CHAPTER NINETEEN,
secrets
SAMANTHA WALSH COULDN'T sleep last night, her thoughts being all over the place.
She kept repeating what had happened, the events rewinding as if she were watching a movie and she missed a part - but she hadn't, Samantha remembered everything. She hated it, she hated how she remembered details. It was like a nightmare but it was while awake.
Maybe she was asleep, maybe this was all a horrid dream that she was stuck in.
But even as she pinched herself and a wince left her lips, she kept wishing it was.
"I don't know what to do." Lori crooned over and over again, the test shaking in her hands.
Samantha removed her eyes from the sight of the pink plus size with a frown. "You need to tell them."
Lori gazed up at her with many tears painting her cheeks. "W-who?"
Samantha gave her a knowing gaze. "You know who."
Lori abruptly stopped shaking, shock pairing with shame and intertwining in the teary browns of her eyes. Samantha thought she would've been more angrier, because when she had at first put the pieces together she was absolutely livid. But now, she was just disappointed, sad, and maybe even a little afraid. She was afraid because it had to come to this, the worse mistake finally having an outcome - the price of a sin.
Lori let out a shaky sobs, fresh tears streaming down her already wet cheeks. "I made a big mistake, Sammy. I didn't want this to happen, I love Rick with everything I have, but I was so alone. Shane told me he was dead and then..." She never finished, staring into nothingness as she sat on the grass. Samantha knew that look. She was reliving everything she had done.
Been there, done that.
Samatha sat on the grass near her, the frown deepening. She wanted to be angry at her, express how disgusted and disappointed she was but she couldn't. Lori's mistakes was tortuous enough for her as it is, she wasn't going to be a bitch and push it. Plus, being pregnant in a world like this - Samantha couldn't imagine.
"I'm sorry you have to go through this," Samantha sympathized genuinely. "But right now, the thing you need to worry about is who the father is-"
"It's Rick."
Samantha remembered that the way Lori had said it was so cold and determined, but she was smart enough to know it was just a front. Behind that front there uncertainty and desperation. The mother knew that she had been sleeping with Samantha's brother long before Rick came back, but she couldn't accept the logic. She wanted it to be Rick's, and the twenty year old could understand why.
But she also knew that there was a higher chance it would be Shane's.
"So, I see you found that book."
Samantha gazed up and was met with the soft, old and curious eyes of Dale Harvoth, before glancing down at The Divine Comedy by Dante. "I found it at the CDC and may have taken it," Samantha explained, his presence making her immediately smile. "Been reading it ever since."
"I never got to finish it, my wife was always hogging it," Dale stated. "If I've known the apocalypse was going to happen I would've brought my whole library," The older man sat sit to Samantha, a smile shifting his white beard. "Great Expectations, Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice..." He listed.
"I read all of those in high school."
Dale chuckled. "A woman of taste," He jested. "Books are the foundations of society, whether we like it or not - it's our biggest teacher."
Samantha giggled and her eyes fell back to the book. An idea lit up the dark compounds of her head and she looked back up at him. "You said you always wanted to finish but your wife was hogging it half the time, correct?"
Dale nodded with a raised eyebrow. "Yes?"
Smirking, she brought the book from her lap and held it out to him. "I doubt we're going to have a Christmas, so here."
As he hesitantly took it, there was a sparkle that made him appear so much younger - as if he were a child experiencing Christmas morning. It made Samantha's heart warm. "Thank you-"
"Don't, just give it back to me when you're done."
Dale has this large smile cutting into his cheeks. "Are you going to arrest me for thievery if I don't?" He jested.
"I'm sure Shane still has his cuffs."
As soon as the name of her brother left the barrens of her mouth Dale's smile seemed to dwindle, as if the mere mention of Shane seemed to suck up all the happiness within the old man. His old features twisted up and immediately became solemn. "Are Nathan and Shane doing alright?"
Samantha's eyebrows were furrowed and there was a deep frown upon her chapped lips. "I hope so." She couldn't really tell anymore - she could see the suffering from within, the fight combating with their mind and their soul. She wanted them to win, she didn't want them to experience such guilt for what Otis had to do.
