"You..." Finn's voice trailed off.
It appeared to me that he was speechless.
I leaned back against my seat. And I could see Finn's eyes very momentarily graze my chest before I remembered I wasn't wearing a bra, and slouched forward once again. He didn't comment.
"I'm being serious," I said, to hide the fact that I was enquiring about my crush's love life. Or rather sex life.
Finn reached for the glove compartment, his hands coming dangerously close to my knees. I moved my legs away. He fumbled within until his hands emerged with a pack of cigarettes.
"You want a stick?"
I crossed my arms. "Would it make me feel better about the fact that you think I'm too ugly to seduce anyone?"
Finn leaned back against his seat, his eyebrows furrowing.
"Hey, don't put words in my mouth."
I kept quiet.
"I just wouldn't want someone like you getting involved with Jas. Not like that anyway. You wanna keep business away from your vulnerabilities."
I looked away from Finn. I wasn't sure why this conversation was making me so emotional. Or why Finn even bothered to hide the fact that he thought I wasn't able to get Jasper to open up.
Humans, fundamentally want to be understood. And I felt Jasper, in his position, could really use a person to open up to.
I could hear the sound of Finn's lighter. And when I turned to him, he was lighting a cigarette in his mouth.
"What does it feel like?" I asked.
He took a drag as he drew his own window down to exhale outside.
"What, smoking?"
I nodded.
He shrugged back. "I don't know. I don't feel anything anymore. Used to feel kinda good."
"What kind of good?"
He didn't bother replying me. He just offered his pack to me.
And I stared at it for the longest time. Ten heartbeats later, I concurred that losing 5 minutes of my lifespan couldn't be that bad. Every time I walked in the city I was exposed to the same kind of chemicals. I rationalized that my entire generation was doomed to begin with.
So I took a stick.
Finn's eyes widened a little, but he didn't say anything. He just offered his lighter to me.
His lighter had the words 'Smoking Kills' inscribed. I was too embarrassed to tell him I didn't know how to use a lighter. But I think he figured out after seeing me fumble with the contraption. He took it from my hand and instructed me to put the cigarette in my mouth, before lighting it for me.
I started choking the moment I inhaled.
Finn had an amused glint in his eyes.
"You're addicted to nicotine," I told him through coughs.
"Yeah, probably."
I forced myself to take a second puff, nearly dropping the cigarette butt in the process. I started coughing again the second time.
"Yeah, I don't think you're born to be a smoker."
I surrendered the stick to him so he could smoke the rest of my unfinished cigarette.
"Do you still need me to seduce Jasper?"
"No."
I fumbled with my hands. "Then can I go now? I have stuff to do."
"Sure."
"Goodnight, Finn."
His eyes softened. "Goodnight."
-
I didn't hate mirrors, I merely disliked them.
They weren't ugly, in fact I quite liked the way they added dimension and personality to sparse rooms. I suppose I just disliked what I saw in them whenever I come close enough to one.
But today morning I forced myself to look at my own reflection.
My hair was still dripping wet from the shower, and the towel I'd wrapped around myself revealed milky skin and collarbones. My eyes and my hair were a boring shade of brown, and my lips were shapeless. I do suppose I wasn't what boys my age might call attractive.
I didn't even have the type of curvaceous figure that everyone my age was talking about. The fact that my mom only got me baggy sweaters and long trousers wasn't helping my cause.
Quite simply speaking, I was painfully average and I wasn't sure how I was going to get Jasper to tell me anything other than 'thanks for doing my assignment'.
I sighed, putting my glasses back on. I needed to get ready for school.
My mom sent me to school after I got dressed and ate breakfast. It was on the way to her workplace, so she didn't mind it. I didn't either, I was all for saving the environment. And if it meant carpooling with my mom, then carpooling with my mom it was.
Central High was abuzz with rumors about the Quarterback being a 'fag'. But I didn't care, the only thing on my mind was the fact that Jasper was up to something, and Finn didn't know what it was.
