It's finally here guys! I'm sorry for making you wait for so long, but now please enjoy it and see you at the end of the chapter! (:
***
You know that feeling when it seems like the situation you're in happened before already, flashes of memories and the same air that you once breathed now suffocating you? They call it Deja vu.
In that moment, Baekhyun relived a few of the worst moments of his life. Once again he was in his living room, sitting across his parents and Kyungsoo whose eyes were full of sorrow. Once again, they told him his brother was dying, and there was nothing to be done about it.
He was again in Kyungsoo's hospital room with yellow walls, holding his brother's hand while he was taking his last breath.
He felt as if his lungs were collapsing and all the air was gone, when he saw Chanyeol walking away through his blurry vision.
Every step he took from then was like stepping over a dark, deep abbys.
"Chanyeol!" his voice broke in a shout that echoed through the gym when he sped up, and before Chanyeol could react and turn around there were thin but strong hands wrapped around him from the back, embracing him in a locking grip.
Baekhyun felt how Chanyeol's body stiffened but he didn't care, and instead he hugged him even tighter so the idiot wouldn't even think about walking away again.
"You thought... You thought I'd let you go again? Not again, Chanyeol. I won't... let you go." Baekhyun's voice died down as his sobs were getting stronger.
His grip on Chanyeol was loosening, and the boy could feel Chanyeol using the opportunity to break out of his embrace and turn around to face him.
Disbelief on Chanyeol's face was as clear as day , and standing so close to him Baekhyun could see his own reflection in Chanyeol's teary eyes.
He inhaled nervously.
"I tried to live without you, I really did. And I thought I could do it. But I was so fucking wrong." he breathed out, eyes searching for Chanyeol's.
"I thought I was doing a good thing for both of us. I thought we wouldn't be happy together if we couldn't pursue our careers that were on two different continents and that we would get frustrated with each other... But now I see I got frustrated with things I've left you for, because they couldn't fill the emptiness. I thought I'd be happy but I- I was miserable." he sobbed out the last word silently.
Chanyeol looked at him with eyes glistening like broken glass.
"I missed everything. I missed you talking me into things I'd never do, your arms, your laugh, the way you play and... Fuck, I even missed the stupid nickname you gave me." Baekhyun chuckled weakly. Chanyeol's lips tugged into a shy smile. Baekhyun's hands were trembling and his heart was forcing it's way out of his chest, but that was okay. He was finally doing the right thing.
"And about Jaebum... It's my fault only. I was cheating on him all the time anyway, because I used him to fill the void that was left after you, and every time he'd kiss me I'd only see you."
Chanyeol couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and now they were rolling in streams down his face while he managed not to sob, looking at Baekhyun helplessly like a child.
Baekhyun's palm reached up to wipe the tears away. He cupped Chanyeol's face and the latter immediately melted into his touch, closing his eyes.
"We were never actually apart." Baekhyun said quietly, close enough to Chanyeol that he didn't need to say it any louder.
"No matter how stupid I get and how many mistakes I make, we'll never be apart. My heart was with you the whole time."
Baekhyun smiled and Chanyeol broke. He burst into sobs, burying his head into Baekhyun's neck and hugging him tightly like he could slip away any given moment. Baekhyun cried too, silently, stroking Chanyeol's hair and whispering I love you over and over again, until it's engraved into Chanyeol's heart, until he can't forget it.
They held each other like that for God knows how long. As minutes passed their tears went away and they found themselves on the floor with backs against the wall, Baekhyun's head against Chanyeol's chest, listening to his heartbeat. There were no words, only silence saturated with longing and everything they had missed from each other. The words they had wanted to say all those months ago were there, unspoken and needless. All that mattered was that their hearts were beating next to each other, in the same rhythm.
The sweet smell of mint and apples wrapped Baekhyun up in a warm hug and slowly he drifted away.
***
Starting over was slow and steady. Like learning how to walk again, they took baby steps. They visited each other at their universities, and even playing against each other wasn't that awkward any more. They took it as a challenge, trying to intimidate each other whenever they found themselves both facing the net. It went that far that Chanyeol almost kissed Baekhyun through the net one time, but he pulled himself together just in time realizing they'd probably get disqualified.