Nathan Barton and Shane Walsh were artilleries of men, their words like bullets and their blood filled with gunpowder. They were strong, they had to be.
"I just think," Dale paused for a moment, as if he was trying to carefully word what he was trying to express. "This whole situation doesn't feel right, does it? Shane had shaved his head, and the scratches on Nathan's arms - they appear to be self defense scars."
Samantha blinked at him, unable to find the words from within her - and no matter how hard she tried to muster it up, she couldn't form the right sentences. Shane loved that hair of his, and when she first saw it all cleaned off - she was in shock. "You loved that hair," She remembered saying to him, but her big brother merely shrugged and brushed it off as if it were nothing.
Samantha opened her mouth to speak, but before she could the RV door opened. Shane Walsh glanced at his baby sister and then at Dale. "C'mon, we're about to start the search." Somehow she knew those words were directed at her, yet he kept his eyes fixed on the older man. She could feel the tension slicing through the air and causing the pits of her stomach to shifted uncomfortably - so she quickly walked out and cringed at the sound of her brother slamming the door shut.
"What were you guys chatting about?" Shane questioned, but it almost sounded like a demand.
Samantha looked at him and forced a small smile. "Books." She answered quickly, shrugging off the dissatisfied expression on his face.
Nearly everyone was crowded around a map on the hood of a car. Samantha stood near Rick Grimes and eyed the map with curiosity. "Alright, everyone is getting new search grids today." He announced.
Beth Greene's boyfriend, Jimmy, butted in. "I would like to help," The teen stated. "I know the area pretty well and stuff."
"Is Hershel okay with this?" Rick asked.
"Yeah, he says to ask you."
Samantha could tell that this family was inexperienced with the outside world, and because of that she wasn't comfortable with having Jimmy help them search, because honestly they didn't know how many walkers were in those woods. Whatever happens to him, his blood was definitely on their hands.
"What me and Daryl found in that house had Sophia written all over it," Samantha said, checking the bullets in her gun. "If she was in there, she can't have gone that far. Hell, maybe she went back."
"Anybody could've been hold up in that farmhouse." Shane stated.
"Anybody includes her, right?" Andrea added.
An agitated sigh shook the twenty year old's shoulders as she ran a finger through her dark hair, frustrated that everyone was being so doubtful. Hope was their strongest thing right now, so why lose such a thing?
Daryl however, took her side. "Whoever slept in that cupboard was no bigger than yay-high. Has to be her."
Samantha hid her smile from behind a curtain of hair.
"Maybe we'll pick up her trail again."
"No maybe about it," Daryl quipped. "I'm gonna borrow a horse, head up to this ridge right here, take a bird's eye view of the whole grid."
Samantha hopes that one day he could see how important he has come, how much he has developed since their parting from Atlanta. Maybe, just maybe if he did, he would find self worth from within himself.
"Maybe you'll see your chupacabra up there too." T-Dog teased.
Samantha snorted and Daryl sent her a brief glare. Rick looked confused, his head tilting like a lost puppy. "Chupacabra?" He repeated.
Dale appeared with a bag full of guns. "You never heard of this?" The older man asked, opening the bag. "First night in camp, Daryl tells us of a time he went squirrel hunting and saw a chupacabra."
"So, you believe in a blood sucking dog?" Rick questioned, amused.
"Do you believe dead people walking around?" Daryl countered dryly.
This shut everyone up instantly, knowing the reality behind his words. Fuck you, George Romero Samantha remembered.
"Might as well start believing in Bigfoot." Nathan chortled, grabbing a weapon. Jimmy took this as an invitation to take his own, but Rick had reached it before him. "Ever fired one of these?"
"Well, if i'm going out, I want one." Jimmy reasoned.
"Yeah, and people in hell want slurpees." Daryl quipped swiftly.
"I think we'll cover more ground if I go with Daryl." Samantha stated. Her brother scoffed, as if it were the stupidest idea he's ever heard.
"We need more security here." He argued.
"Last time I checked, I wasn't asking you." She sassed impatiently.
