Byeongkwan loved Sehyoon, he knew he did. Love for him was something that made him feel warm, when Byeongkwan first started noticing he loved Sehyoon his heart started blooming like a flower. Sehyoon wouldn't leave his thoughts, he was always excited to see him. A bounce in his step whenever he went to meet with him. Sehyoon drove him crazy in the best way, he can't explain it--he can't explain love. To him love was beautiful, like walking through a meadow; flower petals blowing passed you in the wind. It was chaotic like a rainstorm, thunder and lightning, strong winds--but it was also calming like the aftermath. Droplets still running down the window, droplets dribbling down from leaf to leaf, a beautiful rainbow visible in the now blue sky.
He noticed he had strong feelings for him in college during basketball practice early in the morning. Sehyoon's hair was still messy, his face was a little swollen--probably had ramen before he fell asleep. Byeongkwan thought he looked handsome in his half awake state, he listened to their team members tease him about his appearance. He stood behind the members, smiling fondly at his best friend. Sehyoon saw Byeongkwan, 'Are you going to tease me too?' He had asked and Byeongkwan softly shook his head. Sehyoon walked over to him and felt his head. 'Are you okay? Are you sick?'
'Of course I'm not sick,' Byeongkwan had scoffed, swatting Sehyoon's hand away. Sehyoon chuckled at Byeongkwan's strange behavior and threw an arm around his shoulders.
'You usually have something to say. What's changed?'
I have feelings for you
'Okay, fine. I was going to keep it to myself but you look so ugly. Like I've never seen you look this ugly.'
'Wow, you're so mean to me.'
'Would you rather me lie and tell you that you've never looked better?' Byeongkwan's heart pounded against his chest as he looked up into Sehyoon's eyes. Sehyoon placed one of his hands on Byeongkwan's head and pulled him into his side.
'You two look like a couple!' Junhee, one of their teammates commented laughing. Sehyoon pulled away from Byeongkwan.
'Haha, what are you talking about? I'm not like that,' Sehyoon laughed. Byeongkwan felt a pang in his chest but he ignored it and laughed with Sehyoon.
Where Sehyoon's arm rested burned and tingled. He was hurt by Sehyoon's comment but he knew Sehyoon didn't know about him. He was distracted all of practice, thinking about when his feelings for Sehyoon first started to show up and he just ignored them.
'Byeongkwan, what's going on? You're so out of it," Yuchan--other teammate asked from across the court.
'Sorry, I'm just tired,' was all he said.
'We should stop this mornings practice, anyway. Some of you guys have a class in a half an hour,' their coach said, dismissing them all.
-
Byeongkwan had walked back to his dorm feeling like he swallowed some bubble gum.
He remembers how he felt that day, he felt sad and disappointed. He laid on his bed until his first class came around. He fiddled with his shirt as he thought about when he first started feeling something more than a friend towards Sehyoon.
Summer of eighth grade. He remembers when Sehyoon's family took him camping with them and the two shared a tent. Sehyoon's parents brought three blow up mattresses, one for Byeongkwan and Sehyoon, one for Sehyoon's sister--Eunsuh and her friend, and the last one for the parents.
At night they laid in bed, keeping a respectable distance. Sehyoon turned towards Byeongkwan. 'Did you hear that Yooseok came out as gay?' Byeongkwan nodded. 'What does that mean?' Sehyoon asked.
'It means he likes boys,' Byeongkwan answered, his hands tucked under his face as he faced Sehyoon.
'That's weird."
'What is?'
'A boy liking boys, boys shouldn't like boys.'
'I think it's fine.'
There was a beat of silence. Sehyoon inched closer.
'Do you like boys?'
'I don't have to like boys to think it's okay for boys to like boys," Byeongkwan tittered. Sehyoon pouted.
'How did you know what gay meant and I didn't?'
'I asked Yooseok what it meant and he told me,' Sehyoon nodded. Byeongkwan sighed. 'If I do end up liking boys I don't think it'll be a bad thing.'
'If you end up liking boys I won't be your friend anymore.'
'Why?'
'Because you might end up liking me.'
'Never. You're so gross,' they both quietly laughed. 'If I do end up liking boys but I don't like you would you still be my friend?' Byeongkwan stopped laughing. Sehyoon thought about it for a second.