Chanyeol witnessed Baekhyun's laughter more and more, the one he remembered from before Kyungsoo's passing. It was resonant, vibrant laughter that could only come from a person that was truly happy, and every time Baekhyun would return the grip of his hand and look at him with little galaxies in his eyes, Chanyeol knew he was. He could see how much Baekhyun enjoyed his new life, his new team and days filled with volleyball. Even the way he talked about Kyungsoo was different- rather than voice heavy with sorrow there was sort of excitement or delight- just like he chose to picture the good and happy memories with his brother instead of those of his sad last days.
Truth be told- their sex life as far more exciting, too- after all that time apart they simply had no patience to wait for the right places and moments- Jackson had no problem leaving the room whenever Chanyeol was there to visit (knowing what would happen he chose to avoid getting caught in uncomfortable situations), and if the room for some reason wasn't available, locker rooms worked just fine, even adding up to the teenage excitement they both so much missed.
***
Namjoon was watching as Baekhyun teased Hoseok about something random, probably the new green beanie Hoseok wore thinking it was cool and Baekhyun found it funny. Namjoon was astounded seeing Baekhyun laugh wholeheartedly, with dimples popping and eyes smiling. He'd never seen him like that since they had met, not even with Jaebum, not even when he won his first game with Harvard. He knew Baekhyun was back with Chanyeol and it was only then he could realize what Chanyeol was in Baekhyun's life.
After the awkward encounter with then Baekhyun's ex-boyfriend, Namjoon finally met Chanyeol properly when the latter started coming to wait for Baekhyun after Harvard's practices. He could tell Chanyeol was sincere when he apologized for dragging him into his and Baekhyun's personal problems, and Namjoon liked the guy. Baekhyun was head over heels for him anyway, and that fact alone was enough to him.
"Will you stop?" Hoseok finally snapped at Baekhyun. "You don't get fashion. All you wear are either tracksuits or leather. Which is a weird combination, now that I think of it."
"At least I'm not a Billie Eilish wannabe." Baekhyun chuckled, leaving Hoseok's cap alone.
"You little bitch how dare you-" Hoseok hissed through his teeth, raising his index finger in threathening manner, which only made Baekhyun crack up more.
"Alright, break it up guys." Namjoon scolded. "The bus is coming in 30 minutes, finish up." he nudged towards their barely touched burritos. Hoseok refused to look at Baekhyun, offended, as he got up and stormed towards the dormitory.
They were playing Qualifiers for the Nationals, Baekhyun's first important matches since he started playing for Harvard. He was playing in the starting team already, and he knew he needed to present himself in the best possible way since he knew there would be scouts watching, and since it was broadcast maybe even someone from Korean National team management.
Sometime later Baekhyun was in his team's locker room, putting on his kneepads and shoes. They played in a big, flashy gymnasium where professional league teams played, and it was a whole new kind of experience for Baekhyun. He strived to play for one of them one day, but his biggest goal was still making it into Korean National team.
Loud chatter filled the room, the vibe of thrill, excitement and blood rushing through their veins could almost be sensed in the air.
They played against Boston first, which meant Baekhyun would be facing Chanyeol on the other side of the net, something he had grown to like. There was something different in the rivalry on the court, the excitement building up in Baekhyun's entire body as they each gave their all to be the better one, the winning side; their eyes full of lust for the game and for each other meeting at the middle position when facing the net. He missed tossing to Chanyeol and knowing no matter how he did it that Chanyeol would bring out the best out of that toss, but playing on opposing teams brought him a new perspective and in a way reminded him of the days when Chanyeol was nothing but an annoying guy from the other high school who he bickered with any chance he got.
Baekhyun got up, straightened his jersey and jumped up and down a few times, then stretched his arms. He walked out of the locker room into a cold, empty hall, heading towards the gym where his teammates were already warming up.
