In a previous life...
I was a professional. One of the best.
I've always seen this as a good thing. I came from a family that had served the Duchy of Armeny for generations, I was born to run a household. It required knowledge, determination, and above all... professionalism.
"You're too cold." The young woman I courted told me, before leaving me for another man. "No one wants to be with a man who is just an empty shell."
I wished her well, confused, and continued on in my life.
"Tommy!" Jim, my brother, patted me on the back one day. "You have to loosen up! You can't just live for your work."
"Some of us care about our work." I frowned at his frivolous words. "Why should I change if I'm doing it well?"
He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, groaning. "Just... find something... someone... anything to care about. I promise, it will make you more human."
I ignored him, returning back to the duchy from my weekly home visit. Jim worked for the Royal Treasury, but his manners and demeanor left much to be desired. I saw little reason to take advice from him.
Someone to care about? It would just interfere with doing my job perfectly.
I thought this over as I entered the estate, when something ran into my legs, nearly knocking me over.
"What the..." I halted my words, looking at the wide-eyed child standing before me.
A young girl, with light hair and delicate features. She wore a dress incompatible with her age, decorated in frills, which was already covered in grass stains and dirt. In one hand was clutched a single red flower. Her eyes drew my attention; they were bright, intelligent, studying me closely.
I made a formal bow. "Young Miss, is there something I could help you with?"
This was of course the daughter of the Duke, Lady Lenora. She listened to my words, seeming to consider them carefully, before holding up the flower in her hand, offering it to me.
"For me?" At her nod, I took a slight step back. "I'm sorry miss, but I can't accept, it wouldn't be appropriate."
Her eyes dimmed, the flower in her hand shaking. Feeling an inexplicable panic, I offered a solution. "Why don't you give it the Duke or Duchess?"
"..." She stared at me silently for a few moments. "I tried."
The words were whispered, but the pain behind them struck me like a blow.
"You..." I couldn't say anything. I knew. The Duke treated her coldly, ignoring her existence except to buy her clothes and jewelry. The Duchess, on the other hand...
The flower in Lenora's hand was crushed slightly, missing multiple petals... had it been stepped on?
My heart aching, I reached out to take the flower from her, giving her a professional smile. "I will happily accept this gift, Miss."
Lenora didn't say a word, but a bright smile spread slowly, brightening up her face. I couldn't help but widen my own smile in response. As I felt my professional mask crack, I stepped away, confused.
What am I doing?
I gathered my self-composure, shaking my head slowly. I needed to be more careful.
____________________________
The Duchy was not doing well. The Duke spent all his time on his own interests, leaving all of the work to his subordinates. Rumors of theft and corruption abounded, many people lacked work and starved to death on the streets. The Duchess was frequently gone, spending extravagant amounts of money wherever she went. When she returned it was even more intolerable. She would abuse the maids, scream at the Duke, and the things she would say to her daughter... It was enough to make even my heart break.
Lenora grew up a sweet girl despite this. She was quiet, often overshadowed by her friend Lady Edith who spent her days by the girl's side. It was concerning. I saw the girl treating Lenora poorly on more than one occasion. She would mock the things the young Miss enjoyed, until she was afraid to even speak up. She pushed her to wear off-putting poorly fitted gowns, convincing her they were the height of fashion. Once I saw Lenora crying, holding the torn remains of a small doll she treasured. I recognized it as a gift from the Queen, neither of her parents would have thought to give her such a simple toy. Edith stood nearby, berating her.
"If you had just given me the stupid doll I wouldn't have had to do that! Now it's ruined and it's all your fault!" Her rude and vicious tone made me angry, but I kept a disinterested smile in place.
After all, I was a professional.
I made a formal complaint to the Duke, but at the mention of my concerns, he simply stared at me with a haunted expression.
"Lenora will be fine. She has a title, and anything she could ask for."
"But Lady Edith..." My words were cut off by his raised hands.
"Let her do as she wishes." His tone was sad. "I have no right to step in."
Honestly, it felt wrong. Isn't Lenora your daughter? I wanted to shake some sense into him, but kept my hands at my sides. I bowed coldly, and walked away. I knew better than to ask the Duchess. If anything, she was worse than Lady Edith.
At least she has the Queen. I comforted myself with this thought. One day, the young miss would marry the Prince Ronan and would leave this place. Not that she took her position as the prince's fiancé for granted. I knew better than anyone how hard she trained for her future work as Queen. More nights than not she was up late at night, practicing dances, learning ceremonies, memorizing history. How many times had I helped a maid pick up Lenora from her desk or the floor where she had fallen asleep in the middle of working, tucking her into bed?
She worked so hard to please others, but no one ever noticed.
I was hopeful her life would be better once she left this place, even if I felt sad at the thought. Any man should be grateful to marry such a gentle, beautiful girl. One day, for certain, her life would be better.
I was proven wrong.
____________________________
The prince broke his engagement, declaring his intention to marry Lady Edith instead. Overnight the Duchy seemed drowned in shadows. The Duke drank steadily, the Duchess broke every fragile thing she could lay her hands on, and Lenora... she stayed locked in her room. I felt a desire to comfort her, but halted each time I walked in that direction. What would I say? It would be overstepping bounds.
