I stared into the mirror, shocked by what I saw.
I had wanted to look intimidating for this upcoming meeting, and had used an old design that I had originally thought of in my previous life... Reaching out a hand, I touched the cool glass of the mirror, almost expecting the image before me to change.
The deep red dress flowed down from my shoulders, making me look taller, the golden embroidery sparkling in mesmerizing patterns, catching the eye. I had chosen a more mature hairstyle, with the majority of it pinned above my head except for a few ringlets that hung around my ears. The necklace given to me from the Queen hung proudly around my neck, not looking out of place as it usually did with my simpler gowns.
The overall effect was... more than I had expected.
I studied my appearance, wondering if this is what I would have looked like if I had married Ronan in my previous life...
Lia, my new lady's maid, sighed dreamily while adjusting the skirts of my gown.
Since I had dismissed Angela the night before, I needed someone to help me into the complicated dress. Rather than have Hallers try to hire someone in the middle of the night, I asked him to promote the young woman who had worked diligently as a maid these past few years. I still remembered gratitude she had showed when I saved her from being struck by my mother years before. It was not enough for me to fully trust her, of course, but perhaps she would be less eager to betray me than Angela had been.
"Miss, you look like a Queen!"
I smiled wryly at her in the mirror, and her face turned pale as she realized the meaning of her words given my recent history. Clapping her hands to her cheeks, she took a step back.
"OH NO, I'm SO SORRY Miss! How could I bring up painful memories of your broken engagement?!" She paused, looking even more chagrined. "And now I'm doing it again! After you were so kind to give me a chance of promotion, and here I am re-opening up your wounds...!"
"It's okay." I smiled, patting her on the shoulder. "I'll take the compliment of looking like a Queen, even if I'm not meant to be an actual one."
She instantly looked relieved. I watched her with some fascination. After so many years around Ronan, Edith and Angela, I was unused to someone who showed every single emotion on their face.
"Well, you are beautiful and kind, Milady. I think Repulsive Ronan the Ridiculous was crazy to have broken your engagement!!!"
I paused at her words. Hadn't it only been "Ronan the Ridiculous" before? "Did the song change?"
Lia blushed. "I shouldn't have spoken poor about the future king, but it's such a catchy song! There's a new verse that they are all singing, about how he likes to lie in manure and make up lies about the beautiful lady he tossed away." She grinned. "It gets stuck in your mind and you find yourself singing along without meaning to!"
As if to prove her point she hummed a few bars, and I noted that it sounded suspiciously like a tune I had heard Hallers humming last week while polishing the silver.
What a strange coincidence.
In a much better mood despite the terrible task ahead of me, I glanced one last time at my appearance before determining that I was ready to go. I took a deep breath, touching the queen's necklace around my neck for good luck.
______________________________
"Pretty!"
I was six years old the first time I saw it. The Queen had left me alone briefly in her rooms, called away for a quick issue while we had been visiting. Bored, my eyes had been immediately caught by a shining blue stone in a glass box. Taking it out, I rubbed my fingers over the amulet whispering my admiration.
"It's a family heirloom." The Queen smiled as she walked in. Startled, I guiltily tried to hide the jewelry behind my back, before holding it back out towards her with an ashamed look.
She took on a stern expression. "You should respect other's privacy, and not go through my things when I'm not watching."
My head hung down. "I'm sorry." I felt a moment of panic, knowing that such mistakes often led my mother to say terrible things. "I promise I won't make a mistake again! Please don't hate me!"
"Hate you?" The Queen was shocked, pulling me onto her lap, she held me tightly, her voice muffled in my hair. "I could never hate you! Even if we aren't blood related, you're my daughter, forever and ever! Everyone makes mistakes, dear, but I won't hate you for them. We'll learn from them together."
I looked up at her with a smile. "I love you!"
She blinked at my words, her face lighting up. "I love you too, dearest!" Hugging me with one arm, she continued, "Now let me show you..." The Queen held out the necklace closer for me to study.
"This has been handed down in my family for generations. Mother to daughter. One day, when you're old enough, I'll give it to you."
My eyes widened as I studied the beautiful necklace. "Really? You'll give it to me?"
"And that's not all!" Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "This is a a very special necklace. My mother told me when she gave it to me, that it protects our family, brings good luck! It can even grant wishes!"
I gasped. "Really? Wishes?!"