"Not so fast." before he could react even though he knew very well who it was, he was pressed against the wall, a tall body hovering over his.
"Ready to get crushed, Byun?" the lips that were already ghosting over his jawline whispered, a familiar palm sneaking in to grip his waist.
"In your dreams, Park." Baekhyun pressed his thigh against the attacker's crotch and he groaned.
"A dirty move, babe." Chanyeol chuckled faintly.
"Expect more of that on the court."
"Can't wait." Chanyeol replied, leaning in for a kiss. It took only a few seconds but it transmitted all the excitement and tension for the game they were about to play against each other.
Baekhyun was the one to pull away first, pushing Chanyeol away. Before he walked away his hand grabbed Chanyeol's crotch one more time, gripping it and knowing it would take him some time to get himself together. Yes, he played dirty and he didn't care.
"See you on the battlefield, babe." he said and walked away, knowing very well he'd pay a price for it later.
***
Harvard took the first set and Boston the second. The third set was in full play mode, 20:18 for Harvard.
"Baek, connect it!" Tim, who had just saved the ball, called out to the setter. Position, jump, the ball and his fingers coming together perfectly just to be touched a mere second, shoot. It was sent flawlessly Luke's way, the rotation, angle, height; everything perfect.
"All right!" Luke shouted as he landed, giving Baekhyun a high-five.
All the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place for Baekhyun. His body and skill were in the best form yet, his knee barely ever even itched him and the connection with his teammates reached the level where their communication during the game was completely wordless but perfect.
He gave Luke a smile as they rotated to new positions. Baekhyun was now on the right front part of the court, and Chanyeol was a net away from him.
"You're hot." Chanyeol mouthed. Baekhyun rolled his eyes but smiled nevertheless, locking gazes with his boyfriend on the other side.
And at that moment Baekhyun thought, right there and then was where he was meant to be. All the things leading up to that moment were meant to happen. He wished Kyungsoo could see them then, and as Harvard grasped those few last points that lead them to victory his heart was full. He wasn't alone. Kyungsoo was in the room with him, he knew it. As long as Baekhyun remembered him and kept him in his heart, Kyungsoo would always be there.
When his boyfriend sneaked under the net to their side of the court to congratulate him and pull him into the safest, warmest hug, Baekhyun smiled, closing his eyes and letting Chanyeol's warmth overwhelm him. Kyungsoo's smiling face appeared when his eyelids closed, and after a long time, Baekhyun felt like he could finally breathe, accepting the world before him as it was.
***
Walking a familiar tiled path hand in hand with Chanyeol, Baekhyun felt like it was a completely new one, a place he'd never seen before. In reality, it was a place where all of his grief remained, lingering in the air as they passed and making his shoulders shudder. Still, the air was more breathable that he remembered it, the skies somehow seemed clearer than in his gloomy memories.
They reached Kyungsoo's grave in silence. The darker color of the stone on which his brother's name was written reminded Baekhyun how long had passed since his last visit, and that for even longer Kyungsoo's body had been under it. The ugly pain in his chest seemed to grip on his heart, but Chanyeol's grip on his hand was stronger as the taller gave him a soft, reassuring look. He didn't have to ask. He knew Baekhyun wasn't okay, but he was there and that was enough.
"Hi, Soo." Baekhyun started the same way as back then when he visited daily. "I've missed you."
He put fresh blue flowers in the concrete vase, replacing the ones his mother left before him.
He sat down on his regular bench. Chanyeol kept standing.
"I'm sorry I haven't been coming. But you know everything already, you know why." he whispered. Baekhyun was sure that Kyungsoo was still looking over him, and that he always would.
"Chanyeol-ah is here today, too. You know, that annoying guy I told you about, he glanced at Chanyeol who chuckled lightly. "I guess I have to thank you for him."
Who knows what would've happened to them if Kyungsoo hadn't intervened. As a very stubborn person, Baekhyun tended to do things he'd later regret and all his wrong decisions could've cost him his happiness with Chanyeol if there weren't for his brother.
