He was about to walk into the parking lot when he saw him. Pretty guy he adored from afar. It was raining hard that afternoon. An autumn rain and it seemed the rain won't stop pouring the earth for hours. And this pretty guy looked hesitated. He just realized that this pretty guy didn't bring an umbrella. He bit his lower lip. The pretty guy was around 10metres in front of him, so close, yet so far away. He glanced into his left hand. He had a lovely olive green umbrella to protect him from the rain, and he knew this pretty guy needed to walk for about ten minutes to reach his apartment. But he had no courage to handed his umbrella for the pretty guy himself. Luckily, there was a person passed him by from the adminnistration office.
"Hyung... Can you, please get him this umbrella." He said to the food delivery service guy as he pointed out black haired pretty guy wearing white buttoned shirt with pale pink v neck sweater. "I think he needs this."
The person kinda got him questioning look why the hell he didn't give the umbrella himself, but then he shrugged it off. Better to help without asking. It's not that difficult. Just deliver an umbrella for the pretty guy in front of them, from the man that probably a secret admirer. So easy. "Well... Sure." And he walked into the person, a lovely pretty guy, to give the umbrella.
The moment the food delivery service guy walked approching the pretty guy, he turned his back and ran into the parking lot. Totally soaked as he reached into his car.
He sighed and put his bag on the passenger back seat. Right beside an olive green lyrics book.
-----
The sunlight crept in through the large trellised windows. It was about 6.32 in the morning and Seokjin couldn't sleep since the night before. Not even when his body felt sore after badly tortured by the man who fell asleep beside him. More over with the hands were still tied on the headboard bed, and half naked. His pajamas were still on his body but didn't cover the body. The man unbuttoned the top part of Seokjin's pajamas by force. And pulled down the bottom part to the thighs. And the man just did him roughly with no mercy. Though the man heard him cried, though the man heard him screamed, though the man heard him begged to stop.
Seokjin blinked. He was staring into the man's back since the night before. Studying the figure who snored on his sleep. The man that looked so perfect. No doubt people in the entire of the university called him Kim hot genius. No wonder young ladies he met around the campus talked about this man and how they wanted to date the man. Kim Namjoon was perfect, they said. But no. Seokjin was there for almost three weeks, and though he didn't see the man everyday, he could confidently tell that the man wasn't perfect. The man was hot. The man was genius. The man had great reputation. But the man was broken.
'Save him, Jin. Don't think anyone else is going to save him, because there isn't anyone. Save him.'
Seokjin got these kind of whisper on his head haunted him since he had a little conversation with Bomin. Namjoon was alone and lack of love nor affection since his mother gone. His father way busy with the companies and wanted Namjoon to continue the dynasty, when Namjoon himself just wanted to do musics. But in the end, Namjoon had this certain similarity as filial son just like him. Bomin said that in the age of 19, Namjoon already got a degree in economics and bussiness major from the university in States. The man came back to Korea and took an engineering major just because he wanted to spend a little more times with his friends before he take over the responsibility as the heir of Kim & Co. Hoseok was in the same major with Namjoon. And they were always together.
Bomin said that Hoseok was the person who helped Namjoon a lot when the man had a hard times since Mrs Kim, Namjoon's mother passed away. Well, Min Yoongi also counted as close friend. But same age friend was somehow different.
Seokjin understood the situation. Seokjin believed it wasn't about hatred. Nor revenge. Seokjin believed, Namjoon wasn't a dark person. Was never. Namjoon just needed a person to make him realize he is loved. Hoseok was the person. Hoseok was always there gave him support as it needed.
And Seokjin wanted to help the man. He wanted to be the person who always be there whenever the man feels down. He wanted to be the first person to tell and see when the man feels happy. He wanted to save the man from the anguish and sorrow. He clearly knew, he could never be the same sunshine as Hoseok. He could never replace the brightness. That's fine, as long as he could help and save the man.
Though, Seokjin also needed help.
