I was awake for a few minutes before I finally gathered up the courage to face the daylight. I opened my eyes slowly and assessed the damage done.
One blink.
OK, it wasn't so bad. As far as hangovers were concerned, I definitely had worse.
One more blink.
The inside of my mouth was dry and chalky. I was doing alright now, but I was afraid if I sat up too quickly, I might get nauseous. My whole body felt achy and sluggish, like I was on the second day after a killer workout at the gym—but I was sure at least that part had nothing to do with the drinking. I swallowed, turned from my side onto my back, and attempted to stretch my arms over my head.
Did sex actually do this to me? Could I really feel like this afterward?
Damn...
You go, Rhett.
I turned onto my other side and the corners of my lips twitched into a small smile. Rhett was still asleep, his back to me. The rays of sunlight trickling through the cracks in his blinds were dancing on his skin whenever the wind rustled the leaves in the tree outside the window.
Very slowly I ran my hand up his back, feeling the even rise and fall of his shoulders. Every one of his muscles was relaxed underneath my touch, which made me realize something. For the first time since we'd started sharing a bed, he hadn't gotten up in the middle of the night because of some nightmare.
I wiggled a little closer and propped my elbow up on my pillow. This way, I could easily press a kiss to the side of his neck, feeling the fresh stubble of his beard tickle my lips.
When he didn't immediately react to my touch—he just shifted his head further away from me—I couldn't help but get a little impatient. "Are you awake?" I asked softly, still spreading a trail of soft kisses down the hard muscles of his tanned shoulders.
"I am now," he said groggily and slowly turned to face me. He looked at me with a confused expression on his face. "What are you doing here? What happened last night?" he asked, his eyebrows scrunched together.
"What?" I asked and now I definitely felt nauseous.
"Are we naked?" he continued and I felt him move underneath the sheets.
"Are you kidding me?" I said, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Did he really not remember anything? I didn't think he was that drunk last night...
"Yeah, I'm totally kidding." Suddenly he was grinning wide and pulling me into his arms, giving me no other option than to lay flush against him. I still had one arm free though, which I used to slap him on the shoulder.
"That's not funny!" I hissed angrily. "Stop laughing!" But he couldn't stop. He fell onto his back and continued to laugh wholeheartedly, clutching his stomach defensively as I went to slap him again.
"I'm sorry, Dyl," he said, but the fact that he was still fighting to keep a straight face made me think he didn't actually mean it. "Last night was pretty awesome... and uh... I kind of want to do it again," he added gently, cautiously even, as if he expected me to slap him again for even suggesting such a thing.
I almost wanted to refuse him. I almost wanted to push him away and tell him he wouldn't get any when he was acting like a jerk...
But the thing was—
"Me too," I admitted with a defeated sigh and got on top of him, my legs straddling his hips. "But afterward, you're gonna make me breakfast. I want bacon and eggs."
"Your wish is my command," he drawled and grabbed a fistful of my hair, forcing my head down and meeting my mouth halfway.
"Wait," I said suddenly and he paused, his lips barely brushing mine. "I wanna go brush my teeth first."
He made a growling sound as I moved off of him and hopped out of bed.
"Hurry up!" he said.
When Allie called me two days later and asked me to hang out, I didn't really anticipate telling her everything that happened since we saw each other last at the fair. I knew she wanted to know more, and that was probably why she wanted to have coffee, but I wasn't planning on giving her a play-by-play.
It was a private thing, and I wanted to enjoy it a little while longer before the whole town knew Rhett Collins and Dylan Pennington were fucking. Not that I expected Allie to open her mouth and blab to everyone about us...
So with all of that in mind, you can imagine my surprise when the time came and I immediately told her everything she wanted to hear.
Boone was at work and Mia was at the babysitter's for the day. We were sitting at a table in the middle of the crowded coffee shop, our coffees and a couple muffins between us. I hadn't even started spreading butter on my blueberry muffin when Allie asked the question.
"So... what happened with Rhett over the weekend?" she said with a knowing grin on her pale, freckled face.
And that was when I told her. I led with the make out session during the cab ride home, and Allie was on the edge of her seat when I stopped around the part where clothes were coming off in Rhett's bedroom. I wasn't completely stupid. I wasn't going to give her those details.
"So you two—?" she smirked.
"Yeah," I smiled, but that wasn't all I said on the subject. Oh no, I just had to go a few steps further. "And he told me he loved me."
