Good morning lovelies! Well, at least it's morning for me right now. This chapter goes out to NyxStyx2 for being an awesome reader and voter!
Enjoy! :) <3
It was tomorrow.
I was equally dreading tomorrow and relieved. I had a plan and I was determined to follow through with it because I was just as determined to leave this hell hole. I wouldn't subject myself to this shitty situation anymore. I couldn't.
I felt so isolated. My only human contact being Sienna, otherwise, I was forced to associate with the beasts that plagued the house. My solace of being separated from Xaler was short-lived. He returned just the next day after finding out that Sienna was a human, quietly entering the room when I was asleep and snuck into the bed. He was kind enough to not give any physical contact; such a gentleman.
Sienna had explained that it was the bond he felt for me, it made it difficult to be away from me for an extended period of time. She was actually surprised he had made it that many days before caving, apparently alphas bonds are stronger creating a more intense emotional response.
I was standing in front of the mirror, staring at the girl reflecting at me: it wasn't me. Her once bright eyes alive with emotion were now dead, cold, distant. Bags clouded the skin beneath my eyes, even though my once-prominent sunken cheekbones were now full from the steady diet, my skin had lost that sun-kissed glow, just dull and broken.
Sienna had insisted that I give myself a once over in the mirror with the dress and near full completion. The dress was undeniably beautiful: it was a golden beige color, with an intricately stitched snug-fitting bodice covered with beading. A sweetheart neckline accented my chest in an unappealing way, at least in my opinion. I knew it was to attract the attention of Xaler, show off for him, I couldn't help but feel as if I were on display, showing too much skin for my taste. Not that women couldn't dress in a revealing way; it was their body and their skin, more power to them. I just never felt comfortable with showing my body off to anyone. Especially not to Xaler, not to any of the wolves.
The bottom of the dress was a loose, light tulle, swaying and tickling my legs with every movement I made. The tulle was deliberately and specifically shredded, giving it a destroyed look that complimented the perfect bodice. While it was a beautiful dress, I couldn't help but focus on the bottom of the dress, it looked as if it were torn apart by the very same beasts I was expected to be introduced to.
It was in that moment that I decided to deviate from my original plan. Instead of not letting Xaler see me in this dress, he now would, in all my glory. A last little "fuck you" to him. I smiled at the thought of sticking it to him and there wasn't anything he could do about it.
Although I was smiling, anyone looking could tell it didn't reach my eyes; it was a broken smile, unhealthy, and fake. Sure, I felt some peace in my decision, but it's not my number one choice. If it were up to me I would be back in the scums with my family. At least I was actually happy with them. Unlike now.
A light rapping on the door pulled my attention away from my thoughts. With one last look in the mirror, I turned to my side and opened the door to reveal a smiling Sienna.
She bounced lightly, her hands clasped together underneath her chin, "What do you think?" Her eyes twinkled with a happy curiosity.
"It's beautiful, Sienna. Really." I complimented her, or rather her talent. It truly was a beautiful dress and under different circumstances, I would be bouncing around the room in more excitement than her, but this is what I had. In a room, in a dress, giving the impression that I had submitted and will be mated to a wolf.
Hell no.
That was the thought that spurred me on even during the times I wanted to shut down or flip out on the people around me. It was the thought that pushed away any and all fear of my decision; I wasn't afraid to do it necessarily, I was more afraid of the finality of it all. Once it was done, it was done, there was no coming back from it. Though, that's what I wanted was for it to be over, officially. An ending that Xaler nor Gladyss, nor anyone could change. An ending that I had decided, that I had control over.
Sienna squealed and guided me back into the middle of the bedroom. She spun me around, examining the dress for the last time and making a few notes to attend to last-minute adjustments. Once she was done, I slipped the dress off carefully and threw back on the only clothes I was afforded. His clothes.
Another reason why I wanted to wear the dress. If I was going to go out, I would do so in clothes that he didn't own, clothes that weren't his. He wouldn't have any claim over me other than the mark that rested upon my skin.
Fully expecting to see Sienna as I exited the closet, I was surprised to see her and her stuff gone and replaced with Xaler. He stood with his head down and his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. I froze in place. The beating of my heart increasing with each passing second. I was very careful not to do or say anything, too afraid that he would attack me again. So far, I only had to suffer through sleeping in the same bed as him, but he has yet to talk to me and it could've remained that way for all I cared. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to hear his apologies, that is if he was even going to give one. He was a monster. He was cruel and unrelenting. I don't think he truly understands what guilt feels like, what it feels like to have a heart and care about another human being. Though those around me constantly tell me that I'm the one he will do anything for, I'm the one he will protect with his life, I'm the one he will never hurt. I couldn't find any truth to any of these mutterings.
