It's been three weeks now since I got here. Every day spent in Seattle has made me breathe a little more, in this city that has been able to welcome me warmly and without any prejudice despite its reputation of a rainy and gray place. For the first time in my life I'm experiencing the wonderful feeling of freedom, taking a new path and, finally, my own.
Last night I finished unpacking the boxes that seemed to have no bottom and day after day I felt more and more at home. Stone was the first person who could admire the finished work, also helping me a bit when I had to put something on a high shelf or change a broken pipe under the kitchen sink, improvising a clumsy plumber. Not without complaining, tho. Also, I had a chance to meet some other friend of his, staying up all night in his apartment chatting and listening to some records. Expanding my musical horizons is one of the things that gives me joy the most, and having it surrounded by positive people makes me feel even better.
I was lucky. Thanks to him I didn't feel alone one day. It's a good feeling to say that, for the first time in my life...I don't feel a burden for anyone. Not even for myself.
Today is my day off and this beautiful sun has spurred me to leave my den and have breakfast in a delicious cafe where I haven't had a chance to go yet. For some reasons I really like to discover these small places, the ones where you can feel kind of at home even when you are out, where you're always welcomed with a smile and you can leave with a delicious hot dark coffee in your hands, to sip while walking. Little joys of life.
But when I find myself in front of a big record store, I take my headphones out gently around my neck and turn off my walkman. How did I miss this? Taking the last sip I approach the trash can, throwing in the paper cup with a small roll before entering. After all the effort we've put into connecting the turntable to the new speakers, I'd say it deserves a couple of new records, doesn't it? Opening the door I'm immediately greeted by the music of The Smiths coming out of some big speakers hanging in the corners of the high ceiling, and the warm rays of the sun that pierce the large windows make this place even more magical.
"Hello, welcome to Easy Street!"
I smile at the boy behind the counter, walking through the lanes full of records and scores. I've never seen a record store so big and stocked.
Heading to the alternative rock corner my gaze becomes more attentive, I'd like to find some news and maybe some bands that I've heard Stone mention in recent days. What was the name of that one we listened to the other night?
While I'm digging, moving record after record with my fingertips, I finally find something interesting.
"Now we're getting somewhere..." I whisper to myself picking up a Fugazi record. It's called Repeater, and the large lettering on the cover immediately caught my attention. As I turn it around starting to read the tracklist on the back, a voice interrupts my focus all of a sudden.
"I see you enjoy good music."
When I turn around and meet his gaze, a smile opens spontaneously on my face.
"Oh, hi!" I say, amazed.
Eddie's standing next to me, with low eyes and a shy smile on his lips. The last thing I expected was to meet him right here, three weeks after the last time.
"May I...?" and so saying, with his voice low almost to a whisper, he picks up another record handing it shily to me.
"This. It's one of my favorite albums ever."
I take it in my hands, looking at the scarlet red cover. It's called 13 Songs.
"This one?"
"Yeah. I saw them live before I heard this record, went to that show because L7 were opening and I was friends with them." His eyes light up in a flash of excitement as he talks. "Fugazi were fucking transcendent. The next day I got this record and it really blew my mind."
I look at the cover for a few more seconds, then look up but without crossing his gaze, almost always low.
"Alright, I'll take it. Thanks for the tip."
Eddie gives me a little nod before starts digging through records again, with furrowed eyebrows in a concentrated expression and a slightly hunched posture. He seems to have immediately disconnected from the surrounding world as the vinyls slowly moving between his fingers, passing under his critical gaze.
"It's been a while." I dare say taking a step towards him, trying to continue the conversation but hoping not to disturb.
He turns to me just for a second before returning to his research work, but the hard expression leaves his face and makes way for a shy smile, surrounded by two delightful dimples.
"Yeah, I went back to San Diego for a couple of weeks, had to sort some things out. You settling in, making friends?"
"Stone introduced me to some of his, the music listening sessions at his flat became a fixture at least a couple of times a week. I wondered why you weren't there, actually. "
I don't know why I said that.
On his face I can see a shadow of a question mark and I immediately realize that my sentence might sound a bit weird.
"Yeah, I mean...'cause I never saw you around here again." I instantly add, trying to take cover and hiding a subtle embarrassment.
For perhaps the first time since we met here, among these vinyls, our eyes cross for more than a few fleeting seconds. His expression remains questioning but becomes amused just before looking down again in an awkward half-smile.
