I might as well have checked into a rehab facility because my stay at my mum's was almost equivalent to staying in an institution. I woke up in the morning, showered, ate, my mum dropped me off at therapy, picked me up and won't let me stay at home alone so I stayed at Evolve with her till we returned at night. I chose to busy myself with work and assist my mum with paperwork. At first she refused, which was a first, but Dr. Abbey explained to her that working would not cause me to relapse. So I worked as my mum's assistant manager and when I was free of managerial duties, I was Chef Pati's sous chef.
The day after my confession to Dominic, I decided to rip off all bandages at once so I could continue on my road to recovery. So I called Damien and Alexa to come visit. I had found renewed courage and finally admitted my addiction to them.
Alexa cried and as she smiled through her tears, I noticed they were happy tears. She hugged me and thanked me for finally telling her. She had her own confession to make. She found my stash in high school and was the one to steal it out of my bag so she would catch me red-handed. Unfortunately, and fortunately, Sumaya found me first.
I could not believe my ears. Alexa was the reason I got caught and finally got help.
Stranger things happened, take for instance Almara and I being friends. She called herself my 'sober buddy' even though I reminded her countless times that the term was actually 'sober companion'. Two months ago, if you told me that Almara and I would be good friends I never would have believed it. Now she was in my house every week to do my hair, complain about my appearance since I adopted a more casual look and talk to me about making amends with loved ones. I always asked her how Dominic was doing and she kept me updated but she never once actually said he was fine.
So I kept moving forward with my therapy, Dr. Abbey confirmed that I would be done in three months. I was glad because my mum had postponed her wedding indefinitely. She finally set a date after I argued with her about it and showing her my status reports. Even my dad had to step in and support my insistence on getting her wedding back on track.
My family was healing and I was happy to have them all forgive me. It wasn't easy at first but they started to trust me again. My dad showed up to every family session so I had both parents present. Sumaya made it when she could and my mum allowed Sumaya and Alexa to sleepover on weekends. I was grateful for the company because after seeing other recovering addicts every day of the week, it felt nice to hang out with non-addicts. It made things seem normal again. Aunt Jamila cooked for me. Every other weekend, she would take me to see a play so I could live a little. My mum had me cooped up in our house like a prisoner.
As the weeks went by, at a snail's pace, I would look at the photos of Dominic and I on my phone and laptop and promise myself to make amends with him someday. He will not take me back but he will forgive me. Wouldn't he?
I sighed each time I was left with that unanswered question.
Two months into therapy and I had a surprise visit at home one weekend. I opened my front door and there stood Lucas Wole. Sumaya was in my room and I didn't want a scene so I stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind me.
"Lucas, what are you doing here? How did you even find this house?" I whispered.
"Good afternoon Kerry, how are you feeling?" He replied instead.
"Good afternoon. I'm..." I couldn't find the words to describe my state, " taking one step at a time, that's all I can say. Now answer my question"
"Chris gave me directions. I'm here to see you and your sister" he finally said.
"I don't think that's a good idea" I shifted uncomfortably and glanced behind me to see if Sumaya had come out of the room yet.
"I wronged her years ago. I want to apologize to her. I know it is long overdue but after I saw her that afternoon, I can't shake the thought of how I hurt her out of my mind" he said slowly and then looked at me earnestly, "Making amends is never easy"
He knew that statement would get to me.
"Wait here. Let me see if I can get her out here. Worse case scenario, you can talk to her through the door" I said before going back inside.
"Where did you go? I heard the front door open and close" She demanded as I walked into my room. She was sprawled on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"There is a guest outside. He is here to see you" I started slowly.
"Okay, let him inside. Unless, of course he's a stranger" she got up from the bed and straightened her jeans.
"I would have let him inside but I leave that choice to you. He's not someone you will want to see"
"Okay enough with the parables. Who's here?" She faced me squarely.
"Lucas Wole" I replied.
"Why does he want to see me now?"
