𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍.
chapter forty-one; Honeydukes Wake Up Call
" . . . don't taint those memories with bitter feelings. "
JAMES POTTER LOVED Lily Evans, and this he knew for sure. Things had been painful and silent, the correlation obvious, but the one thing that hadn't wavered was Lily. Sure, sometimes she didn't agree with him and would remain silent in the face of his ranting, but she was there.
And he loved her.
"Lily?"
"James?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too," Lily laughed a gentle, melodic laugh at James' spontaneous exclamation. She'd grown used to hit, though, ever since she's said it on accident in August he'd reminded her he was now allowed to say it whenever he wanted. "What's wrong?"
James let Lily pull him under her arm as they milled through Honeydukes, the boy crouched over in content as her fingers carded through his hair while her eyes scanned the sweets.
"I don't like not speaking with them," James admitted, reaching for an acid pop that Lily couldn't quite grab, "I miss them, you know?"
"So go find them," Lily encouraged, "I'm sure they're out, too, Sirius, Mads, and Rem tend to hang out as much as you and I."
"Yeah," He frowned, scratching the back of his head as Lily watching him carefully, "Suppose I'm just stubborn."
"I'm glad you can admit that, now."
"Well, you say it enough."
Lily laughed, which made James smile at her. She was the sunshine poking through every gray cloud that floated into view— nothing else mattered when she smiled.
"Don't be stubborn," She advised, collecting a licorice wand, "It's our last year, James, Merlin knows what will happen when we leave. . ."
"Nothing will happen," James said fiercely, making Lily meet his eyes.
She'd been nervous when the mention of post-Hogwarts plans came up. At first, James was worried it had more to do with the future of their relationship, but quickly came to realize Lily was scared to be without protection as a muggle-born. She was strong, stronger than most Aurors, James was sure, but this didn't mean fear didn't fester in her.
"The point is," Lily exhaled her nerves, regaining composure, "There's no re-doing some of this stuff. Our very last Christmas holiday, last quidditch season, last boat ride back. . . don't taint those memories with bitter feelings."
"It only ever sounds good when you say it."
Lily rolled her eyes, but kissed James' cheek quickly and made her way to the front of the store to pay. She ignored James' claims that 'this wasn't enough' and offered a smile to the man ringing her up.
"You're upset about it James, but it's in your control to fix it," Lily informed him as they exited the candy shop.
"Do you think they were ever going to tell me?"
"Yes," Lily responded instantly, making James raise an eyebrow.
"Oh?"
"I spent the summer with Maddie," Lily said, "She loves you so much, James. And she was so heartbroken over Sirius— it must've taken a lot for her to call it quits. She told you when they were getting back together, right?"
"But what about Remus?"
"It wasn't anyone elses' secret to tell."
"It wasn't just Remus that knew?" James asked.
Lily bit her lip for a moment, but sighed and pulled James by his hand to an empty bench. Shoppers and students rushed by as they remained stationary, Lily turning to James who was confused beyond his wits.
"Marlene knew, and so did I. Sirius told us when you were bothering him about not shagging anybody when he 'slept with Marlene' he didn't really."
"What?"
"Marls let Sirius pretend they slept together," Lily said, frowning gently, "We all knew about Maddie and Sirius."
"You knew— you helped them lie?"
"Yeah," Lily said strongly despite the rate at which her heart was pounding, "So if you hate them, you sort of hate me, too."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"We weren't even friends when I found out," The redhead defended herself, "I was friends with Maddie, why would I have ratted her out?"
"How am I supposed to trust anybody?" James continued, "You've all lied to me about something huge and now it's like I'm not even allowed to be upset—"
"No one's said you can't be upset," Lily snapped, making James fall silent with wide eyes, "But have you taken a step back and wondered why this has all happened? Why Maddie hid it from her twin brother, why she broke up with a boy she's so clearly in love with, why she continues to try when you care more about the principle of an apology?!"
James sort of got the gist that Lily wasn't going to be sympathetic at the moment.
"I love you, James, and it's valid to be upset, but no one will feel bad when you're the anchor dragging the situation on."
"You shouted at me."
"You deserved it," Lily mumbled back, tucking her hands beneath her thighs.
"Yeah."
Lily sighed deeply, lifting a hand to the back of James' head. He welcomed her affectionate touch, sinking onto the redhead's shoulder to block out the oncoming winter wind.
James got it. He'd gotten it for a while, but his pride was a difficult thing to overcome. To admit he'd taken the incorrect approach on being a big brother, trashed his sister's teenage years, that there had been a reason to hide the relationship and that reason stared back at him in mirrors.
And it hurt, knowing he'd been the source of everyone elses' drama and pain, but somehow it was so much worse knowing he was the only one to blame for how he'd felt.
"Lily?" He said gently, not daring to move and ruin their bubble of solace that blocked ou the rest of the world.
"James?" She asked just as lightly, hands slowly knotting into James' hair and accepting the warmth of his scalp.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
( AUTHOR'S NOTE. )
this was a short chapter
and it was jUST jily but
they're so cute fuck OFF