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( the blood )
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━━ A few days later, and Mila was at a crossroad. Without the gentle encouragement from Sirius, she really hadn't learned a damn thing about her past. And that was the whole point of being here, right? Or else, why were they all here?
She'd spent the whole day with Harry and Draco, each doing their best to take her mind off of her current predicament, and instead, let her enjoy some of the sunny days that summer was conjuring up.
Dumbledore still maintained his frequent visits, and Mila had taken notice of how each one was becoming more urgent than the last. It was for that reason that she decided to get things back on track, and seek out more knowledge of her past.
Pushing aside her annoyance at Sirius for not being able to answer a simple question, she set off to find his better half: Remus Lupin.
Now, this was unusual for two reasons. She hadn't actually spoken to him one on one yet, and he had kind of taken a backseat during the period that Sirius was sharing his memories. Mila didn't really know what to expect, or how to act, when she did find him. Like Hermione, his betrayal had been one of the more bitter ones.
She reached for the Marauder's map, now that she was allowed to keep it. The powers that be, namely Dumbledore, had decided she was unlikely to run off again, and had granted this request.
She pushed her wand to the map and cast the spell, her eyes never straying off her nickname whenever it appeared. It threw her off guard every time without fail. It wasn't something she could get used to.
To her surprise, Lupin was not inside the castle. Rather, he had retreated to a tree that Mila knew all too well.
It wasn't hard to get past the Whomping Willow when you knew the trick, and Mila followed the passage to the Shrieking Shack with ease.
If Remus was surprised to see her, he didn't show it. He was sitting on a chair that looked like it was about to buckle under the weight of him any minute. Mila decided to lean on the nearest wall.
She spoke first, "This seems like a rather dirty place to spend your leisure time, professor."
He huffed in amusement, "Actually, some of my happiest memories were in this place ... yours too."
That bristled her more than she cared to admit, but that seemed to be what he had intended.
She could see he was in no mood to talk, but when had it ever stopped her, "Why are you sitting here all alone?"
Lupin hadn't properly looked at her yet. He was staring at a stain on the floor, in the corner closest to Mila.
"Because I needed to think."
"What did you need to think about?"
She hated that she cared enough to press him on details. Even after his betrayal, he was obviously upset, and something deep in Mila wanted to make him feel better. An instinct thirty eight years in the making.
"You," he admitted.
She stilled at his honesty, but remained silent, hoping he would explain further.
"I have absolutely no idea what to do." His tone was quiet, forlorn. He was struggling with something.
She watched him carefully, noting how tired he looked, how different he appeared from the time she had stayed at his house. They had so much fun then. She'd brought life into his home, and he had given her structure: something she hadn't realised she sorely craved. Things were so different now.
"Something is coming," he said, "I can feel it in the air."
He appeared to be wrestling with himself, "On the one hand, I want you to decide what it is that you want. And I don't want to push you into anything. But we need you, Mila. We need your memories. Your information."
Mila grew cold.
He continued, "And a selfish part of me wants that too. For you to see me as you once did. But I could never ask that of you, regardless of what the Order wants."
She didn't know if he knew what he was truly saying. It seemed he was voicing every thought he was having out loud. But what should she make of it?
She knew Sirius desperately wanted her to remember. It had been obvious from the moment the idea was brought up. But Remus hadn't said a word about it. He hadn't brought it up to her at any point. He'd put her feelings and needs first, just as he always did.
But Mila had caught him in a moment of weakness. He was a broken man, on a broken chair. And even in that moment, he still wasn't pushing her. Remus Lupin was a good man.
His next words caught her off guard.
"I never meant to hurt you, Mila."
She couldn't help her reply, even during his moment of vulnerability, "You did, though."
He closed his eyes and nodded, "I know I did. And I don't think I have apologised for that yet."
He looked at her, for the first time during their whole conversation, "I am truly sorry." He still seemed like he was in a daze, but his eyes were pleading. Mila didn't know how to answer him. She looked back to the spot he had been staring at.
"Where did that stain come from?" she asked, dropping to the floor and pulling her knees to her chest. He noted her avoidance, but answered her question.
"Me."
Mila's eyes widened, "You? Is it──"
"My blood."
His blood. He had been hurt in here once. She thought back to the stories Sirius used to tell her and Harry. All the ones about the escapades the Marauders would have whenever Lupin became a werewolf. Never in all those stories, had he mentioned anyone being hurt.
Lupin could see all the questions in her eyes.
"My transitions were often painful. Before the others were able to accompany me, I was left to my own devices."
Mila didn't need him to say anymore, "You hurt yourself."
He nodded solemnly, "I would wake up with scratches. Some worse than others."
Her heart broke for him in that moment. He said it so matter of factly, but Mila could only imagine the absolute trauma that being a wolf in his young years had caused him.
She was at a loss for words, but he seemed to have more to say.
