Chapter Fourteen
Once the car had made it to place, Leila immediately slipped out of the car and headed straight to her room without a glance back. When Emily had noticed her sour mood at first, she feared to ask, for Leila was quite dangerous when she was upset.
After getting out of her clothes, Leila took a quick shower and changed into a plain pair of pajamas. She asked Emily for a mug of hot chocolate that she sipped on while reading another one of the books she had found on her bookshelf, before getting to her bed. She arranged the pillows around her and tugged her body above the mattress, draping the duvet over herself. She hardly slept, her mind busy rewinding the incidents of the morning, and how on Earth she was supposed to get something good our of this two-week trial. In the end, she was still as clueless.
- -
"Leila!"
"Hmm," Leila mumbled in a groan while snuggling closer to her pillows.
"Leila! Get. Up." A slam crushed the bones of her spine and Leila bounced up on the bed , her eyes wide in shock.
"I'm awake. I'm awake," She mustered. Rubbing her eyes, Leila got a hint of who the silhouette towering over her could be. There was no way it could be none other than Marissa.
"Hey," Leila stifled a yawn as she got up and stretched. "I didn't know you were coming. What time is it?"
"It's six in the evening, Madame, which means you have only one hour to get ready," Marissa declared, giving Leila the creeps.
"Oh my God!" Leila exclaimed rather too calmly, then her eyes switched to her phone. "But my alarm," Her voice trailed, reminding her that she had totally forgetting to set that up.
Marissa tilted her head to the side and shook her head. "Apparently you didn't," She said.
"No," Leila confirmed. "I didn't."
"I'm pretty sure that won't be a problem," Marissa said. "Just get your ass in there and hurry up. We don't want to be late," She instructed and pushed Leila all the way to the bathroom, where she brushed her teeth and washed her face. The rumbling noises in her stomach reminded her of her lack of nutrition. She debated grabbing a takeout on their way to the house, but she was already late and it would be a miracle if she made it there on time.
"What about the decoration?" Leila wondered as she dried her face off with a towel and walked back to the room.
"It's already been taken care of," Marissa explained. "David sent everything off to his parents' immediately after his return. But he seemed quite in a rush that he didn't stay over to elaborate."
"He had a lot of work to do," Leila replied, opening the doors to her walk-in closet and stepping inside.
"He always has a lot of work to do. Seriously, Leila, why have you never complained about that. It's crystal clear that you barely see him these days. It's his duty as a husband to free some of his time for your sake." Marissa walked to sit on the end of the bed, crossing her legs together.
"Can't agree with you on that, honestly," Leila mumbled, her eyes scanning through the racks for something appropriate to wear. "He would probably kill me if I spoke a word in that field."
"Oh, come on. It's not he can actually do anything. The guy is crazy about you," Marissa screeched. "Speaking of whom; how is the two-week trial going with you two?"
Leila simply shrugged, moving to pull out a creamy brown loose-fitting dress. "What do you think of that?" She asked casually.
"Leila," Marissa called softly.
"Yeah?"
"Is it really going that bad?"
Leila groaned. "I didn't say it was bad. It's just -, complicated. That's what it is."
"Can I just go kill the bitch?" Marissa asked as if she was asking where she got her earrings.
"No, Marissa. You can't. It's not about her. Would you just shrug it off for one day and let us have a little fun?" Leila , and Marissa raised a perfectly plucked brow.
Leila . "Please."
Her expression softened. "Okay! We can have fun tonight, but just for tonight, and then we would be having a lot of things to discuss," She agreed and picked up one of the random magazines that lay on the bedside table and flipped it open.
"Yeah, like returning this stuff you bought," Leila said and caught the disapproval on Marissa's face, but the latter didn't say anything in return. "So, what do you think of the dress?"
"Wait, why are you picking from your closet? Why don't you just put on the dress you bought this morning?" Marissa innocently asked. Leila cursed and slapped her forehead. She didn't know whether she could just tell her the truth or just make up some other lie. What she knew for sure was that Marissa was going to snap David's head broken if she knew the truth.
"I lost it," She suddenly blurted out, her words giving her away.
Marissa looked up from her magazine and gave her a flat look. "You lost it?"
"Yes. I lost it," Leila repeated.
"I don't buy that. Where's the dress, Leila?"
"I already told you; I lost it," She insisted, but her voice came out more like a squeak.