Seokjin blinked once more and shifted when the man stirred and groaned. A moment ago, all he wanted to do was talk to the man. Wished the man would listen. But the moment the man locked his gaze on him, he lost his confidence. He could see hatred there on those beads. And once again the same question blew his mind. What was really written inside Hoseok's olive green lyrics book. He finished the book without any clue why Namjoon hated him so much. It was just his name and birth date he could find. And some implied lines that he wasn't sure. The rest was nothing. Even though Hoseok had feelings towards him, Namjoon had no right to put the blame of Hoseok's death on him. He did nothing nor say something that could possibly hurt the sunshine. Yet why Namjoon hated him like hell.
Seokjin shifted again to avoid any skin contact. The night before, after Namjoon fell asleep, he managed to pull the blanket with his feet to cover his lower body up around his waist. But the way the man took a glance on his stomach, before staring back at him was perfectly made him frightened.
Namjoon shifted to sit and lightly shook his head. He groaned a loud more as he felt the headache banged on him. He looked around and picked his long sleeves shirt -well, the man fell asleep after fixed up his jeans' zipper- and took cigarette from the pocket. He rested his back on the headboard bed as he smoked, ignoring the person beside him that still tied and half naked coughed by the smoked. The man was just sat there enjoyed smoking without any single word and was about to take the third one when Seokjin finally braced himself to speak.
"I-it's not good..." Seokjin stuttered. And his cracked voice made the man beside him turned his attention, glanced at him for a while. "S-smoking... I-it's not good. For your health..."
Namjoon looked away, facing the bookshelves. "Don't act like you care..."
Seokjin bit his lower lip. "I care... I care much about you..."
"Such an angel." Namjoon laughed as he staring the half naked pretty guy. "You were conscious enough to understand your situation, right?" He laughed harder. "You are so funny..."
Seokjin knew he was somehow stupid. Namjoon was true. How come he said such thing to the person who kidnapped and tortured him for a revenge. It hurts. It hurts his feelings to see the man he loved treated him as an object, not as a person, a human. But he won't deny his feelings. That he cares. And he wanted Namjoon to understand that.
"I wonder if this side of you was the reason why Hoseok loved you." Namjoon smoked the cigarette with shakily hand, and blew the smoke in the air. "Such a waste feelings..." He stood up and picked his shirt. And the moment he finished wearing his long sleeves shirt, he took another cigarette from the pocket, just to make the room awfully full with smoke.
"Nothing to be called a waste feelings." Seokjin snapped, made the man look at him. He didn't know where he found the courage to fight the argument. "It's precious. It's worth—"
"THEN WHY YOU DIDN'T ANSWER HIM NICELY?!" Namjoon grabbed Seokjin's ripped pajamas.
"He didn't say anything!"
"LIES!!"
"I swear to God..." Seokjin hissed.
"More lies..." Namjoon tightened his grip on the other's pajamas with anger look.
Another hissed came from Seokjin's mouth. His tied hands were sore and bruised. It stung, and his lower back didn't feel any better. "Namjoon, please... We can talk..." He softly persuaded to calm the man. "We can talk like normal people... Please, trust me... Please..." He chewed his lip. "Please release the tie. And we could talk about your beloved friend, Hoseok. Trust me, it's just misunderstanding between us. Hoseok was never---"
"SHUT UP!!"
And Seokjin cried out when Namjoon deeply pressed the ignite cigarette on his soft skin under his left collarbone.
"I swear Hoseok was never told me about feelings!! I swear!!" Seokjin cried even more. "You only talk about his feelings. Have you ever consider mine?" He sobbed. Namjoon hovered above and pinned him with anger look, waiting the rest of the sentence the pretty guy wanted to spill. "I like you... Kim Namjoon, I like you..." He cried his feelings out.
For some moments, Namjoon looked at him like a lost puppy. Lost, fragile, and confused. But then the man chuckled. And the chuckles turned into laughter.
"Really? Can we be clear? Are you confessing?" The man laughed like a mad man. "Confession is good for the soul." He caressed Seokjin's cheek. "But I won't take yours." He shook Seokjin's pajamas from his grip and climbed down the bed. He stood up. "Such a waste feelings..." He repeated the words. And just left, like he used to. Leaving Seokjin who cried alone until Bomin came to take care of him.
