Tomo stared into his wardrobe. Most of his clothes were pastels or grey shades. He could see lots of bunnies and puppies and some floral patterns. Even when he didn't buy anything not passable himself, he kept getting these types of clothing. Accessories, stationery, plush toys, bedsheets... Anything he could possibly be given.
Why did his family keep giving him things that would out him to the world?
Well, Chiyo didn't. She had resorted to giving him black pencils instead. And Shouji gave him jewellery. So it was just Sawa and Chika. But they did it a lot.
He preferred his uniform because wearing it meant he wouldn't stand out. He was just another student. Getting dressed casually was much harder. He started digging among the things he had thrown on the wardrobe floor and found a dark green zipped hoodie. He had bought it because of the dog theme a while ago. It had a white and black puppy around the heart area, and the hood was shaped to look a bit like dog ears when worn. It was cute but passable.
Probably.
And it wasn't too small. Yet.
He managed to find a pair of dark grey jeans, and then took a basic light green long-sleeved shirt from a hanger.
Why was socks the only thing he had no problem with?
Once he was wearing it, he looked at himself in the mirror. He was inspecting himself in detail, making sure it would be alright. He did this every day.
Were the glasses right? Or did he need his contacts? Was he wearing earrings or studs that looked too feminine? Were there any frills? Were there any floral prints? Was it all too cute together? Was he wearing his clothes in a boyish manner?
This... would work. Maybe.
He took off the pink glasses he had been wearing to wear his light green pair. Then he walked out of his room.
***
Tomo was leaning against the wall by the entrance at the very back of the small theatre. He could see Ken crossing swords with someone wearing a hooded jacket on the stage, and Ken was loudly asking who killed some woman named Mirande. But it looked just a bit off.
The scene stopped with the hooded figure pointing the sword at Ken's chest.
"Hah! Yama-senpai, you're dead."
Hanakawa Sakura removed the hood as she said that. Her braids fell out of the hood and down her back. Tomo's hair had been long, but he had kept it just above his waist. Sakura had been growing it since the first grade – before he had even started growing it out.
Not because she wanted to, but because the expectations on her were to be a young woman who'd marry a successful man. She was aware she wasn't much like the image of a beautiful Japanese woman, so she had kept growing her hair, keeping it in two braids.
Her smile was triumphant, like she had won a duel for real.
"Sakkun, that's not what happens and you know it," Ken wiped the sweat from his face with his shirt. They had gone over the scene close to ten times, and while Sakura didn't need to move a whole lot, Ken dodged swings and stabs. And he did it in a very showy way, which was pretty tiring to keep up.
"Hanakawa! Kenta! Take the fighting scene again."
"Eeeeh?!" Sakura exclaimed. "I'm tired of this. Give a hint of what Yama-senpai's doing that needs improvement already."
Ken smirked. Tomo had seen it too.
It wasn't Ken.
Sakura stepped back every time she knew Ken would swing or stab, even before he had done so. It ended up looking like Ken was overpowering Sakura, despite the fact that Ken was supposed to lose the battle and be captured. It wasn't the first time something like this happened with Sakura when she was acting. She needed to get comfortable with the situation, which was why Hayashi Niko kept asking them to do the scene.
"Niko, I think it's fair to let them have a break. We have two more scenes to go over before we finish for the day too. I think everyone is starting to get tired of this scene."
Hayashi looked at her assistant and back to the stage in thought. "Kenta, switch with me," she then said and climbed up on the stage. Ken jumped off, and noticed Tomo as he did. He waved to him with a bright smile. Hayashi noticed and turned to see what caught Ken's attention.
"My, it's Momo-chan. Why don't you come up front?"
"I'm an outsider, so I'm fine back here," Tomo said.
He was just waiting for Ken and Sakura anyway.
"Nonsense! Come here!"
Tomo nervously walked up to where the troupe members and bowed his head to them as a greeting before sitting down in an empty seat. He hadn't felt like he had a choice, even though he knew Hayashi's demanding voice wasn't meant that way. He had heard she had to stand up against men to get funding for the acting troupe with high school students and it had turned her seemingly unyielding nature worse. But she was a very good leader, and she was more flexible than she seemed and cared a lot for the students' opinions.
Tomo wished she had been one leading his elementary school group when he was still a part of the theatre's student groups.
"Hanakawa, we're starting now."
"Eh?"
The first swing was supposed to be made by Ken. Without the line before it, Sakura wasn't prepared. She took a few steps back and stumbled.
"We're done, Hanakawa." Sakura looked surprised at Hayashi, who helped her up. Hayashi turned to look at Ken who had gotten some rest while she demonstrated Sakura's issue. "Kenta, your turn!"
"Yes!"
Ken heaved himself up on the stage without much effort, despite how tired he must have been. Sakura opted to walk down the stairs after handing Ken the sword.