"Did you seriously not buy a dress at all?" Marissa practically yelled, her voice getting louder and more offending with every word. Leila felt a little embarrassed with her tone, if not hurt.
"I don't need one. I'm perfectly fine with my already endless supply of clothes, thank you," She replied firmly, glancing away from her.
"Please tell me that's not your way to prove that you're not here after his money," Marissa begged, and Leila didn't understand her disappointment. She didn't do anything wrong. What if she only wanted to be a little humble?
"It's not. He isn't supposed to know anyway," She said. "Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go and change." Without waiting for her reply, Leila walked back into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She stripped off her comfortable clothes and braced herself for another uncomfortable night, in an uncomfortable outfit. She slipped into the dress, struggling along the way until the underskirt reached down to cover her feet. The dress was not in any way loose, either that or she had put on a lot of weight since she came here. She needed to reduce the amount of food she had every day. That way her stomach will be accustomed back to her old routine. She thought back of her family; how they were probably struggling to earn their living, and there she was, feeding herself up like a queen. Guilt surged through her as the image of her old house flashed in front of her. She abandoned them, although they asked her to do this. She hated herself for it.
When she was finally finished-after an amount of attempts to fix the dress-, she went back to the room, hoping that Marissa wasn't still out there. Her hopes were confirmed wrong when she had heard the flipping of the paper and her voice humming aloud in boredom.
Immediately Marissa's eyes shot up. Whatever she was planning to say dissolved into the thin air almost then. Leila's cheeks flushed, feeling secure about how she looked like.
"It doesn't fit," She simply said and walked away and back to the closet.
"Nonsense. You look amazing," Marissa exclaimed, sitting up straighter on the bed and slamming the magazine closed.
"No! I just look like a cheap whore. I can't go out like this," Leila replied firmly, searching nervously through the clothes. It was already quarter to seven and she hasn't even got dressed yet. She needed to find something, now.
"Why not? I like it, and I'm pretty sure David will definitely like it," Marissa stated, getting Leila a little uncomfortable. She didn't want to have that kind of conversation with her, or with anyone for that matter.
"Well, I don't like it, so I won't wear it. Okay?" Leila pressed.
"God! You're so stubborn when you're upset," Marissa complained, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm just trying to help. I mean, that's what you're trying to do, right? Owning his attention?"
Leila looked up to her. "I'm not pursuing him, if that's what you're trying to hint," She said flatly.
"That's not what I meant," Marissa huffed. "I just thought that in the meantime, when he clearly seems to hate you, some side support would help with your plan."
Leila sighed heavily in despair. She slid down on the floor and pulled her legs up to her chest. "I'm hopeless."
"No, Leila, you're not hopeless," Marissa said in a matter of fact and went to sit down next to her.
"I am. Look at me; I was supposed to help my family, and here I am, doing the complete to that. Do you know how bad it feels to know that they sleep hungry while I'm all high and mighty in here. I can't even fulfill the single task they'd asked me to do. I'm a disgrace."
"You're , and that's not your fault. In fact, it's a quality. Standing to someone like Zoe means you have to play dirty. You can't be the sweet innocent girl you are and expect to get anything out of it. You have to fight for what's yours, Leila. You can't just watch her toy with your husband and not do anything about it. You have to fight her with her own weapon."
"But what if she isn't toying with my husband?" Leila asked. "What if she actually loves him?"
"Well, at least we know that the feeling isn't mutual," Marissa snorted.
Leila looked up. "And how do you know that?"
Marissa squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "Leila, if David wants something, he gets it. It's as clear as the fact that the sun rises east. He has known Zoe for almost a decade now, and if he actually liked her, he would have married her ages ago."
The thought made Leila smile. Marissa was right. Although she had seen them getting a lot more friendly in the past few weeks, David didn't actually show any affection towards Zoe, at least not since that incident in his bedroom. That meant she had as strong chance to get to David as Zoe, if not even stronger.
"Thank you, Marissa," Leila mumbled shyly with a small smile. Marissa smiled back, and unexpectedly she slapped her arm.
"Ouch!" Leila groaned, rubbing the spot. "What was that for?"
"For making us late," Marissa stated, standing up to her feet. "Now let's get you ready for that party. I don't want to wait any longer.
- -
To say that the mansion was huge would be an understatement. David's house a little flat compared to it. The gates stood tall in the center, aided with security cameras to check on the visitors. Two bodyguards in shades were standing by the in a small kiosk carrying two satellites in hands. The whole place was surrounded by an iron black fence, giving it a cemetery-like style.