He didn't have to hit me in order to make me suffer. He mutilated my sister's body in front of me, he attacked me with no intention of stopping, he was even restrained when I first woke up in the hospital all those weeks ago. He ripped me away from my family, from my life, from everything I had ever known. He threw me in the blocks to let me contract pneumonia and almost die from the illness and infection. He sunk his teeth into my neck with no regard for my wants or needs. He did it all. And even though the physical wounds would heal, it was the mental and emotional ones that had truly fucked me up. Even if I wasn't so committed to my plan that I would carry out in just over 24 hours, I don't think there would be any coming back from what he has already put me through. He wanted me too strongly, he wanted more than I couldn't or was willing to give him. He took everything he could from me, turned me inside out and left me a broken hollow shell of a person.
I didn't even know who I was anymore.
Every single day was survival mode in my mind and every single day was a countdown to when this nightmare would end, when it would finally be over and I could finally be at peace.
That's all I sincerely wanted: peace.
I didn't think that was too much to ask for, too much to wish and hope for. Just something to put my mind at ease and I had just the thing to do it.
"I will not be joining you in bed this evening," he spoke all too formally.
That's fine. Bye. I didn't want him sleeping next to me anyway.
He lifted his head and met my gaze. I inhaled sharply and took a step back, mirroring his own slight sleep towards me. I gulped and fear struck through me, fear that he would pin my body underneath his again. The beating of my heart faltered for just a second before shifting into overdrive. I really didn't want this mongrel next to me.
He nodded his head in a silent understanding, he knew I was afraid, "I am not here to hurt you," his attempt at soothing me was anything but. "I will be out hunting tonight, it is tradition to hunt before the ce-" he trailed off not finishing his sentence. He could tell in my eyes that I didn't give a rat's ass about tradition or what he would be doing. In defeat, he sighed at my guarded form.
The muscles in my face battled each other between wanting to smile in joy for not having to be subjected to his sleeping body next to mine or wanting to scowl at his pathetic endeavor of conversation. He cleared his throat and resorted to nodding his head again before backing out of the room and leaving me to my own thoughts.
To say I wasn't in the slightest shocked at the exchange we just had would be a lie. It almost seemed like he was sorry. He wasn't going to admit it, but his body language conveyed it nonetheless. However sad he was didn't matter to me, it didn't excuse his behavior, his frightening and dominating actions. The actions that had almost pushed me over the edge, but I couldn't let him or that situation throw off my plan. Promising myself if I was going out, I would be going out on my terms, not his. Truthfully, I had expected for him to begin demanding me of God knows what, but instead, he fumbled over his words and exited, running off with his tail between his legs.
Ironic.
A smile tugged at my lips, mainly for not having to suffer sleeping next to him on my final night and a little at my own thoughts. At least I found myself funny.
I slowly climbed onto the bed and snuggled into the blankets and pillows. Sure, this was all his, but sleep had always been something that I loved to do and his bed was undeniably more comfortable than anything I had ever had in the Slums, so I wasn't going to be too stubborn and hardheaded not to get good sleep on a mattress that felt like I was floating on clouds.
I wasn't sure how long it took me to fall asleep that night. Regardless of the level of comfort the bed and its trimmings provided, I couldn't help but toss and turn as the nights minutes slipped by. My mind was racing a mile a minute, going over my plan in my head over and over and over again until I was certain it had somehow burned itself into my brain. After embedding the plan into my skull, my mind was flooded with memories of my family, my friends, and my past, the past before they came into the picture.
As soon as the memories came, the tears followed directly after. Sobs sprouted from my throat and echoed around the room, the noise bouncing off the walls and striking my eardrums. I wondered what my family was doing now. Were they all sleeping? If they were, was it peaceful? Were they able to really sleep without me? What were their lives life after I had been taken from them? Did they continue on after enough time to mourn me? Did they give up on the dream of me ever coming back home? Did they still remember me? Love me?
I wasn't able to focus on the questions that plagued my mind. I couldn't. It was too hard for me. Even if some of the answers to those questions weren't the ones I wanted, I couldn't blame them. I understood their hands were tied from their position; there wasn't anything they could do for me anymore and as much as they wanted to drop everything and fight for me, it wasn't possible. They had to continue on. They had to.
If they didn't then this will all be for nothing.
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Thoughts?
1. How do you feel about Rosianna so far?
2. What do you think about her plan?