Two Months Later
Tyler POV
A lot has happened since the end of our trip to the woods.
The biggest thing is the fact that I'm falling harder and harder every day for Troye Sivan. I know it sounds cheesy as fuck, which it is. This very fact should send me running away, distancing myself from this boy, but I just want to be closer.
I won't say I'm in love (( REFERENCE )) but I will say I'm smitten. He's extremely addicting for me. There, I've said it; Troye Sivan is crack.
A couple holidays passed, too. Halloween was only a few weeks after the end of our trip, and I convinced Troye to go with me as a cop and his donut, ( I was the donut, but I had no problem with it, since I got to see Troye in a tight police man costume ). Thanksgiving also passed by, and I invited Troye to my place, since his family didn't celebrate the holiday. My mother, Jackie, loved Troye. She said he was absolutely adorable, and made sure we had plenty of the night to ourselves ( my mom knows how to take a hint ).
So, it was only a couple days until Christmas. We all got three weeks of vacation ( it used to be two, but budget cuts ) and it was currently Sunday, whereas Christmas was on Wednesday. I asked Troye if he wanted to do something regarding the day with me, but he informed me that he was Jewish, and therefore didn't celebrate the holiday. I wasn't too caught up on Jewish customs, sadly, but I knew that Hanukkah was an eight day celebration.
Still, I kind of wanted to get him something. But at the same time, I didn't even know if he'd accept it. After a bit of choosing around, I settled on a simple gray sweater that I thought would compliment him well, and decided to give it to him on Tuesday, the day before Christmas, since I was going to see him then, anyways.
Meanwhile, I was hanging with Hannah today, since I was shopping with her for everybody else. I know it's pretty late, but ya know. I needed time to figure out what to get, Hannah wanted my advice, we're both masters of procrastination. It worked.
We were both at some random store in the mall, digging through the mens' section for stupid t-shirts for the guys. Caspar will literally wear anything that isn't too uncomfortable, making him the easiest person to choose for. Connor and Marcus have a decent enough sense of humor to have one, as well, though Joe and Alfie will probably only wear the shirts as a joke every once in a while, depending on what we get.
"Hey, how about this?" Hannah says, grabbing my attention, and showing me a shirt that said,'My Best Friend Purrs'. "For Connor?"
Connor, as everyone knows, is the essence of a future cat lady, so I said,"Yes! That's purrfect!" while purring like a cat. I actually thought Connor would wear this quite often, because unlike the people who think it's degrading to 'act like a woman', Connor has no shame being a total sweetheart to cats and other small animals.
I should probably mention that in private, Hannah is the most demanding Troyler shipper ever ( she coined that one, and thankfully, no one else, as far as I know, has even heard the name uttered before ). She always wants to know if anything interesting happened between us, if we just happened to be fucking against a wall the last time we hung out, if he made noticeable advances, etc. the answer, as always, is no. I don't even know if he even wants our relationship to be taken further, but there are moments. Small, little, almost indiscernible moments, where I wonder, if, just for a second, Troye really loved me.
It would never be anything big that happened, Troye was too good an actor for that, but every once in a while, there was a lingering gaze, a heavy blush, a bite of the lip, the easy smile, the interpret-as-you-will phrase. Little things, like a said. But still there.
I've mentioned the little things to Hannah a couple of times, at first thinking it'd sound incredibly stupid to her, but she just encouraged me with statements like, "Think, Tyler, does he act like that with anyone else?" or "I'm sure his feelings for you are pretty deep, then, if he's been too scared to say anything about it, but also can't quite hide it," or my personal favorite,"That's a lot like Grace, though Grace was quicker to grow balls than Troye."
Hannah is a great friend, I'll say that. I'm so glad it's not Zoë that walked in on us sleeping together. I don't think she noticed anything odd about Troye and I's relationship, but if she knew, I would probably feel violated, considering how meddling she can be. Honestly, I love the girl to bits, but I'm pretty sure she was the one that ruined things for Connor and Bethany. Or was it Jenna? Probably both, really. Zoë's that crazy.
I think the reason Hannah was so invested into this was because it so mirrored her own relationship, minus the fact that Troye is out. I guess that's one thing in our favor compared to theirs, but then again, they're actually dating. And kissing. And fucking-
TOO FAR.