I watched as the household slowly tore itself apart.
The debts were called in, without the engagement to protect the Duchy. Everything was sold, the land split up between the neighboring families. The place I had called home for so long was gone.
Jim arranged for me a job in the palace, working for the Queen. It was an enormous honor, one I never thought to have. But for some reason I hesitated.
"The young miss..." She was grown now, but I could still see the small child holding out a flower towards me. "What about her?"
Jim shrugged. "What about her? She and her parents will have to learn to survive like the rest of us do. I mean, it may sound heartless but they brought this on themselves."
"Don't blame her... she's not..." The idea of Lenora undergoing hardship made my heart ache, but what could I do? I was simply her family's head butler. I wasn't her family. I could only hope she would be happy.
She deserves to be happy. She will be... right?
____________________________
"Lenora's dead?"
The Queen's face was so pale, I thought she might pass out. I instructed some maids to support her, all the while my professional mask hiding my true thoughts.
It can't be true!
The young woman who was always smiling and polite, no matter how harshly her family and friends treated her. Who brought me lemon tea the day I had a cold and couldn't get out of bed.
It has to be a lie.
She worked diligently into the night but was never recognized for it. She cried each time her mother came home, but refused to speak poorly of the woman. She loved her parents dearly, even when they refused to love her back.
How could she be gone?
I thought again of the flower she held out to me that day. The smile she gave me that was so bright just because someone cared enough to accept a gift from her. She should have been happy. She should have been cherished and loved.
But she was dead.
I heard the Queen, she was screaming in pain, her sobs loud enough to echo in the hallway. Unsure of what to do, I stumbled back to my room, abandoning my post for the first time in my life.
Lenora.
I fell to my knees at my bedside, tears soaking the blanket as I buried my head in my arms.
Why didn't I stay with her? I knew she had no one. I knew she'd be alone.
Lenora.
I'm sorry.
If we meet again in the next life, please let me serve you once more. I'll do my best. So please... please be happy, please smile once more.
____________________________
In another life...
I was a professional. One of the best.
I've always seen this as a good thing. I came from a family that had served the Duchy of Armeny for generations, I was born to run a household. It required knowledge, determination, and above all... professionalism.
Or so I had thought...
The young miss of our household was a special child. She had been quiet, often bullied by her friend Edith and her parents, to a point where I was often worried for her. But one day, she changed completely.
I saw her pacing outside her father's study one morning, and stepped forward behind her.
"Shall I announce you, Miss?"
She had obviously not heard me approach and let out a surprised yell before turning to look at me. At the sight I felt shocked. Her outer appearance was unchanged, her facial features the same as they had been yesterday... but her eyes...
Her eyes were completely different.
They had always been bright, hopeful, if a little sad. They were always looking at others for approval. But now...
Her gaze was cold. As if a wall had been erected around her heart, keeping everyone else out.
She looked me up and down, her expression thoughtful. I had a strange feeling that she was evaluating my worth, and that I had been judged "useful."
After a moment's pause she nodded to my question. "Please do. Also I would appreciate if you would stick around, it may be useful to have your input."
With that Lenora entered her father's office and with a smile took all financial documents in the room. Just a short conversation, and the reins of the duchy had completely switched hands, without the Duke realizing it. I was impressed, but deep down I felt uneasy. How had she changed so much so quickly?
____________________________
Things were busy after that. Lenora swiftly took control of the duchy, punishing the corrupt officials, promoting the few honest ones. She gathered talented people, started a business, and slowly turned the duchy into a power to be reckoned with.
But still, she worked late into the night, never resting, never asking for approval. I still had to help carry her sleeping form back to bed, tucking her in. Even if she seemed colder, harsher, deep down the young miss hadn't changed. She cared deeply for the suffering people of the duchy, crying alone when she thought no one was looking. I was proud of her, so proud I could burst, but I worried deeply that she was pushing too hard, working too much. She took on all the weight, not sharing her burdens with anyone.
I wanted to support this girl.
I did my best to help her life run smoothly, working to the best of my abilities. But even then, there were events outside of my expectations.
The prince canceled his engagement to our lady.
On one hand, I was relieved. Such an idiot obviously didn't deserve her. But how dare he not appreciate the honor he had as her fiancé? I kept my professional mask on at work, but went to Jim's house and cleaned it from top to bottom in my frustration.
____________________________
"Please, Tommy! You're polishing my floors into dust!" My brother sighed, patting me on the back. "Just get revenge on the man himself, and stop taking it out on my poor house."
"Revenge? But he's a prince..." It would be difficult to get close enough to beat him up, unfortunately.
Jim grinned. "There's more than one way to get revenge. You just need to be... creative."
Creative? I thought it over that night, before coming to an answer. Our mother had been a talented musician, passing on her knowledge to me so that I would know some of selecting appropriate performers for balls and other parties. I used all that I knew, with the frustration in my heart and wrote a pleasant song.
"Ronan the Ridiculous?" Jim laughed when he heard it. "You're even meaner than I am when you put your mind to it!"
