5• Explosion de Peanut Butter and Jelly Deliciousness
WHEN Celeste walked into my house after school, I wasn't expecting what I saw. She barged in, backpack on back, poster board in her left hand, arms filled with random crafting materials, and a pair of scissors held in her mouth. She didn't even say hello (maybe because of the scissors in her literal mouth) before she was walking up to my bedroom. I turned around and made eye contact with my mom who was working on dinner.
"Is she okay?" My mom asked.
I shrugged. "I honestly never know, mother," I said.
"Looks like a big project you guys are working on. Am I mistaken or was today not the first day of school?" She asked.
"Uh... it was the first day of school, you are correct. Just... a passion project of hers?" I formed the excuse and then ran upstairs and into my bedroom. I shut the door behind me and faced Celeste, who was sitting on my floor with a wild array of craft materials in a scattered mess. I stood with my back against the door, my arms crossed over my chest.
"And what in God's name is all of this?" I asked.
"It is our mission," Celeste said while she sorted through her supplies. "If we are going to crack down on all of the possible men who could be your mystery phone man... we are going to need to take this to the next-level operation."
I raised my eyebrows. "You are an insane person."
Celeste looked up at me and rolled her eyes. "I may be an insane person, Alex, but I am an insane person who puts their insanity to good use! And my good use is called finding my friend's mystery man so that they can fall in love."
"I'll let you keep that fantasy no matter how ridiculous I think it is," I said, taking a seat on the floor and helping her sort the random shit. "So what's your plan here? Don't tell me you have pictures of every possible candidate." I laughed at my ridiculous proposition.
Celeste held up a folder and handed it to me. I opened it and gasped. "That's exactly what I have," she said. I flipped through the folder and through all of the pictures. She really did have pictures of a bunch of guys from our school.
"You need to be admitted into a hospital for this," I said.
"And you need to start appreciating me more for all the effort I am putting into this amazing project!" Celeste exclaimed. "You are not giving me enough credit for all the credit I give you."
"Stop quoting Hamilton and let's get this project started," I said.
Celeste grabbed the folder of photos from me and laid them out in front of her. "Okay. What we're going to do is tape the pictures of the guys, then we're going to label them with their name, girlfriend, and their title. Example," Celeste paused and held up a picture of Rodger Wornstein, one of the smartest guys in the school and this year's student body president. "We shall label him: Student Body President and Nerd because that is what he is. Sound good?"
"Sounds great," I said with mock-enthusiasm. "Where do we start?"
"Well, I guess I can start on Mr. Student Body since I just so happen to be holding his picture. But you... you can start on your Chemistry man," Celeste said, smirking while she handed me a picture of Jesse.
I rolled my eyes. "You're ridiculous."
"What's ridiculous is the fact that Jesse Campbell, varsity basketball captain, and sexiest man alive award winner, is your Chemistry partner instead of me and... he's a possible candidate," Celest said and held out a gluestick towards me. "Now glue his face on this board. Make sure to label him exactly what I said."
"I might leave out the sexiest man alive part... If I recall, Idris Elba was the most recent sexiest man alive. Not Jesse Campbell, a regular, everyday high school student," I said.
"Whatever," Celeste muttered. "You have to spill the details, by the way. You ignored every single one of my texts while we were in class!"
"I did ignore your texts. And if you'd like to know why it's because I am a dumb bitch when it comes to science and we signed up for an advanced placement chemistry class. Meaning, I need to pay attention," I said. "And there aren't really any details to spill."
"You are seriously infuriating sometimes, you know that?" She said. "What were you two talking about? I saw you talk and then I saw you whisper."
"I don't think you can see someone whisper--"
"STOP BEING A SMARTASS!" Celeste yelled, waving her arms in the air.
I laughed. "Fine. If you are so curious, we introduced ourselves. I gave him my best pickup line and then assured him I was joking, he said he could tolerate me. And then he did, in fact, whisper to me about how if I kept looking at my phone, I wouldn't do well in the class."
Celeste gasped as if what I told her was life-changing news. "You had a legit conversation with Jesse Campbell. God has blessed you."
"I hate you."
"You know if you get close to him... You can get me close to Mr. DeShawn hot-stuff," Celeste said, wiggling her eyebrows. "Just saying."
"I'll let you know when we become BFF's," I joked. My phone buzzed and I saw that my mom texted telling us that dinner was ready. "Okay, we will come back to this amazingly important and life-changing project after we eat cheesy noodles."
"Deal!" Celeste exclaimed and jumped up to her feet, practically sprinting out of my room.
If there was one thing that girl loved more than boys, it was cheesy noodles.
♡♡♡
"This is all carbs, cream, and cheese. A fatty dish, if you will. Not much more than fats," my dad said.
