Erwin P.O.V.
I expected that this will be hard for Nina, but that it would be so terrible to watch and endure for me either?
The few moments when she was actually silent and just breathed were such a relief. I dont know If I would be able to endure her pitiful state much longer without caging her in my arms to never let her go until she will fall asleep, only to wake up again to find herself still caged within my arms. I felt helpless in this situation. If you want to be there for your special somebody, if you want to ease her pain, her misery, trying in any ways to calm or comfort her, but you cant, this undoubtedly will pull down your mood on a completely new level. I longed to be the one to whom she can come anytime to cry her eyes out, just like now when she needed it the most, but as soon as we arrived back home, leaving the deafening silence in my car, Nina went straight for Levis bedroom, claiming that she's tired.
If I had just known...
Moments after she disappeared behind the door, I heard it...the heart-wrenching noises of her pain. I didnt even need to be in the same room to know that she's crying into the pillow, in hope she can silence them. I heard it anyways, and it tore my chest apart grievously. I had walk up to the door, my knuckles already on the door to knock, but I didnt. I just stood there, forehead resting against the cold wood as I listened to her distress, until it eventually subsided and silenced. I believed that she had calmed down finally, that she found the strength to deal with the situation, but as I silently peeked into the room, I found her passed out from exhaustion, laying on Levis side of the bed with her face deeply buried in his pillow.
I felt tempted to just scoop her up and carry her to the couch, so I could at least have a close eye on her, to be there if she should need me or if she wants some company, but I figured, she surely wants to be alone. Otherwise, she would've chosen to sleep on the couch right away. She needs time and space right now, and who am I do deny it to her?
If Nina wants me to help or comfort her, and she knows that I will always be there for he, she will come on her own, thats the only thing Im certain about.
I leave the room again to let her rest, making my way into my own bedroom to follow her wise guide and take a few hours of sleep as well but once I was laying down, I couldnt stop my mind to think about the situation I saw myself confronted with right now. Levi is gone for a while by now, and I saw him handing his keys to Nina, which means she can come and go as she pleases, as if this is her own home. Not that I mind, for gods sake, No! Its just....so unreal.
There will be just the two of us, with Nina and one week of her vacation left, she surely doesnt want to be alone the whole time, which means she will spend the time here with me, except when we're at the gym for work-out. For the first time ever I suddenly find myself alone with her, confronted with the question if I would be able to keep my distance.
Hours later, I woke up again from my sleep. What actually was meant to be a short nap, turned into a deep and decent sleep. I felt groggy and I couldnt force my limbs to reply to my brain when I tried to get up. I somehow must've fallen asleep as I was worrying and wondering about my current situation, with Nina here, probably sitting next door.
For a little while, I sat in my bed, looking outside the window and watching the thick and grey clouds moving while I kept thinking about the kind and beautiful female just a few meters away.
"Hah....I guess Im just going to act as ever. Nothing special here at all..." I mumble under my nose as some kind of self-encouragement. In the end, theres nothing much I can do. I cant just attack and seduce her, even If I would like to. For honest and true love, there're always two persons needed, and I guess I finally realized that Im nothing more but a good and loyal friend to Nina, what's totally okay for me! At least Im allowed to be near to her. Maybe I can even overcome my foolish crush and find love on my own with another woman. That would be an improvement. Its about time anyways. Im not getting any younger, and I need some love as well. Cant wait forever for Nina to change her mind...not that this is ever going to happen. The sooner I find myself a loving woman, the earlier I can move forward in my own life. I want children after all. Someday.
After this final self-motivation and a little hope that my life will be now in the right tracks again, I jump up from my bed. After I got dressed in a my favorite pair of worn-out denim jeans and a simple white button up, I leave the room, expecting Nina sitting on the couch with the game controller in her hands, but when I jolt out of my room with my usual smile, the couch was empty. A quick gaze on the clock told me its almost 6 pm in the evening and I wonder where she could possibly be. Silence is all I hear inside the penthouse. I search in the bathroom, maybe expecting she's taking a bath or a shower, but even after knocked and got no response, I looked inside and the room was also empty. This leaves just one option: She must still be in Levis room.
His room is just next door, so I dont have to walk that far, and once I stand in front of the room, I eavesdrop.....
Nothing. No noises or anything else.
My inner alarm bell screeches loudly in my ears as I slowly and carefully open the door, entering into a pitch-black room, where I barely could see the outlines of a person laying in bed.
"Nina. You okay?" I whisper, but I got no response. My worry grows as I silently walk around the bed to the side where I wanted to believe she was laying, and when I reached out, touching the blanket, I felt her shoulder.