She nodded.
"So remember to treasure it, once it's yours."
I hugged her tightly, feeling happy. "I will!"
______________________________
I clutched the sapphire amulet tightly in my hand, laughing silently at the memory. It was just a silly story. After all, the necklace hadn't brought me any good luck in my previous life at all. But still, I felt better after holding it, and emboldened.
I left my rooms, heading towards the main entrance of the home, where the carriage and Hallers waited.
We had decided that I would bring Hallers along. As my butler, he could serve as a witness to the meeting. Rig's identity was unknown to all but a select few, even fewer knew that he worked exclusively for me now. Because of that, he would not be able to come along. I had brought weapons, in case things turned violent, but I couldn't help but feel that it would have been nice to have someone who could watch my back...
But when I arrived to the carriage, to my surprise, Hallers wasn't alone.
"I apologize for the presumption, Miss." The butler bowed, with the faintest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. "But I thought I might help to have someone... more intimidating looking standing behind you, and so I asked Mr. Nathaniel along."
I looked over at Nate, who was staring at me silently with a bright red face.
"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned. He wouldn't be helpful as backup if he was ill.
"I-I'm fine." He stuttered, forcing his gaze upwards to the sky. "T-that's a beautiful dress."
I looked down, caught off guard by Nate's compliment. "Thank you. I thought to present an image of strength and wealth, to intimidate."
"It works... I'm definitely intimidated." He was now speaking so softly I could barely hear him. Hallers patted him on the shoulder with a sympathetic expression.
"Remember to breathe."
"Thanks, Hallers, I'll try." Nate took a deep breath, and then looked back down at me, his face calm but still red.
"Are you sure you feel alright?" I stepped closer, and his eyes widened, his voice raising in pitch.
"Y-yep! I'm here to help!"
"I'm going to do things my way." I warned him, serious. "You have to know that now."
"Does your plan involve you getting hurt in any way?" His eyes watched me closely, as if to ensure I wasn't going to try to deceive him.
"No. I learned my lesson, I shouldn't be in any danger." I took one step closer. "But I will be doing something terrible. You may not want to come. If you do, I'm think you might not want to ever see me again."
He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "That's not possible. I promise I won't run away from you. No matter what."
"Really?" I was suspicious.
"Really."
Feeling strangely reassured. I reached out and touched his arm, flashing a bright smile. "Thank you, Nate."
As I walked forward to enter the carriage, I heard him groan loudly. "That's not fair at all!"
Hallers laughed quietly but didn't comment.
And with that, we headed towards the home of Sir Matchins.
______________________________
Rig had looked into Sir Matchin's businesses during the past three days. He owned multiple clothing shops, catering to both the men and women of nobility. My family, as well as many others had patronized their shops frequently in the past. My mother in particular had spent obscene amounts of money at his establishments, which had led to the large debt he had held onto these past five years.
However, as "Prosperity" rose in popularity with the women of the nobility, Sir Matchin's stores had lost significant business. I had been aware of this, as the stores had been one of my main competitors in the beginning, but I never would have thought that the owner would threaten me. Of course, the more I thought about it, the more sense it made.
It was the clothing store that catered to the Prince, after all.
Matchin's home was extravagant, with large well-kept grounds. My carriage rolled up to the entrance, and as Hallers helped me out, I couldn't help but look around with an impressed expression.
"What a beautiful home." I murmured quietly.
"Too bad it houses a snake inside." Nate answered, before stepping to follow behind me like a proper bodyguard.
We were led into a grand study by one of the servants, and after a brief wait, Matchins entered the room.
"Milady." He greeted me with a greasy smile. "You look lovely today." I ignored his greeting and his suggestive stare, merely staring coldly at him.
He grew visibly uncomfortable the longer the silence lasted. "There's no use glaring at me like that! I'm just calling in a five year old debt! No one would blame me for that!"
"Of course not." I answered quietly. "No one would blame you."
"..." The silence stretched on.
"Well, can we get on with it then?" His voice was growing irritated as I continued to stare at him.
"I'm curious. Was the prince the one who told you to hold onto the debt in the first place?" I tapped a finger to my chin, thinking it over. "It seems too complex for him to conceive of a plan that far out though..."
"What are you...?" He started to protest, but I cut him off.