Marissa's small black Honda paused at the long line of cars waiting to be ushered in. The place was noisy and Leila could the beam of music muffled behind the walls of the huge white-also Victorian-mansion.
"It looks -, old," Leila commented hesitantly as she took in the sight of the house.
"From the outside, yes, but when you get in, it's the epitome of perfection," Marissa spoke loudly over the loud noise of cars horns and the music in background. She was carrying a bag of ruffles in her hand, which was her own suggestion for a snack on the road. Leila was awarded with another bag, which she didn't open, fearing to stain her off-white blouse.
In the end, she has settled for a simple everyday plain outfit.
"Can't we just have some sort of a VIP passkey or something?" Leila complained, already feeling .
"We should have, if only you mentioned that to that pretty husband of yours," Marissa teased while fiddling with her phone with one hand and filling her mouth with a handful of ruffles with the other.
"Can you just give him a call?" Leila asked.
"You're his wife. You call him."
"I am not going to call him." Leila folded her arms in disagreement.
"Then we're stuck here." Marissa shrugged as if it was nothing.
"Marissa, please. This is not your way to get us together, is it?" She pleaded desperately. They were supposed to be having fun tonight, and she wasn't ready to get stressed up over this topic again. She was fed up with it for the night.
"No, it's not. I'm having a night off tonight." Marissa raised her hands up in a signal of , and Leila huffed. She fell back against her seat with a frown.
"Just call him, okay? It will do you no harm. I promise," Marissa practically begged.
"Fine," Leila said in defeat, pulling out her cell. She punched in his number and pressed the dial button. She put the phone on speaker and rested it on her lap, waiting peacefully -or not -for him to answer.
The rings strolled by slowly, almost murderously, where it got to the point that Leila almost puked. She wasn't ready for that.
When she had lost hope and she was ready to hang up, a small voice came out of the speaker. "Hello?"
Leila's breathing slowed in relaxation as her tension eased, but then she realized the voice coming out didn't belong to David. It was more childish, more -,
Fake.
"Zoe?"
"Why is this bitch answering his phone?" Marissa spat, detest evident in her voice.
"Who is this?" Zoe's high-pitched voice erupted from the phone, more like a squeak.
"He didn't save your number?" Marissa questioned.
"Shut up, Marissa," Leila demanded and changed to microphone and picked up the phone to her ear. "Hey, Zoe. It's -, Leila. Is David available?"
"Oh, it's you again," Zoe replied menacingly once she recognized her voice. "Bad for you, he's not available right now." And then she lowered her voice as if someone else could hear them -in case she was still on speaker -. "He's occupied," She said with a giggle.
Leila's stomach churned. "Oh!" Was all she could say. It took her a while to think of a reply, but in the end she didn't find anything proper to say.
"Okay, then. Thank you, Zoe," She murmured and hung up after hearing another screeching giggle. She tucked the phone back in her pocket and stared at her lap.
"So?" Marissa asked in anticipation, turning in her seat to face Leila.
She let out a long breath she was holding. "He's busy."
"Busy?" Marissa asked, as if she hadn't heard it the first time. "Busy with what?"
"He probably still has some work to do. He won't be able to let us in," Leila said and gestured for Marissa to move forward with the car so they could follow up with the decreasing waiting line.
"And why does she carry his phone?" Marissa insisted as she gripped the steering wheel with one hand.
"I don't know. Just shrug it off, okay?" Leila replied, a little annoyed with her insistence.
"No, I won't just shrug it off. Stop being so negative about it. If you keep doing this, you will give no reason to care about you, let alone love you."
"I have nothing to do anymore. I'm tired of this; tired of trying to fight an already lost battle. He still cares about her, okay? Now please, stop pushing me to do things that you want to do. I'm not your robot."
Leila almost yelled in frustration.
"You're such a coward," Marissa spat.
Leila looked stunned. "Excuse me?"
"You're nothing more than a coward Leila. You prefer to crawl into your little safety then demand the simplest rights of your own. You don't deserve this kind of life. It'll be easier if you just return to where you came from. You're not going to work. John has made the wrong choice this time. He chose you based on your situation, your motivations, but he never took in consideration how weak and undetermined you are. It's been a miracle that you survived here for that long. But not anymore."
