XVII. The Struggle
Letting go was much easier said than done. I did not cry over the relationship that would never be, I kept my pain holed up inside me. That night marked one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but it was for a good reason. I could not come between a couple’s happiness. I just got Nikita back; I could not sever whatever delicate thread our acquaintanceship was being held by. Legolas was a different matter entirely.
I could tell it was a struggle for us both, taking notice of each other, acknowledging that we were only friends and nothing more. We would steal looks at each other, sometimes catching the other in the act. I still had a hard time keeping my cheeks from turning rose-red.
As the wedding came nearer, I could not understand what Legolas meant when he said that he did not feel like he was genuinely in love with Nikita. The times I saw them together it was as bright as the sun. How could Legolas lie to me about such a thing? Surely I could not be interpreting their relationship wrong.
There was less than a month until the wedding. By this point, I had come to terms with my decision a while back. I did not know how Legolas was on that issue; we never brought up the topic when we talked, even if there was no one around at risk to hearing us. Though, the times we did talk, I could see a faint longing in his blue eyes. I wondered if I showed him the same exact look in my eyes and I failed to realize it.
“Good morning!” Halian sang as she flitted into my room, uninvited. I groaned, pulling the covers over me. “Stop acting like this! I brought you something.”
“How many times have I told you to not bring me breakfast?” I complained.
“It is not breakfast, silly! Just open your eyes, will you?”
I threw the cover off me to see Halian bouncing in place with a sheathed dagger in her hands. I smiled, realizing that Legolas had taken me seriously. Even though I had said that to divert myself away from the real topic that night, there had been some truth to my words about wanting to be armed. I could very well use the dagger when I left Greenwood, provided I was able to leave with it. I could not see that as an issue, though.
“Huh,” I noted under my breath, sitting up. I took the dagger from Halian. She watched as I pulled it out to examine it. I nodded, admiring the sleek blade. It felt pretty light too, a good advantage should I have to use it.
“Prince Legolas asked me to deliver it to you,” she said rapidly. I chuckled at her energy. “Are you planning to join the Guard here?”
“Oh, no.” I put the dagger back in its sheath. “I asked for it for protection.”
“Is someone after you?” Her blue eyes widened.
“No, no! It is more for the journey home, in case I encounter any wild animals.”
“We have known each other for a little while, Nimalia.” She sat on the bed, eyeing me expectantly. “All I want to know is the real reason behind that dagger. ‘Protection’ is not enough for me to go on, and I have a feeling that dagger has a greater purpose than you are hiding. Whatever your past entails, I promise I will not speak of it to anyone.”
I shook my head at Halian. I could trust her to keep her word.
I spent the morning telling Halian of my past, from the time I was born, to when I was taken by Wild Men. She was immersed in my story, listening with keen interest. She made all the appropriate facial expressions at certain points. I left out the part where I almost killed the little girl in the river, not that I did not think she could handle it. I then told her of my escape, which I did not believe even Legolas knew, or Arwen. Halian was perhaps the first to know of how I had escaped.
It was not as crafty as it could have been: I caused chaos within the camp; so much that I got the Men turning on each other. While they fought amongst each other, I slipped away. Let me tell you, when the Men argue with each other, the conflict will not be resolved for a while, and if it does, it is resolved in a bad way.
I was more than happy to tell Halian of the Man that had rescued me when I was near death and my time in the White City. She especially listened in when I told her where Legolas came into the story. I did not realize how happy I sounded whenever he was mentioned in my tale. He was a big reason why I was still alive, and why I ended up in Greenwood. He was also the first being I felt attached to. The first being that I could have had a chance with if he was not already taken.
“…and that is how I came to be here,” I finished.
“So these Wild Men are still hunting you?” Halian asked.
“They may be. They have not tried to breach Greenwood, so I assume they are still planning something tactful or they have given up. I doubt they have given up on me, though. I made them pretty angry. They have more than enough motives to hunt me down and finish me off.”
“They will never, you are safe here,” Halian assured me. “If it comes down to a fight, you will be armed, and I am sure the prince would fight for you like he has since you two met.” She laughed. “You like him!”
“He is a good friend,” I said.
“Do not play this off, Nim; you and I both know what I mean.” She raised an eyebrow suggestively at me.
“I do like the name you just gave me.” I beamed.
