The earth shifts beneath me, the room spin out of sight. I grip onto the table for support, refusing to let myself fall. My other hand grasps onto my chest as I gasp for breath, unable to take in what I've heard. Everything seems so unreal, and I begin to wonder if I'm back in that hell stone, back in a sea of lies. Arthur stares at Gaius, jaw ajar, skin pale white as his blue eyes glisten with tears.
Denial runs through my thoughts, refusing this to be real. No, no, no, this isn't real. Gaius is mistaken.
"G-Gaius y-you must be mistaken", Arthur bursts as if reading my mind, his balance also out of place.
"I am certain", Gaius assures, looking between the two of us. "As soon as I saw Edythe, I thought she looked too much like Igraine...but I dismissed it, knowing the chances of that baby girl being in front of me. Then I saw the letter...I couldn't be sure, not entirely...." Gaius explains, his voice beginning to shake. "I couldn't bring myself to examine it...then I pulled the courage."
"N-No, this is ridiculous, I would know", Arthur protests, Gaius unable to get another word in as Arthur refuses. "No, Gaius. I would know! My father couldn't have kept a secret like that from me."
"Arthur, you have to understand. You're Father had his reasons to keep so much from you," Gaius defends. I can't bring myself to move, solid as a statue. I listen to the two bicker, but I don't think the weight of the words reach me.
"What reasons?" Arthur bursts. He jumps to his feet, beginning to pace around the room. He cannot bring himself to look at me, not allowing himself to hope.
"Uther and Igraine were unable to have children without the use of magic. The enchantress Nimueh assisted them in that."
"Yes, and my mother gave her life for me to be born, a life for a life", Arthur responds angrily. "I know this Gaius, so you see, there is no way she was Edythe's Mother."
"Powerful magic was used, Arthur", Gaius states, taken aback by the King's tone. "Have you ever wondered where that magic went?"
"It killed my mother."
"To give you life, yes...but the magic was so powerful that it created a vessel to attach itself to. Edythe," Gaius explains, now looking to me. He knows I will understand what he speaks. My eyes dry as I listen. "Another child. Your twin sister, Arthur."
"I-I don't understand", I finally speak up, finding my hoarse voice. "Are you saying I was born with magic because I was born from magic?"
"Yes", Gaius sighs. "All the magic attached itself to you, and it made you strong. Edythe was born first. Her presence caused an immediate delight...however, when Arthur came, there were complications...."
Arthur becomes immersed in Gaius' story, unable to deny or agree. "Arthur was weaker...dying. I tried all I could to keep Igraine and Arthur strong, but, in the end, I couldn't succeed with both...But Edythe, as if hearing Arthur's distress, reached out for her brother's embrace, and...she saved him."
Gaius now looks up at both of us, speaking in the third person. The room is silent, everyone holding their breaths in anticipation. "You used you're magic, Edythe, to save Arthur's life", Gaius exclaims. "Uther knew what had happened. He was heartbroken, magic not only taking his wife but also his daughter. Uther couldn't bring himself to kill an innocent child, not one of his own, no matter how much he hated magic."
"So Uther ordered me to take Edythe away, give her to people who would understand her power...it was...one of the hardest things I had ever been ordered to do..."
My head spins, unable to comprehend the truth. To accept my story. The tears return with the realisation that I've learnt what I've wondered for so long. Then I'm faced with the truth that I'm the daughter of a King, a king whom I've only grown up hating. He is a face I've never seen but heard so much of—the boogieman of my childhood.
A sob catches my attention, my gaze now on Arthur. Tears stain his cheeks, eyes wide as he peers down at me. The shared gaze intensifies our tears, blurring my vision as I look at him, my brother. Both of us stare at one another, crying for a long moment. We're unsure what to say or do, still processing that we've known each other for weeks now and had no idea.
My limbs freeze as Arthur wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace. For a moment, I don't move, still bewildered. I give into the gesture, my fingers embedding into his chainmail as I hug Arthur back. Gaius falls silent, watching from afar with tears as we stay locked in each other's embrace. My mind is still clouded, and I don't know what I think.