I pick up a shirt that I thought Caspar would appreciate: It was one of those Game Over shirts, where the bride and groom were bathroom-door-like stick figures in a box, and the second box had the man with his arm out and the wife falling halfway down the shirt, the box torn open on the side. That wasn't the best description, was that's as good as you're going to get.
I personally never understood the idea that when a man gets married, his life is over,but at the same time, I never took it too seriously. About 80% percent of the people who say it are joking, secretly glad to have their spouse in their life with them.
With that in mind, I figured Caspar would appreciate this shirt.
"How's this for Caspar?" I asked Hannah, presenting the shirt.
She smiles, and says,"Perfect. You think I could get that for Joe, to show my Jaspar support?"
I laughed, and said,"I dunno how they'll like that, but hell, that'd be hilarious." Because it would.
I kept looking for a shirt then, trying to find a good one for Connor at the moment, but not really finding anything that just screamed CONNOR FRANTASTIC. I moved onto Alfie after that, knowing Hannah already grabbed Alfie something, along with Joe. I grabbed some things for Marcus and now Caspar, so we're at about the same level. But the thing about Alfie is that I don't really know what fits him. He has 'straight white guy style' which basically means that he doesn't have style. You'd think I could just get him anything, then, but he could just as easily like something as not, and it could be two different articles of clothing that are only a couple details apart.
I get so frustrated with these gifts that I end up asking,"Can I just get the Game Over shirts for all of the guys? It'd be easy, and they'd probably like it."
Hannah cocked an eyebrow in my direction, then said,"I don't know how much Zoë will like that for Alfie, but I think that'll be fine. Except for Troye, since that's a straight couple in the shirt."
I shook my head, and told her,"Troye's Jewish, he doesn't celebrate Christmas. So, it's fine, then."
She shrugged, and said,"Still, I figured you'd get him something either way-" she cuts herself off, and appears to be thinking sis thing over, then says instead,"You already got him something, didn't you?"
I nodded, as if this were obvious, and said,"A sweater that will look cute on him, of course."
Hannah rolled her eyes, and said,"Seriously, I don't understand how you two aren't married already. Or at least fucking against a wall-"
"HANNAH HART!" I screeched, which caused several dirty looks to be thrown in my direction. I lowered my voice then, saying under my breath in what I prayed was a menacing tone,"Jesus Christ, Hannah, we're not dating. We've never even kissed!"
"And whose fault is that?"
She got me on that one. "Far enough, but I don't want to kiss him unless I know for sure he'd want that. I don't want to force him into anything, and I don't want to make things awkward between us, or worse, insinuate that I'm a huge slut that sleeps with any gay guy available-"
"First off," Hannah cuts me off with, a somewhat frustrated expression on her face,"That was totally slut shaming right there, and secondly, you won't be forcing anything because I think we're both pretty sure he'd like to be with you as more than friends. And thirdly, Tyler, you're exactly the type of person that'll regret giving a fuck about worrying about this in five years, so why not just take the risk for once?"
Shame fills me a bit at the first comment. It just came out of my mouth, though I didn't mean it too seriously. As for the other comments, well, the last one definitely makes sense. The second one makes some sense, but there's no conviction involved. I truly don't know for sure, no matter how much evidence is put towards what Hannah says, and what I sometimes see.
I sighed, and said,"I'll think about it, Hannah. But I don't want to push anything." I soft aimlessly through the clothing racks for a second, before giving in from frustration, and saying,"Fuck it, I'll get all the guys these Game Over shirts." I got the girls' gifts a while ago, just random items that seemed to suit each person. For instance, I got Mamrie a couple of shot glasses with a stripper girl bodies shaped into it, and an 'insert here' tramp stamp on the back.
Hannah shrugged, not really seeming to care, and I realized that she had already picked out everyones' gifts while I was lost in thought. Damn. I wish I could be that quick at picking good gifts for everyone, but oh well. They'll lie the gifts enough, I guess.
We payed for our times and left after that, Hannah heading to what she referred to as a 'study session' to our friends, which basically meant that she was going to spend alone time with Grace. When I figured out what the code actually meant, and remarked,"Studying what?" to her in private.
I never knew a gay person could punch so hard.
Troye POV
It's been a while, since the end of that camping trip.
Tyler and I have been spending a lot more exclusive time together, and I swear to God, he's a magnet: the closer I get to him, the more attracted I am to him. Though not just physically, but emotionally.