'Maybe. It'll be weird for a while but I think I'll get used to it,' Byeongkwan nodded, biting his bottom lip. 'Will you tell me if you like boys as soon as you find out?'
'Of course, you're my best friend.'
Byeongkwan lied twice that night. He said he wouldn't like Sehyoon, but he did. He even told him he would tell him as soon as he realised but he didn't.
It was crazy to Byeongkwan that he didn't realise he liked Sehyoon sooner. He was surprised it took him until that one morning at college.
-
It was their last year at college when Byeongkwan came out to Sehyoon and told him he liked him. He remembers the look on Sehyoon's face. It wasn't disgust, it was a mixture of shock and betrayal.
'You told me you'd never have a crush on me,' Sehyoon pressed his lips into a thin line.
'I know.'
'You also told me you would tell me if you liked boys.'
'I know that too,' Byeongkwan gulped. He was nervous and Sehyoon's reaction wasn't helping.
'So…'
'So..?'
'That's why you would get upset when I talked about my one night stands,' Byeongkwan nodded, his lips tightly pressed together.
'Why didn't you tell me sooner?' Byeongkwan sighed.
'Fear, mainly.'
'Of what?'
'Rejection and losing my best friend.'
'Why would you lose me?'
'Do you remember the whole conversation we had in eighth grade when your family took me camping?' Sehyoon shook his head. 'You told me if I liked boys you wouldn't be my friend anymore because I might end up liking you and well, I like you.'
'Oh… right.'
'So uh, are you going to reject me or what? Like what's going on now? You haven't really said anything on how you feel towards me liking you,' Sehyoon took a deep breath.
'I just, I've never really thought about you like that. Thank you for telling me though. We're still friends Byeongkwan, nothing can change that,' Sehyoon said as he stood up and left. Byeongkwan felt good, he was glad he got it off his chest. He knew Sehyoon didn't like him back to begin with but his rejection still hurt him.
-
When they graduated from college they hung out more, they often crashed at each other's places. Byeongkwan remembers the one time they stayed at their respective places. They were on the phone for most of the night but Byeongkwan only remembers the end of the conversation.
'You looked nice in that shirt, today,' Byeongkwan said into the phone.
'Oh really? Should I wear it more often?' Byeongkwan could practically see Sehyoon grinning. He shyly smiled.
'I mean, if you want to.'
'Okay, baby--I'll wear it more often for you,' Sehyoon laughed and Byeongkwan had groaned.
'Sehyoon.'
'What? Do you want to wear it?'
'I'm going to hang up on you.'
'Do you like it when I call you 'baby'?' Byeongkwan closed his eyes, slightly annoyed Sehyoon was bugging him like that. 'Byeongkwan, I'm kidding.'
'I know, you're always joking around like that. You have been since I confessed…'
'Does it bother you, Kwannie?'
'I mean, yeah, kinda,' Byeongkwan shrugged.
I'm sorry. I'll stop from now on. But, if you really want to, you can wear that shirt I was wearing.'
'Thank you,' he bit his lip. 'The shirt wouldn't look good on me, it's okay.'
'What do you mean? Everything looks good on you,' Sehyoon laughed through the phone and Byeongkwan rolled his eyes.
'Yeah, whatever. I'm actually going to bed now so good night. See you later.'
'Already? Ah, okay… good night, see you tomorrow. Sleep well.'
'Tomorrow?'
'I have something to tell you but it has to be in person,' Byeongkwan nodded even though he knew Sehyoon couldn't see him. He hung up and went to bed.
-
Byeongkwan remembers waking up and going straight to Sehyoon's place.
The two were sitting in the living room, Byeongkwan on the loveseat, Sehyoon on the other couch. Byeongkwan remembers how nervous he felt, Sehyoon looked just as nervous.
'So? What did you need to tell me?' Byeongkwan asked, clearing his throat. Sehyoon bit his bottom lip, staring at the ground.
'I like you too,' Byeongkwan scoffed.
'Sehyoon stop, you're being mean.'
'I'm being serious. I like you,' he looked up at Byeongkwan and Byeongkwan's mouth made an 'O' shape.
'Oh… you are,' they sat there, no one said anything. The atmosphere was thick and awkward. Almost suffocating. Byeongkwan opened his mouth but closed it again. They were startled by Sehyoon's phone ringing, he answered it.