"What?" Allie gasped.
The truth was, it bothered me that I never said it back to him. At first I thought he might've let it slip on accident, since he didn't bring it up again. After that, I convinced myself it didn't actually mean anything, and saying it back now would just make things awkward.
"It was just in passing, I don't think he even noticed. So I doubt it means anything. It was probably just, like, in a friendly sort of way. The same way I love you and Boone," I shrugged, but Allie was looking at me like I was an idiot.
Yeah, I figured she might look at me like that.
"Right, because what you and Rhett have is totally friendly," she rolled her eyes obnoxiously. "Am I really gonna have to spell it out for you every time?" she giggled.
"Shut up," I grumbled.
"OK, well, speaking of hot sex..." Allie continued and blushed slightly when she noticed a pair of guys giving us curious looks as they passed by our table. She waited until they were out of earshot and leaned in closer. "Boone and I are trying to have another baby."
"Are you serious?" I said happily and she gave a slight nod of her head, the smile never wavering from her face. "That's amazing! I'm so happy for you guys!"
"I just went off birth control so it might be a few months before—" she shrugged.
"It'll happen. Didn't you get pregnant with Mia like, right away?" I wondered and bit into my muffin. It's not like I knew everything about Boone and Allie's sex life, but I definitely remembered her talking about it once.
"We weren't really trying. We were still just thinking about it," Allie replied with an impish smile.
"See? You'll be knocked up before Christmas, and I'll have another tiny human to buy presents for," I said confidently.
As the day progressed, I suddenly found myself very aware of babies. I started seeing strollers everywhere, and when my dad asked me to get a few things for dinner at the grocery store, I found myself in the checkout line right behind a mom and her two screeching toddlers.
Maybe there was such a thing as baby fever, and maybe it did come at you hard, and all at once. I just hoped it'd go away just as quickly because my ovaries and I couldn't deal with it.
I used to think I didn't want to have kids, but the reality was that I didn't want to have kids with Todd. I didn't want my tiny humans growing up with that man as a father. I didn't want them to be in an environment where they saw their mother get beat up... or that, God forbid, they got beat up. I didn't want them to be afraid, the way I was for years. It was crazy now to think I might've settled for that life.
Now I knew better, especially as I stood in line at the grocery store, watching a young mom at her wit's end trying to wrangle a pair of boys. She was so patient with them, never once raising her voice. Maybe she was cussing them out in her head, but all I could see was someone that loved her kids, even when they were being little assholes and grabbing all of the candy from the display racks.
"I'm so sorry," the woman said hastily to me.
"It's okay. Take your time," I smiled reassuringly at her.
A minute later, while the cashier scanned her items, she turned around again and looked up at me. "Sorry, are you Dylan?" she asked awkwardly, and it dawned on me that she seemed really familiar too.
"Yeah, do we know each other?" I answered with a polite smile.
"I'm Tina, I uh... I dated Rhett in high school? You probably don't remember. That's okay..." she trailed off uncertainly, glancing at her little boys again to make sure they weren't getting back into the candy display. Between the blush on her face and the way she couldn't quite meet my gaze, I was pretty sure she regretted opening her mouth.
"No, I remember! You hung out with me and Allie a few times. Wow, it's nice to see you!" I told her quickly.
"You too," she smiled, the relief clear on her soft features. She was really pretty, even prettier now than in high school. It was probably mostly to do with the fact that she wasn't overdoing it on the spray tans and the makeup anymore. "So, um... How is Rhett? I heard about what happened to him—"
"Yeah, he's good. He's really good," I replied automatically.
"That's good," she smiled.
She paid for her things and actually waited for me nearby while I had my items scanned. I put them in my bag and she followed me out of the grocery store.
"I realize how childish it was, but in high school I was actually jealous of you," she said with a strange laugh.
I didn't say anything. How was I supposed to respond to something like that?
"I don't mean to be rude or anything. I know now that I didn't have anything to worry about, but I guess I was insecure about your friendship with him... So... um, I just wanted to apologize if I ever acted like a—" She trailed off and glanced at her kids. "Well, you know."
"Oh," I said dumbly. "It's okay. It was a long time ago, no hard feelings."
"I actually broke up with him because I thought he had feelings for you," she went on and laughed again, in that same awkward way. "Imagine what might've been, huh... If I'd just been a little more confident in what we had."
"Yeah," I chuckled awkwardly.