Denial creeps back into my mind.
Arthur is the first to pull away from the hug, sniffing back tears. "Who would have thought?" Arthur croaks, hands still tight on my shoulders. His eyes run over me, seeing all the similarities for the first time, my gaze also identifying my features in his. Arthur and I share the same blue eyes and blonde hair. Even our facial structure is almost the same.
Finally, all the anticipation hits me, sending my mind spiralling into intense denial. I can't deny Gaius' story, and I can't oppose the fact Arthur and I look alike, but I don't know if I like what this means. I'm not sure I want what this means. I was willing to live a new life attempt a fresh start, but this is a complete bender. I can't be King Arthur's sister. We come from entirely different worlds. I was raised a druid, Arthur, a prince. I'm a thief and Arthur justice.
Perhaps things were better off left buried.
"T-There is no way to take back all those years...." Arthur starts, now seeming to have come to realisation also. "But you're home now. And I would...very much like to get to know you, Edythe."
Arthur takes my hands in his, taking to this new information faster than me. I continue to stare at Arthur, shocked, still fighting with myself. "Say something", Arthur whispers.
As I look back at him, I see the desperation behind his eyes, the longing to have someone to call family. I can see that he has suffered from the loss of his Father, and Morgana his half-sister...my half-sister. Realising that fact hits me, a new array of emotions rushing over me.
Only two emotions scream louder through the blur, hatred and resentment. Uthur even took in Morgana when everyone thought she was another's daughter. Arthur has had an easier life simply because he wasn't born with magic like me. My blood begins to boil, thinking of the man I had hated my whole life. The man who, even when I didn't know was my father, had destroyed my life countless times.
"I-...I'm still processing," I whisper, my voice seeming out of place, distant. "I have a brother", I state, the words too real coming from my voice.
Arthur lets out a shocked laugh under his breath ", And I have a sister."
I slide off the table. Arthur still holds onto my hands tightly, probably fearing I could disappear at any moment or that we're in a dream. I have questioned it is many times. I become distant again, as if it's too noisy for me to concentrate, now wanting to escape the room. So I can think. So I can try and stop all this anger before I act out.
"Agravaine won't believe it," Arthur exclaims, now a smile replacing the tears on his face. His eyes look down on me as if I'm a gift from the Gods. "This is cause for celebration. All should know that you are home!"
With this said, my panic now sets in, all the negative thoughts turning into a raging fire. I want to get out of this room. I need to think. I need to know what this means for myself. Arthur has already come to terms, and I feel sorry for him. To know I'm one of his last blood relatives must make Arthur wish to give me a life I haven't had. But that's what scares me, and that's what I don't want.
I don't want to change completely, lose myself in a new life. I don't want everything that makes me me disappear. I don't want to live a lie. I don't want to live in a Castle, knowing the man who ruled before and raised Arthur would have been disgusted by who and what I am. I'm not a pretty pink princess. I have never been. I never will be.
I don't want to let myself hope that maybe I could fit in. No. I don't want that because then it would be all too real. And what if, after it all, Arthur decides I have done too much wrong? What if I'm shunned for the magic I process?
"I-I need a-a moment", I slur, already pulling my hands from Arthur's. My feet pull me to the door with my crowded thoughts.
"But-wait!" Arthur calls, quickly turning to follow me.
The wind of his hand reaching out for me brushes my arm. "Let her go, Arthur. She needs time."
I don't hear any more as I jog down the hallway, the dress restricting me, but I don't care. Tears start to stream down my face as I make for my room, vision blurry. No one will see me as Percival's party is still commencing.
I have tried to live everyday life in peace, but this isn't what I wanted. I've wondered what my parents would be like all my life questioned their reasons for giving me up. Now I've learned it all in one night.
My father was Uther Pendragon. He hated magic and therefore was disgusted by my existence. His wife, my mother, was killed giving birth to me. I have a brother whose life I have saved twice now but never knew because of what I was. What I am.
The door to my room comes into view at the end of the hallway.
