* * *
Don't date someone you can't see yourself marrying
* * *
Four whole days had passed, with those days consisting of Sage in and out of therapy sessions with Pastor Goodward, courtesy of Cecilia's avid pleas to him, trying to convince him that a demon had possessed her son
Apparently, according to the Catholic teachings, having a homosexual orientation itself is not a sin and that LGBT people, like all people, are to be treated with respect, but Cecilia absolutely refused to believe that. She stood firm as a rock on her moot that her son was possessed by demonic forces, and with her avid pleas and 'proof' of this, she even got through to the Pastor.
To Sage, the most embarrassing part of the whole thing was when Cecilia told the Pastor exactly what he'd been doing with Xander that evening. Pastor Goodward had wordlessly turned to him and shook his head in blatant disappointment.
Or dismay.
At first, Sage thought that his mother's main concern was her son being gay overall, but that didn't seem like the case. Her main concern was that it would get out to the church and their family would be ridiculed and judged. Of course that would be the case, as Cecilia had worked so hard over the years for them to look like the perfect single-parent family, and it had pulled off, earning herself insurmountable respect between her church sister. Now that she discovered the new hindrance to this perfect reputation, it was no shock that Cecilia wanted to get rid of it, and she would by any means necessary.
The first step was speaking to the Pastor in confidentiality. The day preceding that, Sage was forced to attend a private ceremony of some sort, where he was rebaptized, and after avid sessions of prayer and reverence, Sage was 'cleansed' of the abominable sin.
Needless to say, after a week of church and seeing Felt, Sage couldn't take any more. He was physically and mentally exhausted, but Cecilia didn't take the hint. The next drastic step for her was buying him a chain with the cross, to repel him from his 'demonic' urges.
For all that, Sage didn't know what was worse; being slapped by his mother or having to undergo all that. Both shattered Sage inside out, but his tears meant nothing to Cecilia, only as a mean for her to chastise him even further and blame the 'evil spirit dwelling within him'.
Fighting back the surge of horrid memories, Sage twirled the cross between his fingers, gazing down at it with tears in his eyes.
After all that'd been done, why didn't he feel different? Why couldn't he still stop thinking about Xander and their relationship? Why did he still miss Xander?
Sage hadn't seen nor heard from him since the incident.
A tiny hand squeezed Sage's, breaking him from his string of endless thoughts. Glancing down, his eyes fell on Felt next to him, who wielded a shy smile, her face lighting up once adorned with Sage's attention.
"Are you thinking about us?" she asked him. Sage fought back the rise of the nauseous feeling he came to be familiar with as he forced a smile but didn't respond. On impulse, he tried to get out of Felt's hold, but every time he tried moving his hand, Felt would step even closer to him and readjust their locked fingers.
Thankfully, Felt believed that. She turned her attention back to the listing of movies for the day before whirling back to face Sage, broadly grinning. "This is so exciting, don't you think? I've never really been on a date before."
Sage hummed, not knowing what else to do or say. He didn't know how to act anymore, and it bothered him to think that Felt would find him boring and lame for not saying much, but what could he do?
At that point, his mind had checked out of the conversation and delved into a sea of thoughts about Xander, which was then about the feel of his hand.
Unlike Felt's hand, Xander's hand was bigger, almost completely engulfing Sage's. Despite his hands mostly being cold, they warmed up to each other, and that always filled Sage with a sense of comfort and stability. He remembered when Xander would kiss the back of his hand then whisper something to him, smiling lazily.
Sage's cold cheeks heated with a blush, lips forming a small smile — something he was severely malnourished on.
His smile vanished as the worry grappled him.
I-I wonder how Xander's doing?
"What are you thinking of now?"
Sage shook his head. "Um ... n-nothing, really. Just the m-movie and..." he trailed off, biting his wobbling lower lip.
He then chased thoughts of Xander away.
He knew he shouldn't be thinking of Xander. He should be thinking about Felt and their date, after all, Felt was a girl, one who Cecilia really liked. Sage had managed to convince Cecilia that he liked Felt, and that's the only thing that caused her string of conversion attempts to lighten up a bit.
Shortly after Sage and Felt bought their food for the movie. Whilst walking to the auditorium, Felt pulled at his hand, stopping him. Her thin lips were crinkled in the smallest pout.
