I was hysteric. After Jasper kissed me on Saturday I wasn't myself anymore, I couldn't do anything without thinking of Jasper.
I couldn't even go to church on Sunday because I didn't sleep early at night and I ended up over sleeping the next morning.
I replayed the events of that day over and over in my head. A part of me liked what had had happened and it wanted more so badly but another part hated me for what happened. I was in a state of utter confusion.
I can't allow myself to fall for him because I don't need a boyfriend at this point. Not that Jasper would like me back and he'd want to date me.
What am I even thinking? Jasper doesn't like me and he won't anytime so I shouldn't like him and start dreaming of dating him.
I need to focus, I have just two goals which are to find my father and graduate with the perfect grades and get a scholarship to get into college. Nothing should stop me.
You can still do all those things and date Jasper!
No way that's going to happen. I have to keep my focus.
I ignored my subconscious as I walked down the hallway to my first class of the day.
I had to leave the house before Jasper could come downstairs. Thank God I already had my car so I won't have to rely on anyone on getting to school and leaving as fast as I can.
My thoughts were interrupted by someone walking into me making my books fall from my hands.
"Hey watch it," speak of the devil.
I bent down to pick my books not even sparing him another glance or saying a word to him.
Before I could finish gathering my books from the floor another pair of hands took the books from my hands and lifted me up.
I looked up to still see the same person as before. Why can't he just leave me alone? The more time I spend with him the more I'd fall for him.
So you're already falling for him?
Sorry I meant I'd begin to fall for him.
Oh save it we all know what you meant.
Shut up.
"Sorry," he apologized handing me my books.
I just nodded in reply walking to my class. I don't want to have a interaction with him. Before I could take two steps away he grabbed my arm making me turn to face him.
"Hey what's wrong?" He asked concern laced in his voice.
What's wrong is that you kissed me on Saturday and now I'm left in a state of utter confusion. I can't even do anything properly without thinking of that day. That's what's wrong!
"Nothing," I said instead.
"Is it because of Saturday?" He released his grip on my hand.
"No, it's nothing," I shook my head.
"Je-"
I rose my hand to stop him from saying further, "it's nothing Jasper, I'm totally fine, Saturday was a mistake so let's forget about it. It's nothing," I told him and myself.
He didn't look convinced but he left me alone nonetheless, "alright." He nodded walking away from me.
I sighed in relief walking in the opposite direction to my class.
***
Through all my classes I was totally distracted, I bumped into a lot of persons totally lost in my thoughts.
It was lunch time and I was seated with Paige, Quinn and Maddy. They were talking about something I didn't really know.
"JJ!" Paige's snapped her fingers in my face bringing me back to reality.
"What?" I rose a brow at her.
"I asked how was your date with Jasper on Saturday?" Her eyes were wide in anticipation of my answer.
I knew she had something up her sleeves on Saturday.
I scoffed, "it wasn't a date," I put air quotes on date, "we just went out for lunch."
That's a date Jemma.
Oh shut up.
"That's a date," Maddy voiced my subconscious.
"No it's not, it's just two friends going out for lunch, there's a difference," I defended.
I'm so not going to let anyone talk me into liking Jasper or any shit like that.
That's if you don't already like him.
Stupid subconscious can you just shut up! And I don't like him. End of story!
Keep living in denial then, I hope when you see it you won't regret it then.
I pushed the words of my subconscious to the back of my mind as I listened to Paige, Madison and Quinn give me the pep talk of my life.
"Admit it JJ, it was a date and I'm sure some chemistry happened between you guys, true or false?" Paige pushed for more answers.
"False," I denied her accusations, "nothing happened."
They all looked at me suspiciously and I sighed in defeat, telling them won't kill me.
"Fine we kissed but nothing more. And it was a total mistake," I told them as the grins on their faces slowly widened.
"I knew it!" They all said in unison before laughing.
"You know Jasper kinda likes you too," Quinn whispered to us.
I shook my head, "that's not possible."
"Yes it is, have you seen the way he looks at you?"
I wasn't having this, "guys he doesn't like me and I don't like him, end of story."
"Suit yourself but don't say we didn't tell you," Paige rolled her eyes.
I rolled my eyes too and averted my attention to the group of boys that just walked into the cafeteria and of course it has to be Jasper, Kyler, Zayn and their friends. My eyes got stuck on Jasper as he walked inside. As much as I tried to peel my eyes off of him I just couldn't. My eyes slowly scanned him from head to toe.
He was laughing at what Kyler said and his head was thrown back in laughter, his eyes screwed shut and his hair still had it's out of bed look that was just perfect on him.
He wore plain black jeans and a white T-shirt with a black leather jacket and a black pair of boots. His T-shirt was so tight on him that I could see the faint traces of ink on his skin underneath. The way his eyes shone in amazement when he opened them got me mesmerized. He sure was hot.
