile cases. I received community service, but I wasn't allowed to drive until I turned eighteen. I had to show I could be trusted. Of course, my records are sealed because I was a minor." Theo swallowed. "He also pulled me from my boarding school and made me go to the local high school."
Nora frowned. "Why? Was it a punishment?" Most kids would probably rather live at home with their families, wouldn't they?
"Let's just say my childhood home wasn't very homey. Boarding school was my sanctuary." He pressed his lips together, lost for a moment in a memory. "The local high school was the one the girl went to. The one who died."
"Oh." That must have been torture, she thought.
"My dad made a donation to have a study room in the library renovated and named for her, and he told me to go there every day during my lunch hour and just sit."
Nora found this baffling. "But why?"
Theo laughed, and it was a bitter sound. "He called it atonement."
She tried to imagine young Theo doing this. She tried to imagine her father making her do such a thing. Never. Never. It was so...controlling. Punitive. "Did you do it?"
Theo gazed at her, his eyes filled with self-loathing and grief. He nodded.
"At first he had some lackey from his office check in on me to make sure I showed up. But I always did."
How bizarre. Both the father's behavior and the son's. Sick and twisted—wasn't it? Rainey would know what this was all about. She would call it what it was. Mind games. Power plays. Nora tried to mask her confused emotions, to simply look concerned and interested. It didn't matter though. Her alarm was obvious to him. Theo's tone changed, rimmed in a hard edge.
"I'm fucked up, Nora. You know I am. I'm totally repulsive. I would pull away from me too."
"Theo —" How could she have been so cruel? No. She needed time to process. Pull away? Oh god. No, that had been a mistake. Nora tried to take his hand again. She wanted to cup his cheek and run her thumb over his scar, to put her head on his chest and feel the beat of his heart against her cheek like before. But now he was the one walking away from her. He headed toward the street, and for one outlandish second she thought he was going to step gracefully into oncoming traffic.
But that wasn't his intention at all. He raised his arm. Like a flash, a taxi pulled to the curb. Theo opened the door and gestured for her to get in. She did without hesitation. He started to close it behind her, but she held it open. "You're not coming?"
He shook his head. "I just wanted to be honest with you, Nora. Before you decide anything."
"Decide what?" she said, her voice shaky.
He made a move, like he wanted to push her hair away from her face, but stopped himself. "With relationships we have to accept the worst of a person. Now you know the worst about me."
He was giving her a way out. Part of her thought she should take it.
"We all have secrets." She glanced at the cab driver's profile and lowered her voice. "Things we regret."
Theo shook his head and smiled that half smile, sad and fond all at once. "I can't imagine yours are that bad. Believe me, I have more regrets, other regrets, but what I just told you—that's my end all be all. Now you have to decide if I'm really worth it. Because truthfully, I'm not sure that I am."
With a gentle push, he closed the car door, and this time she did not resist.
===
Happy Monday, Wattpad defenders! I hope you had a lovely weekend and your day is going swimmingly. Well, you've just concluded the final part of Chapter 9: A Visit. What do you think about Theo's revelation? What about Nora's reaction? How would you have acted at the news? Would it be a dealbreaker in starting a new relationship? So many questions! So much to think about! Later this week, I'll post the first part of Chapter 10 of HEARTS & MINDS. Thanks for continuing to read, vote, comment, and spread the word! Cheers, Olivia