I nodded silently, putting the finishing touches on the last few copies so that I could have Rig distribute them throughout the Capital. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up to see my brother's serious expression.
"It's nice to see you're human too."
I turned away, embarrassed. "I'm just doing my duty to the young lady. She's the duchy's only hope, after all."
"Sure, just keep telling yourself that."
I felt uneasy, as if I had stepped over some invisible line, unable to return to my former state. But when I saw Lenora smile the day she first heard someone singing the song... I felt it was worth it.
She was worth it.
____________________________
Lenora escaped the terrible Lady Edith's schemes, faced down the King, forcing him to give up and returned to Tilendria.. The young Prince Nate started courting her in earnest, and I felt a sense of relief. She no longer worked late into the night alone, unnoticed. There was someone by her side, helping her. Nate and I often worked together to convince her to take breaks, and watching her trust others, slowly share her burdens, made it difficult to hold back a smile.
The wall I saw in her gaze, that kept everyone else at arms length, was slowly breaking apart. In those moments I caught glimpses of the little girl she once had been. The one who trusted others. Whose smile lit up the room.
She was happy. And so was I.
____________________________
"Grandpa Hallers!" A quiet voice called out, startling me from my thoughts. I looked up to see a young girl running towards me, a wide grin on her face. Despite myself I smiled back, reaching down to pick her up.
"Aimee, what brings you here?" I studied the smiling girl. Her hair was dark like her father's curling around her delicate face, but her eyes... her smile... they were just like her mother's.
"That boy was bothering me." Aimee pointed down the hall where a grim faced boy had stopped, glaring at her. He was dressed well, obviously the son of a noble, which was confirmed by the servants trailing behind him.
"How dare you run away?!" The boy yelled, stepping closer. "Don't you know who I am? I'm the future Duke of Verallan!"
Aimee ignored him, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. "He pulled my hair."
"Hahaha." A cold laugh escaped me. I couldn't help but feel that my professional mask had disappeared, but what expression I had instead, I was unsure. It must not have been very pleasant, as the boy and his servants all turned pale, taking a few steps back. "You wish to bother the little princess, do you?"
My smile widened. "Let me tell you the story of a young man very similar to you, who had a very embarrassing end. There's even a song about it."
____________________________
Once I had finished lecturing them and they had run away, Aimee hugged my neck tightly. "Thank you, Grandpa Hallers!"
"Of course, dear." I patted her head, noticing she was holding something in her hands. "What do you have there?"
"A present!" Smiling brightly, she held out the object, a small red flower.
The young girl stood before me, her eyes hopeful, the red flower trembling in the air as her hand shook from nervousness.
I took the flower from her, blinking back tears. "Let's go find your mother."
We walked down towards the royal suites, and before we could enter, a lively discussion should be heard.
"They must be joking with these trade agreements! Do they think we're pushovers?! I'm rewriting them!"
Aimee and I peeked around the corner to see the Queen, Lenora, waving a stack of papers in the air with a severe expression. King Nathaniel stood next to her, a helpless smile on his face.
"Let me help you with that, you promised you were going to take a break..."
Lenora shook her head. "No, you're too nice. We agreed that I would handle all trade agreements. I'm fine, I'm just pregnant, it's not like I'm an invalid." Her hand draped across her bulging stomach as she rolled her eyes.
"Okay, okay, you can rewrite the agreement, but after this you rest, alright?" Nate knelt down, his larger hands overlapping her smaller ones. "I just want both of you to be safe and healthy."
"Thanks!" Lenora leaned over, kissing the king's cheek, who smiled in response.
"..." I considered stepping in to the room now, but Nate's next question froze Aimee and I in our tracks.
"Do you regret it?" His tone was gentle, but there was a slightly worried look in his eyes.
"Regret what?"
"Marrying me?" He leaned closer, putting his forehead against hers. "Becoming Queen? I worry that you could have been happier, avoided all this stress if you hadn't..."
Lenora put a hand around his neck, kissing him deeply. After a few long moments, during which I shielded Aimee's eyes, she leaned back, a smile on her face. "I chose this ending for myself, Nate. I love you. I love the work I'm doing, that I get to use my skills to help others. I have a family here. Rig, Hallers... Mother... with everyone here, how could I regret anything?"
Nate's eyes filled with tears. He reached over, placing a gentle hand against her cheek. "I love you too."
"MOMMY!" Aimee broke from my grasp, running towards the couple with a smiling expression. "I love you too!"
Lenora laughed, a pure, happy sound. Looking up, she saw me, and I stopped in my tracks, my breath frozen in my chest.
Her eyes, the ones that had always held sadness, nervousness, loneliness, even when she was a small girl... they were clear. She smiled at me, the bright smile that always made me break my mask of professionalism, smiling back at her.
"Hallers, she hasn't been giving you any trouble, has she?"
I laughed, quickly using my hand to wipe tears of happiness and relief from my eyes. "How could she, Miss? She's family."
____________________________
I was a professional. One of the best. But there was an exception:
The young girl who first reached out to me, who grew up into an amazing woman. One who I loved as my own family. Whose happiness I would protect for the rest of my life. When it came to her, everything else meant little, even my precious professionalism.
My beloved daughter, Lenora.