"I think it much more likely that you held onto the debt yourself, hoping to capitalize on it once I married into the royal family. I assume you held off striking right away because the Queen still favored me so heavily even after the engagement was broken, you couldn't afford to offend royalty, not when they are your last remaining big customer."
I smiled but my eyes remained cold. "Of course, when the prince asked you to call in the debt... I'm sure you had no reservations, then."
Matchins was sweating. "This is false! Slander! I am simply calling in a debt..."
"Yes, a simple debt." I sighed. "You do need the money, don't you? I'm surprised you held out calling it in as long as you did, not that my small debt would be enough to save you."
His eyes widened. "What do you mean?" Forcing a laugh, he continued. "I don't think anyone would call this debt 'small,' milady." He gestured to the paper on the desk between us, which contained the details of the money I owed.
"Only if you aren't looking at the bigger picture." I tossed a paper down on top of my debt. The number on this sheet was several times larger.
He picked it up, his face turning pale. "How...?"
"Your stores haven't been doing so well lately, have they?" I shook my head, feigning sadness. "You should have closed a few, cut expenses, made changes... but instead you let yourself fall deeper into debt, borrowing what you could to keep up appearances. "
He stood up, angry. "I don't know why you dug this up, but it doesn't change ANYTHING! You still owe me money! NOW PAY!"
At his shouts, Nate moved closer behind me, as if ready to step in, but I waved him off, my heart cold, my expression calm.
"But I already did."
"..." Matchins stared at me, his breathing uneven as his gaze flickered around the room, as if trying to understand my words.
"I bought up all your debt." I threw another paper on the desk.
"You what?"
"You put everything up as collateral, just to keep borrowing, didn't you?" I smiled, and he shrunk back down into his chair.
"Your stores." Another paper joined the stack.
"Your carriages and properties." I tossed a third paper.
"Even your home." I hesitated, holding this piece in my hands, raising an eyebrow. "Amazing, isn't it? This little paper, representing all this splendor around us... but now, it all belongs to me." I gently placed the last sheet on top of the pile.
He looked through everything slowly, unable to speak for a while.
"How... how could you afford all this? The prince said your debt to me would bury you... that he would cover the difference you couldn't afford. But you've spent many times that amount." Trembling, he looked back up at me, his hands clutching the papers that represented everything he owned. "How?"
My smile widened. "I assume you've heard of the store 'Prosperity'? I own them."
"What... no... you?" His face was blank.
I laughed at his confusion. "Your biggest competitor, who has outclassed you at every turn. And you try to ruin me by this worthless amount?"
Standing up, I leaned over his desk, and he shrunk back. "You picked a fight with someone you should have left alone. If you had brought me this debt with clear intentions, I would have paid you back with interest. You must have heard I was settling with everyone else five years ago, but you held on, hoping to increase the interest, collect a bigger amount. And now your greed has come back to ruin you."
Matchins stared at the papers silently, defeated.
I sat back down. "You will leave this house tonight."
That got his attention. "What?"
"I'm calling in all your debt. You've already put everything up as collateral, you have nothing to sell. Even if you gave me every crown you own it would not even cover half of this." I shrugged. "So I'm taking everything."
"You can't... cast us out!" He jumped to his feet, panicking. "I have a wife, a son! We'll be out on the streets, where will we live?"
My response was cold. "And if I had come to you today with the same pleas, are you saying you would have listened?"
"..."
"Just because you are in the weaker position now, you think mercy should be shown? That I shouldn't destroy you like you tried to destroy me?"
"But... I..."
"Do you know what it feels like to starve on the streets?" I was whispering, and he paused in his panic, staring at me with wide eyes.
"The emptiness eats you up, as if your body is tearing itself apart. You want to cry for the pain, but there is no fluid left to spare, not even for tears. You curl up in a ball, trying to prevent the cold from getting in, but dirty rags and tightly stretched skin over bones is your only protection from the wind. You beg for mercy each day, until slowly, painfully, you give into despair." My gaze bored into his, he whimpered in fear.
"That is the fate that awaits you and your family. As you die, I want you to realize that if you hadn't tried to hurt me and mine, you would still be full and happy."
"PLEASE!" Matchins cried out, all traces of his former arrogance gone, throwing himself on the ground in front of me. Groveling on his knees, he grasped at the edge of my dress, crying. "Please have mercy!"