"Are you sure you like me, Sage? You're not saying much," she mumbled, looking down. Sage's heart began beating in his throat all of a sudden, making it just a little hard to remember that breathing was still a necessity.
Sage shook his head and glanced away too once Felt's desperate gaze snapped up and searched his. "I-I do. I-it's just that I've never b-been on a date." he suppressed his wince for the sake of believability.
Wasn't lying a sin too?
"I knew it Sagey bear. I told you you'd stop liking Xander soon! So how about you prove that you like me?"
Sage looked up at that, brows furrowed in confusion. "Huh?"
"Kiss me."
The blonde's eyes ripped open in shock. He couldn't speak for a few minutes, only stood there, blushing like an idiot as he hoped for Felt to take the hint and drop the matter overall.
"Oh God, Sage! You're so cute!" she squealed, pinching his reddened cheeks. "Fine! I'll give you a pass for today. I'll kiss you."
And so, she breached his personal space and tipped, pressing her glossy lips to Sage's. It was a brief, stiff kiss, courtesy of Sage not moving, clueless about what to do or how to react. He ripped himself away less than five seconds into it.
All of a sudden, he felt sick.
Why was it always like that? Why did he feel sick at just touching anyone's lips with his, but when Xander put his tongue in his mouth, he didn't?
"T-thank you." he stuttered out.
Felt frowned. "Why did you pull away, Sagey bear? That wasn't even a kiss!" she laughed prettily before cheerfully suggesting that they tried it again, 'real' that time.
They didn't at that moment, but later, they had to.
Because as they stood outside after the movie, Cecilia arrived to pick them up.
Felt gripped Sage's sweater and pulled him down to her height of 5 foot 5 inches the same time she tipped, crushing her lips against his. That kiss was even worse than the first, as neither of them seemed to know what to do after that. Felt ended up pulling away before moving in again, kissing him repeatedly.
With each kiss, Sage felt more and more nauseous and awkward, to the point where he became light-headed enough to pass out.
It wasn't that he was disgusted by Felt or anything. He simply couldn't kiss anyone without feeling sick.
Why was Xander different, then?
Xander approached him with confidence and the suave of an experienced person — of course he must have been. When he and Xander did it, Sage felt nothing more than butterflies and the fiery need for more. His nervousness barred him from going after what he wanted, though, leaving him to only pine after the senior in silence.
And so, the floodgate he forced closed was pushing back against his hands again, almost bursting open.
Sage tried convincing himself that it was a sin and that it was wrong.
But to him, there was nothing remotely wrong about being with Xander. That terrified him.
S-stop...
After an eternity of meaninglessly sloppy assaults on Sage's lips, Felt finally moved away, cheeks pink and a sloppy smile on her lips. "I have to get better at that, don't I?" she laughed to herself as she reached for Sage's cold hand again, and they both ambled over to the awaiting car, where an ecstatic woman awaited.
* * *
"Malika really is a nice girl, hm? I'm so glad you came to your senses and realize that you two are so good together."
The spoonful of cheerios paused halfway from Sage's mouth. He replaced it in his bowl as he sat back, having lost the appetite he'd worked up so hard to eat. His fingers began twisting around the fabric of the table cloth, a habit he'd recently developed.
"Mhm," he mumbled. Then, he shot up from his seat and placed his bowl in the sink. Lately, the mood between them was tensed, fragile and forced. Sage carefully chose his words, as the simplest slip-up could have Cecilia getting mad at him again. "W-well, I have to go to work now."
"Sit down and finish your food," Cecilia commanded, gesturing to the bowl in the sink.
"Mom, I-I'm not—"
"We don't waste food here, donut. Or have you forgotten that, just like your morals and values?"
They locked eyes.
That was an indirect blow, and that was exactly how their time together progressed; Sage saying or doing anything remotely displeasing in Cecilia's eyes, after which she'd make a snarky comment regarding sexuality. She'd even insisted upon bringing him to and from school, claiming that he had no self-control and would throw himself at any guy. Furthermore, she didn't like the fact that Sage worked alongside Nyx and Randall, but she wasn't forcing him to quit his job.
Yet.
Tense minutes sifted by, and Sage stiffly walked back to fetch his bowl. He forced down the food as best as he could, all the while subject to Cecilia's hawk-like gaze scrutinizing his every movement.