"Robert, I do not even care about your opinion on Fettucine alfredo for the billionth time," my mom said.
"I second that," Celeste agreed. "It is a delicious meal regardless of the fact that it is entirely carbs and does not hold the most nutritious value."
"I agree it is delicious," my dad said.
"You're such a dietitian sometimes," I added.
He shrugged. "It's my job. How could I be a dietitian without fulfilling my dietitianary duties?"
"That is not a word," I said.
"It sounded like a word to me," my precious little brother Ethan chimed in, shrugging his shoulders.
"That's because you're 7 years old, little dude," I told him, patting his shoulder before grabbing my fork and continuing my noodle-eating. I couldn't deny I was also in love with cheesy noodles.
My mom then went on to complain about how someone on the council complained about the lack of pine trees in the Newport Beach area. She said, "How could one person be so dull? There's a lack of pine trees in the Newport Beach area... because it's goddamn California!" You want pine trees, she said, go to Colorado.
My mom worked as a full-time member of the Newport Beach Council, which dealt with all of the politics and whatnot of the area. She basically just worked with a large group of people under the mayor of the town. My dad was also a part of the council, but only part-time. As we've established, his full-time job is being a dietitian. So he basically helps people decide what food is beneficial for them to eat to avoid the possibility of obesity, to get past eating disorders, and all of that jib-jab. And although he was very passionate about food, my mom continued to make meals (such as her delicious fettuccine alfredo, which I should mention is a family recipe passed down for generations, so it's top-level amazing) that would generally be frowned upon by most dietitians.
And my dad still ate it.
I love my family.
I especially loved Ethan, who started telling us about how they were doing a classwide activity where each table was tasked with creating a tower out of little paper cups. Ethan told us how he carefully placed the cups in a circular form to create a stable base and then built up from there. Everyone else in the class had gone for the simple pyramid, but not Ethan. Clearly, my brother was an architect.
"It would've won the contest if stupid Jimothy hadn't accidentally knocked his Caprisun into the base," Ethan complained, facepalming himself and rolling his eyes. This boy was built on theatrics, let me tell you. He waved his fork in the air as he explained, "I mean, we aren't even supposed to drink Caprisuns until snack time and snack time wasn't for another, like, 30 minutes or something! But noooo, big and round Jimothy Price needs to have his Caprisun right in the middle of my rotundus tower!"
My mom furrowed her eyebrows. "Rotundus?" She asked.
"That is what I said, mother," Ethan replied matter-of-factly. He shoveled a scoop of pure cheese sauce into his mouth. "I read, I do the English stuff, rotundus is a prestigious word. You might not have known the word rotundus before today."
"Well, okay then," my mom said, nodding her head. "Looks like we've got a genius on our hands."
"Genius is putting it lightly," Ethan added, smiling. He was too sassy for his own good. This was a perfect example of why he was the best, and my favorite, member of my family.
I was convinced that his fiery red hair had something to do with his vibrant personality.
Suddenly, the door connecting the living room to the garage opened and a sweaty (too sweaty to be healthy) Tyler walked through the door, his basketball duffle bag on his right shoulder and a bag of ice saran-wrapped to his left knee. He really looked like the stereotypical jock. I could already imagine what the first thing he would say to us was going to be...
Coach put us through hell tonight and just about killed my knee. No way in hell I'm going back to physical therapy. Fuck the PT!
"Tyler!" My dad greeted as he stumbled his way into the kitchen. His duffle bag slid from his shoulder and thumped onto the hardwood floor before he sat down at the end of the table and immediately started piling the carbo-load onto his plate. "How was practice?"
Tyler groaned while he took a bite that was way too big. He spoke without even chewing completely. "Ugh. Coach put us through hell tonight! My knee is basically dead. But no way in hell am I ever going back to the damned physical therapist. Fuck the goddamn PT."
So my prediction was pretty spot on with a few mistakes. I would give myself a solid 9/10.
"Not like you ever did your PT exercises, anyway," I commented, earning me a glare from the soaking wet jock.
"No one does their PT exercises. Not like you would know since you don't even play a sport," Tyler retorted.
My dad nudged Tyler with his elbow. "She doesn't even lift, bro," he said. That earned him a full house of eye-rolls, even from Celeste. She was basically a part of the family, anyway.
"I don't even lift, but that just means that I don't even have joint issues at such a young age! Don't you think 17 is a bit too young for a full-on hip replacement?" I said.
"Don't remind me," Tyler groaned. The previous year, Tyler had what I called a hip replacement, although it was a step down in actuality. It was a 2-surgery hip-reconstruction surgery. The boy had weak hips and that didn't exactly mix well with basketball. Thankfully for him, he got through his year of physical therapy in time to play varsity this year again. Although we were juniors and he would have senior year to play, he insisted on playing junior year, too. Something about his reputation. If you ask me, it was a bunch of boloney.