A muscle ticked in his jaw, and Rick knowing how nasty their sibling fights can level up to, he quickly stepped in. "Just this one time, Sammy," He spoke, taking his best friends side. "We need more security here, and you know how to use a gun."
Samantha's mouth dropped open from his lack of support - he always has, even through the stupid shit she's done in the past. This was simply insulting, as if she had been slapped in the face. "Rick, I'm not a housewife," Samatha argued, anger boiling in her veins. "I want to help look for Sophia too. The more people that's out helping her, the more of a chance we can find her."
Rick and Shane exchanged a look, as if they were two dads trying to figure out what to do with their disobedient kid.
The others were silent, nobody taking her side, not even Nathan. "Fine," She snapped, looking away from them stubbornly. "I'll just fix the damn sandwiches for you."
"I'll go out too," Nathan stated after a few moments, giving a curt nod. "Cover some ground."
"There's this cabin not too far away," Jimmy informed. "It belonged to our neighbors. Maybe she passed through there."
"I'll look out for it."
With her temper rising like a tsunami wave, Samantha marched away.
Samantha was greeted warmly by Hershel, and she returned the greeting with a smile. Her grandma would've loved him, and perhaps in another life, maybe they would've been friends. "Care to go to the stables with me?" Hershel questioned. "I might need some help grooming the horses."
She nodded. It's not like she had anything else better to do.
Samantha followed Hershel to the stables and saw Beth already grooming one of the white horses. She smiled shyly at her, before turning to her father. "Daryl took Nelly." Beth revealed
Hershel sighed, obviously annoyed by this. Samantha rose her eyebrows in confusion. "Nervous Nelly," He explained to her. "She's a very skittish creature, so when she gets spooked, she takes off running."
Oh, Daryl is gonna have fun with her.
"Your people are overstepping boundaries," Hershel continued, his voice becoming stern."I didn't give...that man permission to take out one of my horses."
Samantha frowned. "I apologize for that," She said softly - and then she remembered Beth's boyfriend, and seeing how Hershel is acting now, it would be uncharacteristic of him to let Jimmy help. "Did you give Jimmy permission to help us search?"
Beth's cheeks tinted pink as Hershel gave her an angry glance. "I certainly did not."
Well, shit.
"I'm so sorry, you and my people need to work on communication so your boundaries won't be crossed again," She responded. "Just talk to Rick, I can't speak for him but I know he'll work something out."
Hershel nodded. "I appreciate it, Samantha."
Samantha grinned, grabbing a brush and walking over to one of the horses. He was tall, standing proud on long legs, his mane dark and the rest of him the color of the night sky. He was beautiful."Please, don't be so formal and call me Sam."
A smile finally broke onto his wrinkled face. "Well, Sam, I enjoy your company."
"Right back at you."
━━━━━
The sun's fiery inferno glared into Nathan Barton's eyes and he tried shielding it away, his weapon gripped in his hands as he continued through the tears. He couldn't find any tracks, nor any sign of the little girl he left in the woods. He only found green, trees, and even some wildlife. At least they don't seem affected Nathan thought.
Nature always won, even through the five mass extinctions Earth had gone through. Nature always recovered, and he didn't have a problem with it. Nature was here before humanity was, therefore it was their natural right to take claim of their throne.
Humanity however, was a different case.
It made him wonder - was it truly the planet that was dying, or was it them as a species? Did they cause everything?
The answer seemed to slip from his tongue when he came across a cabin that settled itself in a large clearing. It was quaint - wooden and small. The windows were drawn, so he couldn't sleep what was behind those walls, but the second Nathan laid eyes on it he knew it was the same cabin Jimmy had been talking about. It looked untouched by the grasps of the virus and the monsters that inherited it, so perhaps Sophia was hiding in there.
Nathan hoped Sophia was in there. He couldn't stand the painful ache of his mistakes, the resentment he felt from Carol or just about everyone else at camp. He needed to do this right.
The soldier went to the front door and pressed his ear up against it softly, careful not to make any sudden noise to alert any possible life from inside. When he didn't hear any, he pushed open the door after finding it unlocked.