"I'll be there next time." is his answer, almost whispered as he touches the back of his neck with one hand, just under the visor of his cap. Making that gesture, Eddie almost turns his back on me and continues his research, no more talking and lowering his head even more.
Seeing him busy and feeling a certain tension, I decide to loosen it by going to pay for the record that he advised me. The guy behind the counter smiles at me again, watching me approach.
"Hi, I'd like to buy this."
I give him the record and he looks at the cover.
"Fugazi, huh? You have pretty good taste in music."
"A friend recommended it." I say, searching for the wallet inside my black backpack.
"You mean Eddie?" he asks with a small nod of his head towards him, "He comes here almost every day. Sometimes answers the phone when I'm busy."
When I giggle at that thought, a certain smug expression appears on his face.
"Are you from Seattle? I've never seen you around." he adds, placing both elbows on the counter and looking at me with some curiosity.
"I moved here a few weeks ago, actually. Didn't know that near where I live there was such a great record store, it's...really cool."
"Oh, you live nearby?"
"Just a couple of blocks."
"So I'll see more of you, I hope. You don't see many pretty girls around here."
I smile, slightly embarrassed by what he just said.
"Thank you, I guess."
While I turn around, happy with my purchase, my eyes immediately wander in search of Eddie. I can see him carefully observing the record in his hands, with a slightly more frowny look than before.
As I approach, he doesn't even look up. My voice is subtle as I try to continue the conversation.
"You get anything good?"
His response is hasty, fleeting and almost irritated.
"Yeah, this one." and without even showing me what he chose, Eddie walks over to the register, pulling out some money from his back pocket. Now I'm having a hard time figuring out why he answered me like that. Did I say something wrong?
"Good choice!" I can hear the guy behind the counter say. I wonder what record he bought and especially if his darkening was because of me.
Eddie walks to the door and looks only for a second in my direction, letting me know that his shopping was done and he was leaving the store.
I follow him outside. He fell silent all of a sudden and my mood suddenly changed from good to worried and tense. I'm not sure what to say.
"Well, I'll see you around." he says anticipating anything I could have said.
"Yeah, sure."
My smile is fake and so tight that I feel some discomfort on the jaw. Standing still for a few seconds I watch him walk away, without a clue what happened and a bitter taste in my mouth. I just cannot help but look at him for as long I can keep him in sight, and as the distance of space between us grows, my confusion grow. I must have definitely said something wrong or be absolutely stupid for misunderstanding and thinking that he liked me in some way.
I frown and walk home at a brisk pace, as the sky suddenly turned gray and it's about to start raining. My priority now is to make sure that the record doesn't get wet, so I put it under the jacket and press it against my chest to protect the thin cover from the rain that has started to fall thicker.
"I should have known..." I mumbled to myself as I climb the stairs to my flat.
It was a sunny day too good to last.
"Just arrived in town and already turn to petty theft?"
It's Stone's voice that catches me sneaking my keys into the lock. My giggling is coming out more acute than it should be, nerves is coming through.
"I found myself in that music shop on the corner, couldn't leave empty-handed." My eyes linger on the guitar sheath that he has on his shoulders. "Rehearsal night?"
"Duty calls. What did you got?"
I take the record out from under my jacket and hand it to him.
"Fugazi? Cool! No idea you liked this stuff."
"Eddie recommended it. I met him there."
"Yeah? Bring it tomorrow night! We'll listen to this bomb with my new system."
This catches me off guard. I have no idea what he's talking about and my questioning gaze looks at him with curiosity.
"Tomorrow night?" I ask, while the realization of what happened began to make its way inside me.
"Yeah, Eddie didn't tell you? We'll all meet at my place."
I shake my head no. "He didn't."
The smile on my face is anything but sincere, I fear it may reveal a veiled sorrow that I try in every way to hide. At the record store we talked about the fact that I never saw him around here again, so the chance to tell me about tomorrow night was right there. It's pretty obvious that Eddie deliberately failed to tell me.
"He'll have forgotten." Stone adds, probably realizing I'm a bit upset.
"I'm sure." I say, turning the key in the lock and opening the door.
"See you tomorrow night, right?" Stone asks me quickly just right before I enter my flat. I look at him with a slightly smile, Stone never fails to cheer me up when my mood is in a free fall.
"Of course."