______________________________
"PLEASE HAVE MERCY!" I cried out, despairing. "We have nothing left!"
______________________________
I pulled my skirt out of his hands, and stood up. "I have no mercy left."
I turned, preparing to leave, my eyes unconsciously searching out Hallers and Nate. They had seen what I had done, what I was. But there was no anger or disgust when they looked back at me. Just sadness.
They hadn't run away from me, just like they promised.
But I wouldn't turn back now. This was the path I had chosen...
"Father?"
A young boy, likely no older than five or six, stepped in the room timidly. "I heard you crying out, is something wrong...?"
Matchins staggered to his feet, trying to resume some semblance of dignity. "Everything is fine, go back to your tutor."
"But why are you sad?" He looked around the room his gaze meeting with mine.
And I recognized him.
I looked up to the ceiling, away from his eyes and laughed. A long, bitter, agonizing sound. The room remained in silence, watching me.
Fate truly must hate me. To have me cross paths with him like this again.
The young boy I had met on the streets in my previous life. He had given me his only possession, his lucky stone, and I had given him my last loaf of bread. My only hope then was that he would live on and be happy...
How could he be here?
My mind raced. Obviously in my last life Matchin's debts had caught up with him. He had suffered a similar fate as to my family, leaving his boy alone, starving on the streets.
In this life, I was going to be the one to put him there?
I laughed again, and now it sounded more like crying.
"Fine." The word dredged itself up from the depth of my chest.
"What do you mean?" Matchins stared up at me, terrified.
I hesitated, and then lifted one paper off the desk, handing it to him. "One property. A small house, you likely used it to house servants... but it will shelter your family. " I was still taking the rest. There was no reason to show more kindness to someone who had struck first.
He studied the paper in shock. "But... the debt?"
"Gone." I took a deep breath; it felt like a knife stabbing into my chest. "You will be left with nothing, but you will be debt free. You can start your life over. If you work hard, you will survive with your family." My eyes met his and he shrunk away from what he saw there.
"And thank your son every day for saving your miserable hide." A lucky rock, lost in a previous life. Unknowingly saving himself and his family in another.
I stepped closer, my voice a coarse whisper. "But if you ever touch me and mine... I will not hesitate a second time. I will destroy you."
Matchins nodded vigorously. "We'll leave tonight. I'll never forget your kindness."
"..." I stared at him, until he fell silent. "If you know anyone else who is holding onto debt of the Duchy of Armeny, warn them as well. "
I turned to leave, my steps pausing at I reached the side of the young boy.
I had never even learned his name.
He stepped back, putting distance between us, obviously afraid. I watched him, a sad smile crossing my face.
"Live well."
My wish from my last life. Spoken out loud for the first and last time.
I left.
______________________________
In the carriage there was silence. I stared ahead of me, unable to think, barely able to breathe.
"It's okay." I heard a soft voice, and there was warmth as Nate reached out, gingerly giving me a hug, patting my head as my face buried in his shoulder. "It's okay."
"I'm a monster." My mother had named me one, and so I was.
"Nope." His voice was light, despite the heavy atmosphere. "You're not."
"How would you know?" My voice was muffled as I spoke into the fabric of his coat.
"Because a monster wouldn't be crying right now."
At his words I realized that his shoulder had quickly become soaked with tears. Giving up I reached out, grabbed him, and sobbed.
Tears for the girl I had been, the one who wanted to protect herself and others, and lost everything.
Tears for myself and the pain and fear I had felt these last few days.
Tears for what I might have done, if I hadn't stopped right on the edge.
It went on for almost the entire ride, but Nate didn't seem bothered. He just sat there silently, letting me lean on him, letting me cry.
"Let's go back. I'll make you something to eat." When he finally spoke up, it caught me off guard with its practicality.
Hallers harrumphed a bit at that, and I found myself laughing. Realizing how close I was to Nate at that moment, I panicked, sitting up and moving as far away as the carriage would let me.
He didn't argue, didn't ask for an explanation, his gaze was steady, comforting. Hallers watched me as well, a small smile on his face.
I tried to pull myself together. "Well, the prince's plan failed." My voice was hoarse from crying, but neither of them mentioned it.
"Do you think he'll give up?" Nate asked.
"He might, but the King won't."
"What do you think he'll do?"
I stared out the carriage window, thinking. "I wish I knew."
The carriage continued slowly home.