Inspired by the song 'A Little Happiness'. It's from a Taiwanese movie called 'Our Times' and I think it kind of fits with the whole Steve Bucky Peggy situation going on. Enjoy :D
Also, I definitely recommend the movie omg it's so pure and heart-warming and imma cry thinking about it again goodnight
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The lights are twinkling in Bucky's eyes at the wedding reception he wishes he didn't have to be at. The room is buzzing with energy as half of the party-goers dance to the funky tune played by the DJ.
In the beat of the music, he feels himself slipping away from reality, and to a time where everything was simpler. It was him and Steve against the world.
He wishes he could turn back time and fix what both of them would rather forget. It's not an easy task, pretending to be happy for the man he's loved for so long, but he figures that if he wants to make things easier for him in the future, he will have to.
The dance floor is packed with people, some drinking, some others calmly watching. It's almost too loud in Bucky's head.
When the time comes and Tony hands the mic to him, Bucky stands up and prepares the small slip of paper containing the words to his speech.
"Hey, everyone," he greets the audience with a shy smile and a small wave. "First of all, I like to keep things short, so here goes: Steve, my best pal, you've grown up to be the person I knew you'd always be," he continues. "That was very cheesy of me. Sorry," he says, chuckling, earning a few laughs, "and I'm really happy for the both of you. Genuinely. From the bottom of my heart." He wishes he didn't have to lie through his teeth.
The audience stays quiet, all grinning up at Bucky.
"I'm sure you all know that Steve and I used to be a thing," he says, acknowledging the elephant in the room, "and I hope you all know that I'm not up to fighting Peggy Carter herself for Steve. She's the fiercest person I know and I know damn well I wouldn't stand a chance."
People laugh. Bucky notices Steve looking at him from the altar and keeps on reading the paper in his hands.
"So yeah. We're still best friends now, don't worry. I didn't bribe him to make me his best man or anything," he continues, chuckling. His owns words echo in his mind as he says them aloud, and he's transported back to the simpler times he was thinking about earlier.
"Get up, you lazy lil thing," Bucky says, shaking Steve awake from his slumber.
"I'm bigger than you," Steve mutters under his breath, pulling the covers up to cover his face. "Five more minutes, Buck."
"You said five more minutes thirty minutes ago," Bucky says, reaching under the blanket to ruffle Steve's hair. "We have to get up. Tony has a briefing about the mission that started like, fifteen minutes ago."
"Then what's the point of going?"
Bucky sighs, weighing the options of going back to sleep with his lover or sitting in the meeting room for two hours just for Tony to brag about his planning skills. The first one definitely seems far more tempting.
So, that's what he does. He goes under the covers, wrapping his arm around Steve's bare waist, nuzzling his nose into the blond's neck. The bruise on his shoulder reminds him of the unspeakable things they did last night, and he loves it.
Soon, they both drift off to sleep.
He smiles at the memory as he keeps on reading.
The room has too little air, Bucky notices, desperately struggling to breathe as a wave of panic washes over him once more. This has happened three times in the past two days, and Bucky's just about tired with how his brain goes into panic mode when a mere word is mentioned. And every single time, Steve's there to make sure Bucky's okay.
"Hey, you're okay," Steve's soothing voice helps to calm his racing thoughts. "I'm right here. Whatever's in your head isn't real, alright. I'm here. This is real." Steve presses his palm on Bucky's cheek, feeling him lean onto it and his metal fingers curling around his wrist like it was its lifeline.
It doesn't take long for Bucky to calm down. It's something about Steve's voice, he thinks, that never fails to bring him back to Earth.
Bucky almost smiles sadly at the thought of Steve not being his anymore as his eyes skim over the rest of his speech. His mind is drifting away to another memory that he'll have to eventually forget.
"That's flour, dumbass!" Bucky shouts, laughing as Steve freaks out over the fact that he's just put flour into soup.
"Fuck! What do I do now?" Steve asks frantically, eyes wide and blue under the kitchen light. "Stop laughing and help me out, jerk!"
They're preparing for the dinner Tony arranged for the team, which turned out to be at their place. Bucky reminds himself to be prepared for anything when it comes to Tony Stark and his events.
"I have no idea. I ain't a chef, Stevie."
"But..." Steve sighs, "you used to cook for me all the time." His eyes stare deep into Bucky's, pleading. "You gotta remember somethin', Bucky."
Bucky remembers the times when he would make Steve some soup when he was sick back in the thirties. He remembers how Steve was so frail and fragile, and now he's towering over him with a body sculpted by the gods. He feels tears of happiness brim at his eyes and scolds himself for being such a sap.
"Hey, are you crying?" Steve asks worriedly. "I didn't... I mean, we can not make soup. I just... I'm sorry. Was it something I said?"
Bucky grins happily, wrapping both arms around Steve. "I got emotional over somethin', 's all."
"Tell me about it?"
"I jus' remembered how I used to take care of you." He looks up at Steve, caressing his cheekbone with his flesh hand. "You gotta promise me somethin', 'kay?"
"Anything, Buck."
"You gotta let me take care of you the way I used to, okay?" he asks, his voice hopeful. "If you get hurt on a mission, you gotta let me take care of it." His fingertips touch the newly formed scar on Steve's left abdomen. "You worried the hell outta me."
Steve smiles, his gaze on Bucky softening. "I promise, Buck."
"Ay, lovebirds, we're—okay! we should probably wait 'til they're done."
Bucky's thoughts are interrupted by a pang of sadness in his heart, making him wince. Even then, he reads the next few sentences without difficulty, successfully tucking his feelings inside before they grow into something he can't control.
The words on paper seem to have blurred, and Bucky has to blink back a few tears to prevent himself from breaking down in front of more than a hundred people.
"I never should've trusted you," Bucky spits out. "You're leaving me now? Huh, guess leaving Stark wasn't enough."
Steve clenches his fists, fighting back the urge to just smack some sense into Bucky's head. "You know damn well I did that for you," he says almost too calmly. "Don't be such a dick."
"A dick?" Bucky laughs bitterly. "You're the one leaving after, what, five fuckin' years, and I'm the one who's a dick?"
Steve scoffs. "I'm fuckin' glad I'm leaving. We're over."
And just like that, Bucky feels his heart break all over again. He knows it was his fault, and every day, he thanks the heavens that he and Steve are still able to go back to being best friends after something like that.
It was a stupid fight, Bucky remembers. He doesn't feel a tear streaming down his face, but when it does, most of the audience notices. "Ugh, God, sorry," he says apologetically. "I'm just... I'm really happy for Steve," he manages to croak out. "And Peggy," he says, looking at the happy bride standing next to Steve, "take care of his dumbass for me, alright?" He wipes away a tear, forcing a wide smile. "You're lucky to have each other."
With that, he takes a seat, feeling Sam's warm hand on his shoulder.
"You did good, man," Sam says. "I know how hard it is for memories to just resurface," he continues, patting Bucky's back.
"Thanks, Sam," he replies, sighing. "It feels like a huge weight's been lifted off of me, at least."
"That's all I wanna hear," Sam says with a small smile. "Letting go of the past is the first thing to start the future."
Bucky flashes a sad smile, although it seems more genuine this time than the past few days, and says, "I'm happy as long as he is."
Sam smiles back fondly, knowing how his best friend would do anything for Steve, even if it means losing him completely. He thinks that he wouldn't be able to let go if he were Bucky, but he knows how strong the man is.
"What're you lookin' at, Wilson?"
Sam chuckles. "Nothing, man. I'm just proud of you, that's all."
Bucky looks down, hiding back a smile. "I'm proud, too."