When she finally stopped, Leila felt a wide hollow space in her heart. She's been weak, yes. She knew it. She'd always been so sensitive. And for that her at making friends back home had always failed. But to hear those words coming straight from Marissa, the only friend and supporter that she had in here; it had her completely crushed. Marissa clearly was fed up with her, just like any other girl had done.
"You're right," Leila said weakly, staring down at her lap. Her voice was barely audible that she doubted Marissa had heard it at all. The girl made no move to indicate it, so she stayed silent . Thick tension slowly flooded the air, suffocating her. The only coherent voice to her was the unorganized motion of the cars as the waiting line thinned.
Don't cry, Leila's inner voice pleaded. She was done crying. She always cried over the smallest things and she was tired of being so weak. But she couldn't change this, or at least she didn't have enough support and motivation to work on this change.
As they got closer to the gates, Leila was almost asleep. Her mind was a whirlwind of emotions as she thought about everything that had happened since she stepped foot in the United States. It was as if the country had despised her since her very first breath on its grounds. She was all alone from the start. The trip did her no more good. It only ever made her feel worse, more weak and miserable. The only things she came out with was the financial aid to her family, and even that she suspected had actually been sent to them. She would have to make sure of that if was willing to stay.
Which she wasn't.
Ever since she came here, she had always been out of place. There was nothing in common about her with anyone else. Her husband hated her. Her parents-in-law barely acknowledged her. Her employers couldn't stand her. And even her friends couldn't cope with her anymore. She was closed off by everyone single one she had known. How couldn't she have noticed that before?
You aren't welcome here, She remembered the words David told her when they first met. She could remember every time he said something hurtful, or did something hurtful; how he insulted her, humiliated her, ignored her and even abused her. How on Earth did she end up being in love with him? Him, out of all men in this world? Why him?
Or maybe it's not love at all, a voice in her head snapped. It somehow made sense. David was the only man in her life, apart from her father. She'd never been to someone else before, or barely even spoke. Maybe it was just because she found that someone who would give her the slightest amount of attention possible, who made her actually like an adult woman, and she immediately into that new but overwhelming feeling. Maybe she was too afraid the feeling might disappear, so she did the one thing she never done, especially with someone like David. She fell in love.
Or at least she made herself think so.
This was all wrong, She admitted in her head. I never agreed to come here. As much as it would have helped my family, I should have not let them sell me like some sort of servant. I am their daughter. I am a human being, and I have my rights.
"You're right," She said finally, her voice more confident than it had ever been. Marissa looked startled as she turned her attention back to her.
"What?" She urged her to repeat what she has just said.
"You were right, Marissa. I never come here. I don't deserve this," Leila said, and the look of triumph on Marissa's face didn't last long when her pause was cut short. "I'm so much more than this. And for that, I'm leaving."
For the first time Leila understood the concept of how Marissa's face fell. She blinked repeatedly in shock as she tried to let every word sink in.
"You're nuts," She exclaimed. "You can't just go away like that. We're all putting our hopes on you. You can't let us down."
"Actually I can, Marissa. And I'm doing just that. This is my life, and I do whatever I want with it. I'm done being their servant for now and for good." She the door open and stepped out into the cold air of the California's winter climate. Two months ago, if someone had told her she would be living in a mansion in Beverly Hills and wed to a ridiculously-wealthy -handsome business man, she would have laughed in their face. But right now right here, she didn't know who she was or how her life was like anymore. She was pulled into that mess as a helpless, weak girl, and she was going to come out of it as the same helpless, weak girl. But this time, she was going to be a proud helpless, weak girl, for she was finally able to make one life-changing choice in her life. And the fact that she actually was able to muster enough courage to go through with such choice provided her with more confidence and determination as ever.
"Goodbye, Marissa," Leila said and closed the door behind her. She tightened her grip on her back as she walked down the sidewalk opposite the direction of the cars, determined to achieve goal.
She was going to end this fiasco, for once and for all.
Marissa sighed and ran a hand over her face."I swear I'm going to murder him with my own hands."
- -
I'm doing the right thing, Leila thought as she sank down in her seat by the window. She dropped her bag on the chair next to her to spare the other chair. She didn't feel like involving in chitchat with a stranger at that moment. She could barely keep herself from puking, let alone speaking at all. She might as well ask the flight attendant for some drugs.
The flight.
She couldn't believe she was actually doing that. All through the days she has spent in the , she knew that the last straw would eventually break, but she wasn't fully prepared for what was going to happen . She only thought about the meantime. She had no future plans or explanations. She didn't know what to tell her parents when they find her standing by the doorstep in the middle of the night, with no proper reason rather than that she failed.