It looked like any regular cabin. Small, with a mini front room and a fireplace, paired with a small kitchen and a bathroom. There was a two closed doors on the far side of the room, which he assumed to be the bedrooms. Nathan checked everywhere, leaving the bedrooms for last. Finally, he made his way towards the door, his gun held high.
Nathan opened the door and checked every corner for any lurkers, but he found a breath to leave his body when he came to the conclusion that it was empty. The room looked to be a little girl's room, flowers painted on the lavender walls, toys scattering the ground, and an unmade bed with bright pink Barbie blankets.
Nathan closed the door behind him, going up to the final room next to it.
There was this odor. It was faint, but he could tell it was coming from the other side. It smelled like death, rotting flesh. It had become familiar to him to smell such things, it becoming so normal and daily to him that he forgot what it was to actually smell something nice. Nathan made sure to mentally prepare himself for what laid beyond the door, before kicking it open and his eyes falling everywhere
This putrid smell overwhelmed his nostrils, and he covered his nose with a moan of disgust. Nathan's eyes swept the room, then they landed on the bed. A loud horrified gasp left his mouth and he staggered back from the sight.
Three bodies were cuddled up with one another on the master bed. Their heads were blown off and dried blood stained the walls, skin grey and in the decaying process, flies everywhere. Nathan squinted his eyes at the male body, realizing that he was holding a gun in his limp hand. Next to him was a female, but the body in between them was a small child - a girl, who looked way younger than to match Carl Grimes age.
Nathan felt nausea rise and he barreled out of the house, the insides of his stomach rising from his throat and falling to the grass as he puked everything he had. Tears begin to blur his vision and he turned over on his back to face the sky, clutching his silver cross.
A choked sob escaped him, and he tried to hard to keep the rest bottled away. The same question from earlier bubbled up; was it truly the planet that was dying, or was it them as a species? Did they cause everything?
His mind went back to the CDC, to a certain scientist's words as he contradicted a certain best friend of his.
"We are the virus." Dr.Edwin Jenner's voice reminded him, and that was Nathan Barton's answer.
Humans are a virus, a disease to Earth. They ripped through the world and spread like cancer, their destruction causing pollution, extinction, global warming - no wonder why God has abandoned them, they had brought upon their own doom and only started to care when it was too late. How selfish of them.
Nathan's fingers dug through the grass as his heart started to thump heavily in his chest. He wanted to hurt himself for doing such terrible things, for being so careless. He hoped Sophia was brave, more brave than he'll ever be.
He got up, his mind set to leave but his heart making him stop. What was left of his morals was screaming at him that he had unfinished business in that house.
He knew that that family didn't deserve to be left there, but they also didn't deserve to suffer from the consequences that their species had brought upon to themselves.
They didn't deserve that type of grave - but they also weren't supposed to be his concern anymore, they were after all dead. But once upon a time ago, they were his biggest concern.
Nathan found a shovel at the back of the cabin and begin to dig. He dug them as deep as he could, dig them until his bones began to ache and the sweat to drench his green shirt.
After, he took some rugs and as he held his breath, he placed the corpses into them and rolled them up.
And then he buried them in the three unmarked graves.
There obviously wasn't any tombstones just laying around, so Nathan plucked some flowers nearby and placed them on the dirt. He stared at them for a moment, frowning.
They didn't have a proper end, but at least they had a proper burial.
Nathan felt the back of his neck heat up, the hairs standing up. He didn't need to look to know Jason was behind him, staring at him with those pleading eyes, those outstretched fingers.
Instead of facing his dead baby brother, he begun to pray.
━━━━━
The lifelong conversations that her and Hershel had left Samantha feel a little relieved, putting her temper to sleep. After catching Glenn Rhee walking out of the RV with his head hanging low she hurried next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
"Hey, Glenn coco," A smile pulled her lips. "Why so glum? You look like your prom date ditched you."
The Korean lifted his head and revealed his sad look, his expression resembling a very sad puppy. "You ever feel like you have too much on your shoulders?"
Both concern and understanding intertwined with another. "What's wrong?" Samantha pressed.
"Nothing."
"You're such a bad liar." Samatha stated.
"It's nothing-" Glenn had tried again, but his friend wasn't buying into it.