I still don't think I could say I'm in love with him, but I definitely am attracted to him. And that has made it harder to hide how I feel. The even worse part is that Tyler has noticed, too. I've caught him looking at me funny, when I was particularly bad at hiding a smile or a lingering gaze.
But at the same time, he never calls me out on it. In fact, some times he blushes and looks away. Not exactly typical Tyler Oakley behavior, I have come to know, which makes it even weirder to me.
The thing is, as much as I am taken by the idea of being in a romantic relationship with Tyler, there's so many things in the way. He's a year older than me; what would happen when he graduated and left? He's far more experienced than me; I've never even been in a relationship before. He might just be in it for the sex; he's definitely insinuated that about many and most of his past boyfriends, and I have no desire to be another one. He's my best friend; I don't want to lose him, not to mention potentially lose all of the others.
There's more things, but these are the major ones. But at the same time, a little voice in the back of my head is telling me to ignore all of those precautions, and just kiss the bastard right on the lips.
But I'm not the most rational thinker, I have come to learn in my fifteen years of life.
Also, not to mention the fact that I've been avoiding Zoë at all costs. She hasn't said anything explicit since the camping trip, but I've avoided her alone well enough that I'm sure she's just teeming with curiosity at how Tyler and I have come. She looks at me a lot, often times a smug look on her face if Tyler and I interact in a particularly intimate way. As far as I know, though, none of the others have really acknowledged or noticed anything different about Tyler and I's friendship.
Anyways, a lot has happened, such as Tyler convinced me to go as a cop for Halloween, while he was my donut. I commented very cheekily at that,"Well, you are delicious."
He just said,"How would you know?" I didn't really have a response for that.
I also spent Thanksgiving at his house, since my family didn't celebrate it. His mom, Jackie, was a super nice lady. Plus, her cooking was excellent. It was a nice first Thanksgiving, to say the least.
But now Christmas was coming up tomorrow, though I didn't celebrate the holiday. Hanukkah started a few days ago, and while my parents' and Tyde's gifts were nice, only Sage really understood my needs: iTunes and Starbucks gift cards. Perfection.
I was going to see Tyler today. In fact, I was on my way to meet him right now, at his house. His mom was going to be out for a few hours, dealing with last minute Christmas shopping, so we'd have the place to ourselves for a while.
It was a short walk to Tyler's but I would've much rather driven, if I was old enough. I envy all of the others, who are all older than me. Though, Zoë has failed her test enough times that I'm confident on getting my license before her, at least.
I knocked three times on the door, and was pleasantly surprised to see that he answered not even a full second after the third knock. "Well hello there, Troye Sivan. Welcome to my humble abode."
I did that weird exhale of breath though my nose that people count as a laugh, and say, in a proper sounding voice to match his,"Salutations, Master Oakley. Thank you oh so much for your delightful invitation."
Tyler grinned, and said,"Master, huh? I like the sound of that in an Australian accent."
I blushed, figuring I walked right into that one, and shoved him playfully on the shoulder. "Fuck off, Tilly."
He cackled, and let me. "Come on, Sivan, I gotta give you your Christmas present!"
This takes me aback for several obvious reasons. 1.) as I've already said, I'm Jewish. 2.) I was not prepared for this at all and 3.) I didn't bring anything for him. "Uh, Tylah, I'm Jewish."
"Not the point. I'm still giving you a gift because I want to, and you're going to take to whether you like it or not. Okay?"
"But I didn't bring anything for you," I told him, probably sounding more sheepish than I'd like.
He rolled his eyes, exasperatedly, and said,"I don't care. I just wanted to get something nice for my best friend. Now, here, open it!" He grabbed a small blue bag off of one of the shelves in the living room, and shoved it into my hands. I opened it hesitantly, not sure what to expect, and smiled when I saw a simple, grey sweater that was totally cute. Tyler knew me better than I thought he did, it seems.
"I love it, Tylah." And I genuinely did. I wrapped him in a hug, and said,"Thank you, Ty. It means a lot."
He patted my back reassuringly, and said,"No problem, Sivan. Now, let's watch some stupid movies."
So, we did. When his mom got home, she did not seem at al, surprised to see her son and another guy cuddling together in a couch, with my head on his chest as if it were a normal occurrence, watching Mean Girls on Netflix.