I slept with Dan again last night. It was during the signing that the guys were having, we had nothing else going on and were the only ones on the bus and it kind of just happened.
I slept with Mike after the show. It was right after in the dressing room when he was all sweaty and full of energy. After sex he did something he's never done before. He pulled me into him to cuddle and kissed my shoulder. I don't know if he's typically like that or if it means something else, but I'm confused now. And I hate that I'm confused.
I push it all out of my mind, though. We're in our hometown for the show tonight so I'm spending time with Eva. Of course I catch her up on everything thats going on, and she has some choice things to say about it.
"Fucking Dan and Mike? Damn. Just make sure you dont mix them up." she says.
"Eva!" I yell. "Im not that bad yet."
"Yet." she says with a wink. "Seriously though, this is a bad idea."
I shrug. "I don't know, I kinda like it. They keep me balanced."
"It's gonna fall apart eventually." she says. "You know that, right?"
"Eva, it'll be fine. Its just casual with both of them."
"Do they know about each other?"
My laugh gives away the answer to that question.
"Row, come on." she says, scolding me. "Thats really fucking dumb of you."
"They wont find out. Besides, even if they do, I don't really think theyd care." I say. "I know Mike wouldnt."
"So youre just gonna turn into him?"
I look at her, a little shocked that she would even say that.
"Wow, okay." I say. "I'm not turning into anyone or anything. I'm just fucking two people. Its not a big deal."
"I just didnt think you were so ...easy."
I'm fucking speechless. I never thought Eva would say anything like that to me. She's never been the type to sex shame so I dont know what the fuck has gotten into her right now.
"Alright what the fuck are you being such a bitch for?" I say.
Mistake saying it because as soon as I do, she fucking blows up on me, yelling about how I'm not the same person anymore and how the old me wouldnt be okay with fucking everyone.
We get into a huge argument that ends with her saying that she hopes everything blows up in my face and me saying that I'm glad to be on tour so that I don't have to be around her clingy ass anymore.
Even though I know I overreacted, I don't care. Maybe a break is just what we need after all.