Hey guys!(: Can I just say...
I love you, I'm sorry! hahaha I'm an asshole for leaving you guys with a cliff hanger, I knowww
But I can't express the happiness I feel once I've accomplished making you all feel what the character is feeling so thank you for bearing with me hahaha
That being said, I present to you Chapter Forty- Five!(:
.....Please don't hate me hahahahha I LOVE YA
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I stood frozen before gaining a small sense of reality back and running towards the door feeling my heart crack in a slow painful manner
There's one thing I also forbid myself of doing:
Being someone's fool
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My eyes glimmered with watery tears as I continued to feel my heart aching from inside of me
I sat in my car tightly gripping the steering wheel as I remained in his driveway knowing I was in no condition to drive
I connected to a part of him others only could dream of. I saw a part of his soul that he never dared to ever willingly reveal. I saw true beautiful and raw reactions that were more real than the blood circulating through my veins but he betrayed my love as he continuously left my heart to break and shatter.
And yet, I always came back. Like a stupid teenage girl who still believed in miracles, I hoped for him to return all of what he's stolen. But instead, he just took more leaving me with a shallow heart praying to once again feel what true happiness felt like
My thoughts continued to trundle through my brain as I continued to sob while my tears rushed down as the only noise that could be heard was my own gasps and ragged breathing
I dared not to think of excuses for him
This is it I thought as I took a deep breath filling my lungs with air
As much as I want to hate him, I hate myself more for allowing him to hurt me as much as he has
The butterflies he caused and the tiny bits of bliss don't match the amount of pain he has brought
I deserve better
For once, I'm putting me first
Knowing what I have to do, I wiped my tears off and waited ten minutes for my puffy red eyes to go back to normal and my breathing to become steady once more
I was not made for this
This wasn't love
This was destruction on the soul
on my soul
Once I felt my body become less rigid, I looked at myself with determination through my rearview mirror before opening my car door and doing the one thing that I knew would destroy yet save me
Taking a deep shaky breath in, I rubbed my sweaty palms on the ends of my dress before gently knocking on the door
I felt my heartbeat quicken in embarrassment
I've lost my sense of morality
My virtue
And I don't blame him for that
I blame myself
The door suddenly opened stopping my train of thought as it revealed those same cold grey eyes, I at a point so desperately wanted to discover
As my eyes connected with his, I left my face emotionless, a trick I've learned all too well from him, as I couldn't forgive myself if I let him see me bare once more
"Ange-" his deep raspy voice called before I rose my hand up stopping him
"May I speak with you outside?" I asked keeping my voice void off any emotion
He knit his eyebrows in confusion before reluctantly nodding his head and shutting the door behind him before walking further away from his house
We stopped at the middle of his lawn where he turned to me with his hands in his pockets staring at me yet not daring to say a word
I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath in preparing myself for what I was about to say
"I love you" I started staring at him in the eyes so he could see my raw vulnerability
His eyes softened at my words as his body seemed to have relaxed as I noticed his shoulders losing tension
Before he could reach out to me, I stepped back, watching him once again crease his eyebrows in confusion
"But you've taught me that was a mistake" I finished watching his expressions morph from confusion to shock to pain
"I've let you treat me wrong and for that, I will never forgive myself," I said in audible whisper directing that statement more to myself than to him, "I remember watching princess movies as a child and dreaming of the day I met my prince charming" I reminisced staring into the distance as I felt his eyes on me the entire time, "The thing was, while I grew older, I realized I have never been too keen on the idea of perfection. I knew perfection was an illusion formed by irrealism. That being said, my prince charming didn't have a castle. He didn't come from a wealthy background and he was far from ideal. He, however, did respect me. He did love me and would constantly prove his love in action because we all know words drift in thin air while actions stay and allow one to remember. He made me happy and while we might have argued, we never took it too far to the point of wanting to inflict pain to another". Through my whole speech, I hadn't spared him a glance, yet I knew he was listening and absorbing everything I was telling him
"And I promised myself to find a love that was pure. Not perfect but pure" I continued finally looking back at him to see his entire body go tense as he let go of his shield and showed me the fear behind his eyes
"Instead, I fell for you," I said releasing a breath, "I fell for the man that masks his emotions. I fell for the man with a temperamental issue. I fell for the man that is the reason for my tears and sleepless nights. I fell for the man that refuses to fully let me in. I fell for the man who doesn't care to hurt me if it means he can release his anger even if its for two seconds. I fell for the man that doesn't respect me" I said in one long breath eyeing him as my words slowly registered in his brain
"Baby, plea--" he pleaded, taking a step closer to me only for me to once again take a step back
"No," I said firmly looking at him with determination
His eyes suddenly widened as he saw the determination in my eyes
And that's the moment I knew he understood that this wasn't like our other arguments
I was finally putting my foot down
I was redeeming myself for myself
"We aren't made for one another. We are toxic. We can not keep doing this. I can not keep doing this, I-"
"Baby, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please don't give up on me. Please" he begged in urgency as his eyes for once mirrored all his emotions, " I need you. We aren't wrong for another. I promise I'll change. I love you Angela and it fucking fucks my head up because I've never felt like this before and I know I fucked up and I know I don't deserve you but please let me prove to you. Please don't give up on me" he pleaded as his voice came out pained while his eyes searched mine desperately
"It's too late" I whispered, "I've already given up"
I never could have anticipated the pain I felt as I watched Blake take a step back as if I've just stabbed him with a knife straight through the heart
From the look of his eyes, I wish I could take it back
All I wanted to do was apologize and hold him as I saw his eyes become glossy as they stared at me in agony and pain
Never in my life have I seen Blake cry
If you would've asked me yesterday, I would say Blake was incapable of shedding a tear so the fact that I was the reason behind his glazed eyes felt worse than I could have ever imagined
But I had to do this for both of our sakes
As hard as this is, I know it's what has to be done
While we may suffer now, our hearts will thank us later
Even as his lips trembled slightly and his shoulders heaved with emotion, he continued maintaining eye contact
His dark lashes brimmed heavy with tears as his hands clenched into shaking fists
A lone tear streamed from his deep grey eyes before tracing down his cheek, and just like that, my own body betrayed me as beads of water began falling down one after another
Without my better judgment, I shakily walked over to him and hugged him
Immediately, he wrapped his arms around me holding me tight pressing my body onto his
His arms only tightened around me pulling me closer to him almost in fear I'd disappear
I squeezed him back not wanting the moment to end but knew it had to
Taking a shaky breath, I released my hold onto him but he only tightened his hold in response
"Blake, let go" I whispered
A few seconds passed and all I got in response was silence as he rested his chin on my head
"I promised I wouldn't- please don't make me" he whispered