Arthur wants to act like nothing ever happened, commence life as if I've been here all along. Turn me into something I'm not. Agravaine already hates me enough, that god awful man turning out to be my uncle! What if he's the one who shuns me? What if he convinces Arthur to dispose of me? Even if I wanted to be accepted, it wouldn't matter. I've always known I'd cause more trouble here than I was worth. I was better off in the life I had before.
I burst through the door, slamming and locking it behind myself. I bury my face in my hands as the sobs wrack through my body. My thoughts run so fast I can't breathe.
There's a small part of me, deep inside, that wants to talk with Arthur, find out what we've missed from each other's lives. To create a relationship to try and have some family. But a more assertive voice makes me too frightened to think about it. I've only ever looked after myself, never cared enough about anyone to get emotional. I was willing to make new friends create a new life, but this was too much for me.
I rush into the room, untying the back of my dress as I make way to the wardrobe containing my belongings.
Arthur is better off without me. Everyone in Camelot is better off with me gone. I've made too many friends here to put them in a position to seem weak for helping a commoner and taking in one as the royal family, even after all the wrong I've done. No, I respect Arthur and his men too much for that. Arthur will see that once he's allowed himself time to think, he'll see the truth. He'll understand why I left, and possibly that'll fill him with some of the anger I feel.
I know that a life I was never built for will be forced upon me if I stay. There will be more expectations of me, and no doubt Arthur will wish to give me everything I've missed. I would become someone I'm not. I don't want this.
I had so many theories and made up lives of who my 'parents' were. I was better off being left in those dreams and in those fantasies rather than learning that my true father was a monster. I could live here under Arthur's rule...but now I'm going to be part of that world. I would rather die than be called Uther Pendragon's daughter.
I strip off the dress, being delicate with it as I place it on the bed. I pull off the underdress, now completely naked, as I rush for the clothes I usually wear. The cold air doesn't affect my mindset on getting out of here. I don't waste any time pulling my clothes on.
My mind is already made up. I'm leaving. I don't belong here, and I never did. I will do what I know best, and that's run from my problems. To leave them with someone else so that I won't have to feel the consequences or have the emotional strain. That's what I want. That's what I crave. To feel nothing again, to not be burdened by the consequences.
I'll become restricted once again. Maybe I'll go back to the druids. They'll take me back in. At least then I'll have someone wise to talk to, instructing me on what path is best to take. I've come too far to fall back into old habits, but I'm not ready to be a King's sister. That is too much for me.
Now fully dressed, I pull all my belongings out of the wardrobe, packing only what I'll need for the road. I leave all the things Merlin had gotten for me, hoping he'll sell them to get something he needs. I fasten my sword, quiver and bow onto myself without falt as I make for the door. I won't allow myself to think this through, knowing I'll probably stop myself from going if I do.
That's when the thought crosses my mind. If I'm to run, I need money of some sort. If I want to disappear, make it seem as if I've never existed, I'm going to need money to bribe people. Or at least get something of use that could help me escape.
I pull the flowers Gwen had put in my hair out, placing them on the table as I rush for the door. I sprint down the hallway, now in my comfortable clothing. I push any thoughts from my mind, sinking back into my old habits easily. Luckily everyone is still attending the party, only a few guards on watch. This is the perfect night to slip away.
"The stone is of great value. I would be willing to pay in great sum."
The words echo in my mind, bringing me to a halt.
"...but if you change your mind, do deliver the order to a little cottage to the western valleys of the White Mountains."
Allister's request fills in the gaps in my mind, pushing out the emotions I don't want to face. In my heart, I know I shouldn't do it. I know I've come too far to fall back off the face of self-growth, but I need an escape from my current situation. I need money. I need allies. I need an emotional escape.
My mind wanders to the volts below where I stand. My inner demons strive on the idea, playing in my mind, urging me on, giving so many reasons to do so. Only a few positive lingering voices catch my attention, begging for me to leave, not to make the situation worse.
I wouldn't have to steal ever again. This would set me up for my escape. It'd help me step on the path to losing those feelings that make me so guilty. I'd leave this short-lived life behind and the life before that. It'd be like killing the old Edythe and leaving a new path for me.
The positive voices lose to the negative demons deep down.