How people could seriously care about their high school reputation boggled my mind.
"So, Tyler," Celeste started and my eyes shot over to her beside me, wondering what she would possibly be talking to my brother about. "Which of the guys on the team have girlfriends? Any single guys? How about any guys who have a super popular and hot cheerleader girlfriend but are in a rocky spot in their relationship and they might break up because of a secret mystery girl who hides behind her phone?"
I stepped on Celeste's food under the table and Tyler just stared at her. A completely deadpan stare. I swear, I could picture the gears moving around in his brain trying so hard to understand what just came out of Celeste's mouth. He was always 1000 times dumber after basketball practice, which I guess made sense. Body tired, mentally tired.
"We have to go work on our project," I said and stood up. "Let's go, Celeste."
She grinned at me as she stood up, saying adios to my parents and ruffling Ethan's hair before we started up towards my room. I shoved her and she just laughed. "You are so subtle," I joked.
"I couldn't help myself," Celeste shrugged. "And by the way... your brother is so goddamn fine with all of that sweat. Ugh, his hair... I would run my hand through that any day."
I fake-puked. "You're repulsive."
♡♡♡
"So today I'm making a gourmet peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This is a world-renowned recipe for the sandwich I like to call: Explosion de peanut butter and jelly deliciousness. Today, I will share with you my secrets, so stay tuned," I said to absolutely nobody.
Sometimes I just pretended like I was a famous Youtuber or chef with a cooking show on the Food Network. Now, I would never admit to doing something like this to anyone because I would be immensely made fun of. But I was alone. And sometimes, you need someone to talk to. And sometimes, all you have is yourself.
"You're first going to want to start out by grabbing 2 slices of your bread of choice. For me, I'm allergic to gluten, so I will be taking this lovely gluten-free bread that's been in my pantry for a good few months now," I said, grabbing the bread and setting it out in front of me. "I have this fancy-ass peanut butter that my mother brought back from a trip to Brazil where they make some delicious peanut butter. Obviously, you can use any type you want. I prefer the generic Walmart brand, but this will do."
I took a knife and inserted it into the glass jar of peanut butter, scooping some onto the knife. I spread it around on both slices of bread, maximizing my peanut butter intake. I was always a peanut-heavy person rather than a jelly-heavy person.
"Next, spread a layer of your jelly of choice on top of the peanut butter layer. Once again, I have an overly expensive and fancy jelly from some other random country. It's a strawberry jelly and incredibly delicious," I said, once again, to my fake viewers. "And this is where we have the finishing touch... the most amazing ingredient and the most unexpected one that will change your opinions on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches forever... Brie cheese.
"And I bet you're wondering... Jesse, Jesse, Jesse... brie cheese?" I said. "I know, I know. Sounds crazy. Maybe even jarring. But I am telling you, this is the key ingredient that will change your life forever."
I carefully placed 2 slices of brie cheese onto both slices of bread, then deciding it was time to give up on my non-existant Youtube video. So I finished the rest of my sandwich, telling Alexa to shuffle through my August playlist. Immediately, Teeth by 5 Seconds of Summer started playing.
Guys can listen to boybands, too, alright?
I heated up my skillet and used some butter to grease the pan. I then placed my gorgeous looking peanut butter and jelly on top. Just hearing the sizzle when the bread hit the pan was satisfying enough. Although, I knew that biting into the warm sandwich would bring me even more satisfaction once it was ready.
After practice, I came home to the same empty house. The quietness of the house was normal to me, but not nearly comforting. When my parents were gone (which was almost always), being alone in the house genuinely spooked me. It was such a modern house, barely decorated besides the few pieces of furniture in the living and dining room and the art pieces and sculptures scattered around the rooms. It didn't feel like a home so much as a weird museum that was supposed to mock a home. Or it felt like a model home that I wasn't supposed to be living in.
Nonetheless, I came home and turned all of the lights on. I was always paranoid that there were ghosts or serial killers lurking in the darkness. And I went immediately to making my Explosion de Peanut Butter and Jelly Deliciousness. A typical night for me.
Typical and lonely.
I flipped my amazing creation over to let the other side brown. Leaning my torso on the counter, I grabbed my phone and unlocked it, going straight to my messages. Hannah left my message on read 3 hours ago, which was typical of her to do even when I asked a question. She was probably the worst at responding to messages out of anyone I knew. And other than Hannah and sometimes Zach, I didn't really have anyone else I actually enjoyed talking to.
But my fingers hovered over the new contact: Mystery Girl.
♡♡♡