Baekhyun talked for at least half an hour, updating Kyungsoo on everything he'd been through since they had stopped talking. He didn't mention the headphones. He never brought that up to Chanyeol. It was hard to believe even to him, so he didn't want to make Chanyeol question his sanity, but if he was honest, that was something he wanted to keep between himself and his brother. It was intimate, the last contact they had and a reminder of how much Kyungsoo loved him that he was willing to go that far to make sure he lived a happy life.
Baekhyun was sure Kyungsoo was in a good place. That cognition alone made his bitterness and grief soothe. He finally felt at peace because he knew Kyungsoo did too.
"I'm glad you took me here." Chanyeol said as they left the graveyard hand in hand. "I know how much it means to you."
"It felt like introducing you to him." Baekhyun chuckled. "I think he would've liked the you I got to know. He only knew you as a fuckboy from Hangseong."
"That's actually dissapointing." Chanyeol frowned. He opened the door of his car for Baekhyun, but his boyfriend closed them again, leaning against them and pulling Chanyeol close and hugging his waist.
"I think he sees us now and he's happy. I'm happy too." he nudged Chanyeol's nose with his own.
Chanyeol smiled. He leaned down and pecked Baekhyun's lips, but the smaller instantly put his hand on the nape of his neck to make the kiss last. None of them deepened it, they moved their lips against each other slowly, gently, savouring the moment. Without a rush or worry that it might slip between their fingers.
"I love you." Chanyeol mumbled against Baekhyun's lips. Baekhyun felt small and fragile in his arms, even though he was far from that. He was a fighter more that Chanyeol would ever consider himself, but he couldn't help the urge to want to protect him from ever getting hurt again.
"Love you more." Baekhyun said, hugging him tightly. It felt good.
***
"Did they all even reply?" Chanyeol asked, playing with a broken twig. He drew the circles in the dust while sitting on the steps in front of their highschool gym.
"I only haven't heard from Kris yet. Even Jongdae replied earlier, he'll meet us after the game." Baekhyun kept looking at his phone as he texted Junmyeon.
The sun was already setting down when the boys left Chanyeol's house, where they spent the day with Yoora and Chanyeol's baby nephew. They came up with inviting all their ex teammates for a game at their gym. The coach was more than happy to give Baekhyun the keys, saying how much he missed having ex-third-years around. Luhan, Minseok and Sehun were now third years, so they still frequently visited the gym.
"Is Junmyeon back from Busan?" Chanyeol asked.
"Yeah, he came a day before us. He aced all his exams."
Junmyeon made his dream of studying law in Busan true. Baekhyun stayed in close contact with him throughout his first year on Harvard, calling his best friend almost every day for the first few months spent there.
Kris decided to study Business, to take over his family's company one day. Jongdae went for Management, something he grew to like during his time as Jungsan's manager. Jongin and Yixing took a gap year. Jongin worked in a movie theater and helped the coach with the volleyball team when he was free. He was still trying to figure out what his call was. Yixing did the polar opposite: he went to travel around Europe for a year, all alone. He came back to Korea just as the summer started. Tao stayed in Seoul to study Graphic design.
Baekhyun was surprised to find out all of them were in Seoul when he reached out to them. All of them, including two boys who helped him get through his year at Harvard.
"I forgot to tell you Namjoon and Hoseok are visiting the city for a few days, they're staying at Joon's relatives'. I invited them to meet the boys."
"Sounds good to me. I have a feeling Hobi will get along with Minseok and Luhan well." Chanyeol said, leaping up to his feet.
"Who will get along with us well?" they heard a voice say, and as Baekhyun turned around, he saw now orange haired Minseok walking towards him.
"Hyung!" he nearly jumped on Baekhyun as he hugged him tightly. "I missed you so much!"
"Missed you too, Min." Baekhyun laughed. He saw Luhan approaching from behind Minseok. Those really went everywhere together.
"Hyung, you grew taller!" Luhan told him. Minseok was already talking to Chanyeol excitedly, making the taller laugh.
"Actually, two centimeters!" Baekhyun said proudly. It was a pretty big deal for his short self.