She smiled when he finished eating. "Good. I'll clean up, hm?"
"O-okay,"
"Do your homework first, hm? I'll drop you."
Sage frantically shook his head. "N-no, it's fine. I'll take the bus."
Truth be told, he didn't think he could bear being in the same car as his mother for even a five-minute drive without suffocating.
"Oh? So you can meet up with that boy along the way? I was young once as well, donut."
Tears stung at Sage's eyes. "I-I won't. I like F-Felt, mom."
She searched his face for a while, her fire-red painted lips curling in a sneer.
"Okay, donut. I have papers to mark anyways so ahead, hm?" she finally permitted him, waving her hand in dismissal.
And Sage did.
He bolted for the exit, retrieving the laptop in Cecilia's room before going in his own room. He sat at his desk and flipped the laptop open, browsing the well as he searched for the answers of the questions in his physics textbook.
Despite knowing that he shouldn't have, Sage opened a new tab and opened Facebook with the intent of distracting himself with a random game. Swiftly glancing over his shoulder at the door before entering his credentials, he ensured that Cecilia wasn't spying on him or anything.
His profile was the same as usual, save for the one red icon alerting him that he had a friend request.
From who?
Quickly moving the mouse over to click on the icon, a list opened, which led Sage's eyes to the top of the list where he saw something that caused his breath to hitch.
One friend request from Xander "Blaze" Love.
Before he even thought of all that Pastor Goodward had said to him and Cecilia telling him to stay away from Xander, Sage dove for the confirm button, clicking it repeatedly when the laptop failed to process the instruction immediately.
You are now friends.
To confirm that, Sage opened his friend list, and surely enough, Xander's name was among the small list, with a green dot next to the profile picture the senior hadn't changed in a year.
At that moment, Sage could have grabbed Skittles and squealed like an idiot, but instead, he paused to think for a while.
S-should I text him?
What should I say?
S-something zealous like, 'Hi Xander!!!!' or m-maybe be cooler, like 'What's up, senior dude?'
W-what about all those emoji? Should I pick one of those too?
"No, no," Sage spoke to himself. "I-I can't do that."
Maybe Xander was busy? He could be, dealing with senior year and football after all.
And after what happened between them last time, would it be too awkward to text him?
P-probably.
Sage closed the web browser and stood, pacing his room as he pondered what to do next.
Should I text him?
Despite everything, Sage really wanted to.
He missed Xander, and it was driving him insane not talking to him.
I-I think I'll try...
Sage grabbed the laptop and sat on his bed, folding his knees underneath him and propped the device into his lap after opening Facebook. To his surprise, though, he had one message upon returning, which he addressed instantly.
One message from Xander.
Sage's heart skipped a beat, quite literally.
Hey
The message read.
Sage knew that it was his turn to respond, but he was having a hard time formulating his thoughts. Every response that came to mind was either too formal, like 'hello' or sounded downright girly, like 'hi'.
Before Sage typed anything, an icon with three dots popped up at the bottom of the screen, signaling that Xander was typing.
I wanna see you
Then,
Meet up w/me?
Sage found himself fighting back a silly smile as a warm and fuzzy feeling nuzzled his chest.
T-this boy ... is he trying to kill me? I-I already like him so much, he's not making it any easier when he says stuff like this ;—;
Lol!
Sage typed and pressed send. He face-palmed. Of every letter in the alphabet, he somehow managed to slap the worst combination of words together at that moment. Couldn't he have found something better to say?
Gah, I'm cringing!
Xander's response was instant: an eyes emoji, followed by two question mark.
Ok.
Another face-palm.
S-seriously, Sage!
So much for cool and suave!
Holy donuts I'm so lame! I-I can't even formulate a sensible text to him!
Xander replied with a skull emoji and one with a finger in a flicking motion. Sage groaned whilst face-palming and just as he was about to respond, some text came through.
I wanna flick you rn 😐
Meet me at the regular place in thirty mins
Now it was appropriate to respond.
OK
* * *
For those crying about the previous chapter (everyone), kindly remember that Carlos hasn't found out about Sage and Xander yet.
A gentle reminder.
Aaaanyways, another chapter complete!
Why does Xander want to meet up with Sage? Does he want to end things?
Also, what do you think about what's happening with Cecilia though? Will she ever accept Sage or Xander?