I sighed deeply in relief and put my palm over my forehead to wipe away the cold sweat that so suddenly had built up.
Now that my inner tension was gone, I was able to think normally again, but even if my brain already told me to leave again, the rest of my body wont follow. I stood there before her, listening to her low and silent breathing, feeling her body rise and fall under my touch of her shoulder as my other hand slowly reached out for her face, which was barely recognizable in this darkness. As my fingers gently brushed over her hair, I felt a sigh leaving my mouth. The rush of adrenaline and endorphins that just left my brain this moment were too much to actually move away from here. A sudden rush of happiness jolted through my body and I couldnt help but to revel in this moment as long as possible. My fingers traced to her forehead, brushing the soft hair aside to fondle over her soft skin, ghosting over her soft cheek, even gently stroking my thumb over her lower lip as I recall the last time when this pair of luscious lips layed on top of mine.
I pulled my hand back in shock when Nina suddenly exhaled loud and harsh as she turned around in bed. I froze completely, standing next to the bed like a marble statue, waiting if she's going to wake up or anything else...but nothing came. When I was sure its safe, I tiptoed outside again, way faster as I sneaked in. When I closed the door behind me, I leaned against the wall with my elbows as I felt my heart hammering in my chest from shock. Shit....to actually let go of her will be harder than I thought....
I move to the kitchen to prepare dinner. If Nina will wake up, she surely wants something to eat. I gather all the ingredients I need when I suddenly spot something strange. My jar of Nutella isnt standing in its usual place. I wonder if Nina used it when she wanted a sweet snack, since this stuff isnt Levis thing, theres no other option left. I didnt bother myself with it any longer and keep going to prepare dinner.
I dont want to bother myself with long standing and cooking, so I keep it simple by cooking a one-pot pasta meal with spinach. Its fast to prepare and faster to cook.
Just 30 minutes after I started, I was already done with it. I took my full plate and placed Nina's portion away for later, leaving the leftovers for warming up on the stove.
Even after 2 more hours after I ate, I began to worry again. I never believed that Nina is able to sleep THIS long. I dont want to risk my life again, so I fought my inner urge to look for her again. If something's wrong, she will call out for me. Or at least this is what I tell myself over and over again. Its strange that I obviously cant get over her so easily, even I talked some sense into myself earlier. Maybe talking wasnt enough...I am a master in this business, but I guess I cant fool myself so easily. Seems like I have to let actions speak. Said and done! I take out my phone and switch to my contacts, until I found the name I was looking for. I dialed her number, hearing the song "Sounds like a melody" as her dialing tone when it got interrupted and a cheery female voice took over.
"Erwin? Is that really you? Wow! I already gave up hope that you will call me. You finally decided?" The voice was just as remembered; chirpy, hyper, friendly and with a hint of temptation in it. I almost forgot that this woman gave me her number on a random, rainy day when I was waiting for Nina in the gym to finish her after-work-out shower. We had a short, but intense talk and I cant deny that this woman had an effect on me the same way like Nina. It was captivating and thrilling, so I took her number and made the promise to call when I would find the time. Seems like time was right now.
"Hey Rebecca. Yeah, its me. Sorry for the long wait but I couldn't find a fitting moment. But now, I did."
"No problem, big buy! Somehow, I knew that you will call me sooner or later. What can I help you with?" There was a hint of expectation in her voice that I was unable to overhear.
"I was wondering if you would be interested to go out with me. Maybe dinner?"
"You still have to ask? Of course big boy! Where and when?" I felt bad arranging this date, but I tried to believe that its just normal if you try to let go of a girl you still love, in hope to move on. I cant deny that it feels like some sort of betrayal...
"How about this Friday evening? We can go to a nice restaurant, have a drink or two and see how it develops. What do you think?"
"Perfect! Pick me up at home, I'll mail you the address. Im so excited, I cant wait!"
"Im glad. Cant wait either. See you on Friday." I try to sound as excited and happy like her. I just hoped that she wont hear the guilt that lurks in my tone.
"See you, big guy!" With that, she hung up. I dropped my phone down beside me as I let my head fall back against the couch's backrest, guilt and remorse tugging on my heart as I begin to realize that I just arranged myself a date this Friday evening, after the usual work-out with Nina. What will she say if she finds out? Does she even wants or has to know? I dont even know by myself what I got myself into. I just hope this Friday will be the first one to make a change from now on. I cant deal any longer with the fact that I feel like a starving wolf with a fresh and young sheep before his nose, ready to get eaten.
To take my mind of what just happened, I decide to take advantage of the PlayStation4 that's so seductively tempting me to use it. I pick the game "Call of Duty: Black Ops 4" and start to play, in hope this will distract me a bit.