"I mean, he went and became a freaking soldier..." she said with a dreamy sigh, and if I wasn't uncomfortable by this entire exchange already, I definitely was now. "That's pretty hot. I bet he looked good in a uniform."
"Looks," I said without thinking.
"What?" she asked distractedly, because her kids were fighting again.
"Present tense, he'd still look good in a uniform," I said with a coy smile, suddenly feeling the urge to make it absolutely clear to her that I was with Rhett now, and she didn't have a chance in hell—
God, now I was the childish one, and I didn't even have teenage hormones and vicious high school rumors to blame for my insecurities. Was I really jealous of an old high school girlfriend he hadn't spoken to in over a decade?
"Anyway, um... it was really nice to bump into you!" Tina said in an overly cheerful and slightly high-pitched voice. "My car is parked that way."
"Yeah... Okay, nice seeing you too," I replied.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked.
Rhett stopped playing his guitar and looked at me. It was after dinner and we were sitting on a cushy long chair outside by the pool. He was seated with his back against the top part of the chair. I was facing him, my legs tucked underneath me.
"When you said you loved me..." I trailed off awkwardly and looked over toward the smooth reflection of the sky in the water. I sneaked a glance at him and of course he was still looking expectantly back at me. "Did you mean it?"
"Well, yeah... I wouldn't have said it if I didn't," he chuckled softly, as if I was being ridiculous for even asking him such a thing.
"Okay," I muttered.
"Are you?" he asked.
"What?" I replied.
"Are you really okay?" he said and put his guitar back in its case, which was propped open on the ground next to the chair we were sharing.
"I don't know," I sighed and ran both hands through my hair. "I've been thinking a lot about the future, about us..."
"Are you having second thoughts?" he asked.
"No! Definitely not, not about us," I said quickly. He seemed so calm and relaxed, but I didn't miss the way his shoulders sagged with relief when I answered. "Allie and Boone are trying to have another baby. I've been thinking about it all day—"
This time, there was no mistaking the stunned look on Rhett's face, or the choked sound that came out of his mouth. There was nothing calm and relaxed about it. "You wanna have a baby?"
"No! That's not what I meant—" I began.
Rhett was grinning again and it irritated me, because it made it ten times more difficult for my brain to form coherent thoughts.
"I just don't want to waste any more time," I said bitterly, thinking about Todd again and how many years I wasted on him because I didn't think there was anything better for me out there. I thought about Naomi, and how many years I spent working for her. I loved her. She was one of my best friends in New York, and I didn't want to disappoint her, but being somebody else's assistant wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. "I don't want to turn thirty and have nothing to show for it."
"You have plenty—" Rhett started to speak, but I quickly cut him off by slicing the air between us with my hand.
"So many people our age are married now, with babies and mortgages... and full time jobs to pay for it all... Allie and Boone, Stacy and Drew... I mean, come on... Drew's a dad! And even fucking Tina has twins now... and I want that too! Not, like... right now... I just... I want to move toward something again, and make plans that I can be over the moon excited about... And I want to know we have a real future together, because I love you too Rhett, and if you don't want—"
"Come here," he reached out for me and I switched positions so that I was in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned against his chest. "Take a few deep breaths," he chuckled, and I couldn't help but laugh softly too.
"Do I sound absolutely insane?" I asked and smiled up at him.
"Nah," he shrugged and intertwined our fingers so that his hands were now on top of mine, flat against my belly. "I've been sitting on my ass for the last three months, not sure about anything when it comes to my future. I get it."
"Shit," I mumbled. "I didn't mean to—"
"I know, and that's okay. You can vent your feelings with me. I'm not gonna turn into a puddle of PTSD on the ground," he said humorously. "As long as you don't go telling me you wanna have a baby right away... that might just do it..."
"You're hilarious," I mumbled.
I felt him shrug against me. It seemed like he wasn't the least bit bothered by my sarcasm. "I think we should get a dog first, see how we handle co-parenting together," he continued with his train of thought, as if I hadn't interrupted. "Then we'll need to get married... So I'm thinking a year, maybe two? Does that work for you as a timeline?"
It was probably a good thing he couldn't see my face because my cheeks were probably tomato red, and my mouth was hanging slightly open. "Was that really your idea of a proposal?" I asked, trying to sound like I was just teasing him.
"Hell no," he drawled. "You'll know when I'm proposing."
"Alright, but you better not serenade me in front of hundreds of people. I'll kill you," I said and smiled sweetly up at him.