I drum my fingers against the lather wheel while humming some tune from the back of my mind. The sun was streaming down at my face through the panoramic window making me squint eyes from unwanted light.
My heart was beating loudly in my throat making me hard to breathe. Damn you, Lacy. Since when my little sister got some sense in that huge head of hers? I don't remember her being wise or even talking more than a few words in a sentence or let alone talk about feelings. She changed and I need to know why. I have to wait for a perfect moment to interrogate her.
Don't run.
These two words have been swarming for the past hour as I sat inside this expensive car waiting for Andrea. It sucks... I admit to myself that running was my to-do thing when everything gets hard and complicated. Why? Become I'm scared. I'm scared of feelings, I'm scared of opening myself to someone new and who have the potential to break me even more than I'm already am.
Andrea makes me want to run, but at the same time hug her and never let her go because she's the reason I can stop breathing... she's making me feel alive and last time I felt this... stupid feeling, I got fucked by my lovely wife. It was both of faults, me being constantly out for work, rarely coming home... but that doesn't mean she can cheat on someone she swears to love until death does us apart.
"Hey," I snapped out of my thoughts when a hand was waving in front of my face. "You alright? You were in deep thoughts there."
I turn my head to the brown hair girl with a small smile playing on her pink lips making my heart flutter. I tried to smile but fail miserably when the thought of those three fucking words echoed in my head making my heart double speed. Get a grip Maverick, you have to deal with it.
"Sorry... how long you've been sitting down here?" I asked swallowing the lump in my throat.
"I just came... you alright?" She asked again inching her face closer from mine.
I close eyes turning my head to the window, but not before I saw hurt crossing Andrea's futures. My heart clench and stomach filled with regret. I really need to get a grip on my feelings... or else I would do something stop and regret for the rest of my life.
I didn't answer for green-eyes girl just turn key bringing engine to life and start driving, but not back to the city. I can feel Andrea burning gaze at my side and I had to do everything in my power to ignore things. I know my silence might be hurting her and it's hurting myself... but I can't look at her eyes or I just spill my whole feelings to her.
I don't want that right now.
I don't wanna ruin everything even if I know I'm already ruining giving her cold shoulder.
I narrowed my eyes when my phone started buzzing. I saw from the corner of my eye Andrea glancing from the window at it with questionable expression. I sighed and saw Natalie's name written on it. What does she want this time? Last time I got a call from her, she asked to come and talk with her... we didn't talk, just argued about the same thing we always did.
I close eyes for a second and reached out to pick it up. "Natalie?"
I heard a tired sight out of relief escaping her lips before she spoke silently. "Maverick, thank god you picked up... I know you're at work... and... and I shouldn't call you,-"
"Just tell what it is this time," I cut her rambling off with eye roll.
"Leo... I got a call from work and the babysitter couldn't come... I don't have where to leave him," She spoke calmly making me gulp. "I thought maybe you could take him... it's just for a day, please Mave."
I didn't answer as I looked at Andrea who was gazing through the window with her lip tucked between teeth and her brown hair falling on half of her face. I know she already met Leo, but it was just a brief moment and she never had a full conversation with him... and I wanted to meet Leo, but I don't know if it's the right time...
Leo is my son too, not only Natalie's, I have to take this and look after him because it's our deal. She looks after him when I have an assignment and I look after him when she has to be somewhere.
"Fine, where are at?" I asked earning a shift from Andrea and another sight from Natalie.
"At our house... I mean, my house." She corrected herself making my heart clench was I remember that house who hold more memories than I want to remember.
"I'll be in ten," I said and hang up not waiting for her response.
It wasn't far away from where are we now. Just a couple of miles.
I put my phone and speed up a little. Andrea didn't say a word even if I know she wanted. Her teeth were sinking in her bottom lip and I don't how it wasn't bleeding till now, her hand was squeezing her phone... the quirk I catch from the time I know her. Whenever she's nervous or thinking too deeply... she always tries to hold onto something.
