Ashley
Lightheaded. That's the only word that could describe how I was feeling. The plane had landed, bringing us back home in one piece. After seeing the wedding bands on both our fingers, there wasn't much conversation.
Ellie didn't give a shit. After her initial comment, she shrugged and was fast asleep. Once the flight was over, we all went our separate ways. Robin brought me home, and I was currently laying in the king-sized bed of my classic townhouse, examining the ring that dressed my ring finger.
What were we thinking? It was way too early, way too early. We hadn't even discussed getting married. Marriage had never even been brought up as a thought. Realistically, Robin and I had only been dating for a few months.
I rolled over, huffing loudly into my pillow. My blond hair was fanned out around me, my face red with anxiety? Or was it panic. My best friend didn't even know about this, and I'm not so certain I should tell her.
Would we get a divorce? Did we actually get married or did we just get rings? So many questions and no idea where to find the answers.
The trilling of my cellphone brought me out of my cluster of thoughts. I glanced at the screen and saw Robin's name lit up. I took a deep breath and placed the phone to my ear.
"What, haven't had enough of me yet?" I chuckled awkwardly. Yikes.
"Not quite," I could hear the smile in her voice, and that caused me to loosen up a bit.
I sat up in bed, crossing my legs. "What's up?"
"I made a few calls..." she started. "We're legally married."
There was a thud in my chest. As I tried to formulate a response, she spoke again.
"I spoke to a lawyer friend of mine, we can get it annulled. He just needs to draft up the paper—"
"Yeah definitely," I think I may have answered too quickly.
There was a loud silence on the other end of the line.
"Right, I'll get on it. Bye." The call ended before I could stop her.
I needed a drink, definitely. After making a few calls, and getting shot down by all my friends, I decided that I would head out to the club on my own. The black, strapless body-glove dress that I chose clung to my body desperately. Just a few moments to clear my head, that's all I needed.
Robin never called back throughout the day, and I made no effort in doing so either. I was overthinking, to say the least. My blonde hair was curled to perfection, dangling just above my shoulders. I removed the ring, placing it on the bathroom counter before slipping on my red stilettos.
The wind blew through my blond tresses as I waited on the patio for my uber. This whole situation has got me thinking, and overthinking. Yes, robin and I were dating but what did that mean for the future? Would I marry her later on? Would we have kids? How did that even work, what was the procedure? My forehead throbbed as the thought kept racing through my mind.
I didn't think that far ahead, I'm not sure why, but it never occurred to me that someday we would have to decide on these things. She was after all the first woman I've ever dated. I wasn't even sure I liked women. But I liked her. No, I loved her.
A navy-blue Toyota pulled up at the bottom of the driveway. I tried to clear my mind on the way to the club, I actually wanted to enjoy myself, release my inhibitions or whatever that Natasha woman said.
The line up to get into the club wasn't that bad, but that didn't mean it wasn't packed as hell inside. Hip hop was blaring through the speakers. The room felt hot, and humid. Smelled like lost inhibitions alright. As I bore through the crowd, I tried my best to avoid rubbing too much against the obviously drunk dancers. It was only after 10pm, so the night hasn't even begun.
There was a curly-haired, caramel woman behind the bar. She was attractive, to say the least. Her lips were plump, colored with hot, red lipstick. Her dark eyes shifted to me, and she bit down on her lip. What's this I was feeling? Attraction?
I raised a brow as she approached me, "What can I get you?"
"Amaretto sour, hold the lemon."
The gorgeous woman nodded and began mixing my drink. Her hand brushed my own as I clasped the glass in my palm. "Thank you," I smiled.
The rest of the night went on like this.
*****
I swayed my hips in tune with the music. Somehow, I'd made my way onto the dancefloor, maybe after my fifth sour—or fourth shot. Whichever it was, I felt amazing. My head was buzzed, and there wasn't a thought in my mind besides dancing the night away. My curls were a mess from running my fingers through them for most of the night.