What did you say about not liking him?
What? Can't I admire a boy anymore?
He smiled at me and he started walking towards me.
Wait, what?
Oh no, what have I done now?
I dropped my gaze to my plate of half eaten spaghetti and started playing with it.
Please don't come here, please don't come here.
I felt someone sit beside me and I rose my head to see who it was. Well no surprise there, it sure is him.
"Hey girls," he said dropping his bag on the table.
"Hey," the girls greeted him in unison. I remained quiet.
I'm sure he noticed because he poked me and said, "hey JJ"
"Hi," I dropped my gaze back on my food, picking on it.
"Why aren't you guys sitting at the table over there?" He asked opening his bag to bring out a can of soda and packed sandwiches.
"We decided to make a difference today," Paige replied to his question.
There was sudden silence and I looked up at all of them to see them looking at me too, smirks playing on their faces, all except Jasper. I rose a brow in question and they nodded towards Jasper. I hope they don't expect me to talk to him?
They started talking amongst themselves letting an awkward silence fall between Jasper and I. I was tensed and I dropped my fork with a loud clang on my plate making Jasper to look at me. I opened my bottle of water and downed the rest of the water in one gulp.
"What's wrong?" He nudged me in the elbow making me turn to look at him.
"I told you before, it's nothing," I shook my head for emphasis.
"I'm not buying that Jemma. It's either you are this way because of the kiss on saturday or you're on your period, which?" He kept his voice low this time.
I gasped, "It's nothing, I just don't feel like talking today," I denied his accusations for the umpteenth time.
"You've been like this since saturday Jemma," he pushed.
"My name is not Jemma, it's JJ!" I raised my voice.
How many times do I have to tell him that?
Seriously Jemma of all the things to worry about, it's him not calling you JJ?
Yes it's a thing to worry about! You know how the name gets to me.
The bell rang, saving me from murdering him. I ran out of the hall clearing my table as fast as possible then running to the bathroom.
When I got in I stood in front of the mirror, taking deep breaths.
I can do this just two hours left and I'd be out of here. At least it's easier to snub him at home than in school. I can just lock myself in my room and calculate when it's safe to come out.
I washed my hands and walked out, heading to my next class.
Just when I taught I was free from him as I walked into Economics class I spotted him seated on the seat beside my regular seat and that was the last empty seat in class.
I walked there and sat down not saying a word to him. Surprisingly he was silent too and halfway into the class just when I taught he was going to leave me alone he spoke up.
"You still haven't answered me," his voice startled me a bit but I quickly recovered.
"I turned to look at him, a scowl on my face, "what don't you understand by its nothing?"
"I'm still not buying it Jemma. Look if it's about saturday I'm totally sorry, it was a total mistake and you know that. So you shouldn't get all worked up about it"
I shouldn't get worked up about it? Boy you just opened a chapter in my life which I vowed to never open again at least for now and you expect me to be okay with it?
I averted my gaze back to the teacher still not replying to him, leaving his words hanging in the air.
You see my subconscious, it was a total mistake and he never meant it, it all just happened in the heat of the moment. Now will you stop bugging me on that issue.
Nope.
I scoffed and shut off every thoughts playing in my head as I listened to the teacher for the rest of the class.
***
Ignoring Jasper was sure a lot much easier than I taught. When I got home Jasper and Kyler weren't home so it was just Paige and I. Sarah and Stefan weren't home yet.
So we just did what any regular teenager would do, order pizza and have your nights rest. Paige and I were currently in the living room, two empty boxes of pizza littered the floor, and empty cans of soda and an half eaten box left on the coffee table for Kyler and Jasper when they get back. We were watching the Notebook and halfway into the movie Paige slept off.
I was still wide awake though, lying comfortably on the couch. I heard the door open and laughter filled the air.
Jasper and Kyler. When they got into the living room and saw me on the couch, Kyler just waved at me before walking into the kitchen and Jasper stood in front of me, obstructing my view of the TV.
"Get out Jasper," I threw the remote at him and he caught it, placing it on the coffee table.
"No, not until you talk to me."
I sat up, "fine if you want to talk let's talk."
I stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen where Kyler was taking a bottle of water from the fridge.
When he saw Jasper behind me he just nodded and walked back into the living room.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked sitting on a stool by the counter.
He sat down on the opposite side of the counter, "I want to know why you've been giving me the silent treatment since Saturday, you don't talk to me like before and not just to me but to other people too. I want to know if it's because of the kiss or you're just generally in a cranky mood."
I cleared my throat, "look here Jasper, you can't just kiss me and think I'll just forget about it like every other of your girls who throw themselves at you would do. Jasper that kiss opened a chapter in my life that hurt me when last it was opened so I'm not ready to keep it open. And now I also can't find a way to close it back. You can't just kiss me and think that it won't have that much effect on me."