"Don't lose, Yama-senpai!" she mocked him.
Tomo could see Hayashi shaking her head. Sakura sat down beside him grinning. "Let's see how badly Yama-senpai falls."
Tomo turned to look back at the stage. "I rather not see that. You didn't hurt your butt did you?"
"My ass is just fine!"
Tomo saw when it all began, but Sakura was turned away to talk to Tomo like she had no cares in the world.
There was no cue to start at all, unlike when Hayashi had told Sakura they'd start. Ken and Hayashi had put themselves in the position like Ken was demanding to know who killed Mirande. Without a word, he had pulled the sword to swing at Hayashi. When the clang of the swords touching could be heard, Sakura turned to the stage.
Because she was overconfident she hadn't noticed her mistakes. That was why she still hadn't had a main role when the troupe put up a play, despite being one of the most experienced.
It was common for children from elementary school to lose interest before middle school, or that they stopped during middle school because of the pressure to study. There were those who joined in middle school or high school, which usually were the ones who stayed at the theatre. Either as an actor - like Hayashi - or in the hobby acting troupes lead by one of the actors or a senpai, if there was one who volunteered.
They went through the battle choreography, ending it when Hayashi pointed her sword at Ken's chest.
"That, Hanakawa, is how it's done. Momo-chan, can you tell Hanakawa what she does wrong?"
Tomo looked at his hands and played with the zipper for a bit. Hayashi knew his personality by now and waited for him to answer.
"Yama-senpai knows exactly what move he should do with his fighting partner, which is why he can do the choreography with Hayashi-senpai as well, despite practising with Saku-chan, but Saku-chan uses the words he says to know he'll swing. Saku-chan, you need to meet up with Yama-senpai's swings, but you take a step back every time he's about to swing or stab at you. It looks like he's winning, which makes the entire choreography pointless." Tomo was silent for a while. "Or something like that."
"Momo-chan is right. Maria and I put it together and we have shown you two, but haven't practised it much with either of you. So it's not unexpected you'd make a mistake when I'm your partner. It doesn't change that you should be able to do it without a single word with Kenta," Hayashi said. It was one of the things they had needed to practice even in elementary school. "Although saying the choreography becomes pointless might be a little harsh," she huffed.
"Niko," Maria said. "Perfectly executing a battle choreography without any cues like that isn't something you should expect from them. Yamada is probably an exception."
"If I don't put the pressure on these kids, how will they survive if they want to be professional actors? And it's just like dancing anyway."
She walked off the stage and continued the run-through of scenes, while Tomo watched.
When the actors went to the changing rooms backstage to get changed, Hayashi approached Tomo to chat a bit.
"Momo-chan, you should come by more often. Even if you don't like acting anymore, it's always nice to have someone who's willing to give pointers. Even I need them from time to time but you're the only one who would tell me."
"Who plays Mirande? I only came here around the scene after she was poisoned."
"Hanakawa."
"Oh, she has a dual role. Isn't this her first time in a leading role?"
"I'm giving her a chance and we're low on high schoolers this year. I would have loved to have you as Mirande, Momo-chan."
"I wouldn't be a fit as a female role. You know I don't wear skirts."
"Actually. Wait here! No, come with me!"
Hayashi grabbed Tomo's arm and started walking to the stage. He felt a strong feeling of deja vu.
"Senpai, I don't wear skirts."
Hayashi put a script in Tomo's hands. "Here's the script, can you read from this line for me?"
"Senpa-"
Tomo knew that when Hayashi got a mental picture of something, she wanted to see it done if possible. She could get pushy. Demanding. Authoritarian.
She pulled him up to the stage and, habitually, he took off his shoes to avoid damaging it. She placed him in the middle of the stage, hurried down and expectantly looked up at Tomo.
Tomo felt how a lump grew in his throat and he was growing nauseous. He felt how he was growing tense.
"Senpai, I don't wear skirts."
"You could just read it for me."
"But I don't want to. I don't want you to say 'Momo-chan, you're perfect! Why don't you join this play? Just this once! You never played a female role. That would suit someone like you. It's the only thing that suits you. You already look like a girl.'" He took a deep breath. "I don't wear skirts, senpai. I'm not comfortable with that. You should know that very well already."
It seemed to dawn to her what she was asking of him. "Momo-chan, I didn't mea-"
"Tomo-chan!"
Tomo turned to the voice and saw how Ken hurried to the stage and stumbled up the stairs. He took Tomo's hand and quickly brought him off of it, put the crumpled script on the stage after telling Tomo to put on his shoes. He glared at Hayashi before leaving the building.
***
Tomo was looking at stationary and notebooks trying to find something that was cute put passable, but none of the cute things looked okay. He pretended he didn't hear Ken talk with Sakura about what had happened.