"That particular one ... was from the time you found me."
Ah.
She understood now. There was a memory here. One that made him think of her.
"It was the first time someone had been there when I woke up," he pressed on.
"I thought Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore──"
"They would come, but not until much later. I would usually have been awake for an hour or two."
This was unbearable. So much so, that she brought some light to the conversation. If she hadn't, she might have started crying.
"Does this story have a happy ending?" she joked, her smile was watery.
He chuckled in return, "I like to think so. You were the first to figure it out. Before Sirius, before James, it was you. I was so scared to find you here, I thought that would be the end of everything. But then you said something to me. I've never forgotten it."
She thought back to the conversation they'd had in the holidays, when she'd been so distraught over Harry. Remus had told her something an old friend had said to him.
"We can only be who we are, but we can choose who that is," she repeated the words.
Those had been her words. Choose who you are. And maybe she could choose.
His eyes grew wide, but became normal again when he remembered he had told her those words before.
"Exactly," His voice was gruff, "We choose. Except it seems like our decisions are being made for us lately."
For the second time, their eyes met.
"Maybe we should do something to change that."
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━━ Finding Lupin had not been what she expected, but it had given her a great deal to think about.
Lupin was so worried about the future. He said something was coming, something they would need her memories for. She didn't want to think about it, but at the same time, she couldn't stop.
What could this information her past self had possibly be? What power did it have? She knew where she could get this information from, but at what cost?
Remembering a whole lifetime ... it was too much. Too much for any one person to handle.
But danger was approaching. She'd felt it too. At the end of the day, even after everything, she would do anything to protect her friends.
If she had to, she would do it. If the threat was real, if lives were at stake, she would do it.
Only if I have to.
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━━ Dinner was a much lighter occasion. Once again, Harry and Draco kept her company. Her mind was still full of her talk with Lupin, but she allowed herself to be preoccupied.
"And I will say this, Malfoy certainly knows how to play a round of wizard chess," Harry laughed.
"No, my good chap. You do." Draco patted Harry on the back.
Mila knew they were being silly, trying to amuse her. It was working to some extent, she chuckled at the pair of them.
"You've certainly struck an unlikely friendship."
Draco spoke, "Well, if he hadn't been so close to winning──"
"Close to winning?" Harry looked confused, "I did win."
"What? No, you didn't. I knocked your king over."
"You don't just knock the king over! You have to surround him with──"
"Annnd here we go," Mila said, tuning them out. That didn't last long at all. Still, the whole conversation was comical. She found herself getting swept up in it before an unlikely face entered the room.
Draco and Harry didn't notice, but Mila watched as Hermione entered the Great Hall, took one look at Mila, and walked out.
Mila startled the two boys by jumping up, mumbling excuses and following the brunette out into the corridor. Hermione was only just turning a corner, and Mila jogged to catch up to her.
"Hermione," Mila tried to call her.
Hermione came to a stop and gave her a confused look. She was under the impression they were avoiding each other.
And that was true. They were. But after Mila had talked to Lupin, her first thought had led her to Hermione.
When you wanted to learn something, Hermione was the one you turned to. Mila wanted to know just what her memories would unlock for the Order, and how it would help them; she also wanted to do it without Albus Dumbledore finding out.
"I need to talk to you."
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━━ "He said that you had information?" Hermione asked, all business.
The two girls had found the nearest empty classroom, and pushed all their conflict aside.
"Yes, and if you know anything, I need you to tell me. I want to know what I'm getting myself into." Mila sat on one of the smaller tables, while Hermione leaned against the teacher's desk.
"Dumbledore told me he wanted you to regain your memories, but he wasn't exactly heavy on the details. Obviously it's important, otherwise, he wouldn't be pushing you so hard."
"That much has been established," Mila agreed.
They were going in circles.
"Has anything happened, Hermione? Any clue to what it's about?"
Hermione ran her hands through her hair in frustration, "This whole thing would just be easier if everyone knew why they were here."
"That's what Harry said."
Hermione's brow furrowed, "Harry. You know, Ron's worried about him."
"What? Why?"
"He's been having nightmares. Of course, he wouldn't tell me that because he's not speaking to me on account of you not speaking to me but──"
Mila mumbled, "Nightmares?"
"──and I get it, that's fine. But I am the one who knows how to do the potion so that he can sle──"
"Hermione!"
"What?"
"Harry's having nightmares," Mila said pointedly, "He only has nightmares when..."
The two girls stared at each other.
Mila grew angry. This was something she should have known. This was something she should have been told about.
"I have to find Dumbledore."
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━━ Sometimes, before you reach a boiling point, you simply take the pan off the stove. Not only was Mila more inclined to keep pans on the stove, but she liked to turn the heat up high. Because the boiling point was where the most interesting things happened.
It turned out she needn't have bothered. It all seemed to get there on its own.