Her lip biting is when she's curious, but don't know how to approach.
The same nagging feeling invaded my thoughts making my lungs squeeze. Maybe I should just tell her? I mean, what else could go wrong... either she leaves me realizing everything is going to fast and to serious or she stays because she might have the same feelings as I do. What if. I never know if I never talk to her...
I take a turn to the suburban neighborhood where all houses looked the same. It looked ridiculous to me... but it was our house and I learned to love it even how much I hate neighbors who were homophobic bastards not knowing how to stop minding other businesses.
I stopped the car at the street ends near the two-story house with white wooden doors and huge windows. The porch was beautifully done as always with colorful flowers and grass greener than ever. I saw Natalie white car standing in the driveway and a couple of Leo toys laying on the porch.
"I... I know maybe it's not a time," I started stammering over my words, not looking at Andrea. "But I want you to meet him."
"Meet What?"
"Leo, my son... if you don't wanna, I don't know... I could leave him at Lacy, she wouldn't mind and we,-"
"Hey breathe," Andre soft voice cut me off as her hand touched my face. My breathing got caught into my throat as her lighter shade of green eyes gazes at with emotion I saw the day before she disappeared on me. "I would love to meet him,"
I wanted to answer her but was cut off when doors opened and disheveled black-haired boy with a blue backpack on his back run out through doors as Natalie ran after him holding a stash of documents with her red hair flying everywhere.
I shook the head at him and got out of the car walking toward a smaller version of myself. He really did look like me... same hair, same eyes, and smile even the same... but his personality is Natalie's and I have to thank for that, I don't wanna him to be an asshole I am. I don't know if I could handle myself when he would become a teenager, because I was a lot to handle.
"Hey buddy," I smile at him as he runs into my arms with a toothy smile on his face. "Ready to go?"
"Yeah, can we get ice cream? Mommy said I can't because... because it's not healthy," he rambled giving me a puppy dog eyes and I have to curse myself from giving up.
Lacy. She teaches him how to use those eyes to get what he wants.
"Maybe you should listen to your mommy?" I asked him looking over his shoulder at my ex-wife who held a smile who I fell in love years back... the same smile who doesn't give the same effect she gave a year ago.
"Please?" He pouted. His blue eyes shining with happiness and love.
My heart filled with warmth and I knew I can't say no to him.
"Fine," I nodded making him widen a smile on his face. "Now go, get inside car... I'm going to have a talk with your mom."
I put him on the ground and watch as he to the car where Andrea was waiting for him with a small smile playing on her lips making my whole body filled with excitement and burning feeling. I heard throat being clear behind me and looked at the woman with bright red hair who was already looking at me with a knowing look.
Crap, I forgot she could read me like an open book.
"You love her, don't you?" She asked slowly giving me a pained smile. "Don't try to deny it, Maverick. You have the same spark in the eyes when you look at her... the same spark you always had when you would look at me."
"Don't you have to be somewhere?" I scoffed at her.
"It can wait, don't worry. Just fight for her... she loves you too,-"
"Like you did too?" I hissed feeling my whole body aching from the images invading my mind when we were a happy little family. When I believed her words.
"Mave, please...let's not start it here." Her voice was soft and almost like a whisper.
I took a deep breathe knowing I shouldn't have said that. I should just keep quiet and hope it would be a time where we could be like normal people who don't fight in five minutes of talking. I need to remember she's the same person I learned to love years back and even if did mistakes they shouldn't keep us from interacting... for Leo's sake.
"Don't let your fears get a grip on you... I don't know her, but she's better than me, tell her," She patted my shoulder and spin around on her heels walking towards her car.
I stared at her back feeling my throat tightening with Familiar feeling of fear. Why does everyone keep telling me to tell her that? Not I suppose to say it on my own matters... I know myself that I can't even be near her and trust myself with not spilling guts, but it's fucking scary.
Telling her it admits to myself that she's another person who can break me.