“As much as I love saying your name, it sometimes can be a mouthful. It is short and sweet.” Halian looked down at her clasped hands. “It must be hard for you to watch the prince with her.”
“I have seen them together for a while, it does not bother me,” I lied. In truth, it still did a little bit, but I was managing. I nudged her with my hand. “Do you fawn over the prince, Halian?”
“What Elf does not?” she asked playfully. “Many who want his hand in marriage are not worthy of the king’s expectations. It bothers me how Nikita is just as ordinary as the rest of us, and yet the king accepts her whereas I am positive he would deny anyone else the right to wed with the prince.” She huffed. “I cannot understand what makes her stand out if she is not royalty.”
“I think that is something on everyone’s minds,” I said thoughtfully. “I would not dwell on it, nothing can be done. They are to be wed.” I shrugged.
“Unless you—”
“Not another word, Halian,” I scolded her. “I have a hunch as to what you will say, and I will only turn your idea down. The prince and I have nothing. I may have feelings for him, but he does not return them. There is no point in trying to interfere with something genuine.” She cannot know the truth; it will only fuel her idea more.
Halian rolled her eyes.
* * *
It would be a lie to say that the rest of the day was eventful. I took my time exploring Greenwood, and I also got a better grasp of how to wield my lightweight dagger. I felt more in control with it in my grasp. I did not feel vulnerable. If anyone tried to attack me, I would surely fight back. I might not be the best fighter and have no experience at all with a weapon, but if it was a matter of life and death, I would do anything.
I stood in my room, holding my dagger, pretending as though I was surrounded by Wild Men. With a confident smirk on my face, I swung at air, pretending to swipe at my enemies. I let out a courageous “Ha!” as I victoriously took down my competition that was air. I spun around; pretending to dodge attacks and weapons thrust my way.
An amused laugh made me scream and drop my dagger. It fell to the floor loudly, the sound resonating in the room.
“Acting like a child, are we?” Nikita asked. Her eyes narrowed in curiosity. “Where did you get that? I do not remember you having a dagger with you, or any weaponry for that matter.”
“Oh.” I picked up my weapon. “Legolas gave it to me. I told him that I wanted to have something with me in case something went wrong and I had to fight my way out.” I shrugged. “Did you want me for something, Nikita?”
“I just came by to see how you were.” She grinned toothily. “It is strange to see you with a weapon; it makes you look like you are someone to be feared.”
“Which I hardly am.” I laughed.
“Oh, before I forget, I think the rehearsal is to be sometime soon, within a fortnight, I believe.”
“And you tell me this, why?”
“I want you to see what is going to happen. I want another perspective.” She shrugged. “I know it is an odd request…”
“If you need me there, I will be there.”
“You are sure?”
“Of course. I am not busy; I have not been since we got here.” I half laughed.
“Oh, while I am still here, do you think you could tell me what is wrong with Legolas?”
“What do you mean what is wrong with him?” I walked over to the nightstand near the bed to put the dagger there. “Is he ill?”
“I do not think so; he does not act like himself. I am lucky if I get a vague answer from him. He may open up to you more possibly. Would you mind trying to get a good answer out of him?”
“I am sure he will suspect that you sent me to figure out what is going on.”
“If he does, he does. I just hope it does not involve our wedding.” For the love of the Valar, I hope it has nothing to do with it either, I wanted to say. If Nikita said something was off with Legolas, I had a bad feeling that he was not letting go like I had asked him to. He was not doing his part like I was.
“I will look into it if it means that much to you,” I said.
Nikita smiled sheepishly. “Thank you, Nimalia.”
You better, because I am the reason you are still being married to the Prince of Greenwood. I am the reason things are staying the way they are. At least you do not know that, and it better stay that way. But I did not believe that Legolas would say anything to Nikita about our feelings for each other.
I was grateful for Nikita leaving shortly after, because a small pang of guilt settled in my heart. I had known this was going to be tough on the both of us, but I should have known Legolas was going to struggle with this. I just could not understand why, though. He knew it was the right thing to do, we both did.
Were his feelings for me growing so much that it was starting to show to Nikita, the one person whom I wanted to keep in the dark?
**Looks like things aren't going to get better, are they? Halian is our Nimolas shipper in the story, if it wasn't evident before. Isn't she just lovely, you guys? I personally love her character. She wasn't supposed to originally be in the story, but somehow she came about, and she's been in the story ever since.
Alrighty, so, here's a big question for you: Favorite character?**