On my way back to the bar I spotted it. Long, dark, hair tucked into two ponytails. The creamy-skinned woman—my woman if I might add—looked to be enjoying the company of the bartender. Robin's arms were slung around the thick-thighed woman's waist as she moved a few strands of curls from the bartender's face.
I could feel the anxiety brewing in my stomach, which was all too quickly replaced by undeniable anger. Is this why she hadn't called me back, because she already had plans of her own? A fleet of drunken, irrational questions raced through my mind. I tried to calm myself down, take deep breaths but suddenly being stuck in the crowd made it feel hard to breathe.
Against my better judgement, I stomped over to the two women, slamming a fifty dollar bill against the counter. Robin's eyes were wide with surprise, and the bartender's face held confusion.
"For my tab," I said as politely as I could manage, ignoring the look my 'girlfriend' gave.
The air outside the bar felt cold, the change in temperature happened rapidly and my throat felt dry from all the alcohol I'd consumed throughout the night. I roughly ran a hand through my hair as I wanted for the uber I requested. The door squeaked open, and Robin stood beside me.
"What are you doing here alone?" The woman peered down at me.
"You aren't the only one who needed a little fun." The attitude rolled off my tongue.
Robin sighed, "It's not what it looks like—" she began. "We're just friends. I came to give her a ride home from work."
"Friends huh," I glared at her. "A friend you've slept with?" I questioned.
I could see that she was holding her breath. "We were sleeping together but that was a long time ago. Her name is Gabriel, trust me we're just friends."
"What do you consider a long time ago?" My arms folded as though my body was on autopilot.
"Maybe five months ago...or six?"
"We've been dating for about five months, Robin." I was steaming.
"Stop acting like you care so much," she snapped back. "You can't even see yourself having a future with me."
"When did I say that?"
"I saw how excited you were about the annulment."
I rolled my eyes. "Jesus Christ, it was a dumb thing to do Robin. We haven't even been together for six months, definitely don't need the added pressure."
"So after a year, two years, five years? What then?"
"I—" I never thought that far ahead. That is the dilemma I've been running from all day.
"I don't know Robin, I've never thought about it. I never even expected to be dating a woman right now, much less having the 'future' conversation with one."
She was taken aback. "Oh, so this is just some sort of experiment?"
Somehow the wind got sharper, the breeze felt as though it was cutting through my skin—just like these questions were piercing my heart.
"No Robin. I know how I feel about you, I just don't know how long it would last—"
That didn't come out right.
Her eyes were dark, but I could see the hurt flash through them.
"That's not what I meant," I started.
"I think that's your ride," she cut me off, her voice stoic and void of emotions. She opened the door of the uber before offering a small smile. "I'll update you on that thing..."
As I sat in the Honda sedan watching the lights zoom by, my thoughts were clouded now more than ever. Robin couldn't possibly expect me to have all the answers by now. The start of our relationship was rocky as is—I was dating her brother for fuck's sake. And now she just expected me to say 'yeah well, we'll get married in two years and have six kids' or some shit. I couldn't do that, I couldn't lie to her.
I said a quick thank you to the driver once he'd pulled into the driveway, kicked off my heels and stumbled towards my house. Darkness welcomed me in the big home, nothing I wasn't used to I suppose. The last few months I hadn't been sleeping alone—at least not every night. I thought about how it would feel if Robin never spoke to me again. Would I get used to being on my own again? Would I find comfort in my own company?
I thought about calling my best friend, but I knew she had problems of her own, judging from the frantic texts I'd received a few days ago. I slid out of the dress, tossing it to the side before climbing under the thick duvet that covered my bed. The thought of Robin's tender arms around me was fleeting, I could almost feel her. The bed smelled like her, and the lovemaking that occurred before we left for Vegas.
Sleep didn't come until an hour or so later. Somehow, I'd stayed up hoping she would call, or even come over like she usually did. For us to fix things before I slept, but I wouldn't know what to say... and she didn't call anyway.