"Wasn't that the same thing that made him leave? Why would she do that?"
"Sakkun, she probably got excited. She likes Tomo-chan."
"And he's acting was never really bad. I guess it makes sense. But she should think more before doing something."
Ken sighed. Tomo didn't see, because he was intensely staring at the pattern of a black pen trying to figure out if he could call it almost remotely cute or not, but he guessed Ken waved his hand as a sign to stop the conversation. Ken had been there during the incident in the past. It was as much a bunch of horrible memories for him, as it was for Tomo. They would probably never forget it.
"Yama-senpai," he said and picked up the pen. He turned holding it up. "How's this?"
"That's the ugliest pen I've ever seen. Put that back and look for something else."
Ken came over to look too. When he got so close they were side by side he squeezed Tomo's hand. Tomo wanted to say his name, but they still had the silent agreement to not let Sakura know how close they were. Not because she would judge them, but because she didn't know they had grown up together. She didn't need to know. And they didn't want to share that with her right now. And... Sakura and Tomo were doing the same thing to everyone at the school anyway.
"Yama-senpai, Tomo-chan, how about this one?" She held up a notebook.
Tomo let out a sound of disbelief. "But that one has skulls and snakes and blood splatter on it. I don't like that."
"Why not? I think it's cute."
"Sakkun, your idea of cute is warped..." He reached up for a package hanging high up and Tomo felt how his shoulder touched Ken's arm. He probably did it on purpose.
If they had gotten anything good out of the acting troupe, it was finding ways to get close without anyone batting an eye.
"This is more Tomo-chan's image. Puppies and bunnies. Those are his favourite animals." He turned to Tomo. "I'll buy this set for you so you can use it at home. Why don't we pick up some green things for school?"
Tomo tilted his head while he thought for a bit. "I guess we'll do that."
"What? Didn't you look for something cute to have at school?"
"Maybe I should get something Saku-chan recommends too. It would at least not make them think I'm too weird."
"I don't know about that, Tomo-chan. Sakkun's taste is a bit weird. Maybe she'll give you zombies."
"Now that you mention it, that set is actually pretty nice. But the charm on the mechanical pencil would be better if it was a skull..."
"You're right, Yama-senpai. Let's just pick something normal."
***
Tomo was sprawled out on Sakura's bed. He was exhausted. After shopping for stationary, they had walked past a jewellery shop and Ken had dragged him inside. Sakura was actually helpful in there and they found a pretty understated set of earrings which worked with two of his piercings. It would work for school without breaking the regulations. Ken had bought that for Tomo too, probably to make up for the experience earlier.
He should have gotten a pair for himself though.
"It's good Shouji went to the principal," he said out loud while staring up at the ceiling.
"About the piercings? Shouji-nii would get pretty angry about that. Wasn't he absolutely furious when he came into the classroom looking for you and saw you with short hair?" Ken asked.
He hadn't seen it, but Sakura had passionately told him about how 'Shouji kidnapped Tomo-chan and looked like he'd bring the school down' which felt like an accurate description.
"The principal said he couldn't believe Yamamoto had forced me to cut my hair. He told us the school regulations were old and needed updating. Lots of male students have longer hair than shoulder length. Male students with long hair could be seen as delinquents before. When Shouji showed him a picture showing the length of my hair, he couldn't apologise enough. Especially since I looked nothing like those students, even with my piercings. If anything, I look more like it now when I tie my hair up to not have hair in my face."
"I guess Yamamoto will get fired. Tenchou-chan also went there to talk to both Yamamoto and the principal about how they were ruining his business by forcing completely respectable people to do unreasonable things."
Tomo chuckled. "That's very like tenchou-chan."
Sakura, who was leaning toward the side of the bed, put her head on it and turned to look at Tomo. "Our school has a reputation of allowing students to introduce themselves to the workforce, so that would make them look really bad. Not that the English club is related to your job." She pouted when she got reminded of something related. "Yama-senpai got scouted as a second year by a school connected to the drama club. No fair."
"I'll probably take business-related classes. Acting's fun but I don't want to be an actor. I plan on staying at the café as a full-time employee. I don't need to be a trained actor to work at the café."
Ken was sitting at the other side of the table placed in the middle of the room. He had been writing something but had looked up when he was mentioned.
"You two need to bring me to your part-time job sometime."
"No." Both Ken and Tomo said it at the same time.
The café had become one of the few spaces Tomo and Ken could be more natural with how they usually were. At least in terms of physical contact.
Tomo had been dragged into Ken's short performances on the floor, creating an odd love story which was strangely popular. It had been supposed to be a one-time thing requested by some customers. But it was part of the fun of his work now.
"Is it that bad?"
"It's worse than you can imagine," Ken said dramatically.