"So, what's changed?"
"We got a lot of new members since last year's Nationals. There's this super talented setter- his name is Jaehyun, he's first year. He's not at your level yet but I feel he's gonna get there."
"I'm happy to hear that." Baekhyun said honestly. He was relieved to hear that the team was still doing good, even though they didn't make it to Nationals that year as Junmyeon had informed him.
Other boys kept coming one by one, choking Baekhyun and Chanyeol with hugs and exchanging adventures they all had for the past year. As he learned Sehun found a boyfriend and Luhan and Jongin were still with their girlfriends. Jongdae was still trying to get one.
Namjoon and Hoseok came too, quickly bonding with other boys, the latter especially finding Minseok and Luhan amusing, just as Chanyeol assumed. Namjoon mostly stood by Baekhyun's side. Baekhyun could tell the others were slightly intimidated by him, just like he was the first time he met him. Namjoon had that kind of impact on people at first, and Baekhyun didn't blame them, since his friend was one of the smartest people he'd ever met. He felt he'd get along with Junmyeon well.
The only one who still hadn't arrived.
He texted him he was stuck in traffic half an hour ago, so they didn't want to start playing without him.
As they were waiting, he got so engaged in the conversation with other boys that he didn't notice someone sneaking behind his back before he felt a pair of hands covering his eyes.
"Guess who?" the voice said and he didn't wait a single second to turn around and pull the person in a suffocating hug.
"Myeon-ah!" he almost squealed as the other laughed and hugged back.
"I've missed you too, Baek, but you're gonna kill me."
"Sorry, I just- my God." Baekhyun chuckled to himself, pulling away to take a better look of him.
"God is my second name, though." Junmyeon said, all serious.
He changed. He seemed taller somehow, his hair colored in a softer shade of brown, almost honey, and his jaw and face seemed sharper. He looked like a man now, and it suddenly stroke Baekhyun that it had really been a year. They weren't children anymore, and it was odd how they all took such different paths after spending all that time together engrossed in playing volleyball.
"It's weird finally seeing you and not just hearing your voice." he said.
"You too. You seem taller somehow." Junmyeon noticed, and Baekhyun started blooming with pride again.
They would've stayed chatting and updating each other on everything if Chanyeol didn't separate them, inviting them inside where other boys were already fooling around and forming teams.
The exhaustion finally started to kick im after almost 3 hours of non-stop playing. There were many of them so they kept forming different teams after every set so everyone could get to play.
Baekhyun reached for his phone that was left on a bench with the other's stuff as well. He had two missed calls from an unknown number.
"Do you recognize this number?" He asked Chanyeol, and the latter shook his head.
"You should call and check who it is. Maybe it's important."
Baekhyun did so, and after a few rings the person picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hello, someone has tried to reach me through this number. It's Byun Baekhyun speaking."
"Ah, mister Byun. Kang Min-Sik here, the manager of Korean National volleyball team."
Baekhyun almost dropped his phone at those words. His heart went hammering like crazy. It couldn't be real, he must've been dreaming.
"N- national team?" he managed to utter. Chanyeol perked up, as well as the other boys who started gathering around Baekhyun.
After five minutes of a phone call during which all the color left Baekhyun's face and he barely said 5 words all together, he hung up, he finally raised his head up. He had been staring at his feet the whole time, so they couldn't see his eyes full of tears.
"They want me in the National team." he said, and that was enough for everyone to literally start shouting in excitement.
Chanyeol lifted him up and Baekhyun practically wrapped himself around him, burying his face in his neck and letting out a choked sob. His was so overwhelmed by happiness that he couldn't control it, and Chanyeol calmed him down by stroking his hair gently.
"I'm so proud of you, baby." he said, kissing his cheek.
"Thank you, Yeol-ah." Baekhyun mumbled against his skin.
Once Chanyeol put him down Baekhyun very quickly found himself in the air again, this time his friends being the ones gathering to throw him up, shouting his name in unison over and over again. His tears soon turned into laughter,