Hermione and Mila had gone to find Dumbledore. A lot of this Hogwarts stay had been Mila looking for numerous people. This castle was too big, with too few occupants. She was getting a little sick of it.
Their common goal had struck a temporary alliance. But as Mila thought harder about what they were about to do, she found herself grateful that her best friend was by her side. She needed Hermione, she always had. Mila knew she didn't want her to be absent from her life forever.
They checked the map to see where Dumbledore was. Once again, she needn't have bothered.
A sudden scream had Mila and Hermione running to the Great Hall. It wasn't decorated, nor was there food on the table, even though it was time for dinner.
Instead they saw Draco bent over a writhing body. Mila recognised that body instantly. He was clutching his──
Oh no.
"Harry!" She ran to him to see if she could try to help, but before she could reach him, she doubled over in her own pain.
Mila clutched her stomach and fell to her knees. It felt like it was on fire. She closed her eyes tight, a vivid green flashing in her mind's eye. She heard people calling her name, but they sounded far away. She could not make them out.
Whatever this was, it didn't seem like it was ending anytime soon. She felt someone grab her, trying to pull her up. Her knees were too weak to stand on their own. The pain was just too excruciating to focus on anything else.
It felt like she was getting ripped apart and then pulled back together again. Something new was entering. New life was blooming. The pain suddenly became a pleasurable hum, more intense than anything she'd ever felt. Her bones felt stronger, her mind sharp. She was reborn. And then it went away in a flash. Her body missed the pleasure, and even the pain. It felt empty.
Mila slowly opened her eyes and found herself in a new place entirely. She had no idea how she'd gotten there, nor how long she'd been there.
Dumbledore's office was completely empty, apart from herself. She tried to stand, but her body was too weak to move.
What in Godric's name had just happened?
The last thing she remembered was Harry. On the floor. His hand was ... on his head. No, not his head, his scar.
Her body shot up in a jolt, and it found the strength to walk. She was about to leave the office, when some of the others entered, causing her to pause.
One was Sirius, his eyes bloodshot, who looked like he was coming down from the midst of a panic attack. She tried to read his face, partly to discern Harry's fate and partly because he looked so unlike himself. He seemed so vacant.
The only person who accompanied him was Dumbledore, who took the lead in front of him. He closed the gap between himself and Mila, looking visibly angry.
Despite her school house, she found herself shrinking away as he approached her swiftly. Her mind was still too foggy to truly comprehend just what was going on.
"Mila, listen to me very carefully." Albus' voice was tense, like he was trying to hold back something that could have been attributed to rage.
Or perhaps panic.
"Who did you have contact with when you were away?"
"What?"
"Did anyone speak to you while you were gone?"
Mila narrowed her eyes, and brushed off his silly questions, "What does it matter? Where's Harry?"
Dumbledore gripped her arms, and if there hadn't been cause for alarm before, it was clear as day now.
"What are you doing? Get off me!"
Her eyes shot to Sirius, who looked at a loss for both words and action.
Dumbledore spoke again, drawing her back to him, "Mila, who did you speak to?"
Her mind was in scrambles, "No one! I didn't speak to anyone."
She couldn't think of a single soul, other than herself and Dumbledore in that moment. He had taken up her field of vision, aggressive in a way she had never seen him. He intended her no harm, but she was scared he would hurt her.
"Your blood, Mila, did somebody take your blood?"
"What?"
"Did you cut yourself? Did you have a nosebleed? Anything?"
To that, her mind started connecting dots that she wasn't fully aware of. There had been something with her blood. Someone had taken it. Velma. The creepy old lady. Velma had pricked her finger.
Her eyes grew wide, and Dumbledore was watching her so closely that she knew she didn't even need to say anything.
His grip grew tighter and then withdrew all together. She hadn't seen Lupin and McGonagall enter the room, only noting their appearance when Dumbledore suddenly turned to speak to them.
"We've run out of time. We're going to have to do this tonight."
In an effort to understand any of what was going on, Mila found her voice, "Do what?"
Everyone except Dumbledore were startled. They were confused, scared. Mila felt a fear creep up her spine. He couldn't mean...
"Do what?" she repeated. She was glad her voice held some authority because Merlin knows she didn't feel any.
"Albus, we can't possibly──"
"I gave her as much time as I could, Minerva. The moment is here. We waited too long."
If Mila was the type of person to tremble, she would have. Dumbledore was talking like they were all about to face their imminent doom. She knew what he wanted. It was obvious.
Ignoring the other's in the room, she stood so she was directly in front of Dumbledore again.
"You want my memories," she said, her voice eerily calm, "Why?"
And all of a sudden Dumbledore's anger seemed to dissipate. For a moment, he almost looked sorry. He pitied her.
"Because, Mila, Voldemort is back. Tonight, he came back. And you are the key to stopping him."
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