"Is it like one of those places? Where you entertain customers with a certain fetish?"
Tomo thought for a moment. "That's a way to describe it."
"Why the hell are you two working at such a place and why is the school alright with it?"
"Well," Ken said. He rested his chin against his palm. Tomo saw a hint of amusement in his expression. "It never said what kind of work the school encourages."
Sakura looked horrified. "Fetishes should only be found in porn. Speaking of that, the other d-"
"Oh! I suddenly feel thirsty. Tomo-chan, you too? Okay, let's go downstairs and drink some tea."
"Yeah."
They both got up and hurried downstairs. Tomo put on the kettle to heat water and got the tea out and Ken started taking out cups. Sakura's mother and second oldest, Natsuhiko, looked surprised at them and the middle child, Haruka, looked amused.
"Sakura never learns," he said with a laugh, leaving his mother and brother wondering why the two had come running down the stairs to make tea for everyone in the Hanakawa household all of a sudden.
***
Tomo and Ken stared at the door to Hanakawa's house. They wanted to be sure it wouldn't open. There had been a few times when they had been surprised by someone from the Hanakawa family. After a while, they turned and let their fingers weave into holding hands before they walked through the gate to the street. They only had until the house next door, because that was where Tomo lived.
"Oh, yeah." Ken stopped and got his phone out of his bag. "I found this webshop that only sells unisex clothes the other day. Wait a minute, I bookmarked the site."
Ken was trying to find the bookmarked site with one hand. Tomo suddenly saw Seki-san turn unto the street and immediately let go of Ken's hand.
"Nah, I give up this challenge. You win. I couldn't use my phone with my left hand," Ken said and started using both hands. "I found this. You think Sakkun would like it?"
Tomo looked at the shirt Ken was showing. It was mostly black with some pastel green details. It wasn't cute, but it had his favourite colour without looking feminine and he liked that. Ken scrolled a bit and Tomo saw there were multiple colour options and styles.
"Yeah." Tomo looked up at Ken. "Are you getting it for her?"
"We can go together. We need to give her something for her first leading role."
"Good evening Yamada-kun, Tomoki-kun," Seki-san said with the kind smile he always seemed to have. "Are you coming in, Yamada-kun? You seemed to be planning something."
"Good evening, Ichirou-san. I have to head home. It's getting late and I need to make it to the train. But thank you for the offer." He bowed to Seki-san. "We'll plan at work. Later Tomo-chan!" Ken walked hurriedly away in the direction of the train.
Tomo waved after him. "Bye-bye... Ken." His voice died out before he finished and he only mouthed the name. He then turned to Seki-san and smiled. "Welcome home, Ichirou-san! Have been grocery shopping?"
***
"Tenchou-chan, I'm going on a break!" Ken said as he walked through the staff-only door between the counter and kitchen. Kouta didn't seem to take any notice of it. Tomo finished what he was doing and looked around. He couldn't see Tanaka, who was in charge of the kitchen, so he walked up to the door to the floor, without stepping out of the kitchen.
"Tenchou-chan, can I go on a break?"
"Go ahead, Momo-san. But send Fuu-chan back in here. I need to see where Tanaka-chan disappeared to," Kouta replied.
He walked through the kitchen to the back, then down to the men's changing room and opened the door. Fujiki was spreading his legs and flapping the skirt. He must have been feeling pretty hot in the many layers of his skirt. It was a busy day so the waiters and waitresses had been running in and out of the kitchen all afternoon.
"Fujiki-senpai, tenchou-chan asked for you."
"Already?" He made an inhuman sound that contrasted to how cute he was looking. "It's so damn crowded today! Who brought all these customers?! Actually, I'll blame you, Kenta."
"What?" Ken asked. "It's mostly guys out there today!"
Fujiki stood up, back into his role as Fuu-chan. He smiled happily.
"Ken-kun, Momo-san, go back soon, or I'll steal all of Ken-kun's customers with because I'm too cute! There's so many who'll ask for me!" Fuu-chan sounded really peppy but he was probably groaning inside. "But they tell me I'm cute, so maybe it's fine?" he said thoughtfully while he waved to them as he left the room.
Tomo closed the door behind him and sat down beside Ken. He was tired as well. Being in the kitchen was probably more work than working on the floor. Ken was looking at something on his phone but leaned against Tomo to acknowledge he was there. Tomo leaned his head towards Ken's.
He was catching up to Ken's height, but he was still shorter. Ken was surprisingly tall for his family. In fact, he was on the tall side in general. So maybe Tomo would end up being shorter.
"Ken," he said after a while. He looked up at Ken. "You know the webshop you found? They have a physical store in the area. Could we go sometime?"
Ken turned to Tomo and put his forehead against his. "Sure. Anytime."
———
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