The word made her stomach churn. She wasn't ready for this. What would her parents say about her when they knew she couldn't properly carry out the only task they have ever asked her to do. She was a shame. She wasn't prepared for the words they would say to her -or the words they wouldn't say at all; for the things lift unspoken -. She comforted herself with the fact that it would hurt indeed, but things will be back to the way they once were before. That's what always happened, so why would that be any different?
Because it is different, Her subconscious confirmed, but she shook the thought away. She won't let her mind trick her again into believing in things that were no more than the work of her own imagination. She wasn't going to be that dumb again. She would go back to her own home, her true home. She would apologize for failing and they would hate her for a while, during which she would search for a decent job to aid her and her family's financial needs, and the life would go on just like it was. Nothing would ever change that. She would just have to forget that period of her life had ever happened. It was just dream, just a work of her mind that only ever happens in Turkish soap operas. And even though a part of her might never forget, she will do her best to catch up with her life again, the life in which she was actually a fairly-treated human being, not just some trashy outsider who let herself used by unworthy people just because she had felt sorry for them.
The voice of the captain broke through the silence as the area around her was getting gradually filled. It would be only a few minutes until the plane would be ready to set off. The thought of leaving and never getting back terrified her. Her heart started thumbing in her chest very furiously that she could hear almost it bumping against chest. She didn't even say her goodbye -not like they cared -. Marissa was aware of her decision almost two hours ago, and she has probably spread the word by now. David had his chance at stopping her from making up mind this way, but he didn't, which wad all the more proof that he didn't bother with her. She wasn't going to let them mess with her life any longer. They may have fooled her once, but not anymore. Not a hundred missed calls or voice mails would make her change her mind now, if it was likely to get any of those at all, but she didn't care. It was none of her business. They will get over it, and maybe after a few years, David will finally find his match.
David!
She wondered what he was doing right now. Probably just playing around with Zoe, or celebrating his win over his parents' unlikable decisions of planning his life out? Or maybe he wasn't doing anything at all. Maybe he just so simply didn't care. Perhaps he wasn't bothered much whether she was leaving or not. She practically meant nothing to him than a tool on which he let out all of his exhaustion and fury. She was like his personal punch bag, only approached based upon his temper. She made no huge difference in his life, and they barely spoke any way. Heck! She didn't even know his middle name.
The lights started to dim as the voice of the attendant came, guiding the passengers to clip in their seat-belts. Leila obliged with shaky hands and her lips started to tremble, its color fading into a deep shade of blue. She blinked the tears away as the plane started to move. Her mind was already made up. She couldn't give up now. And even then, it was too late to run back. She couldn't cower. She pushed the guilty thoughts of David possibly not knowing about this -, to the back of her mind, and focused on the one good thing she could think of at the moment. She was going to see her family again. That thought was enough to make her heart flutter. She had missed them so deeply. The guilt she had felt while she was away couldn't be described in words. She missed teasing her young brother about his studies. She missed listening to her father's wisdom and debate with him about significant religious thoughts and guidelines. She missed those speeches with her mother, or the time she could tell her everything that was troubling her. And even though in most of those cases she was the one at fault, her mother never accused her of anything. She always knew the right thing to say at the right time to lift her moods up. She had simply missed them.
There was no need for to doubt her choices anymore. If there was anything in this world that mattered to her, it would be them. And not a million Davids would change that fact. She let out a long-held breath as her body seemed to relax. That felt like a weight of rocks was lifted off her shoulders. She felt happier and more light-hearted. As the voice in the speaker demanded everyone to switch off their cells as they were finally going to take off, she was never so sure in her life. She needed to get back. It was the right thing. It had always been the right thing. But she only couldn't see that before.
She sighed heavily, letting out every scream of pain and every cry of hurt she once held. Everything was going to be fine. She rested her head against the glass of the window and stared at the airport building, the same one she stepped onto when she first set foot on this country. And just like she had arrived all on her own, she was leaving exactly the same. No remorse. Ne regret. No one to hold on to or have false hope in anymore. She was finally free.
And there it was. She wasn't sure whether she imagined it or if her mind was playing games at her, but she thought for a second she caught a glimpse of a pair of sparkling blue eyes in the distance, just as the wheels of the plane lifted inside its body, and the metallic bird flew up and away, far away from that place.
And then every wall she built came crashing down on her.
- -