'Mom?' Byeongkwan still sat on the couch, he watched Sehyoon stand up. 'One sec--Byeongkwan, I have to go see my mom but if you would like you're welcome to stay here.' He walked out, locking his door.
Byeongkwan didn't stay, he left soon after Sehyoon did and went back to his place. He remembers how he phoned up Junhee and asked for advice, he didn't name any names, ever. Junhee asked if he really liked this person--Byeongkwan said yes. Junhee told him to ask them out.
-
Byeongkwan remembers texting and phoning Sehyoon but he never answered the texts or calls until the next morning. Apologising and explaining that his mom had planned a whole day for the two of them with no phones. Byeongkwan told him it was fine and that he just had a question but it wasn't important.
Byeongkwan was laying on his couch, scrolling through twitter when he heard a knock on his door. He got up and answered it, shocked to see Sehyoon at the other side of it. 'Hi.'
'Hi.'
'Do you want to come in?' Byeongkwan asked, moving aside. Sehyoon shuffled in. He closed the door, startling Byeongkwan--Sehyoon cupped Byeongkwan's face.
'Can I kiss you?' Byeongkwan nodded, looking at into Sehyoon's eyes, his hands resting on Sehyoon's. Sehyoon leaned in, connecting their lips.
-
Even after three years, Byeongkwan can still feel the butterflies in his stomach during their kisses. The pit of his stomach burning up afterwards. He was in love with Sehyoon and he didn't mind one bit. Byeongkwan was addicted to everything Sehyoon and Sehyoon was addicted to everything Byeongkwan.
Love is a beautiful thing, different yet the same for everybody.
Their wedding day and honeymoon were undeniably the best times for the two of them. It was a small wedding, close family and friends. Byeongkwan kept falling in love again and again with Sehyoon. He didn't know how much more he could love him, he felt like his heart was going to explode if he loved him anymore.
They're on their honeymoon right now, they went to Niagara Falls in Canada. It's a beautiful and healing place for them. They stayed up late, holding hands as they walked down the most part empty lit up streets. It was beautiful, the falls at night and the lights glowing from behind them.
It's a honeymoon filled with breakfast in bed, champagne, kisses, and cuddles. They were inseparable here.
Sehyoon took photos of Byeongkwan when he stared in awe at the falls late one night. He set them as his background and smiled fondly at it. He was in love too. He snaked his arms around Byeongkwan's waist, pulling him closer to him. He buried his face in his neck, leaving little kisses. Byeongkwan hummed, closing his eyes.
"I love you."
"I love you too," Sehyoon said, his voice muffled in Byeongkwan's neck. Byeongkwan reached an arm back and ran his fingers through the hairs on the back of Sehyoon's head. "Let's go back to our room."
"Why?"
"We haven't done the one thing most couples do as soon as they're married," he chuckled and Byeongkwan rolled his eyes, smiling.
"We don't need to, we already did before we got married."
"I have a surprise."
"A surprise? What kind of surprise?" Byeongkwan asked, interested.
"A good one."
"Sehni," Byeongkwan pouted, turning around, resting his arms on Sehyoon's shoulders.
"I can't tell you or else it won't be a surprise. But I promise it's good."
"Okay, fine. Let's go!" Byeongkwan dragged him to their hotel and room. He opened the door and saw rose petals on the floor and candles lit up everywhere with a dinner in the middle of the room. He gasped, "How did you do this?"
"I asked the maid if she could set something romantic up for us tonight. We haven't really eaten actual food for dinner lately, so I figured I would plan something ahead of time like this." Byeongkwan turned around, wrapping himself around Sehyoon.
"I love you so much."
"I know. And I love you," Sehyoon wrapped his arms tightly around Byeongkwan, swaying back and forth before pulling away. "Let's go eat, baby." Byeongkwan took off his sweater and grabbed the tray of food placing it on the table as he sat on the couch.
-
"You know, I never thought we'd end up like this," Byeongkwan said, his voice sad and soft as he laid beneath Sehyoon.
"Really?" He nodded.
"I thought you were just going to be my straight best friend who I was hopelessly in love with," he chuckled and Sehyoon did too. He removed some hair from Byeongkwan's face.
"I was shocked when I realised I liked you back. But I'm so glad I ended up falling for you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," he leaned down and kissed Byeongkwan's lips, Byeongkwan pulled Sehyoon closer deepening it. Everything was fuzzy but it felt right, being with Sehyoon like this felt right.