And maybe I desperately wanted to find out the full story. Maybe. Just maybe.
On my way to class, I bumped into the two people I was hoping to bump into.
"Look who it is," Levi smirked. "Anna."
"It's Ava," Jasper corrected his friend. Then he turned his eyes to look at me. "What can we do for you?"
I... felt my insides melting. I felt so mushy on the inside that I couldn't even think straight and much less solve a mystery that had been on my mind for a few hours now.
This was going to be a lot harder than I thought it would be.
"I wanted to ask if everything is okay..." I trailed off.
Levi cocked his head. "Why wouldn't it be, nerd? I've got my personal slave to do all my work. I'm better than I've been in forever."
"Thank you, Levi," Jasper laughed out. "Anyway we gotta rush to the library to print our assignments. Catch you later, Ava."
"Okay," I smiled back, kind of dizzy from the interaction.
I really don't think it's going to be easy getting Jasper to spill anything, not when my entire being fills with butterflies when he so much as looks at me. So I went about the rest of my day unhappily.
I wasn't sure what I was unhappy about. But I wasn't satisfied that was for sure.
-
By the time Saturday rolled around, I was more than restless.
I wanted something to happen. Anything.
I wasn't sure how I got through my life before this, but I've been so bored and kind of stir crazy from staying inside my room for too long. Pinhead, my cat, wouldn't even play with me anymore. Not like how she used to as a kitten anyway.
"Should I do something, Pinhead?" I asked the cat.
She just stared back.
"Do you think I could pull off something if I really put my mind to it?"
Big feline cat eyes blinked back.
"Am I ugly?"
She meowed.
I scowled. That's it.
I opened my wardrobe and took a good look at my clothes. Nothing looked particularly seductive. Just as I was losing hope, I spotted my tank top. The one that was too long.
I gave Pinhead a lingering, meaningful look. She eventually broke eye contact to lick her paw.
Then I stripped and changed into the tank top with no pants.
As a top, it was so long it covered my whole butt. But as a dress, it was so short it barely covered my thighs.
It was beige, and I think my mom got it for me so I could wear it as inner-wear. But now onwards I think I might give it a new role in my life. There was something coursing through my veins, maybe adrenaline. Maybe apprehensiveness.
I haven't felt anything like this in a long time.
I approached my vanity and and picked up my contact lenses. I did a quick check to see if they've expired, before, with shaky hands removing my glasses.
I think I looked like a different person.
I turned to look at Pinhead, but all I could see was a blurry blob of white. Because of how bad my eyesight was. I laughed to myself.
"Ava Danielle Collins, you're going to rock balls."
What even was rock balls?
I turned on some music and made my way to the en-suite. Phone in hand, I called Finn and put him on speaker. I was mentally ready for any sort of swearing this time.
I was going to end the call and take off this ridiculous dress and hide under my covers with a good book at the earliest semblance of an F-word from him.
But he picked up on the third ring, and he didn't swear at me.
"What is it?" He asked. There was loud music in the background.
"You promised me a date with Jasper if I got you that Xanax prescription," I said, while struggling to put my contacts in.
He said to someone to "give him a second". I heard movement, and then silence. No more background music.
"Are you planning something?" He asked me flatly.
"No..." I said as earnestly as I could. "It's just that I've been so excited to grab dinner with him but you never did get back to me. Ow - " I gritted my teeth as my eyes watered.
"Ow?" Finn asked back. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," I said quickly even though I just stabbed my eyes. As casually as I could, I asked, "So, do you think Jasper's free tonight?"
"I'll help ask."
"What are you gonna tell him?" I asked concernedly. "Don't tell him I like him or anything."
Finn scoffed. "I'll try not to."
I smiled in victory when I got one side of my contacts in. "Okay, do get back to me!"
I had a good feeling about this.
-
a/n: SORRY FOR THE FILLER CHAPTER. GOOD STUFF NEXT CHAPTER ;)