"He wants to apologize. Look, he's trying to right his wrong but it's entirely up to you. You can send him away or you can hear him out"
She stared at her me for a long time then extended her hand, "You are coming with me. If this goes south, you'll help me bury the body and get rid of the car"
"And if there's a driver?" I asked cheekily.
"Just... let's go" she said as she rolled her eyes at me then dragged me with her towards the front door.
I opened the door and went out first, she followed but she stood a step behind me. I shifted a little to the right so he could have a full view of her face at least.
"Hello Lucas" she said stiffly.
"Hello, Sumaya. I'm sorry to drop by like this but I didn't think you would want to see me even if I called ahead" he responded.
"Well you're here now so say what you came to say"
"Many years ago, I wronged you. You were too young and hurting to be treated that way. I know it was consensual but I couldn't help feeling I had taken advantage of you. I shouldn't have slept with you, I should have stopped. That morning, I took off like a coward because I couldn't face seeing you regret what had happened between us."
"So why are you only now trying to reach out to me?"
"Your sister inspired me. If she could face Dom knowing she would lose him, I had to try. I haven't forgotten what I did to you, I merely blocked it out. I'm truly sorry. I never should have crossed that line and then bailed out on you like that"
"As much I would like to let you take all the blame in this. I'm also mad at myself. I didn't exactly stop you either. I never thought I'd be the girl who had a one night stand with a man my father's age and then again I didn't know I'd be divorced by thirty"
"I'm also sorry about how your marriage ended. I've always thought you deserved better. I hope someday you find someone who would love you for the amazing person that you are" he said softly, "I do not wish to overstay my welcome. I hope in time you will forgive me. Here is my card, my personal line is written on the back of the card. If you ever decide you want to talk"
I stared as he held out the card to my sister and she hesitated then took it from him. A tiny smile touched on Lucas' lips. Before he could turn to leave, I had to ask.
"How is Dominic? Is he okay?"
Lucas stood for a moment, obviously contemplating how best to answer my question.
"He has never been the same since you told him. He is working through his own demons" he said then turned to leave before adding, "He still loves you"
With that, he walked away. I knew what he meant. Dominic may still love me but he probably hates himself for loving me still. I knew what I had to do.
We went back inside somberly. That visit had affected us both. I went into my mum's room and searched in her drawers till I found it. She had moved the location but she still kept a writing pad. The paper was soft and decorated in pastel colors.
I sat behind her desk and wrote Dom a love letter. I had never written one so I decided to practice on regular paper till I got it right then I wrote it out on the more romantic paper.
Dear Dominic,
Before you tear up this letter or dispose of it, please give me a chance to apologize for hurting you. You are the love of my life and I could not live with myself if I didn't at least try to tell you how sorry I am.
I gave in to my weakness and even though you may it find hard to believe, our love was much stronger. I took a pill and then I thought of you. I had to get it out. I just had to for us, for my family and for me. So I made myself throw up. I have never been so scared to lose someone I love that much in my life.
I found out about your mother that evening at your house. I saw how your eyes grew dark and cold from the hurt she had brought into your life. I was afraid one day you will look at the same way if I told you the truth about me. I almost broke my promise to myself to never hurt you the way she did. But I did hurt you and I will spend the rest of my life seeking your forgiveness.
I love you too much to hold onto this. I've enclosed the ring in this envelope. It was a sign of a promise we made, a promise of a future together. I broke that promise to you. One day you may find it in your heart to forgive me.
I will always love you, Dom, always.
Kerry.
I folded the letter and put in the envelope. Then slowly I twisted the ring off my finger and placed it gently in the envelope. I stared at it as it lay there. It was like losing a piece of my heart. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I sealed the envelope and wrote his name on the envelope. I will give it to Mrs. Chase to give to him. My dad could convince her to do this for me. She was like a mother to Dom after all. Receiving it from her might at least get him to read the first line, maybe even a paragraph.
I called my dad and told him what I intended to do. My loving dad had personal experience in making amends with the person you love yet hurt deeply. I could only hope that one day Dom would look at me the way aunt Jamila does with my father now. Sometimes, love does conquer all right?