"I'm sick of all the secrets in this group," She interjected with complete exasperation, her arms crossed. "You can trust me, Glenn. Please."
He heaved a long sigh, glancing around before her eyes fell back on the Walsh sibling. "Me and Maggie slept together."
Samantha scoffed. "I already knew that, your zipper was open and I know a laid man when I see one," Glenn's face became red and the dark haired woman had to stifle a laugh. "What's wrong with that? She's such a catch."
"Because she said it was a one time thing."
Samantha internally cringed. Yikes, she's definitely been in her position before. Not proud of it. "What happened?"
"We were at the store and we had sex," Glenn stated with a weak shrug. "I just don't get it, Sammy. She acts all mean to me, then she's nice, and she's mean again."
Honestly, Samantha didn't know what to tell him. She didn't know Maggie personally. Maybe she did like him, maybe she didn't, guess they'll have to find out with time.
"Maybe she's on her period."
Samantha had been completely joking, but Glenn didn't catch on.
"That's what I said to Dale!" He sighed, facepalming. "You women are complexed creatures."
Samantha smiled sadly. "Tell me about it."
Then she remembered he mentioned the store. Glenn and Maggie were going to the store to get supplies.
Supplies.
Pregnancy test.
He's probably the one who got Lori the test. It would make sense. Poor Glenn - always the errand boy.
"I'm guessing you know about Lori then, right?" His head shot up, eyes darting everywhere. Once he was assured that nobody was listening, he finally looked at me. "How did you-"
"Lori told me. She insists it's Rick's but..."
Glenn stopped her. "I don't mean to sound like a dick, but it can't be - I mean, we both know what was going down way before Rick came back."
Samantha nodded, glad that someone agreed.
"Guess we'll find out if I have a niece or nephew." She said sarcastically, her sarcasm a defense mechanism for what's really going inside. The two were mixed together with secrets and deceits that can surely destroy - but at least they had one another.
"Walker! Walker!"
All the survivors turned to the blonde who had sprung from her seat, alertness kicking into their system at the dangers. Samantha followed her gaze and saw a small figure coming from the tree line limping.
"Just the one?" Rick questioned.
She pulled out her binoculars, gazing out into the direction of the walker. "I bet I can nail it from here." She said, her determination laced with excitement.
"No, no, Andrea. Put the gun down."
"But-"
"Jesus Christ, Andrea, listen for once!" Samantha snapped harshly. She gave the brunette a dirty look and lowered the rifle.
"You'd best let us handle this." Shane bargained, stalking forward with a weapon.
"Shane, hold up. Hershel wants to deal with walkers."
"What for, man? We got it covered."
Samantha remembered Hershel's words to her, it still being fresh on her brain. They couldn't jeopardize their stay here. "Shane, Hershel has boundaries." Samantha tried, walking beside him.
"It's easier to take it our ourselves, you comin' or not?" Shane scoffed, looking at his sister hesitantly.
Samantha pondered for a second, rubbing her head.
She knew she couldn't stop this, so she decided to add to it.
"Whoever makes it first gets to take a shower first tonight." The little sister challenged.
Shane grinned. "You're on."
Rick cursed and retrieved his gun as he ran with the Walsh siblings. Samantha pulled out her concealed dagger and meeting the fast pace with her brother, who let out small puffs of pain as he ran on his bad foot.
Upon making it to the walker, a wave of shock went through the young woman as she realized it wasn't the dead - it was someone alive, someone she knew.
It was Daryl Dixon.
But he looked so beaten up and bloody that the others didn't realize he was alive, their weapons still raised. "Rick, stop-"
"That's the third time you pointed that gun at me, you gonna pull the trigger or wha'?" Daryl growled, his blue eyes full of heated anger and clear exhaustion.
Samantha felt her concern for him even grow, her expression softening and her dagger falling to her side. "Are you okay?"
The gentleness of her voice brought his attention towards her, and for a second - he didn't know what to say to something so soft, but he didn't have the chance to.
A bullet ripped through the air and Daryl Dixon fell to the ground.
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟnote
the writer's destroyed andrea's character in the show.
words ; 4196
edited ; ✔️