Your job: Separate your consequence from the rest of your query letter. Is it concise? Do you even have one? If not, this is a novel problem, not a query letter problem. Is it a cliffhanger? Enough to entice the reader to want to read the entire book? If not, make it so—both in the novel and in the query.
Test Yourself:
Take the first sentence of your query blurb and copy it into a new document. Now copy and paste your last sentence (your consequence sentence) right behind it. Is that your book? It should be—in a nutshell.
Here’s mine, for Possession:
In a world where Thinkers brainwash the population and Rules are not meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Violet Schoenfeld does a hell of a job shattering them to pieces. When secrets about her “dead” sister and not-so-missing father hit the fan, Vi must make a choice: control or be controlled.
I had three full requests with just those two sentences. It really does sum up my entire book, all in 2 sentences, 51 words. Try it!
Final Words on the consequence:
Leave the reader on a “cliffhanger”—needing to read more to find out what happens next
Avoid using a question as the consequence
Bring the query full-circle, tying your beginning hook to your cliffhanger consequence