I stood up and took a bottle of water from the fridge, quenching my sudden thirst.
He just stared at me eyes wide and mouth slightly open.
I reached over and closed his mouth for him and he snapped back into reality, "I... I... I'm sorry Jemma I didn't know"
"My name is JJ and It's fine I get it," I nodded, "it was totally unintentional and I really hope that'll never happen again, unintentional or not."
I stood up to leave but he held me back. "JJ I don't see you as every other girl, you're different and I want you to know that I wouldn't deliberately want to hurt you or open chapters in your life that you want to keep shut."
Well Hallelujah someone remembered my name!
I nodded and started walking away but his words stopped me again, "but we are still friends right? I mean there's no way that we can live together and we won't at least be friends"
"Friends," I said and turned around to head back to the living room.
Luckily I didn't have to say too much and he totally understood everything I said.
***
Jasper's POV
Her words struck me like lightning. I was right about her getting worked up over the kiss and I was totally confused.
That was honestly the best kiss I had ever had in my life and I don't believe she didn't feel the same way. Despite the fact that we've kissed before but it wasn't like this one. That one was alcohol intoxicated and we both weren't thinking properly.
I still haven't asked her about that night.
I wonder what chapter of her life she was referring to. Does it mean that someone she loved did something crazy to her enough to hurt her that made her close that chapter or did something really bad happen to her?
I have to find out everything. I need to.
I'm so happy she agreed to still be friends with me. I taught after she explained to me she would still give me the silent treatment but we're friends she can't do that. At least not for long.
I won't deny the fact that I feel something undeniably strong for the green eyed girl. Something I've never felt for anyone before. I really hope that one day she'll come to accept me for more than just friends.
When I walked back into the living room she wasn't there anymore and her phone was no longer on the coffee table meaning she was back to her room.
I sat down beside Kyler and took a slice of pizza from the box on his lap.
"How many slices did they leave for us?" I asked resting my back.
"Six," he stood up to change the movie and he handed me the box, three was left in it.
He changed the movie and settled himself beside me and he took his last slice.
We watched the movie in silence and Kyler knew best not to ask me what Jemma and I talked about and he better keep it that way until I was ready to tell him.
I slowly drifted off to sleep because the movie wasn't interesting enough to keep me awake.
I woke up with a start and I looked around me. This wasn't my room but in the living room. I obviously slept off when I was watching whatever movie it was that Kyler put.
I stood up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen and the light from inside illuminated the passage.
I was hearing low voices and I immediately knew who they were. Jemma and Paige.
"I can't fall for him Paige, it just can't happen," Jemma sounded very tired.
"Why? He's a really nice guy aside from the tattoos and the gang," Paige said in my defence.
This is nice, Paige is actually rooting for me. I never dreamt that such a day would come.
"I know he's a nice guy, hell I see it too but," she paused, "it just can't happen, I can't let myself fall for anyone again," I could hear the defeat in her voice.
This was obviously a battle she fought within herself.
"Oh, do you mind sharing it'll lighten the burden."
Good work Paige, make her talk, I need to know what happened too.
I heard Jemma sigh before speaking up "It wa-"
A loud ring rang through the house startling me and probably them too.
The sound came from me, It was my phone.
Stupid phone. I fished it out from my pocket to see Devin's name flashed on the screen. I answered the call putting the phone to my ear.
"Yes?" I growled.
"Woah chill boss" I heard him chuckle at the other line, "where's JJ?"
"What do you want with her?" I was getting angry.
"Have you forgotten she's my best friend?" I could hear the humor in his voice.
He really knows how to get on my bad side, "And have you forgotten I'm your boss," I played along.
"Well the thing is I've been trying to call her for the past thirty minutes and she's not picking so I figured since you guys live together you'll surely know where she is. So where is she?"
I turned around and my eyes met with hers. An accusing look was on her face. She so knows I was eavesdropping on their conversation and I'm dead. Way to have a friendship with her.
"She's right here. Now answer me, what's the problem," I answered Devin.
"My dad just woke up from the coma and I'd really like it if she was here," He explained.
"We'll be on our way. Thank you." I hung up not even waiting for his reply.
I walked to Jemma, "Devin just called me and he said his father just woke up from his coma and it'd be nice if you were there so I think you should wear something let's go," I said to her.
Her face lit up at my words and she ran upstairs to put on her jacket or something to protect her from the morning cold.
"I knew you were here all the time Jasper," Paige looked at me warningly and I just smirked at her.
"Drive safely, it's still a bit dark outside."
I looked at the clock and saw it was six am.
"Yes ma," I nodded and turned around to wear my shoe at the door when Jemma came running down, a grey hoodie now on and her phone in her hands.
"Let's go," she said and I took my keys from the coffee table and we walked out of the house.
I really just want to build a good relationship with her, friends or more.
***
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