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Chapter 3. The first time
Had you ever had this feeling that something was going to be wrong, even though you didn't know what it would be? I had that pure sinking feeling in my stomach when I went to bed after my early morning prayer. I wasn't anyway an early riser, but since I had to finish my Salah, I would just wake up exactly at 5 a.m., finish my prayer and then go back to my sleep. Yes, a lazy-bum, indeed.
But as soon as I closed my eyes, sleep didn't invade me like it would do every other time. The feeling in the pit of my stomach got enormously large and I hated that feeling. I stood up from my bed and picked my Qur'an. Whenever I read it at the time of grief, it offered me peace and contentment.
Surah 94. Al-Inshirah (The solace)
1. Have we not cause thy bosom to dilate,
2. And ease thee of the burden
3. Which weigh down thy back,
4. And exalted thy fame?
5. But Lo! With hardship goeth ease
6. So when thou art relieved, still toil
7. And strive to please thy lord
I loved this particular Surah where Allah relieved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) of his grieves. This offered solace to my heart too and I strangely felt calm once I finished the particular surah and continued reading further.
As I continued reading with the translation, the heat in my heart was soothed and my stomach uncurled. I silently whispered my thanks and a prayer to Allah before I went to get ready for the school. Yusuf would be shocked to see me up and ready this early. He would even have a heart attack! I sniggered before marching inside the bathroom.
I got dressed in my black over coat after wearing my long sleeved dress and a pant inside. I matched it with my white Hijab and placed it on my shoulder before I traipsed inside Yusuf's room. He was deep in sleep and I tiptoed towards the bathroom and fetched a jug of water.
He seemed so oblivious to my cunning plan as he slept peacefully like a baby. I grinned naughtily before I poured the ice cold water on his face. He jumped up with a loud scream 'Aaahhhh.'
"What in the world, Zara? You sick evil monster!" He glared up at me as I smiled heartily before running away. I knew what my status would be if I stood there another moment.
I picked my back pack and waved a hasty bye to my mom and continued to walk. I just wanted to walk today. It felt so refreshing to breath in the pure air without the smoke polluting your lung. My eyes scanned the green pastures on the side and massively grown green trees with wonder. If God hadn't offered me these things, how would be my life? Could I still live without the air? The water? But we human were simply ungrateful.
This modern world is filled with scientific revolutions, with money as the basic need for sustenance. We believe in this ideology blindly; we never question, we simply accepted it all! This modern world pushed us into a fantasy; the West world created a foolhardy plan to turn all of us into a fool. We, the people with brain and soul, had to question, had to experiment. But sometime we were so blind to take a look across the real world. We were mere puppets in the hand of the ruse of the west worlds.
Some people shouted they wanted to save Muslim women. Did they really? What's wrong with being me and covering my head? It wasn't like anyone forced me to do this. Not even my dad asked me to cover my head. I preferred it. It wasn't a show of slavery; it was the show of my self-respect. I was happy that I could save myself from prying eyes of the male. How you dress was your own choice. No one could force. If I want to wear Hijab, I would do. But mostly I wore it because it's my safety hide.
What's the good in crying out for feminine rights when instead of showing our true face and our individuality out, we just succumbed to the hand of male and talk about the rights only in terms of wardrobe, low cut-shirt and skirt resembling a belt? Was this really the rights we wanted? Hell, I knew I didn't want it.
My long thought was cut in by a new voice.
"Hello, Ms. Nameless."
When I turned back, I saw that boy; what was his name again? Yeah, Jake Green! Hmm. So, what did he need now?
"Yes." I stopped, stared at him and then looked back at my feet as if I had never seen it before. I was such a nervous mess when boys interacted with me. I hated it when someone willingly wanted to talk, because I was just forced to believe most of the boys were jerk, like Simon Clase. Simon had left a strong impression on me and I couldn't change it anytime soon.
"Can I get that translation?" He asked sincerely, and the lazily added "And your name."
"I forget." I answered for the first question as I deftly avoided the second.
"The translation or your name?"
"Both!" And I walked away.
~~~
As soon as I entered inside the school, I was greeted with some of the ardent follower of Simon Clase. They were all leaning against the entrance, their eyes trained on me.
"Oh right!" I thought sarcastically before I walked towards the entrance.
"What's the real reason you're hiding behind that scarf and covering yourself from head to toe?" It was Julian Henry, one of the remarkable goons of Simon. He was from a true Christian family, yet he didn't know how to show compassion to other people.
"Do you want to know?" This was the first time I really answered to their taunt. Maybe they would never stop if I continued to ignore them. Julian sneered at me before he nodded.
"Yes and Len she really knows how to talk." Julian said.
"My beauty is a price. It's precious and I want to keep it unpolluted from the dirty stares of prejudiced, narrow-minded people like you. More importantly I love to have some self-respect. My body is mine and it will never be yours to leer at."
His mouth hung open. There was a first time for everything. And I knew the look Julian wore now was his first time. Did he think that I couldn't really talk back?
"No, you're forced and compelled to wear it and you just hide behind the ruse that you willingly accept it when what you really want is dress like us." It was Samara Gillen, and I wrinkled my nose at her statement.
"There's no compulsion in the religion. The right direction is henceforth distinct from error. And he who rejects the false deities and believes in Allah has grasped a firm handle hold which will never break. Allah is the Hearer, Knower." I narrated the Qur'an verse with a solemn gaze.
"So, my religion never compelled me. Allah offered us both good and bad, but it's we who have to decide and choose. It just proposed me a right path and I choose it willingly. See; no one compelled me to dress like this. No; I just choose what's best for me." I simply stated before turning away.
"If your doubts are over, now I want to move inside."
The guys left the place and as I walked in, I heard someone applauding.
I turned to see the smiling face of Jake Green or was it Brown. Whatever!
"That's an awesome conversation."
I nodded my head politely before stalking away. He seemed to crowd my personal space and I didn't like it. I usually hated involvement with people; I preferred my silent life. But then again, today I seemed to be in a role. A First for me too...
Only Allah could predict the future, predict my next part of the life, and I being a silly human, knew nothing when I traipsed past the guy with a petulant frown on my face.