-----
"Is there any other way to solve your problem?" Bomin squeezed his mug as he talk with the older guy. "This hyung is suffering. Namjoon hyung tortured him like a psychotic." Even earl grey on his mug couldn't make him feeling better.
The other young lad just kept silent. Feeling conflicted.
"Last week when I bathe him, I found a burnt scar around his collarbone. It must be Namjoon hyung's cigarette." Bomin bit his lower lip. "It's cruel for being abusive. How come he took a revenge for Hoseokie hyung with such way..."
"This hyung has boyfriend that loves him so much." The other young lad said. "This way, everyone will suffering. Namjoon hyung wanted to make those people connected with Hoseok's hyung death suffers like him."
"But this is wrong... Hoseokie hyung would never approve such idea... It's totally insane! We don't know what really happened between them!"
"I know... I'm sorry..."
"Bongjae, what should we do?"
The young lad called Bongjae sighed and rubbed his face desperately. "I wish I know what I should do..."
-----
"Min Suga genius jjang jjang man bong bong!!"
"Damn. That voice again." Yoongi clicked his tongue. He was in the cafetaria near the university laboratory, about to enjoy his afternoon tea before going back into his apartment.
"Do you have time? I want to talk about my paper for the seminar in Sweden and ask your opinion."
"Why? Your reputation even way brighter than mine." He snorted.
"I know. That's why I feel the need to discuss and take some critics from you so I can do my presentation perfectly. That is what so called reputation." She grinned.
Yoongi grinned back. "Bomi ah... I'm very busy at the moment. I have to drink a cup of tea." And he stood up gathered his things.
"Sit back. Or I'm gonna tell Jimin you flirted with some young ladies in last seminar in South East Asia."
"Wait, what?" He jawdropped. "I didn't!"
"Well, let's see it's you or me he gonna believe." Bomi said with victory smile.
"You evil witch." Yoongi rolled his eyes.
"Thanks. I will take it as a compliment." And she gave the paper to grumpy Yoongi.
-----
"Namjoon, my emails..." Seokjin asked when the man came to see him again after a week. "It's important. Have you send the reply?"
"I sent it." The man answered nonchalantly as he took the apple of Seokjin's breakfast from the tray and bit it. "I even sent a text to your parents. You might get a reply."
Well, Seokjin's parents was never the type that always monitoring their son nor the type who love video call. Seokjin's mother was the type who really loved sending postcards. And at the moment, Seokjin's parents were happily travelling in South America after spent the days enjoyed the scenery in Russia by the Trans Siberia. They sent some pictures for Seokjin and texted they gonna send some postcards later, that's why Namjoon texted them back.
And Seokjin hated the way Namjoon casually exchanging texts with Hyosang and his parents like nothing happened. Well, the man created some situation to make it less suspicious. "It's password protected."
"Oh, please." Namjoon laughed.
It's no use to fight Namjoon. Seokjin thought. There must be something he could do than arguing the man. He needed to dig more, first. But how? How he dig? How to communicate with the man who blamed him for his beloved friend's death. It's not as easy and simple like talking with normal people. No. Namjoon is broken. And Seokjin wanted to cure the broken pieces. Save the man with the love he had.
Seokjin bit his thumbnail as he deeply thought about what's better to say. Something that won't triggered the man or he would ended being tortured again. He was about to ask something light like hobby, though it's sounded ridiculous, when Namjoon's cellphone buzzed.
"Ssup?" The man greeted and had some conversation with the person on the other line. "Medical and Pharmacy seminar? You, and Bomi? Sweden?"
The said place made Seokjin turned his head and listen.
"Well, okay. I will be there within an hour. See you."
Namjoon took back the cellphone on his pocket jeans and walked towards Seokjin who sat on the mattress. Shoved the half finished apple he ate on Seokjin's mouth. Forced the pretty guy to bit it. "Finish this." He said as he brushed Seokjin's bangs. "I will be back before dinner." He smirked. "Prepare yourself."
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